A Case of Too Much Information?

[OhioCouple]

I brought this same sort of topic up over a year ago, however I can't find it.

About 3 weeks ago a couple contacted us on our ad site. Mr. O showed it to me, nice profile, seemingly nice couple based on the initial contact, I agreed that he could respond to it even though we aren't meeting new couples right now. Mr. O gave them our personal e-mail address (which I said was fine) and since then they are e-mailing us day in and out thru both avenues. It has been said to them that we are definitely unable to meet before the first of the year, however it doesn't keep them from writing dissertations that would put EBF to shame.

What has bothered me most about this whole scenario is that they are giving us a whole lot more information than I care to know, in addition to the fact that from the second note on it is signed with "Hugs and Kisses". These people don't know me from Adam and it really bothers me when people that I do not know use that sort of terminology with me. In fact it repulses me. Mr. O says that I am being too critical and he would like to at least meet them for dinner. I told him I would bring it up for discussion on the board and see how others felt about this.

The thing is, I would be going with a pre-set, mind-set. I already do not like them...at all.

Just a few things that they have included in their lengthy letters to us:

-In what they call an attempt for us to get to know them better, they are discussing sexual activity, rather hard core (if you ask me). Everything from the kind of cologne they wear to exactly how they like to stop and finish.

-If they do not hear from us in the same day, (sometimes hours) they send us a note asking if we are okay...blah, blah, blah. TO BOTH AVENUES.

Mr. O and I have talked about this extensively and we are on different sides of the fence. I say they reek of desparation, he says they are just a 'fun loving' up front couple. He says he will honor whatever decision that I make, however he would really like to meet them.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this situation? Is it just me? Am I being too critical based on a couple of the other experiences that we had which turned very sour? (Those two experiences started out very similar to this one.)

Any input is greatly appreciated.

[yawanna]

It sounds like they are HOT for you *pant* *pant* *pant*

When you find a wonderful couple.... it's like winning a lottery. And I think maybe they think you are the winning ticket.

I'd go to dinner. And if they are in fact, desperate or way too needy....Mr O will see that, too I'd suspect.

It can be a little offputting to have someone be so intensive about you tho.

I think they're just excited about finding you - their Dream Couple

P.S. How goes the flu? Must be awful being sick at this time of year

[fun_pairTX]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I brought this same sort of topic up over a year ago, however I can't find it.

it doesn't keep them from writing dissertations that would put EBF to shame.

Wow I never thought of EBF as our resident Henry James

What has bothered me most about this whole scenario is that they are giving us a whole lot more information than I care to know, in addition to the fact that from the second note on it is signed with "Hugs and Kisses".

Some people are just that way, I used to live in Tennessee and every woman from the post office to the dollar store called EVERYONE "hun" or "darlin".

The thing is, I would be going with a pre-set, mind-set. I already do not like them...at all.

Try to keep an open mind


-If they do not hear from us in the same day, (sometimes hours) they send us a note asking if we are okay...blah, blah, blah. TO BOTH AVENUES.

When this happens to us I tell them I answer email first thing in the AM and the last thing at night. I have 2 businesses to run.

Mr. O and I have talked about this extensively and we are on different sides of the fence. I say they reek of desparation, he says they are just a 'fun loving' up front couple. He says he will honor whatever decision that I make, however he would really like to meet them.

They sound like they are either newbies or the excitable types. In either case they have too much time on their hands.

Any input is greatly appreciated.

[JustAskJulie]

I would tend to agree with you Mrs. O and if I were your shoes would be feeling the same way you seem to.

However, I can see Yawanna's point as well that perhaps they are just a bit over-eager. Are they fairly new to swinging? Few experiences?

You can't judge everything on emails. We had some where the emails were fine BUT once we met them they were exactly what you described of these people you are dealing with. But then maybe not.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie
However, I can see Yawanna's point as well that perhaps they are just a bit over-eager. Are they fairly new to swinging? Few experiences?

According to their profile they are not new and have been involved for several years. This is another point that disturbs me. Perhaps it is because I am getting older, but I find it hard to digest language that should be coming out of a teenager's mouth, from the mouths of the 50 some odd year old folks. It all sounds so 'adolescent' to me.

For instance, I may close a note to people from this board with a hug (when appropriate) or to others that I have gotten to know over a period of time. They can send the same and I feel nothing but warmth from it. However...for someone that absolutely does not know me, I feel 'cheapened' and that there is an unwritten expectation. Maybe I'm just not into the 'cutsie' syndrome that some seem to have, or I'm too stodgy for my own good.

[NorCal Nites]

Perhaps the couple is very antsy... maybe they haven't been with another couple in a while???

Either way, you should let them know that you are very busy and are sometimes not able to get online and get back to you right away because the holidays are just so hectic. Tell them that sometimes it takes several days for you to check your email, also.

Let them know that you will get back to them after Christmas, and emphasize that there's just too much going on right now... and that because of all of the Holiday activity, you simply cannot get out with another couple, under any circumstance, until after the first of the year.

In regards to the language, heck... I'm almost 30 and still talk like a teen sometimes. I gotta stay young somehow, right? Aww man... don't take that from me!

Hopefully, they will be able to understand that you're throwing up the white flag! Surrender

[Amy and Mike]

Amy and I both read this and got a very creepy feeling from it. This is one of the things we're not looking forward to dealing with, and the reason Amy is completely against the idea of meeting people on the internet (although I imagine you could find people like this anywhere). They probably do think you'd be the perfect couple for them, but based on what? People like that are, in my opinion, very needy. If you were single, would you date someone like this? If they're doing this now, imagine what they could be like after you've had sex with them!

Incidentally, the night after Amy and I met, I called her and asked her out. She loves to tease me now about how she thought I must have been desperate to call her so soon and that her roommate had to talk her into going out with me (her teasing is all in fun, of course).....but all I did was call once!

Anyway if it were us, we'd run the other way.

[EternallySingle]

I refused to see a couple because they sent me four emails in three days, compared to the one I sent after they initially contacted me. Funny thing is after the first I was prepared to ask them to meet me at the coffee shop where I meet most of my clients (computer clients...get your minds out the gutter). After the second email, I thought that maybe the husband and wife wrote seperate emails thinking the other hadn't responded. After the third, telling me why they were so happy to find a single male less than ten miles away who "got it" I began to feel they weren't real experienced, and maybe only had club experiences. After the fourth email, asking why I hadn't written them back yet, I decided they were too pushy and told them I did not feel comfortable meeting someone who lived so close so fast. Six emails later (all from them) they stopped writing, but not until they asked why I changed my mind so fast. I told them.

This wouldn't have been so bad, but I received those ten emails in less than a week, and I only had time to send them two. In my opinion, anyone who has that much time on their hands AND claims to be a "hard working couple with little time to meet people" can't be that hard working or have that little time.

Ironically, my brother met them a few months later and he stopped seeing them after a couple of weeks. He and his wife said they were just too needy to be a happy couple and his wife was a little afraid of the other couple's wife for some reason.

On a side note, you should have seen the look on my sister-in-law's face when she found out her cute, intelligent, but rather reserved brother-in-law was also into swinging. It was hilarious!

[jcbicouple]

If one of you isn't interested....Why are you bothering with them?

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Amy and Mike
Amy and I both read this and got a very creepy feeling from it. This is one of the things we're not looking forward to dealing with, and the reason Amy is completely against the idea of meeting people on the internet (although I imagine you could find people like this anywhere). They probably do think you'd be the perfect couple for them, but based on what? People like that are, in my opinion, very needy. If you were single, would you date someone like this? If they're doing this now, imagine what they could be like after you've had sex with them!

Incidentally, the night after Amy and I met, I called her and asked her out. She loves to tease me now about how she thought I must have been desperate to call her so soon and that her roommate had to talk her into going out with me (her teasing is all in fun, of course).....but all I did was call once!

Anyway if it were us, we'd run the other way.

Amy and Mike you bring up some very good points. If I were single, there would be no way in the world I'd ever date or meet with someone that acted in this manner. Another good point that you bring up (which is my exact thinking) is what do they base this over zealous interst on? How can someone feel like they have known you forever (and correspond with you as such) in just a couple exchanges of emails?

As for meeting people via the internet, I don't want to give the idea that you can't meet good people through that avenue. I can testify to that as we have met 14 people from this board alone, the difference being we have all grown to know each other over time through various postings and have a good knowledge of each others character. We became such good friends with some that we recently took a 13 hour road trip in order to meet some of the others that we have become acquainted with. So the internet is not a bad avenue to use meeting people, (swinging or non) but I do think getting to know them is an absolute necessity.

I appreciate your input as it relays a lot of what I have been feeling.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by jcbicouple
If one of you isn't interested....Why are you bothering with them?

While I understand what you are saying, Mr. O says he will honor whatever decision I make. The questions lie specifically in the fact that I'm trying to figure out if I am being too overly critical, based on past experiences and not giving this couple a chance. That is where our differences lie and why I am wondering if it is just me.

[Elusive BiFem]

Go with your gut, O. Rarely will you go wrong.

That being said...you know how you are about some of this stuff...the hugs and kisses stuff, for example. Some people just don't know what to say...sincerely? Yours truly? Kindest regards? Sounds kind of formal, doesn't it? Some of us just don't know what else to say. That one thing...well, I think it's really pretty harmless. It wouldn't be my choice of a closing, but we all come from different places.

As for the number of e-mails sent to you? Again, we don't have the contents of those messages to go on, and I can see that it might be a pale "pink" flag being waved, but maybe...just maybe...they are off work for the holidays, work from home with lots of time...or maybe they are just simply friendly and chatty folks. Now if the e-mails contain hard-core sexual information as stated...well, that would bother me, too. Is it really hard core? As for cologne preferences? Not something that I would think of telling someone right off the bat, but others might, especially if they've come across people with those types of sensitivities.

Another thing about the frequency of notes...we've read a million times on this board about how people suddenly drop out of sight after communications have started. Maybe they've had similar experiences and think that they are doing nothing more than keeping your interest. It is really hard to keep up an ongoing dialogue and interest in a situation with people you haven't met.

If I had even the most remote interest, I believe I would write them back and tell them...with the holidays, family, activities, etc., etc., etc., my schedule did not allow for anything extra and I would get back with them after such-and-such date. Gives you a break and time to think (and feel better) and it is truthful. Then, on that date, get back with a decision. Another thing to consider...you could write back with the absolute truth - similar to what you've stated in the posts in this thread.

Personally, based on info provided, I think you are leaning a little too much towards the overly critical and judgmental side and I think you should meet them for dinner or something. Unfortunately, it seems you've made up your mind on the negative side, and since I know how you are (and yes, folks....when she digs her heels in... ) ...I'm most inclined to say this has now become a dead issue. If I'm right, let them know that now. No since in dragging it on.

Now as for this part...

...however it doesn't keep them from writing dissertations that would put EBF to shame.

......lemme at 'em! I'll keep 'em busy writing into eternitiy!

- EBF

[Alura]

Mr. Alura: The first evening Mrs. Alura and I met, we talked non-stop for about four hours, essentially "pouring our hearts out" to each other about every subject imaginable, holding back nothing. If either one had decided that the other was moving too fast, giving too much information, or was too needy, where would we be today?

Mrs. Alura: Developing a new friendship is a lot of hard work. It doesn't just happen. I would be thrilled to meet a couple who were as willing to put effort into a friendship as we are. (Actually, we believe we have, but that's another matter.)

Alura: We see nothing wrong with meeting them in a public place. If y'all are not comfortable with dinner, you might invite them to lunch. One place we've found we like is the coffee shop at Borders Books. Whatever y'all decide to do, maintain an open mind and be willing to make the effort to get to know them. If nothing else, they sound like a couple who is willing to communicate.

Mr. & Mrs. Alura

[Alura]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
Now as for this part...

......lemme at 'em! I'll keep 'em busy writing into eternitiy!

- EBF

EBF, are you okay? We haven't heard from you since yesterday!



Mr. & Mrs. Alura

[Roxysbayou]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Has anyone else ever dealt with this situation? Is it just me? Am I being too critical based on a couple of the other experiences that we had which turned very sour? (Those two experiences started out very similar to this one.)

I'd have to agree with Eternally Single on this one. It does come off as desperate, or down right strange for someone you have never met to send emails like that. I would be weirded out just by them sending them to both avenues, let alone then inquiring if you're okay because you didn't respond fast enough.

I say move on, your instincts are telling you no, and they are usually right.

Roxy