Asking for Pics

[nwazscore]

I've noticed a few people on these boards seem offended when someone asks them for pics right away....and I'm wondering why.

We're newbie swingers and often ask for pics when initially approaching couples. Is this rude? They don't have to be nude pics, we just like to have a face to go along with whom we're "talking" to. In addition, it's a good way of figuring out right away whether there is an attraction (we're not snobby or perfectly shaped ourselves, but physical attraction does account for a lot when looking for sexual partners, IMO).

So is this some kind of swinging faux paus? And if so, why would it be considered rude to ask for someone's pic? We've looked at their profile and made initial contact, and now we'd like to see what they look like. It gives an air of authenticity and genuinity to their contact, too IMO, because they are willing to "expose" themselves to you.

Thoughts on this?

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by nwazscore
So is this some kind of swinging faux paus? And if so, why would it be considered rude to ask for someone's pic? We've looked at their profile and made initial contact, and now we'd like to see what they look like. It gives an air of authenticity and genuinity to their contact, too IMO, because they are willing to "expose" themselves to you.

Thoughts on this?

The problem is, there are frauds out there, some of whom want new photographs to get off with, or for other nefarious reasons. And while your reasons for wanting photos of prospective playmates are perfectly valid and reasonable, asking for them can sometimes raise suspicions. Unfortunately, it seems to be part of the territory.

All you can do is be honest with people about what you want, and hope that your sincerity is perceived. Or you can try and win their trust by offering your own photographs first. And maybe you'll be offered their photographs without needing to ask: it's happened to us, and we've met genuine people as a result.

[nwazscore]

I think I made up my own word "genuinity" LOL.

Brit_Pair you bring up a good point. I'd never thought someone might think I was just trying to get a picture from them so I could "get off." That does make sense. There are so many explicit photos out there on those sites already, though, that I don't know why they'd have to ask for someone's just to get their jollies.

Well, like I said, I don't require nude pics be sent. I just like to see a face. We once met up with a couple who didn't send us any pics and the guy was nothing at all like he described and I was not attracted to him at all.

So when is an appropriate time to ask for pics if they aren't offered? And how should one ask? And if only pics of the woman are offered, is it okay to also ask for pics of the man? (If I'm going to be sleeping with both, I'd like to see what they both look like.)

[yawanna]

I, too, was wondering about some of the responses and comments made about 'asking for pics'.

The best way for us has been after the intial introductions and discussions, seeing that this may be a good couple to meet, we ask if they have any pictures to trade.

If they have no pics, they'll tell you now. If they DO have pics, we can talk about what type to trade first.... g rated or x. And the trading is one for one, or two for two, or however many they send to us, we return as many. Fair is fair

We need to be pretty sure there is a good chance that we'd like to meet, at least for a drink based upon information shared up to that point, before we offer to trade pics. And YES.. we want to see pics of them BOTH.

A quick response after trading pics is also de riguer...... tell them yes or no about continued interest after seeing the pics, as quickly as possible. Be kind, tho! And definitely be complimentary if you feel that way .

I hope this helps

[OhioCouple]

We post pictures on our ad site, ones that we are comfortable with. When asked for additonal pictures in a first e-mail or a request after only a couple of exchanges, that sends up red flags for us. Most of the ones that we get who request these are those that have no pictures of their own or just pictures of a female.

For us, we will not share additional pics with someone until after we have met them. There is no discussion in this matter as we will not have full facials floating around on the web. If we don't know that we can't trust you, then we aren't sending. ( And we recently discovered that even those you think you know, you can't trust.)

Picture sharing for us is on hold at this moment with the exception of those that we have met 'live' in person, that we trust, and then only G-rated. And that trust cannot be achieved thru a couple of exchanges of e-mail or a phone call.

Mrs. O

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by nwazscore
I've noticed a few people on these boards seem offended when someone asks them for pics right away....and I'm wondering why.


Thoughts on this?

If you are referring to this board/ site in particular one thing to consider is that this site is not about making contacts so much as discussions. So if you are going through the profiles attached to the people who post here and then contacting them asking for pics they probably wouldn't respond well... simply because that's not what this site is about. People don't post profiles here in search of picking up people... and so if you emailed them or PM'ed them and then first thing asked them for a pic it would come off as rather foward....

Consider this:

The profiles that are here are not very in depth so you can't get to know people well through them..... but as you post on the board people do get to know you.

You have only 4 posts at this point.... and had no more than half of those before this thread.... so if you had emailed or PM'ed people asking for pics they wouldn't know you from adam at that point and would assume you to be some pic collector.


If you want to meet people through this board (and it does happen) your best bet is to participate here and let people get to know you as you get to know them. Converse with them in PM's and emails and once you give them a chance to get to know you then perhaps ask for pics.


Outside of that, if you are just looking to meet people/ seeking an attraction then you might want to check the personal ads link at the top of the page for several high quality swingers personal ads sites.

Hopefully, tho we will see you getting involved around here and give us all a chance to get to know you better.

[Elusive BiFem]

Julie made some great points about the purpose of this site. I've said a 1000 times I don't post pictures, and I don't, and I've also said I don't send pictures, and I don't...except to a few select people whom I've come to know quite well and we exchanged perfectly G-rated pictures just for the name-face association. Even then, the picture of me I initially sent to friends was taken while in the kitchen cleaning house! Not my most flattering view - I hope. Guess I sorta caught myself in my own fib, didn't I?

In general, on ad sites, I always become somewhat leery of people that immediately ask for pictures. I'm one of those "get to know you types." I want to know some basics about you, and will share the same, but pictures really don't do justice to most people I've met. It's too easy to say I don't like someone's looks via a picture, but after getting to know them on a more "personal" basis via e-mail and chat, I find that appearance is not the most important thing. Important? Yes, of course. Just not the be-all, end-all. - EBF

[sandk]

Just to add a thought to the recent replies...We do not post or send pics. Ever. We have moral clauses in our careers and do not want to risk what we have worked so hard for. Sending or posting pics CAN pose problems, up to loss of career, if getting into the wrong hands.

This isn't to say that everyone requesting pics has alterior motives, but, let's be honest...how well is the person or persons of an email addy known?

We are always willing to meet in person, among a group or privately. We feel that if someone can't understand our need to not share pics then they aren't for us anyway.

S and K

[nwazscore]

JustAskJulie, I had not asked for anyone's pics on this site and had planned on using it as more of a reference tool than meeting place.... unless, of course, something just happened to come about.

My SO and I are on a few other internet swingers' sites, and we do have pics posted on those (covering our faces). Being newbies to this, we have often asked couples who have contacted us for pics if we didn't see any on their profiles. We did so without realizing that it could be taken offensively by the other couple. I now wonder if the reason some of the couples didn't respond was because we'd asked for the pics. It has been totally enlightening to see the responses, and we may have to reconsider how we handle this.

Let me reiterate, that we've always asked politely for pics. We've never required nude or explicit pics. And we've never acted rudely towards someone who didn't provide them or wasn't ready--we understood they may not be ready to share them.

Now I have another thought--how do you all feel about couples who do post pics? And what about those couples who send a barage of explicit or nude photos right away and seem urgent to get together? The latter, for me, is a bit of a turn off. I wonder why there is such urgency from some couples. I'd rather chat a little first and get to know a couple, and I'm beginning to feel like I'm an oddball in that respect because of the way some people act on the internet sites we're on. Thoughts?

[jcbicouple]

Well, We wouldn't ask for photos of people on a site such as this, but we always request a G rated photo before we plan a meeting with someone. We request G rated because we've found that most "private parts" look pretty similar and we'll see those if things get that far. and we have found that we can not tell if we are sexually attracted to someone from a close up of body parts. We need to see a face. We don't meet without having seen a face for two reasons: First, We are looking for people that we have a sexual attraction too, and see no point in wasting anyones time if there is no possibility of a sexual interaction. Second because we also have careers with companies that would not understand and we wouldn't want to walk into a bar/restaurant to find one of our employees sitting there. (Ya, some people think that's not fair, but we are very up front about it and really don't have too many people that have a problem with it.) We always tell the person/people if we aren't interested, and we do send a photo (G rated) in return if we are interested in meeting.
We agree sometimes when you meet people in real life, photos don't do them justice, and personality will add to the attraction. However, Unless we are planning to go to a club, we won't meet if the attraction isn't already there.

[sandk]

Originally posted by nwazscore
And what about those couples who send a barage of explicit or nude photos right away and seem urgent to get together? The latter, for me, is a bit of a turn off. I wonder why there is such urgency from some couples. I'd rather chat a little first and get to know a couple, and I'm beginning to feel like I'm an oddball in that respect because of the way some people act on the internet sites we're on. Thoughts? [/B]

The more urgent someone appears to be, the less interested we tend to be. Like you, we are more interested in getting to know people before jumping into more intimate sharing. We've also felt somewhat out of place among the barrage of "let's do it now!" offers. It's nice to see we're not the only ones

S and K

[nwazscore]

Thanks, jcbicouple! I agree totally with what you're saying. I'm not requesting pics to get off or see how large someone's dick is... I just would like to see a face shot. Some of the pics I've liked the best were ones of couples standing together, fully clothed, holding hands.

I like to be able to "see" the person I'm chatting with, and as jcbicouple expressed, this helps determine whether there is a physical attraction there. Sure, personality counts for a lot, but let's face it, if there's no physical attraction, it ain't going to happen for me. And I'd rather find that out before meeting.... Especially since we live in a small town, and often have to meet people who live 30+ miles from us. I also want to make certain the person I'm chatting with is not my neighbor or my sister's coworker.

I don't require that someone be a supermodel (I'm certainly not), but I want to see if I find them appealing--and there is a wide range of both men and women that I do find appealing. I would certainly be friends with someone that I didn't find appealing, but I wouldn't necessarily jump into bed with them.

So, jcbicouple, do you simply ask for a G-rated photo?

Oh, and S & K, you are not the only one who would rather get to know someone a little first before jumping into bed with them. My SO, on the other hand, seems to be ready from the get go. But he respects when I may not be quite ready right away.

[jcbicouple]

Originally posted by nwazscore

So, jcbicouple, do you simply ask for a G-rated photo?

Yes. We ALWAYS either ask or put in parenthesis "G Rated" so they know we want to see faces, not body parts. As far as how we ask: Depends on the conversation... We don't have a "standard question". LOL
We have found though, that 95% of the time, if we don't specify "G rated"; We will get a picture of a dick, crotch, or boobs (no face, or worse...a close up of the body part so you can't even tell body type!). If we only say "G rated" and not "face" we still get about 5% that send us something without a face and then we have to explain a little better that we really want to see a face, and we'll see the rest if things go well. Good luck!

[mrnorcalnites]

Sonya has been talking with a couple and we were supposed to meet, but funny enough, they did not show up.

I messaged the couple today from my own account, and not knowing who I was, the male of the couple immediately asked before asking anything else if we had pictures, especially of her.

I told him a blatant lie, I don't have a scanner, yes I do, but he said they don't meet without pictures and that was that.

I hate picture collectors. We're always on the lookout for them because it's so common in this area.

[Roxysbayou]

I personally find it annoying when someone from my pay site wants to chat and the first thing from them is "got any pics". It's just a turn off. But for me, I feel like I have shown plenty on my profile and that should be more than enough.

I probably come off as pretty rude, but it's just a hassle to stop what I'm doing and start sending the same pictures that you can see by pulling up my profile.

And I have no mercy for the non paids, lol. I just feel like if they are serious about swinging, then they will pay for a membership.

That's just me. As far as people from this site. I have spoken with several people in great detail over the last year or so. But I have never asked for a picture from any of them. I just feel that if they wanted to be public, then they would have posted one.

Anyway, just wanted to share my perspective.

Roxy