How do you know an swinger on the internet is real?

[CatE10Cpl]

when chatting online with someone, how do you know who you're talking too. We recently chatted with a person in TX who is female. Her profile on Yahoo stated that she's a female and there's photos of her showing her stuff. We met her, well, she responded to a post we place on a yahoo group that we belong too. The group name is Bisexualsinglemarriedwomen, but for some odd reason, we don't believe that that's her. I personally think it's some pervert trying to get a peek. The way the conversation was going, he/she was very persistant on see her naked. I wasn't very comfortable with that. When we ask her questions, it seems like she was avoiding the question and started on other subject. We'll, we wanted to see her on the webcam, but she claim that her ex-boyfriend took it when they broke up. She got to see us. So I'm asking if any of you out there have had the same experience and what you did about it. Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated.

[fun_pairTX]

It is a talent to discern who is real and who isn't. This talent is developed over time and by experience (getting burned). Always trust your 6th sense, your gut will seldom steer you wrong. You learn to distinguish the wankers pretty quickly. The net is like any other silce of life, it is made up of all kinds and a few we haven't even heard of yet. Watch speech patterns, men and women have definite patterns. Males are also much more visually oriented than women are. If people won't give you direct answers don't wast your time on them, they are yanking your chain. We are very lucky and have met some wonderful people from here and from Swing Lifestyle as well. If we can be of any help just email or pm us or just ask here for that matter. We have a wide range of real people with real experience.

[Lorrie]

When it comes to discussing sex, for me, a person MUST have a webcam so I can see them. It's mandatory. The person you are talking to could be underage, and if you are engaged in sexual activity of any kind with a minor, I believe you could get in serious legal trouble. You can even ask to see an ID with a cam.

Webcams are so inexpensive--the best IMO is the Logitech, and it's only $80.00. It's very easy to install.

If the person really wants to talk/see you, I would just suggest to them to get a webcam first. If they can see you, you should be able to see them. That's fair, and besides, you can say you are definitely worth the price of a webcam!

[Brit_Pair]

If you're communicating **solely** by a text-only medium like Yahoo or MSN Messenger, then you'll never know 100% who you're talking to. As fun_pairTX says, over time you can become familiar with some of the more obvious signs of fraudsters, and trusting your instincts is never a bad thing to do (although some people's instincts work better than others). But without a reliable form of visual confirmation, you can **never** be certain whose on the other end of the 'line'.

[mrbandsatl]

It is our experience that the majority of the people who list themselves online are indeed fake or not sincere. Bob's theory is that swinger sites provide a cheap alternative to porn for many.

The fact is that many posters are guys looking for a cheap thrill, swingers in the theater of their minds, or simply looking to cheat.

We agree with fun_pair, there is a knack to spotting the phonies but there are also some tactics you can use as well. Here are a few of ours. While they may be controversial and certainly not everyone's cup of tea, they have worked well for us. So much so, that we now have close to 100% success rate in setting up our meetings.

1. Require face pictures to be posted. For many reasons, fakes and cheaters find lots of excuses not to post face pics. Not to say that some may have legitimate reasons for not wanting to post, but we have never met anyone who posted a face pics that was not sincere. We may miss out on a number of great meetings, but this tactic has served us very well over time.

2. Set up a phone call or web cam meeting. More than one excuse for why they can't make this happen and we are gone!

3. Request for more pictures. When someone we have never met writes us requesting more pics, we immediately downgrade their status to, "not in this lifetime."

4. Couples who play separately. Again, we may miss out on some good opportunities here but we have met too many "couples" who turn out to be men whos wife is conveniently out of town that weekend. We may play with a couple separately, but only after we have met them and gotten to know them together.

5. Look for clues within an ad. Beyond posting fo real pics, there are tell-tale signs that almost always indicate a fake or incincere person. Look for: incomplete or minimal answers to profile questions, unsure of wife's or husband's involvement, trial or free members.

Hope these thoughts help!
Enjoy,
B+S

[JustAskJulie]

Trust your instinct. It sounds like you had a good idea deep down what was going on but you wanted to trust her instead of trusting your instict. Your best bet is to back away the second things don't feel right.

[hfire269]

a good way to tell who is a fake is any one who asks to see a pic, a cam or hear you on a mic first thing in the converstaion. On my yahoo account i dont have a pic and if someo ne is actually intterrested in talking to me they wont ask for a pic or if i tell them no they will continue to talk with me. We dont have a cam or a mic either and same goes with the pics. That helps me alot when chatting online to determine who just wants to cyber and who actually is interrested in more. Now on Swing Lifestyle and a few other swinging boards we have pics but there we can get a better feel for whos real and whos fake:-) Hope that helps
hfire269(female half)

[Uneed_Love]

It's very hard to know who is the real person behind the screen and you will never be 100% sure of who is that person untill you meet this person for real and even though it's not 100¨% sure... married people can cheat hubbies or wives in their back with the complicity of a partner.

Here on this board we have had some people cheating us, they finally get catched but it take times to discover them and it's always disturbing and desappointing when you considere that you put your trust in someone who was cheating you from the start.

So all depends on the kind of relationship you want to developp with someone on line. If you want a serious relationship then keep in mind that the web is full of fakes and people who are pretending to be what they are not.... as long as you will have this in mind then You should not be surprised or desappointed anymore. Just be cautious about what you do or what you say in order to stay in the legality and not get into trouble with the Justice.

Is a webcam a good proof of the reality of this person ? Obviously not because I could ask to a friend of mine to be in front of the cam in my place so what would be the certainty that the person you see is the real me ? Absolutly none. Never trust a machine is my theory.

Take Care and enjoy your time in the real life instead of behind your screen - I should apply this last advice for me

The real JC

[Lorrie]

Originally posted by Uneed_Love
Is a webcam a good proof of the reality of this person ? Obviously not because I could ask to a friend of mine to be in front of the cam in my place so what would be the certainty that the person you see is the real me ? Absolutly none. Never trust a machine is my theory.

I disagree about what you said regarding the cam, but would add on Yahoo you can do audio, so you can not only see the person, but hear them also. So to me, that's as good as you can do, other than actually meeting the person face to face, which can be difficult if you're not living in the same city or country.

Life is full of risks. Of course everyone will be fooled by someone in their lifetime about something; that's a given. That's life. How many people have ALWAYS told the truth about every single thing in their life to everyone they meet anyway?

In accordance with your first paragraph in your post, if you really don't want to be fooled, go beyond "never trust a machine", and never trust anyone. Afterall, some people have lived years fooling people and died that way. There is always extreme approaches like not trusting anyone, if you want to go that route.

[OhioCouple]

For myself, I go by gut instinct. It hasn't proved me wrong in over 25 years. I will say tho, that there are some that I wouldn't ever care to have met, however...I've run across no real horrors. (And that does not involve any that I have met here on the board.) Ya'll are all cool!

As for the web cam. There is no way in hell that I'd use one with anyone other than my close friends or family members. That is how I feel about the usage of webcams.

There are quite a few members on this board that we have never met, yet they have our home address and phone numbers. Again, gut instinct. I know they are for real. They know we are too. I think you just have to follow your own instincts and go from there.

Mrs. O

[Lorrie]

I go by the praying/spiritual way mainly, but also go by instinct. I have rarely been fooled in my life, and never have--to my knowledge--been fooled online.

BUT, there could be times when the person was really sincere, but actually seemed fake, which equals missed opportunity; it can go that way as well.

There are things in my life that if I told people, they probably would think I was lying, but it's true. But I could certainly understand why they wouldn't believe me.

In my 41 years of living, I've seen an AWFUL LOT of gulible people online and offline. So with some people, it's best to have a back-up other than just trusting your instinct.

[Uneed_Love]

Originally posted by Lorrie
I disagree about what you said regarding the cam, but would add on Yahoo you can do audio, so you can not only see the person, but hear them also. So to me, that's as good as you can do, other than actually meeting the person face to face, which can be difficult if you're not living in the same city or country.

Yes I forgot to relate this possibility with Yahoo because I was assuming that everybody knew about it. Personally I do yahoo with my sweetheart - voice and less often webcam too - because she is in Canada while I am in France so it's the best way to keep in touch for the smallest expense possible.

I am also chating sometimes with some close friend of this board too because even if we never meet we trust each other but even with this I should fear to use voice because I am too much complexed about my accent and I should fear not to understand the US accent of this friend

Of course I generally trust people who are chating with me but untill a certain point because I am not so naive to trust anybody anytime... May be I lose some opportunity but I am not a gambler and do not want to take any risk with people I do not know well enough. Obviously that's different with people I regarde as my very good and close friends in such case I can trust them 100% with no restriction even if I agree to desagree with them on some particular point when we are arguing on a controversial topic.

Have a very good day.

JC

[Lorrie]

Well, as people get older, we tend to be more distrustful of others, because having been burned and hurt in life over the years....I felt I've played it too safe in my life though, so even though I may have come out so far not really burned by people, I probably have my share of misssed opportunities.

BTW, I do know many people who have "friends"--that's what they call them--knowing them from offline mostly and I am amazed that they call them their friends! They lie to them and are parasites, talking about them negatively behind their backs, yet they are friends. I'm thinking: If those are who you consider trustworthy friends, I'd hate to see the people you don't trust! A little off the subject, but I just thought about this in relation to this thread.

[Uneed_Love]

Originally posted by Lorrie
BTW, I do know many people who have "friends"--that's what they call them--knowing them from offline mostly and I am amazed that they call them their friends! They lie to them and are parasites, talking about them negatively behind their backs, yet they are friends. I'm thinking: If those are who you consider trustworthy friends, I'd hate to see the people you don't trust! A little off the subject, but I just thought about this in relation to this thread.

Probably I am a dumb but i don't understand where do you want to go with this ?!?!?!

[Lorrie]

What I meant was, in general, it seems some people are so leery of others online, and it seems those very people probably have friends that are just as bad as the ones that are bullshitting them online, but for some reason, don't notice that.

There really is no separation. The people online are the same as the people offline. But it seems people tend to think there is a difference. A different "kind" of people online, so one must be especially careful of "them."

....I tend to start thinkng of all sorts of similar issues, when a topic is interesting to me. That's all.