Need advice on responding to ads and inquiries

[NWARcouple]

We are a couple that is new to swinging. After getting the nerve to post a couple of ads on 2 different sites, we're starting to get several replies, especially now that we recently uploaded a few photos. It seems that having a few pictures has really made a difference in the number of people sending us messages. We like to see who we're reading about too, so it makes a lot of sense to us... Neither of us would have guessed that it would have made THAT much of a difference!

However, we're not sure how to reply to some of the responses we have received. Is it uncommon for people to send rather short and somewhat ambiguous replies to swingers ads?



A typical one might read something like this:

"Hello from _________"

"We like your photos and would love to find out more. Reply if interested."



Is this a standard ad response? Maybe it's because we stated in our ad that we're new to this, and are wanting to go slow at first, and the other couple is just giving us a chance to set our own pace? Perhaps the couple is wanting us to check out their profile and photos to see if we're interested?

And, if we are interested, based on their profile, do we reply with a more informative message (even though their message was rather abbreviated)?

Also, is it considered rude to ask for photos if the other couple has not included any in their reply or in their profile?

Thanks for your help!!!!
H and J

[Brit_Pair]

To answer your questions first:

(1) Many replies are that short and ambiguous. Some are shorter and more ambiguous.

(2) This couple may well be expecting you to inform read their profile / look at their photos first, and to contact them if it appeals to you.

(3) -- See below for points to consider before formulating your reply. --

(4) If you haven't seen photos of them yet, then there is no harm in asking to see some. After all, if you're looking to be visually attracted to these people, the sooner you know what they look like, the better.

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When we've posted adverts, we've tried to give a reasonable amount of information (whilst maintaining a healthy anonymity); in return, we expect to receive a similar amount of information back in the initial contact, or to be pointed towards an equally informative profile.

The sort of replies you're talking about might make us wonder if the couple are just on a fishing trip. They might make us question if it really is a couple, or just another one of the sad lurkers out there. However, if they are pointing us to a well-written and informative profile, our concerns will diminish.

We've always felt that there's an element of brinkmanship involved in posting/answering Internet contact ads, a digital "you show me yours first, then I'll show you mine." Someone has to move first, otherwise there's a stalemate, but before you whip down your drawers, you want to have a healthy belief that your actions will be reciprocated honestly.

There's really no hard and fast rule to all this, but the rule of thumb we've always applied is: the less effort that's gone into the overall presentation (whether it be someone else's advert, or a reply to one of ours), the less likely we are to be interested.

One qualifier: how you respond might depend on how informative your own profile/advert is to begin with. If you've given quite a bit of information (as we do), then don't be afraid to get something back before you start giving out more data. If your profile consists of just photos with a brief blurb, then you might want to consider opening up a little more first.

[JMR]

well it seems there is almost no need for anyone else to answer cause brit pair did such a fine job answering your questions.. so good luck.Welcome

[Elusive BiFem]

We've had several threads about that very topic, NWARcouple, and JMR 'bout summed it up. Brit_Pair really took some time to give you the low-down on the ad situation.

I haven't gotten the hang of posting links, but there was a good thread in General Swinging called "Ads - Venting" started by Arcane Reference that covered a lot of what you were asking. I bet someone else that knows how to do that link stuff will jump in and post it correctly for you.

Ms. O? Brit_Pair? Help!

Otherwise, go to search and just type in posting ads and it will take you to lots of interesing reading.

Just know that you aren't the only ones with those same questions and thoughts. - EBF

[OhioCouple]

Excellent response, Mr. Brit!

There's really no hard and fast rule to all this, but the rule of thumb we've always applied is: the less effort that's gone into the overall presentation (whether it be someone else's advert, or a reply to one of ours), the less likely we are to be interested.

I especially agree with this. Having met with more couples than we care to count, I've learned one thing... those one liner or non-informative responses tend to be those that are just fishing and quite often their profile/ad contains much of the same.

Just my opinon, but I'm gonna have to know a little more about ya, before even contemplating meeting for dinner, much less anything else. If they can't take the time to write a half way decent paragraph (it doesn't have to be much) that maybe explains a little about what they liked about our ad, and if theirs isn't well written... well, they are getting a "We aren't interested. Good luck in your search" response.

The way that I see it, if they can't take the time to do the above, with someone that you are looking to maybe share yourselves with, how much time are they gonna take in the bedroom. Will they be a 'fuck 'em let me get mine and let's go" kind of experience? Plus it stinks to have nothing in common to talk about.

Just my .02cents

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
...but there was a good thread in General Swinging called "Ads - Venting" started by Arcane Reference that covered a lot of what you were asking.

Ads-Venting

[shortiebabie03]

I only send short first time emails because I have noticed ALOT of responses don't get answered. IF they answer my short but sweet response THEN I talk

[Brit_Pair]

Hey, if that works for you . . .

[NWARcouple]

Thanks for your time and thoughtful reply Brit_Pair!!!! And, also thanks OhioCouple and ElusiveBiFem for the info on Ads-Venting...

Looks like others deal with this frequently too.

H and J

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by shortiebabie03
I only send short first time emails because I have noticed ALOT of responses don't get answered.

Again, just my opinon, but I wouldn't hesitate to say that a lot of those one liners or two liners DO NOT get answered due to the fact that they have been there, done it and learned their lesson. At least that holds true for us and for quite a few people that we have met who have said the same thing. Granted, there could be a great person/couple behind:

"Hi, loved your profile,take a look and see if you like ours".

"Hi, wanna....(insert) meet/chat/web cam?, phone chat?"

"Hi, loved your pics, want to get together this weekend?"

We have received all of those and many, many more.

Substance please...or you aren't coming near my private domain not even for lunch/dinner only.

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by shortiebabie03
I only send short first time emails because I have noticed ALOT of responses don't get answered. IF they answer my short but sweet response THEN I talk

I guess that, being a woman and everybody wants you, you can get away with replying to one liners and still have people write you back. Personally, if I spend five or ten minutes writing someone and I get a one liner, I feel that person is just trying to be polite and just answer the letter. I won't even read an email that is only one sentence long. If a person can't write a response thats at least 1/4 as long as mine, I don't pursue them any longer. I usually respond with a "Thanks for the reply. Sorry to have taken up your time" and move on.

[bear_n_bunny]

Replying to one liners is hard, particularly if their ads are nothing but one liners. I find this common to newbies who aren't sure what they are looking for. If interest is sparked enough to reply we like to fill in the details, like our schedule being a pain, that we are older, looking to make friends, and not interested in bed hoppers.

I suggest replying with the things you want to know about them. That way, they should respond with similar information and if all is well, you might be well on your way to finding some fun new friends.

-- Bunny

[shortiebabie03]

quote:
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Originally posted by shortiebabie03
I only send short first time emails because I have noticed ALOT of responses don't get answered. IF they answer my short but sweet response THEN I talk
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quote:
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Origianally posted by Eternallysingle
I guess that, being a woman and everybody wants you, you can get away with replying to one liners and still have people write you back.
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Ok maybe I am not making sense in what I was trying to say. Lemme try again!
When hubby and I first placed this ad, we emailed a bunch of people. Which kinda went like this: Hi we really loved your profile, could you take a minute to look at ours and drop us a line if interested. If not interested that is fine too. Have fun and be safe! To which we got replies like "thanks" or "we will be in contact with you" or no reply at all! Which is fine. Everyone gets tired sooner or later typing out these longer emails only to get no reply. It's frustrating. That is what I was trying to say. I send out short sweet to the point emails now and if someone actually takes the time to reply THEN is when I take my time to reply back to them....am I making better sense now?! By the way I am a couple not just a single female, so people don't automatically respond to me just because I am a female!

[EternallySingle]

[QOUTE]Ok maybe I am not making sense in what I was trying to say. Lemme try again!
When hubby and I first placed this ad, we emailed a bunch of people. Which kinda went like this: Hi we really loved your profile, could you take a minute to look at ours and drop us a line if interested. If not interested that is fine too. Have fun and be safe! To which we got replies like "thanks" or "we will be in contact with you" or no reply at all! Which is fine. Everyone gets tired sooner or later typing out these longer emails only to get no reply. It's frustrating. That is what I was trying to say. I send out short sweet to the point emails now and if someone actually takes the time to reply THEN is when I take my time to reply back to them....[/QUOTE]

That does make a little more sense. It only takes me about a minute to think of what I want to write (it takes longer for me to edit it down to a reasonable length) so taking time to write something meaningful is not a real task for me. I know thats not a talent most people have, but what really bothers me is when someone replies two or three times with "tell me about yourself" but never tell you what you want to know. Also the "look at our profile" line doesn't tell me anything except you are too busy to take time to think of something original.

If someone approached me on the street and said "you are real attractive, lets talk" and I said "uh, just look at me for now and if you still want to talk get back to me later" I'd probably be laughed at...and still waiting for someone I want to meet to get back to me. You've got to give someone an incentive to continue a dialog, especially if they initiated it.

Oh, and single or married, your screen name would lead someone to believe you are a female, which would draw more people to your ad than say "shortiebabe03andtalldude187"

[NWARcouple]

Originally posted by Shortiebabie03

Everyone gets tired sooner or later typing out these longer emails only to get no reply. It's frustrating. That is what I was trying to say. I send out short sweet to the point emails now and if someone actually takes the time to reply THEN is when I take my time to reply back to them....

We have received quite a few responses of this variety, and generally don't have a problem with responding to them. They strike us as a 'we're interested in what we've seen so far, do you think you might be interested too?' type of reply. We typically write back with a more informative email, taking into consideration any questions they might have, as well as defining what it is that we're looking for, and usually a few questions for them to consider. We think it gives everyone concerned a chance to get on the same page, provided everyone is willing to provide at least an opening for further discussion...

Originally posted by EternallySingle

...what really bothers me is when someone replies two or three times with "tell me about yourself" but never tell you what you want to know. Also the "look at our profile" line doesn't tell me anything except you are too busy to take time to think of something original.

We agree completely!! Every new email SHOULD have some new information, or the exchange becomes pointless.

Originally posted by EternallySingle

If someone approached me on the street and said "you are real attractive, lets talk" and I said "uh, just look at me for now and if you still want to talk get back to me later" I'd probably be laughed at...and still waiting for someone I want to meet to get back to me. You've got to give someone an incentive to continue a dialog, especially if they initiated it.

Again, we agree with you here too. Very well stated! The mental image was hilarious!! And, it brings up another point... We always look at the responding couple's profile... Even if we've had 4 or more prior emails with this couple, we still look! It helps us to have at least a sight degree of context in which to place the email. Just as in 'real world' exchanges, we're constantly taking visual clues without having to be reminded by the other party to check out their profile...

H and J