Ad Do's and Dont's

[bear_n_bunny]

I just finished searching to find just the right thread to post "what bothers me in ads," but I couldn't find one dedicated to ads in general. So, do excuse me if there is another thread somewhere that covers this as I'm sure there is.

Anyway, I was surfing around on a nice Sunday afternoon and saw yet another ad where the picture is of their wedding. This isn't the first time I've seen one. For some reason, I find this not only a bit odd, but a bit of a turn off as well. I was curious if I was the only one.

Rather than just start a thread focusing on wedding pictures, I thought it would be nice to have a summary of ad do's and don'ts or just suggestions.

Our do's are to be as clear as possible about what we are, and what we want. "Like minded couple looking for same or Fun couple looking for same," just doesn't tell me a whole lot. Add to that spell checking. I know I usually just throw these posts out there and they tend to be full of errors, but an ad is often times a couples first impression of you. Care enough to spell check.

My biggest don't is genital shots. Genitals are good and lovely body parts but they rarely convey one's personality. A fuzzy pic of a lone erection rarely makes me want to make a love connection.

-- Bunny

[saranmark]

Bunny,

I have wondered before if the people who post their wedding pics do so to "prove" that they are a real married couple. I don't know though...

I have to agree with you- it is a turn-off for me, as well as the other irritants you listed: the gential close-ups and not spell checking. I am with you on that one-- I hate spelling errors!

SARA

[saranmark]

Okay, I deserve that one!

I just noticed that right after I posted that I hate spelling errors, I made a typo and spelled "genitals" wrong in the above post.

Serves me right!

SARA

[Elusive BiFem]

I agree with all of the above. People who won't take the time to post an ad telling a bit about themselves, personalities, likes, and dislikes are an immediate turn off to me. Futher, I like to read what someone is searching for in some detail other than the one-liners.

And Sara, it is easy enough to tell when someone made a simple typo vs. being an illiterate idiot that can't spell or put a simple sentence together. - EBF

[windsor4fun]

I agree on all of the above...posting our wedding picture would be totally deceiving, considering we married in 1990 and look ALOT different these days.
Spelling and grammatical errors jump out at me in blazing bold letters (but I've caught myself too Sara).
And those "close-ups".....EWWWWWWWWWW.
I would much prefer to hold that view until much later when I know you much better. A flirty wink or sexy lingerie would be far more appealing than those genital close-ups.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Ditto, we don't care for wedding photos.

[good times]

I agree pretty much with what has already been said but have one additional turn off for me. That is the adds where they feel compelled to give too much information. If their add reads like a life story I'm probably going to pass as my first impression is we aren't going to be able to get a word in with this couple. One short paragraph with what they are looking for and a brief description of themselves is best I think.

R

[naughty A]

the wedding photo... not a turn on... but not a turn OFF either...

since one of us is usually behind the camera we have very few pictures taken of the two of us together...

I think it does show a bit of courage and honesty to use a wedding photo... as someone suggested earlier... it definitely PROVES they are a couple...

but same here we got married... umpteen years ago... so using our wedding photo is not an option...

[bear_n_bunny]

but have one additional turn off for me. That is the adds where they feel compelled to give too much information. If their add reads like a life story I'm probably going to pass as my first impression is we aren't going to be able to get a word in with this couple. One short paragraph with what they are looking for and a brief description of themselves is best I think.

good times, might you elaborate? Is it the length that is too much, or the information that is shared? I know with every encounter we learn a bit more about what we are and are not looking for; sometimes this warrants adding it to our ad.

Personally, there just so many things I'd like to know before replying to an ad.

* If the lady is bi, is that a deal breaker as I'm passively curious at best.
* How long has the couple been swinging? We've encountered several couple who seem to be in a long term interview mode.
* As well, is the wife really into it, or is this husband working on a misguided set up?
* Are there specific kinks they are looking for we might not be comfortable with? Or a specific fantasy they are looking to fulfill?
* Scheduling? If they are like us and only have, at best, a few days a month where they can meet, let alone play, then no matter how much we my want to get together, it's probably not going to happen.
* Are they what we call bed hoppers or looking for friendship with benefits?

Once you start answering all these questions, an ad can get very long but the nice part is that people who do respond are seriously interested. While the quantity of responses has dwindled, we've been very interested in trying to hook up with most of the people who've written us. Sadly, our scheduling issue makes it difficult.

-- Bunny

[wrnakedru]

Can't understand you, good times. Not saying you're wrong. Just not agreeing. Maybe because I tend not to say in 50 words what I can say in 500. Hah! I took that away from someone by saying it first.
For us, we know what we seek and hope to find. We know they're not a LOT of folks that fill the bill. We are also fully aware there are things about us that may not be everybody's cup of tea. (we smoke)
We know upon reading an ad that says: "looking for DDF, ready to party, fun people for all night hot sex and if we get along, maybe dinner and drinks or something too" that's not us. We think that has things in the wrong order!
We look at it this way. We have been together for 13 years, and we've worked real hard to build and maintain the relationship. We are the most important thing in the world to each other. We have learned how to pleasure one another in ways we find remarkable and special. Our bodies are not porn movie material but we care about keeping our bodies healthy and capable of sexual pleasure for many years to come.
So we are going to know as much as possible about people we share ourselves, our relationship, and bodies with. If a few lines of information is all they offer, while including an admonition "not interested in endless emails" - we won't be responding in the positive to an overture. Those folks want action too fast with folks they aren't careful enough to know very much about.
If all we sought was anonymous sex, with a wide variety of partners - we could have been frequenting the singles bars and straight clubs - and accomplished that goal LONG ago!

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by wrnakedru

So we are going to know as much as possible about people we share ourselves, our relationship, and bodies with. If a few lines of information is all they offer, while including an admonition "not interested in endless emails" - we won't be responding in the positive to an overture. Those folks want action too fast with folks they aren't careful enough to know very much about.

Goodness, I've got to try and get caught up on this board. You are always stealing my thoughts.

The ad sites we belong to have sections for filling out about different characteristics of the individuals, likes dislikes etc., with that said,

In addition to the above I like to see a little about what type of humor the person has. One thing that absolutely drives me bananas is when you have 8 or 9 different catagories, is repetitiveness. Usually they end it with "NO SINGLE MALES"!!! Okay, once is fine but every other line? I got it the first time. To me it isn't even necessary to place that in your ad, if you already have them blocked anyway. I won't even think twice about an ad like that as such repetitiveness probably means they have a hard time comprehending the meaning of "No Means No".

Another thing is before I start even reading a filled out profile (we are on Swappernet now) I will scroll down and look at the basic contents of the "Likes" and "Does Not Like" catagories. You can tell a lot about people just looking at which contains the more lines. You don't even have to read it. If their "Dislike" catagory is a lot longer than their list of likes.... they'll be getting a "Thanks but no thanks," from us, and we probably won't even bother to read the entire profile. It has been our experience that those type of people tend to dwell on negativity and not focus on the positive, in all aspects of their lives. Uh....no thanks. We are here to have fun.

Pictures? They aren't very important to me, as I am more visual in the aspect of the written word. Hubby likes to see them though. However, if their ad is filled with pictures of crotch and penis shots, well... I'm gonna pass. While we are sexually driven and in this lifestyle for sexual reasons, but I already know what all parts of the anatomy look like. It really doesn't vary all that much from male to male, woman to woman. I've got a good idea of what is behind the zipper. Besides, it's hard to pick someone out in a restaurant when you meet for dinner and you have to start asking people to drop their pants or hike their skirt up so you can recognize them. A nice G pic (even if faces are blurred) works wonders, in giving you an overall view of the person(s).

It's also been our experience that those who don't bother to fill out their profile or just put one liners in it such as "I love sex" (well duh...don't we all?) are usually pic collectors or someone who is just registered to look at pictures. We skip those too. If they haven't taken the time to tell us a little about themselves, why should I take the time to give them a second thought?

Guess, I had more to add than I thought... LOL

[saranmark]

Thank you, Ohiocouple!

I guess I am still relatively naive- it didn't even occur to me that those little one-liner ads were probably picture collectors. I have always just thought that they were annoying- if the person didn't want to take time to tell me something about themself, then I didn't bother with them.

I really do have alot to learn, still! Thanks for the tip!

SARA

[good times]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
[B]good times, might you elaborate? Is it the length that is too much, or the information that is shared? I know with every encounter we learn a bit more about what we are and are not looking for; sometimes this warrants adding it to our ad.

I'll try.

I have noticed a few adds lately that seem to go on and on but never really say anything that would inspire me to respond, or when first starting to read it, I was intrigued, but the more I read the less interested I became. A couple of times I've read the add and realized that it wasn't what they said that turned me off, it was that they used so many words to say so little. Sometimes it reminds me more of someone trying to tell you what you want to hear rather than what they genuinely want. I often wonder if I met these people in person if I would have the same impression of them as I got from their add. In my experiance, and this may not be true of others, I have to actually talk to someone one on one before I can get to know them. I prefer adds that give me just enough information to peak my interest but not so much information that I form a first impression that is more than likely incorrect.

I hope this clears up what I meant, as I'm a lousy typist I often write things in as few words as possible, so few, in fact that sometimes it doesn't make any sense. Having said all this, if one wrote an add as briefly as I write, I'd probably pass on that too.

R

[bear_n_bunny]

I have to agree with my better half on this one. To me there is something faintly silly about a wedding picture on a swingers ad. Of course, I've noticed that it's generally the younger ones who do that, so I suppose one must make allowances for youthful ignorance.

Crotch shots? Yuck. Forget it. I have no problem at all with nude shots where you can see her pussy, but then it's just a part of the whole. But the gynecological shots I can do without.

And I could not disagree more with good times about content in the ads, or rather how much content. Over time we have had to increase the size of our ad quite a bit, to adjust to things we have learned as we have got into this (bear in mind that my past experience was with party groups only; none of this swinger web site business, which in some ways is a major pain in the ass, truth to tell). And yes, at the risk of being called "negative" by OhioCouple, a lot of it has been in the way of spelling out what we are NOT looking for. Over time we learned the hard way that if you don't spell out just what it is you are interested in, and yes, sometimes what you are NOT interested in, you will often get swamped with inquiries from people you would have no desire to meet. And I had to laugh when I saw OhioCouple's reference to repeated statements about "NO SINGLE MALES".

Yeah, every other line with that is silly (not that we've seen that very often), but unfortunately there are a lot of boneheaded single males out there who just do not understand simple, declarative English statements like "no single males", unless they see it at least three or four times, and sometimes not even then.

Bottom line, it's better to have too much information than not enough....

Bear

[JustAskJulie]

My thing on ad length is

- Give enough info so that we can see if we are a match. Tell me your interests (both in and out of the lifestyle), tell me how long you've been swinging, describe yourselves (looks and personality).

- Don't give me your life story

- Do leave something to talk about later. Give me something to start a conversation with you on. If you've told me everything about you already then what is left for me to ask? Nothing.



One thing that really annoys me is people who respond to ads and don't say anything about themselves in their response, they tell you to go read their ad. You responded to me, so the least you could do is give me reason to want to go read your ad/ profile.