Potential Playmates wanting to meet in person too soon

[Natasha75]

We recently added a profile/ad on a site to meet other couples. We are "virgins" in this lifestyle and haven't acted on anything yet. By some chance last night we started IM a couple. In all respects they seemed like a perfect match, i.e. taking it slow, getting to know one another, etc. Shortly into the conversation they start saying we should meet up. No point in waiting, it's just about sex anyways, etc. I displayed a little hesitation because I had only started talking with them and the woman went off! She started saying I shouldn't be on that type of site, in this lifestyle if I didn't intend on moving forward. Shortly after their tone changed again and needless to say we're not interested in moving forward with these people and now we're concerned about talking with anyone. Would going to a swing club be better with less pressure?

[naughty A]

I don't think it makes YOU flaky, them maybe.

I do think that you are going to run into rude people where ever you go, chat room or club. but - just forget them and move on.

I love the OFF Premise club scene myself - and it does give you the opportunity to meet both parties in person and see if you hit it off.

even after all the years that I have been in the lifestyle if someone said to me "No point in waiting, it's just about sex anyways, etc." I'd have to say I'd find that a turn off.

Good luck Natasha.

Naughty A.

[EternallySingle]

You are not flaky at all. There is no reason why you should meet with anyone for sex right away UNLESS you want to. If it helps, think of swinging as going on a double date with your spouse, but you want to meet other people. In that situation, you would not want to meet right away unless all four people got along, and you would not want to have sex unless all four people felt the same way. Take it as fast or slow as you want. Its your life and in the end, you have to live with the choices you make, not anyone else.

[OhioCouple]

I agree you are not flakey at all. Perhaps because we are still relatively new swingers, there is no way in the world I would have further contact with someone that seemed to pressure us.

Swinging isn't like you are trading recepies or something, it is an intimate act and not one to be taken lightly. Personally I would view someone who tried to coerce us into something we were not ready for, no matter how attractive that they may have seemed to us, as bed post knotchers and most definitely not someone that we are interested in meeting with.

Lori

[Roxysbayou]

I agree with everyone one else, it's them with the problem not you. Lesson learned- take more time getting to know someone. Fortunately for you, you found out their true colors quickly. Stick to your ground and take your time. We also prefer Off Premise Clubs. We even try to meet couples from our internet site there if possible, or at least out for drinks or dinner.

[BradAndJanet]

We get that kind of pressure all the time from people who respond to our ad. We don't really worry about it, and we won't change our minds about the deliberate way we want to do this. We have heard from enough experienced people here and read enough horror stories to know that it's the right way for us.

Some people have been rude (just yesterday, in fact!), but that just confirms that we've made the right decision. People who find the need to insult others are not the kind of people we would want to play with anyway.

-B

[Bubblicious]

Natasha,
Your comfort zone is very important on the whole (swing) subject. Take your time to find those that match your's! When you do it works well Clubs are cool as we've been doing a smorgasboard approach. We've found each one so far has warm, open, real people of all levels and experience. Larger clubs you blend, smaller a more personnal. We've had no issues of preasure @ any.
US Both.

[Star Dragon]

Moving forward with these persons probably would not be in your best intrest.

If they said right from the start that they were just looking for easy, quick encounters (with an emphisas on sex and not socializing) maybe you would have declined sooner.

Being upfront with what someone is looking for and respecting others limits/comfort level is the most important thing

[Brit_Pair]

First off, you're not flakey. Sex and pressure do not mix - unless it's underwater sex, and you're both/all down at ten metres!

Secondly - and this is something I've said here before - trust your own instincts. If something feels wrong for you, then it is wrong. Listen to that inner voice, and you increase your chances of having a pleasurable time many fold.

[ciscosv]

I totally disagree with everyone here! You ARE flakey if you have a dandruff problem. Head and Shouldes will take care of the flakiness.

We enjoy the off premise club scene as well. This is a no pressure atmosphere in our "limited" experience. Plus you dont have to hook up with anyone. You can meet like minded, fun, interesting couples. Then go home and have awesome sex if you make it that far.

Don't give up on the ad thing either. There may be a couple new or seasoned out there in your same shoes that are looking to meet you both.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by ciscosv
I totally disagree with everyone here! You ARE flakey if you have a dandruff problem. Head and Shouldes will take care of the flakiness.

Sometimes you just crack me up!

A tad off topic...(well way off topic), what is up with your avatar Ciscosv? It is pencil thin now. Is that on purpose?

Lori

[ciscosv]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Sometimes you just crack me up!

A tad off topic...(well way off topic), what is up with your avatar Ciscosv? It is pencil thin now. Is that on purpose?

Lori

It actually disappeared on us when the message board's format was changed. Before it was wide and abnormal. Swingersboard just made the original fit automatically. I had to downsize the .jpg so it would take. It is actually supposed to look long and thin.

(Get those dirty thoughts out of your heads!)

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by ciscosv
(Get those dirty thoughts out of your heads!)

Thanks for clearing that up for me. LMAO! Rest assured that the abnormalities have been cleared up...long and pencil thin is exactly how your avatar appears now. Dirty thoughts Ciscosv...on a swingers website?.... naw, sexy thoughts maybe....dirty, never! ROFLMAO!

Lori

[Michcouple]

We have had the same problem as well. I chalk it up to what I call "fantasy players". Their are many people who love the idea of swinging but are afraid to mention to their parnter, or their parnter is not interested. Therefore, they live their fantasy via a computer screen. Some will take it the next level and make plans for a meeting. Of course, they never show up and you never hear from them again. We've even had a situation where only the male showed up for a dinner meeting, "because" his wife got sick. So if they seemed like flakes...then I bet they really are.

[Dani&Drew]

We're looking for a group of friends with whom we can play or not, as we all feel. I know I'd rather keep it slow at first. When we did this before, we had a great group who'd all meet for barbecues or kids' gatherings and the like. If someone stayed later, then great That's what I think we'd be happiest with, and I'd get pretty ticked off at someone trying to push it faster.