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  1. #1
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    Question How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    I was wondering how you tell a couple that your not interested. I feel that it is very childish not to respond to an email. However I am not sure how to tell couples in a nice way that we are not interested in them without hurting someones feelings. Any advice? Thanks in advance

    The Mrs.

  2. #2
    ♥♥♥ Lovin' This! ♥♥♥ 2inSanDiego4u's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple?

    We just posted this in another thread - here's how we respond:

    Thank you for contacting us! We feel it is best to be honest in this lifestyle, and we just do not feel the spark we are looking for. We wish you the best in you search!

    Take care, xxxxx & xxxxx (signature and names optional)

    Just say no, nicely and politely. That is all that is necessary.

    If they can't handle some rejection then this lifestyle is not for them.
    "Doggie Style is Mandatory." -- from a Swing Lifestyle profile we came across!

  3. #3
    Luv seeing friends quiver two42lovers's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple?

    "Thank you for the nice email. We don't feel it is a match, but we do wish you the best sexy adventures! OXOXOX"
    Tell the people you love how you feel, and do what your heart tells you.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple?

    Oh thank you both those are both awesome way to respond thank you!

  5. #5
    I'll think about it LikeMinds321's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple?

    You might find some interesting reading on this topic in the Archive forum under Saying No Gracefully.

    LM

  6. #6
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    "thank you but we are not interested." I know it seems blunt but it's short and simple and leaves no room for question.

    I've gone back and forth over the whole to reply or not to reply. If there has been ANY back and forth we reply. If it's simply them contacting us whether or not their is a reply is based largely on what their contact was (if it's obvious they didn't read our profile then I see no point in paying them more respect than they gave me).

  7. #7
    ♥♥♥ Lovin' This! ♥♥♥ 2inSanDiego4u's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    I've gone back and forth over the whole to reply or not to reply. If there has been ANY back and forth we reply. If it's simply them contacting us whether or not their is a reply is based largely on what their contact was (if it's obvious they didn't read our profile then I see no point in paying them more respect than they gave me).
    We always reply back to couples, but not single guys. The profile clearly says we will find them if we're interested.
    "Doggie Style is Mandatory." -- from a Swing Lifestyle profile we came across!

  8. #8
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    Quote Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u View Post
    We always reply back to couples, but not single guys. The profile clearly says we will find them if we're interested.
    Ditto that.... and....
    Our profile clearly states that if you contact us you should include a picture (or two) that shows BOTH of you (either in your profile or attached to the contact). So if that requirement is not met, or if they are writing wanting only g/g while the boys sit and watch (which we also state we aren't looking for) then I believe our answer has already been given (had they bothered to read).

  9. #9
    Together we are one jdavisauto's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    We feel that honesty is always the best we just response back as. "Thank you for your e-mail and interest, but unfortunately at this time we must decline your offer".

    Stop laughing or I WILL put my clothes back on.

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict twoforone100's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    We don't feel the magic, good luck in your search.

  11. #11
    Julie's Helper SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    If it had not happened so many times, I would not be wondering. Why do people say, "Right now I don't think we are compatible." What, exactly, is this supposed to mean? Does it mean we should wait a week and ask again about our compatibility? Does it mean that as soon as they straighten themselves, they will invite use to meet them? Or are they waiting for some kind of unspecified adjustment on our part?

    ~Michael, who is beginning to feel a little confused and insecure.
    "I'll be mellow when I'm dead" ~Wierd Al Yankovic

  12. #12
    Way too opinionated The Fuse's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    If it had not happened so many times,
    What do you mean by "it"?

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    Why do people say, "Right now I don't think we are compatible." What, exactly, is this supposed to mean?
    It means they are not interested, or not interested enough to put you above their other priorities. They are trying to be polite. Personally, I think this kind of reply is more courteous than none at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    Does it mean we should wait a week and ask again about our compatibility?
    No, it means they are brushing you off as politely as they know how.

    Only once have we had a couple reply "not interested" and then contact us again later. We think they forgot they had turned us down previously. Or, they had evolved in what they are looking for. Either way, it is best to let it be their idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    Does it mean that as soon as they straighten themselves, they will invite use to meet them? Or are they waiting for some kind of unspecified adjustment on our part?

    ~Michael, who is beginning to feel a little confused and insecure.
    It is best in my opinion not to ask another couple why they are not interested. Chances are the answer will not make you happy. It will either be something you can't change, or something you could change but don't want to, or it could be something random. Maybe they don't like brunettes. Maybe you smoke and they don't like that (I don't know if you smoke; I'm just making that up). Maybe they just plain don't find you attractive. Or, it could have nothing to do with you. We've had couples with compatible-looking profiles basically ignore us online, and then we see them at a M&G and they are interested because they are ready at that time, but weren't ready when we wrote them.

    Pretty much I have learned to just shrug when someone isn't interested. Sometimes it is a real bummer, especially when you like them a lot and are attracted to them. But in the end it has to be okay. Look for others who do like you.
    Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict NotSorry's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    Why do people say, "Right now I don't think we are compatible."
    To me, that answer means that they are not ruling you out completely but they will be the ones to make contact again if they change their minds. I can see how people might use it as a softer way to say no thanks but I wouldn't say something like that unless I really thought I might want to contact the couple again in the future. That way the couple wouldn't be scratching their heads saying, "isn't this the couple that rejected us few months ago?"

  14. #14
    Mod Squad Member good times's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    If it had not happened so many times, I would not be wondering. Why do people say, "Right now I don't think we are compatible." What, exactly, is this supposed to mean?
    I can give you examples. We have given this response several times to people who are "soft swap for now", or people who are newbies and have the "no kissing" rule. We figure that if they become full swap, or realize the no kissing rule serves no purpose and just gets in the way of fun, we then may be compatible.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  15. #15
    Julie's Helper SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell a couple you're not interested?

    Quote Originally Posted by good times View Post
    I can give you examples. We have given this response several times to people who are "soft swap for now", or people who are newbies and have the "no kissing" rule. We figure that if they become full swap, or realize the no kissing rule serves no purpose and just gets in the way of fun, we then may be compatible.
    See, you understand my question. I am wondering about this business of pinning their decision to a particular point in time, right now. I interpret what I read in a literal sense, although if somebody responded "go stick you head in a bucket of shaving cream" I would probably not follow the advice literally.

    These exact words have been used so often, I went searching around S L S to see if it was a "canned" response. Could not find any canned responses.
    "I'll be mellow when I'm dead" ~Wierd Al Yankovic

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