They rejected us after reading our profile...

[funfrkycpl]

We were at a party recently and met a couple that we really got a long with. We didn't play with them that night but we did exchange Swappernet screen names and said we would keep in touch. A few days later we received a message from them saying that after reading our profile and seeing that we played with single men they didn't think that we would be compatible.

We have been in the lifestyle for about five years and have never heard that reason for not being compatible. We respect the fact that everyone has their rules and guidelines for who they play with and it didn't really bother us that they told us that. We don't really need help with the situation, but since we have never heard that reason given before we were just curious if other couples that play with single men have experienced this or if there are other couples that won't play with couples because they play with single men?

C & G

[funcpl4life]

All we can really do is speculate as to their motives, but like guessing college bowl games in November, speculating wildly can be fun.

My first thought is disease. That single men must somehow be more likely to carry the common cold or something.

My second thought is that by playing with single men that somehow makes you bi and that somehow makes the guy of the couple attractive to you.

Again all we can do is gaze into our collective crystal balls and look for answers in the mist.....

Mr. FC4L

[personal416]

There is another consideration as well.

It may not have been the "single men" per se, but that you openly advertise "interracial" singles only. Seeing that, they may have had emotions of prejudice, inadequacy, unfounded fears that certain groups are a greater risk than others.... or any other number of close-minded or uneducated reasons.

Hopefully, this wasn't the case.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by funfrkycpl

We don't really need help with the situation, but since we have never heard that reason given before we were just curious if other couples that play with single men have experienced this

Yep, we have. We've also been told we weren't compatible because we had tattoos and because race wasn't an issue for us.

Like you, it has never bothered us. We've always just shrugged our shoulders and moved on.



Teresa

[jnbsmokin]

I can understand both sides of the coin on this, and really, the only thing that really works for me, is to remind myself of one phrase:

If you can't pick and choose who you share your body with, then what can you be picky about???
There was a guy that wouldn't play unless he was the bull, once seeing he was actually smaller.... well, it was a no. lol

funcple4life has a good point with the "guy might be bi" fear. A lot of people are very homophobic. I'm not, I'm "baby's momma" to a few gay men. But if you mention or have ever written anything about prostate stimulation or hinted about it, they assume the guy wants more.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by personal416

There is another consideration as well.

It may not have been the "single men" per se, but that you openly advertise "interracial" singles only. Seeing that, they may have had emotions of prejudice, inadequacy, unfounded fears that certain groups are a greater risk than others.... or any other number of close-minded or uneducated reasons.

It wouldn't surprise me in the least if this was the real reason and they just used "single guys" rather than admit they were prejudiced.

We had a similar situation a few months ago only in reverse. We met them and played at a club then we looked at their profile and saw that they were same race only (and expected their playmates to be), so when they contacted us we replied back that after reading their profile we did not feel we were compatible. We never really stated why, but would have if pushed. I think this is a good example of sometimes it's better not to know.

Whatever their true motives, all you can do is look at it as "their loss" and move on.

[2BeDeviled]

In our case, there is certainly no racial prejudice involved. The members (83 couples) are just more comfortable since single males are far more likely to pass arounds STDs and a significant number of the ones we've encountered in our "travels" are just rude enough to make many of them (if the shoe doesn't fit, please don't try to put it on) just not worth the trouble. Whatever floats your boat works for me, but we find that enjoying the company of other long term couples who are reliably "clean" as well as on the same "long-term partner" wavelength works very well for us.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by funfrkycpl

We were at a party recently and met a couple that we really got a long with. We didn't play with them that night but we did exchange Swappernet screen names and said we would keep in touch. A few days later we received a message from them saying that after reading our profile and seeing that we played with single men they didn't think that we would be compatible.

We have been in the lifestyle for about five years and have never heard that reason for not being compatible. We respect the fact that everyone has their rules and guidelines for who they play with and it didn't really bother us that they told us that. We don't really need help with the situation, but since we have never heard that reason given before we were just curious if other couples that play with single men have experienced this or if there are other couples that won't play with couples because they play with single men?

C & G

We haven't played with any single men thus far, but we wouldn't eliminate a couple just because they do. I could say that it seems an odd reason for eliminating an otherwise great couple, BUT everyone is entitled to their preferences. Some people don't like blondes, some don't like tattoos, etc.

Glad to hear it doesn't really bother ya'll . . .NEXT!

=)

[NumbskullsX2]

I read your profile, and to be honest, some of your "interests" would put you on our "thanks, but no thanks" list as well.

I want to anser your question, but I want to do it in a way that this thread doesn't degenerate into the whole "black vs. white" thing that it often does. What I am going to say has nothing to do with the color of your playmates, only your insistence that they all be of one color. To me, that is a form of racism, and I know from our own personal experiences in life that neither of us does well around racists. Eventually, any "relationship" we have with them will come to words, and the words to drama. In some cases, drama comes to blows. Better just to leave them alone to do their thing, and we'll do ours.

I am not "worried about my inadequacy" as a white male in any way, or that some black guy will somehow "steal my woman" We feel that friends come in all colors, and that it's about the people, not the color of their skin.

I do have some concerns about disease, but that has more to do with the type of people they may be associating with than the fact that they're black.

So why do we usually (but not always) avoid couples who play with single men, or who only play with black men? I think it's a "tribal thing" We prefer to be with people like us, and we don't share our bodies or our time with "just anybody" When we see a couple who are into gang bangs, or P&J parties, or mostly single guys, I can't help but think, "Gee, is there anybody in this room or in the whole world that woman wouldn't fuck?" (which is maybe the whole point of that particular activity)

Now that we've stated that we like to be with people like us, and that there are people out there that neither of us would fuck, doesn't it make sense that if "somebody" will fuck "anybody", then "we" probably don't want to fuck THEM?

It does to me.

Another thing...and I know that what I'm aboout to say is kind of "out there" ...but it has to do with basic, animal behavior. Lions and tigers and cave-man stuff. Basically, it comes down to this...

Before we include anybody into our "tribe," I have to be very comfortable with the male half of that couple. (I'm far more picky than she is) I have to feel like the guy she's going to be with is an asset to our group, and that he would be a neat guy to "hang" with, even if we weren't in the lifestyle. He has to be, in cave-man-speak, a "meat-eater" Meat-eaters generally don't share their females, except to strengthen bloodlines or to avoid conflict within the tribe.

If a guy doesn't have a female, he isn't a meat-eater. If he can't satisfy his female, or he willingly sends her into other tribes to breed, he's not a meat-eater. Meat-eaters (both male and female) will perceive him to be weak, and believe that allowing him to hang around or breed within our tribe ultimately weakens our tribe. The solution, if this were 100,000 years ago and we were all still living in caves, would be to kill and eat him. But nowdays, in swing clubs and on Swing Lifestyle, we just say,

"Thanks, but I do not think that we would be compatible"

[Additude]

Sounds like their responce was lacking reason. Maybe for a reason.

They didn't want to tell you their real reason for not wanting to meet.

It was probably a combination of things in your profile that brought them to that conclusion.

To answer your question however, no we have not had that responce to our profile accepting singles.

[Bama0468]

Please note this is my PERCEPTION, and n ot meant to offend

So much I could quote ... the tribal thing... well lets say IMHO it sounds more like someone may be no so comfortable in their own skin, I allow my wife to play (with permission, and we are by no means into dom/sub stuff) but I being who I am have to meet and get to know the guy first, I want to look into his eyes and know who he is before she goes off with him alone. Does that mean I can not satisfy? Hell no, do I have a issue race, hell no, after all isn't the lifestyle about variety?

Now I too read the Profile in Question, I would have been taken aback a bit by it however, Had I met you or if I ever do, it is what I see in you in person that would dictate our actions, the feelings or vibe if you will I get from you that I would go by, but the profile makes it sound more like you after couple simply for the by femaleand I may feel I might be to pale for you.
I myself keep a sparse profile, leave a lil something to talk about in IM or In Person so i can get to know you in real time or real life BEFORE we hop in the sack. I know some folks don't like it and on occasion I will have my wife go "Play" with it to make it more "full". I do find though that as it stands I get responses from folks that are more open minded and less....how should we say....Hard body wanting Hard body, nothing wrong with folks that want that, after all we go after what we are attracted to for recreation, My turn on happens to be personality, you may write a good profile, but in chat or conversation be a drain.

I personaly think ( gazing into my own crystal ball :P ) that the turn down was a couple things and single guys being only a SMALL part of it.

[Pepper & Drew]

Dollars to doughnuts, it's because you mentioned no less than 4 times in your profile about your preference for black men. Now, I'm going to assume that Mr. Playmate is not a member of the previously mentioned color, it probably made them think they weren't going to be your cup of tea. He may feel that you wouldn't be attracted to him because he's not the right hue. Or, it may be a little less politically correct--they don't want to be with folks that "do" black people.

Your profile is a bit heavy handed with the black dude angle, so I think that those who don't meet those requirements even though you specify that it's your preference for single men, that you may weed out those who don't fit that profile. If I read a profile that frequently mentioned long-legged blondes, or pale red-heads, or small Asian girls as a preference, I'm going to assume that we're not going to be compatible...seeing as how I'm a short, medium-toned black chick.

You'll never REALLY know the reason why they're no longer interested. Move along. There's more where that came from.

Pepper

[Chicup]

funfrkycpl your profile is a turn off to us and its not so much a racial nature but we would feel you were looking for something different in swinging than we were.

We are also interested in meeting and becoming friends with other white couples where the wife is bi and loves being with black men.

This would also be pretty limiting.

The feeling I get from your profile is SHE WANTS BLACK MEN, oh and a white couple can come too, IF SHE LIKES BLACK MEN BABY!