problems meeting up with people?

[raylynne]

Hi, out there! We are a couple who has been in the lifestyle for about a year now, have some experience, though not a lot. We aren't the types to have one-nighters just to carve notches in our bedposts. We much prefer meeting with couples for drinks to get to know everyone, then if it feels right, go for it, usually after a meeting or two. Problem is, we write to couples we think we might enjoy meeting, and lots of times never hear back, or we write a few times, then we never hear from them again, or sometimes even plan on meeting, and it falls through for some reason or another.

Is something wrong with our profile? Does anyone else out there have this problem? We consider ourselves to be fit and clean, good conversationalists, professionals, normal people. Any suggestions?

[Tybee Swing]

Hi raylynne,

It seems to happen this way for many people who use the personal ads. Some sites are better than others. I think it also helps if you're paying members, rather than free members. Paying members are taken more seriously. It seems like the ratio of "flakes" are higher among the free members.

What site is your profile on? Do you have good pictures on your profile? Do you have enough written in the essay content, so they get an idea of what you're like and what you're looking for? Is your profile friendly?

People seem to have more success meeting people in the clubs, rather than online. However, in some places, there just aren't clubs within any reasonable distance. (That's our problem.)

You sound like a great couple.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by raylynne

Hi, out there! We are a couple who has been in the lifestyle for about a year now, have some experience, though not a lot. We aren't the types to have one-nighters just to carve notches in our bedposts. We much prefer meeting with couples for drinks to get to know everyone, then if it feels right, go for it, usually after a meeting or two. Problem is, we write to couples we think we might enjoy meeting, and lots of times never hear back, or we write a few times, then we never hear from them again, or sometimes even plan on meeting, and it falls through for some reason or another.

Is something wrong with our profile? Does anyone else out there have this problem? We consider ourselves to be fit and clean, good conversationalists, professionals, normal people. Any suggestions?

We are having very similar issues. As far as I go, I am beginning to think I'm too picky lol. We need to click with a couple, and so this becomes a problem...or I am attracted and he isn't, or vice versa. This is a lot of work!

[raylynne]

Thanks for your posts so far. We feel like we have a fairly good profile. We have layed out what we want and expect. We are lifetime members, we have pics on our profile, maybe not enough pics? And, yes, it's very time consuming. We've been thinking about having a meet and greet I've been reading about on the forum. Ever been to one of those?

We would appreciate any suggestion for our profile to possibly get more attention.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by raylynne

We've been thinking about having a meet and greet I've been reading about on the forum. Ever been to one of those?

You're thinking of hosting the meet-and-greet, or attending one? Yes, I've been to quite a few and they're fun! Those are usually held in a regular club or a bar, and they're just casual and fun with lots of opportunity to chat with different couples. Exchange email addresses and stay in touch with people who seem interesting. It's a good way to make connections. People who will show up at an event are far more likely to be sincere and real about wanting to get together.

Originally Posted by raylynne

We would appreciate any suggestion for our profile to possibly get more attention.

Sure! Where can we find it?

[She_n_Jaybee]

Too many people on the personal ad sites are really only interested in online things. They want to chat, and cam and trade e-mails, but when it comes down to actually meeting, . We have met a few couples from our online ads, but we have had much more success at the swing clubs. Then again, we sometimes have trouble finding the time to meet with people. Too many people will see you're online at 8pm Saturday and send a message wanting to meet in 45 minutes. Give us some notice and we'll try to make some plans, but don't drop a bomb on us at the last minute and then get offended if we can't drop everything and come running.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by raylynne

Hi, out there! We are a couple who has been in the lifestyle for about a year now, have some experience, though not a lot. We aren't the types to have one-nighters just to carve notches in our bedposts. We much prefer meeting with couples for drinks to get to know everyone, then if it feels right, go for it, usually after a meeting or two. Problem is, we write to couples we think we might enjoy meeting, and lots of times never hear back, or we write a few times, then we never hear from them again, or sometimes even plan on meeting, and it falls through for some reason or another.

Is something wrong with our profile? Does anyone else out there have this problem? We consider ourselves to be fit and clean, good conversationalists, professionals, normal people. Any suggestions?

Welcome to the lifestyle.

It annoying and odd, but this happens to us all the time as well. I can handle the not writing back, thats pretty normal, but the people who you talk to and then just stop communicating for no good reason is an odd level of rudeness.

As a couple we sound a lot like you, and we have met only a handful of 'normal' couples over the net in the last six years.

Our last one was a couple who mailed us first, friends of ours met them, Mrs. Chicup met the Mrs. of the couple, all seemed good and then they just stopped responding. We found out they were still replying to emails just ignoring ours and our friends. Now no one played, and obviously they had some issue, but a simple lie could have covered for them if they were afraid of being insulting. Instead we get nothing from them.

[FunCalifCple]

Fun times in europe are so much more fun. In America it's basically K-mart merchandice at Northstrom prices, American women place the value of sex/dating as the finale... no wonder most of them spend lifeless days and nights waiting for the Hollywood dream to come true...while sucking on pizza and hamburgers...........

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by FunCalifCple

Fun times in europe are so much more fun. In America it's basically K-mart merchandice at Northstrom prices, American women place the value of sex/dating as the finale... no wonder most of them spend lifeless days and nights waiting for the Hollywood dream to come true...while sucking on pizza and hamburgers...........

Is it me or is this a left field post?

[Jester]

I highly doubt it's you since it seems these are common complaints and everyone here could probably regal you with tales of experiencing the same things.

As for suggestions, wow there are no easy answers. I guess we all just have to learn to live with the fact that people like this exist and just not let it get to us. Although it certainly has caused us to be less active in the on-line world. We still maintain the profiles and occasionally send out emails with no expectations, what happens...happens. If we hear back from them great, if we don't their loss. So we tend to use the on-line world more as a means to stay in touch with the community, find out where the M&G's are, find new clubs and read the reviews, see when groups might be going to resorts and so on. That kind of stuff. We still do respond to all emails still since we believe in common courtesy.

[raylynne]

Hey, Sweet Candy? I have no idea what your post of this being a "left had post" means. Please explain.

To everyone else that responded, I'm glad to know that obviously we're not the only ones out there who have this problem. We wrote back and forth with one couple for a couple of months, I thought with the intention that we would meet, they always had this problem or that, and then, poof, they were gone. No response to our emails, no nothing. I guess they died.

We really don't like clubs, but maybe we should try one of them again. What we don't like about them is the themes and having to "dress up". We would much prefer to go dressed as ourselves and just meet people and forget all the craziness. That's just not us.

Lynne

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by raylynne

Hey, Sweet Candy? I have no idea what your post of this being a "left had post" means. Please explain. Lynne

Lynne, Sweet Candy was referring to the person that posted in your thread about American women "spending lifeless days and nights waiting for the Hollywood dream, sucking on pizza and hamburgers", KMart merchandise at Nordstrom prices, etc.

[raylynne]

Ahhhhhh Now I get it! Hey, I'm a blonde. . . . .

[Amanda69]

The problem for me would be you are relying on a method where you cannot tell really, until you meet them, who it is you are communicating with. We much prefer the in person method. The couples we hook up with we meet at parties, dances and conventions. Yes we still take our time and no, we are not bed notchers. We just prefer the in person approach, cuts the bull real quick, up close, personal and hopefully honest.

[raylynne]

It seems from the good response so far that a lot of you meet people at clubs. We are from SW IA and the clubs are at least 150 - 200 miles away from us, not very convenient. And, the one the closest to us that some friends went to said it wasn't worth going to, at least for us. Mostly people above 65 or so, they are in their early 50's and said they were definitely the youngest couple there. KC has a few that we have read about, but KC is a good 2 1/2 hours from us. I have asked for info about a meet and greet and how to get one put together. That sounds like great fun to us, and a way to meet some of the people we have written to, if we can get them to show up.