Swing Lifestyle Certification - Etiquette Question

[2jersey]

We are fairly new on Swing Lifestyle, but we have recently/already hooked up with a couple on the site - and we now have a certification to show for it. We like the certification, because it seems to give us some credibility among more experienced couples - but the side effects of being certified are becoming more and more apparent.

Yesterday, we got a message from a nice attractive couple who had viewed our profile, and we proceeded to chat with them online. In the middle of the chat, they asked us point blank "so, you know 'John and Jane'?" (these being the names of the couple who had certified us). We tried to avoid the question, but they persisted by pointing to our certification - and they proceeded to explain that they have been in online discussions with 'John and Jane' and were expecting to setup a meeting with them.

So, our questions are: Is there a proper etiquette associated with Swing Lifestyle certifications? We realized, of course, that people could follow the link in our certification and see who we had been with - but we never expected to be confronted with this information by another couple. Was the couple which confronted us regarding our certification justified in doing so? Or were they behaving rudely and demonstrating a lack of discretion?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

So, our questions are: Is there a proper etiquette associated with Swing Lifestyle certifications? We realized, of course, that people could follow the link in our certification and see who we had been with - but we never expected to be confronted with this information by another couple. Was the couple which confronted us regarding our certification justified in doing so? Or were they behaving rudely and demonstrating a lack of discretion?

The situation you are dealing with is precisely why we do not accept nor give certifications to other members.

Once someone has certified you (or you them) it is presumed you have played, and chances are that you have. This information is made known to everyone on Swing Lifestyle.

When so many swingers talk of the importance of discretion, this policy of being certified by other members has always seemed contrary to a policy of etiquette and discretion in the lifestyle that we value.

If the time comes when meeting swingers that you discover you've both met the same people, you can tactfully acknowledge this, you can share what you feel comfortable sharing with only them, not the entire ad site. Simply saying, we did meet, or we had fun at the club, is all that you may feel comfortable revealing. Or you may even say, we prefer not to discuss who we meet. The courtesy of discretion is still in place. At these meetings you'll learn how much others like to share about their play partners. Do they talk too much? This could be a red flag. If you swing with them you may be the next topic of their next meet up with swingers.

We put no value in certifications, other than the one Swing Lifestyle Admin will provide its members. Check that option out.

As far as the couple who asked about 'John and Jane' during your chat, I think it was improper and tasteless of them. I also think they're fishing for information that is none of their business. But then, some people are that casual. It may be perfectly natural for them. You have to decide if you're comfortable with it. And from what you wrote, I don't think you are.

LM

[djjwp]

Agghhhh our pet peeve!

We ask NOT to be certified. We see who the bed jumpers are and enjoy the fact we can avoid them. It also keeps us from getting labeled as bed jumpers or having to answer what someone else is like, we feel if you want to know them, contact them. We also value discretion VERY much. Not being certified grants you plausible deniability if someone you know puts things together and finds you. It also frees you up to contact those who trip your trigger w/o getting bothered by others seeking you who you do not want to hook up with.

When we have certified someone, it’s because they did not mind and we have asked if they want it. We certify they are “contactable” not that we have been bed buddies.

The down side is we have been on Swing Lifestyle for sometime without certification and many now consider us to be just out looking at pictures so there is a downside as well. Oh well, their issue, not ours.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by djjwp

The down side is we have been on Swing Lifestyle for sometime without certification and many now consider us to be just out looking at pictures so there is a downside as well. Oh well, their issue, not ours.

I'm curious. How have people accused you of "just out looking at pictures?"

If they honestly thought that, because you didn't have a certification from a member, why would they even contact you if they truly felt this way?

Their assumption seems lame. Can you explain how and at what point they express this to you?

LM

[djjwp]

Had a couple call us picture collectors after we tryed contacting them. They said we should have been certified by that point. We looked at each other and went "next".

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by djjwp

Had a couple call us picture collectors after we tryed contacting them. They said we should have been certified by that point. We looked at each other and went "next".

If this has only happened once, I'd not be concerned. Sometimes people find the cleverest ways of letting us know we were fortunate to have never met them.

LM

[WesternSwing]

If asked we just say "yeah, we know them" and leave it at that. If they persist on grilling us for information we just tell them that we don't talk about others just like we wouldn't about them.

Mr. WS

[meandher2go]

we were contacted once on Swing Lifestyle by a couple who mentioned that we have a few similiar certs on the site and maybe we might click with them too. I will admit, they are probably right in thinking that and we WILL meet them based on that and the fact we find them attractive.

but it is wierd i guess.

we use certs for making a little more sure the other couple is real and if you look into those certs, we feel we MIGHT be able to tell a little more about the couple we might want to meet. its NOT a science, but it has worked real well for us so far.

like WesternSwing said, we'd only admit to knowing a particular couple, we'd NEVER give any details,dates,times etc....

[Jester]

Got to agree with Westernswing here a basic yea we know them should suffice and then move on in the chat. If they don't move on that would be a red flag for us and we would question the reason for the contact, was it to get to know us or check the references of the other couple? A question we would probably point blank ask if they persisted on pursuing it.

The certs can be helpful as pointed out by meandher2go, but they are not a topic of discussion with other couples, at least for us.

We would lean towards the lack of discretion on their part as they told you they looking to meet with X & Y and then a little rudeness mixed in when they didn't let you move off the topic.

[LikeMinds321]

Here's an interesting thread I located that you might enjoy reading. It has a variety of views to consider:

Certifications on Online Ads

The thread is located in the Swingers Top 100 Threads forum.

LM

[reed&diana]

We like the certs. By checking out the people who have given them certs, it can give us an idea of if we will fit in. I mean if their profile says to age 50 and all their certs are from couples under 25, it can make you wonder. If we find a cert from someone we know that tells us something.

But they should be gerneral, "we spend some time with them and we enjoyed them". No one, in a cert, email, or whatever should get into how another person is in bed.

Reed

[Sweet_Candy]

This is from our profile on CT.

"Our thoughts on validations - we don't expect them. If you know us, you know they are not necessary."

Certifications/validations are nothing more in our area but a who's who and the clichés you hang with. Oh and some of our worst dates have been with couples who are certified.

[havefuninsun]

We don't like them; we've asked others not to add them, we have no intention of leaving them for others. Discretion, discretion, discretion. Even in the 'vanilla' world I was never into kissing and telling. However, I can see how others may have had bad experiences with those pretending to be someone they're not.

If we're asked about past experiences, we're happy to share -- but don't feel like we have to give great details. Like, "have you guys ever been with another couple?" "as a matter of fact, we have. We had a lot of fun." No names, etc. But it's enough information for the couple we're talking to to guage if they want to keep chatting and meet.

I can see both sides of the coin, but the discretion thing is very important to us.

[honeybee77]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

If this has only happened once, I'd not be concerned. Sometimes people find the cleverest ways of letting us know we were fortunate to have never met them.

LM

ROFL

good one!

[honeybee77]

We have one certification on Swing Lifestyle. I thought it would be neat to "prove" we were real live people, someone had actually seen us in real life. I read someone can be certified by a phone conversation or webcam, as well ... I'm neutral about certifications; in some small way it might provide someone proof that a member is real ... there are so many fakes online, so much drama. We've evolved over time, hubby & I, our rules for playing include strict discretion. We have met a lot of people who want to know EVERYTHING about us, every detail. They want friends, long term relationships, who can get together, with their kids, pal around, and party/play on a regular basis. But we're still in the stage where we need childcare when we want to go out. Therefore, our playtime is irregular. WE are all right with that; and have kept in touch with many who understand. Also, we both are not interested in revealing all of our personal information up front, if at all... Some people love to exchange phone numbers and regular email addresses and names. We prefer chatting back and forth, webcamming ... or meeting up at an event, a restaraunt ... something like that. We've heard of so many online though that dont' like to chat, or one of them is just too busy for chatting online; so it doesnt happen. Personally, with homeschooling kids and hubby working, I have very little blocks of time I can have a steady phone conversation. Different people swing differently. I prefer to let someone know up front about our desire for being discreet. Some find that strange and back away, and some identify with that. It's neat to see the differences.