What's up with Swing Lifestyle!!??

[davidnjoy]

This is our rant. What's up with Swing Lifestyle? We are very frustrated!! This is our first swingers profile board that we have joined so have no comparisons. Here is our situation. We are finding that people are flakey. It does not seem to matter if we initiate contact with a couple or the couple initiates contact with us. We immediately share our private pictures. Then we establish back and forth communication, the other couple says they are interested in meeting, we say "when and where", and they never respond again. It seems that people are interested in acting like they want to meet but when we say let's make a time to actually meet they stop communicating Surrender !!! We are ready to chuck Swing Lifestyle and go back to looking for couples in the clubs and in day to day real life encounters. We are spending the winter in Montana and there are no clubs close to us so, hence, our trying to find like minded couples in our area through Swing Lifestyle. Have others had similiar problems with Swing Lifestyle? Are there other swinger profile forums that seem to have more solid and real swingers? Maybe this is just a phenomenon that is isolated to Swing Lifestyle members in NW Montana. Maybe our profile is somehow the culprit. Anyway just needed to rant a little. Feedback is welcome. Thanx all!!!

D

[bear_and_babe]

This is the main reason we decided to just stick to clubs. We found it was just too much work to weed out the lookie loo's and want to be swingers. For us, going to a club gives us a higher percentage of real swingers. There are always going to be people at clubs who don't swing, but that is a small percentage. We still have our profile on Swing Lifestyle, but we do not use it to make "first contact". We use it to keep in touch with people we have already met. Good luck in your search. I know it can be frustrating trying to find couples who are looking for the same thing you are.

Babe

[Jeok]

The same here in Florida, Davidnjoy. I have sent couples & singles photos, then never hear back. I thought it was just because I am a older, single male. I am seeking a Fem swinging partner-that is if we both hit it off together, first-and couples seeking a male for 3-some; & all I get is males sending me genital photos. None of the couples with whom I've corresponded have sent me photos, nor opened their private photos to me, as I do for them. Are they all just picture collectors? Well, I paid in advance, so I'm stuck with it, for now. But, Now, I'm also reluctant to join anyother site. Seems like it's just pay-for-play. That's my opinion. I am glad you brought this subject to light, Thank you. Happy Hunting & Exciting Encounters in the future. JeoK

[playmatesinpgh]

We have found that all the swinger sites are this way, lots of lookieloos and wannabees. It is just the nature of sites like this. But, having said that, Swing Lifestyle is the best site on the web as far as we are concerned. We have met, face to face, about 15 couples over the last three years from the Swing Lifestyle site. On the other two that we belonged to, AFF and SN, we only met one couple, total. We certainly agree that it takes alot of work to meet real people who are serious about the lifestyle while on the web, but guess what??? you get to do it while relaxing at home in your spare time. Free time, when we can actually go out and have fun, is spent doing just that, having fun... Anyway, that is our two cents on this subject. If you stick with it you will find a couple or two who are actually serious about meeting you.

[MarriedNY'ers69]

I haven't had that problem with all of the members on Swing Lifestyle just a small few. Some people want to meet use that don't have pics and they are really to egar. We have met a good amount of normal down to earth people on there. Not sure why you two aren't having the same luck. I have turned people down that I am not attracted to that are just looking to hook up. I will meet couples that we aren't attracted to as friends only. It's nice to have friends that are in the lifestyle even if you aren't going to hook up. But again I have never had a couple back out of meeting when we have said where and when. In fact we are going to a meet and greet in a week and already have a few couples that are going with us. That will be our first meet. Maybe you are talking to a bunch of newbies or fakes who knows!

[BradAndJanet]

davidnjoy, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, having heard many stories like yours, but also testimonials from people who have had great success meeting people through Swing Lifestyle.

Here's my theory: In areas where there is plenty of access to swing clubs there is a higher percentage of 'fakers' than in areas where ad sites are the only realistic alternative for swingers. I believe this is because, when clubs are available, most people would rather 'cut to the chase' and go there, but when clubs are not available...well, what else can you do but place an ad?

Make sense?

Now, let's try to prove or disprove this theory. Tell us your success with Swing Lifestyle and whether there are any swing clubs close by (ones that you can visit, have some fun and still make it home before the sun comes up.) From the responses so far in this thread, it would seem I'm wrong, but let's get more data.

We had no luck at all with Swing Lifestyle. In our area there are two clubs and several more within an hour's drive.

-B

[bear_and_babe]

BradandJanet- you might be onto something. Where we live, there are 4 swing clubs within 60 miles of us, then maybe another 4 or 5 within 150 miles.

We do get contacts on Swing Lifestyle, and if it is someone we would like to meet, we ask them to meet us at the club we attend. We find that if they are a real swinger couple, they will agree to meet there, if they are lookie loo's or wantabee's they don't show up. For us, that is a good screening tool. We just got tired of the no shows for one-on-one meetings.

[The Fuse]

Hi BradAndJanet, davidnjoy and all,

We are only a couple of months into our journey with swinging, but since our only experience has been with Swing Lifestyle so far, I'll take a crack at this subject.

We are "The_Fuse" (note the underscore) on Swing Lifestyle. We've been on since February 1st. Although we've looked at Swappernet, we haven't listed there.

Being new, of course we got lots of email at first. Some was from nice couples whom we met, and some was from people who obviously weren't serious. So far, at least 15 or 20 couples have written, and we've met three of them. Only one was a match, and that one not a slum dunk. We write back to everyone though, and decline the ones we aren't interested in. Or we ask for more information (like pictures of him, a big pet peeve of mine) and never hear back.

After the first few weeks, we started making some contacts ourselves. We're fairly discriminating in who we contact though; they have to sound real, look at least decent and we feel better if they're certified. Overall, we've probably met with close to a quarter of the couples we've emailed, which seems like a really good percentage. I attribute this to being selective and -- I believe this is important -- to our profile being fairly informative about who we are, what our attitude is, what we want and don't want, and what we look like (aside from no public face pictures). Mostly we've emailed people who seem to be at least something like ourselves, but we've taken a few chances too. One of them is turning out quite well .

So far, the percentage of people who actually reply with interest is somewhere just above half. However, we have gotten ZERO replies with a "no, thanks" -- people simply don't write back at all. This is rude, but we don't sweat it.

We got a few replies from people who said they were interested, and after opening our pictures we never heard from them again. We're not Shrek lookalikes either, so perhaps they were either just looking for pictures, or not serious after all, or they're "just not that into us". Some would open their pictures first, then say they wanted to meet after seeing ours, and then drop out when we suggested a time and date or asked them to do so.

We've done much better with the couples we decided to contact than the other way around. We are playing with one couple and have a date with a second. We think Swing Lifestyle is great. It does take work, but we're getting out of it at least what we're putting in.

About clubs: there are several clubs within reach here. We could go to an event almost any weekend we wanted to. We've only been to one private party. We had plans to go to swinger clubs twice and cancelled them because we had opportunities to meet with people we were already interested in. I'm sure going to a club would be fun, and we're eager to go, but we'd probably always chose being with just one couple over that because we enjoy making a relaxed connection. It does seem like the odds of getting some action would be better at a club though.

[Dave_kat]

I think the Fuse hit on something there. Certifications. Those give the hint that the couple is for real, and from there more likely not to be a couple who posted an ad because of a fantasy or whatever. It becomes an immediate weed-out.

We're listed on Swing Lifestyle, couple4play, swingers date club, a few others. Because of previous problems with Swing Lifestyle (long time ago, not going to rehash what happened there), we do not allow anyone to certify us on Swing Lifestyle. That account has the least amount of activity. Other places where we are certified, we get probably 1 new hit per week (this is the middle of the bible belt with nothing around at all, no clubs, nothing).

Even under Swing Lifestyle, before they stopped allowing X-rated pics, if you saw our private pictures, you'd see we were for real.

In this day and age, with Swinging becomming more popular among younger couples, (or so the thought of it), getting to the real couples who really do things other than talk about it is quite difficult. Who knows. Perhaps the solution is to find a couple you know on there, have them certify you, and see where that takes your inbox.

[AZ Dreaming]

Here in Arizona we have two clubs left. We have not been to them yet but have not heard good things about them. We went to CC a few times but it was forced out of business. I have always been a little jealous of all the fine people on this board who talk about the great clubs they have in their area!

As far as Swing Lifestyle goes, we have had a profile since Oct 05. We have had a tons of email and sent out a lot to people we were interesed in. I agree Fuse, it is rude to get no reply back. We have met four couples for drinks (had #5 but they canceled on us), of the four we played with one and have a play date in a couple of weeks with another. Of the other two couples, one we just did not "click" with and the other turned out to be flakes.

It does get old weeding out the people who are not serious. I keep thinking if only we had a great club here!! lol I am the one who looks at the profiles and emails couples. I just have more time then my hubby to do this. It takes time and I got really tired of chatting on Swing Lifestyle and yahoo. I have turned off my IM on Swing Lifestyle and hardly ever log on to yahoo. I have figured out that you just have to meet in person. Even if you chat you still don't really know what they are like. The couple that we liked the best from chatting is the same couple that we did not "click" with !

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by davidnjoy

Maybe our profile is somehow the culprit.

D

Have you tried asking for advice on the "Couples Profiles Reviews" thread?
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...rofile+reviews

I read your profile, and I don't think it does you justice from what I've read of you on this board. Here's my unasked-for advice, which is worth what you paid for it and meant in a friendly way...Maybe you could put something in there about the kind of people you enjoy being with, other than "couples we click with". You do have a lot in there about your interests, which helps, but maybe a few words that would flatter the right kind of reader would be enticing too. Think about what would make a couple stand out to you when writing.

Also, I think people appreciate seeing more pictures, and ones where you're making a special effort to be appealing. The one of you is fun, but I bet if you try you could do better. Something that always makes me look twice is a sincere smile, and a picture of the two of you embracing (G-rated is fine) definitely attracts couples who love each other. Like the one in your avatar. Good luck; sorry you've been frustrated.

This post should have gone on the other thread, but...well, I'm being lazy.

[good times]

Originally Posted by bear_and_babe

We do get contacts on Swing Lifestyle, and if it is someone we would like to meet, we ask them to meet us at the club we attend. We find that if they are a real swinger couple, they will agree to meet there, if they are lookie loo's or wantabee's they don't show up. For us, that is a good screening tool. We just got tired of the no shows for one-on-one meetings.

We do the same thing but I will have to admit that we have been disappointed in the ad sights ourselves. We have been on Swing Lifestyle for about 4 years now and have had limited success. In fact, it seems to us to almost be more work than it is worth as we correspond with a quite a few couples that do not seem to go anywhere. We have also tried about four other similar sights with even less success. From our experience the clubs have been much more successful, we have 3 clubs within 10 miles of our house but it doesn't seem to had the effect Brad was referring to as we seem to have about the same amount of encounters with flakes on Swing Lifestyle as everyone else seems to have. On the up side, we have met a few great couples that we initially had contact with through Swing Lifestyle but it did take a lot of time and effort.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by davidnjoy

Are there other swinger profile forums that seem to have more solid and real swingers? Maybe this is just a phenomenon that is isolated to Swing Lifestyle members in NW Montana. Maybe our profile is somehow the culprit...Feedback is welcome.

Some swinger websites seem to be more popular in certain areas of the country than others. For example, Swappernet is very popular in the midwest, but not as much in the South. swingers date club is popular in the Gulf Coast states, but almost unheard of in the North. There may be one website that people in the Pacific Northwest gravitate towards...it would certainly be worth checking out.

Your profile...at least as much as I could see of it...seems OK. I agree with Fuse...the quality of the pictures you post is a major factor in not only how many responses you get, but what kinds of opinions those people are forming of you even before you meet. When I did this as part of a couple, we went to the trouble of having professional pictures taken of us together. Not those cheesy "glamour shots" that make every woman look like a middle-aged Realtor, but some mildly revealing adult poses of you two together. (They needn't be nudes) Although we had ours done at a private studio, it wasn't terribly expensive...about the cost of a good dinner on the river. It probably helped that the photographer was a bit of a perv himself...

One thing I've noticed mostly from the vanilla sites is that sometimes, a person will post ancient, outdated pictures of themselves, in order to get more responses. Then, when a face-to-face meeting with them is proposed, they'll balk, fearful of revealing their true age, weight, etc. I don't know if there's any way around that, other than to stress in your profile that age and physical apppearance aren't the only criteria you use in choosing potential playmates. Of course, by doing so, you're setting yourself up for being contacted by morbidly obese and/or cadaverously old people who think those things won't matter at all to you.

Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP! In swinging, as in the vanilla world, the quality of the people you meet is directly related to the time and effort you put into meeting them.

[MarriedNY'ers69]

Oh and commenting on the lack of succusses being because there are alot of swinger clubs. That's not true in my case. I swear I am living in the swinger capital haha. We have meet and greets down the road from me once a month. We also have 3 clubs north of me no more then 30 minutes, then 2 more to the south of me about 45 minutes to an hour, that doesn't count the amount of meet and greets in those areas I don't even have a clue how many there actually are! And I still get people responding to my ad weekly on Swing Lifestyle our profile is pretty detailed though. I hate when people don't fully fill thiers out that drives me nuts! Or when people don't read the whole thing I to time to type. Using spell check and rereading your own is always good. Pretend you aren't reading yours like you are reading a strangers. Ask yourself if this profile is intresting be honest. ANd if not read some peoples profiles. Get an idea of things you could be adding in to make yours better.

[hfire269]

Thats pretty much why we have pretty much given up on looking on Swing Lifestyle. Granted in the 3 yrs we have a few great experinces but the time and effort that it takes to find some one who actaully wants to me is nuts. I swear Ive sent 100+ emails and we've had maybe 5 total respond. Most of which they werent interested. The ones that have responded we no longer talk too. They've either moved one and dropped out of the lifestyle or we have found that we arent as compatible as we thought. We now only talk to one couple. So if anyone is interested in us they can email us. We are happy with what we have found. House parties are some much better.