sharing face pics

[lindyswing]

I'd like to find out how you all feel about sharing face pictures over the internet and if you share them, how you got past discomfort with it.

Hubby and I are very guarded about sharing our face pictures. Why? First, we're in professions that make us feel uncomfortable at the thought of being outed. Second, we don't buy the argument that if a friend, family member or someone you work with recognizes your picture on a swingers site, no big deal because they are obviously doing the same thing. We have family members that will look at all kinds of crazy sex stuff on the internet at the same time that they judge those people and their sexuality negatively. They like gawking at the "weirdos" of the world, and we haven't wanted to deal with them finding out that we're "weirdos" too. And we really haven't wanted to deal with any co-workers who might also be judgemental and/or gossiping (!) gawkers. Third, we're worried about picture collectors and fakers stealing and using our pictures--there's just something about letting people we don't know very well own our face pictures that is very scary.

On our Swing Lifestyle profile, we each have 2 g/pg-rated pictures in which our faces are blocked out/cut off/not showing. We state in our profile that we don't like to share face pictures, and that we would rather meet in person to find out what everyone looks like. We also describe the type of couples with whom we will *consider* sharing face pictures (i.e., because they sound like a perfect match). Our reasoning is that:
(1) It's fun to meet other swingers even when it turns out that we don't feel sexual chemistry for them. You get a chance to learn from their experiences and enjoy their company without sex. While this is not as fun as meeting people you want to fuck, it's valuable and fun to meet people who are cool even if they aren't hot
(2) Pictures don't give us a perfect indication of physical attractiveness anyway. Sometimes we meet people who look like our types in their pics but turn out to not be our types in the looks department once we meet in person. And sometimes we've been pleasantly surprised when pictures don't do the couple justice in the looks department.

So the problem is...it is such a pain in the ass having this boundary about sharing face pics. So many couples want face pics before considering meeting. So many couples want face pics before they'll even chat. And let me clarify that, for the most part, the people we are dealing with contact us first...which bugs the hell out of me since we state so clearly in our profile that we don't like to share face pics. It's also a pain in the ass because while #1 & 2 above are true, it *would* be nice to see face pictures of the other couples before taking time out to meet with them...but to get face pics, one has to be willing to show face pics. Soooo, we are considering putting a face shot right there on our profile open for all free members to see. One reason I'm considering the idea is that I just realized that you can't just right-click to save the pictures people have posted on Swing Lifestyle...so at least no one will own our face pictures. We might make it a private picture as a first step, but so many cool couples (such as us) are free members and can't see private pictures that it would sort of defeat the purpose. But the idea of putting our faces up there still gives us knots in our stomachs...what do you all think about all this? What conditions do you share face pictures under and how did you get comfortable with it?

[VegasLee]

Personally we are not concerned about anyone seeing us on the Net but we are out so we are different.

I am mainly writing to advise you there is MANY other ways to save pictures off the internet then just right clicking on them even on Swing Lifestyle pictures can be saved to someones computer. If that is a big concern, don't post them there.

[Chicup]

We have face pictures in our private section but not our public one, gives us a bit of a filter.

BTW while Swing Lifestyle and LL and such try to avoid people making copies of the pictures, its quite easy to do so.

[CB_n_Red]

Our avatar speaks for itself! That really is us. We don't see any reason to hide. Not to say that others shouldn't make their own minds up on the issue of course.

CB

[bill&sabrina]

We don't hide our faces on our profiles. Our thoughts are that nothing is wrong with swinging, so why hide. I have yet to hear a reason for hiding, everything I have heard is an excuse. Why do something that would ruin your life if your boss/clients, family, or friends found out?

[graygo98]

We provide face pics once we have established a level of interest. If we aren't interested, what would be the point otherwise? Our face pics are also in the private "key required" section of cafedesire. We don't post face pics in public sections of sites or on AFF.

Our guideline is that we provide g-rated full body/face pics, and/or X-rated without faces. Never a "compromising" pic that we can be identified from. Pass a pic of us at the beach to as many people as you want, doesn't worry us. And if you want to collect lovely, but anonymous, lingerie shots, be my guest.

Also, we won't meet or even chat for long without seeing what both of the other couple look like... full body, face included. If we met with everyone who contacts us something else would have to go, like the kids or jobs or something. There is just not enough time, so if there isn't some level of physical attraction and if their profile or email doesn't interest us its "thanks, but no thanks."

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by lindyswing

Soooo, we are considering putting a face shot right there on our profile open for all free members to see. One reason I'm considering the idea is that I just realized that you can't just right-click to save the pictures people have posted on Swing Lifestyle...so at least no one will own our face pictures.

I hate to tell you this, but if it appears on a computer screen, there's a way to save it. Programs such as "Snagit" will, for about $20, allow anybody to save anything that appears on their monitor as jpg. file.

If posting pics on your profile is going to make you uncomfortable, why do it? This is supposed to be fun...if you're worrying day and night about who might see your pics and what the repercussions of that might be, then don't do it! Once it's "out there," it's out there...forever.

Your explanation of why you prefer not to post face pics makes a lot of sense, and would probably strike a similar chord in any reasonable couple who reads it. Post a few mildly revealing body pics, assure them that you both have (or at least wear) all your own teeth, and let it go at that.

Besides, first meetings are for sizing people up as people, not as models.

[The Fuse]

Personally, we like the compromise of having our private Swing Lifestyle profile pages show our faces, while the public ones don't. In fact, most of our private pictures are the same as the public ones except that our faces are shown instead of blacked out. If you go this way, no one gets your pictures-- at least directly-- unless you open them up to that person. The gawkers you speak of, I believe, at least have to have a profile in order to see your private pictures. Then in the worst case, you at least have something on them if they decide to judge you. Swinging has risks no matter how you deal with this issue, obviously, so everyone should do what makes them comfortable.

Recently, Mr. Fuse and I met a couple we'd corresponded with at length. They were like you, i.e. their non-face pictures looked good and they were very concerned about showing their faces due to their professions. We understood, and didn't insist on seeing face pictures. So we dolled up one Friday night and drove a half hour to meet them. But as soon as I saw the male half of the couple, I knew nothing would be happening between us. He wasn't ugly--just not attractive to me. Mr. Fuse liked the lady, so I agreed with him that we could meet them again, which is a mistake but not the subject of this thread . We wrote to them and suggested meeting again, and they replied and said there was no chemistry! Talk about justice!

After that experience, from now on I don't want to meet anyone without seeing face pictures first. I'd rather relax at home.

P.S. Yes, I know I'm being crabby.

[lindyswing]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Recently, Mr. Fuse and I met a couple we'd corresponded with at length. They were like you, i.e. their non-face pictures looked good and they were very concerned about showing their faces due to their professions. We understood, and didn't insist on seeing face pictures. So we dolled up one Friday night and drove a half hour to meet them. But as soon as I saw the male half of the couple, I knew nothing would be happening between us. He wasn't ugly--just not attractive to me. Mr. Fuse liked the lady, so I agreed with him that we could meet them again, which is a mistake but not the subject of this thread . We wrote to them and suggested meeting again, and they replied and said there was no chemistry! Talk about justice!

LMAO!!! Justice indeed!

As cool as everyone on swingersborad is, Vegas Lee is THE coolest. I aspire to being out, maybe not as out as Vegas Lee but at least close. We're not there yet, and I don't know if we'll ever get there, but we're getting closer all the time. Considering putting up face pictures is another step in that direction.

Thanks all for the heads up that there would in fact be some way to save our pictures on Swing Lifestyle...my computer-wiz hubby said the same thing...but to me it's still an extra level of security that they can't just right-click. If you think my face is so pretty that you have to buy a special computer program or learn whatever skills you'd have to learn to save my face picture, well then, maybe you deserve to own my face picture

Hubby made a funny joke about this last night...to the people who say, "Well if they see my face on the swingers site, I know they were there for the same thing," his response is "But that's not a conversation I want to have with my mother!" But I pointed out the flaw in hubby's logic...if your mother is on the swingers site too, I think you DO want her to see your face picture so she doesn't contact you and set up a meeting!

The more I think about it, the more I'm leaning towards the attitude of bill&sabrina:
"Our thoughts are that nothing is wrong with swinging, so why hide. I have yet to hear a reason for hiding, everything I have heard is an excuse. Why do something that would ruin your life if your boss/clients, family, or friends found out?"

It's true that it wouldn't ruin our lives. It's also true that even in the absence of having face pics up, we're still at risk for being outed involuntarily. In some ways it would be a relief to not be hiding!

Now to convince my husband

[Better Half]

While we agree that there is nothing wrong with swinging, we don't want everyone to know because of judgments that will be made. It really isn't that different than other issues besides swinging. We have some political views that about 50% of the population would disagree with; we are comfortable sharing those in some situations. We also have some views that would seriously offend about 99.9% of the population; those we keep to ourselves. Again, while we don't think there is anything wrong with our "offensive" views, we don't want everyone to know because of judgments that will be made.

In terms of how to handle the face picture issue, we have a public picture that has our faces blurred. We have private pictures that show most of our face but have a black bar over the eyes. When we contact a couple or are contacted by one, we play it by ear. We generally provide access to our private pics (with blacked out eyes) if we are interested in them. If they have full face (no blackout) pictures and we are interested, then we generally ask for an external e-mail address to send them our full face pictures. Although we certainly don't feel any requirement to do so, we tend to provide them with our full face pictures if they have provided us with theirs (in either their public or private pics). In any event, we would want to get (and send) full face pictures before any meetings.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by CB_n_Red

Our avatar speaks for itself! That really is us. We don't see any reason to hide. Not to say that others shouldn't make their own minds up on the issue of course.

CB

Dito

We won't meet anyone who contacts us off an ad site without having first seen a clear face picture. We're not really fond of even corresponding with someone that we haven't seen a picture of and it does state in our ad that if you contact us, please include a picture as you have already seen one of us. None of our pictures are private.


Teresa

[Sweet_Candy]

Guess our avatar is the same. We will only meet people we've seen pics of. Why? Because you never know when it might be a single guy posing as a couple or some other wacko.

[good times]

We have face pictures on our profile but they are private and we only give access to people we are interested in.

By the way, you don't need any special program to save the pictures on the ad sights. Most browsers will do it if you know how and it is almost as easy as just right clicking the picture.

[meandher2go]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Personally we are not concerned about anyone seeing us on the Net but we are out so we are different.

I am mainly writing to advise you there is MANY other ways to save pictures off the internet then just right clicking on them even on Swing Lifestyle pictures can be saved to someones computer. If that is a big concern, don't post them there.

THIS is so true. its VERY easy to do it on a right click protected website. its only a java script.......

and screen captures are VERY easy to do with almost any image editing program that MOST people have on thier computers already.

if you are THAT worried, DONT POST THEM AT ALL.

[WesternSwing]

We have face pics on our profile, both public and private pics. We're not that worried about it since we're not in a profession where being outed would matter. Plus, like I said in a previous thread, we block our pics from free members, so those just looking to find a neighbor, friend, or coworker would have to really be serious about doing it.

Mr. WS