Encountered someone we know on a swinger site

[OhioCouple]

A while back we joined another swingers site in an effort to try and meet couples closer to our home base. We have met several nice couples in our area through this site and have found many others that pique our interest.

Having learned through the school of hard knocks, we no longer post our names in our profile and share that with only those we wish to persue a friendship with. (Outright honesty is NOT always in your best interest.)

This morning we received a message on that site from a couple who live relatively close to us. As we usually do, we went first to their profile to get a better feeling of who they were before reading their message. Great profile, tastefull pictures and we shared common interests. So far so good.

We click on to read the message sent to us and I nearly fainted! Their message was very nice, well written and they spoke mostly of how we all seemed to share of lot of common interests. Then the clincher! They relayed to us their real names (different from what they have on their profile) and because of one of our common interests the female halfs occupation was revealed. I am professionally associated with this woman, we share mutual business contacts and our paths cross about every two to three months at seminars, dinners and training facilities. This is just a tad too cozy for us.

My concern is how to politely bow out of any continuance of correspondence without appearing to be rejecting them sight unseen? We certainly do not want to let them know we have met on many "outside" occasions as it would do no good to have two people feeling somewhat uncomfortable in business and social settings. (Yes, I would be uncomfortable and I am relatively sure she would be too.)

Has anyone encountered this situation?

Lori

[ciscosv]

My wife and I prefer to travel out of our area for this very reason. This is not because we are ashamed of what we like to do. It would be nice to make friends a little closer to home for convenience, but running into someone we know would very uncomfortable. You two are in a jam. What would be wrong with politely explaining your concerns with this couple?

[Alura]

Well, Lori, we've never run into this situation but we have to say it would come close to being the answer to our dreams. We wouldn't consider it a "dreaded" situation at all.

We've only played with friends we've met in life's normal pursuits so the "dreaded" has always been present before the subject of swinging was ever brought up, although we've never been lucky enough to find someone in our industry. We wouldn't be uncomfortable at all, and we'd probably get a hoot out of subtle puns exchanged at, say, a trade show, that only the two couples would understand. And, wow! This sort of friendship would certainly make spending ten days in Dallas at a trade show a whole lot more fun in the evenings.

You have to put absolute trust in your playmates for swinging to work, in our opinion. Our first project would be to determine if we could do that. We guess we'd write to them, before we gave them our real names, and be brutally honest.

"Hey, y'all! We were surprized to learn that we know y'all from the industry. We question whether it would be a good idea to proceed in developing this friendship under those circumstances. Please let us know how y'all feel about this issue. If it bothers y'all, please say so and we can end it before it begins, without embarassing either couple. If it doesn't, as it doesn't bother us, the possibilities are endless!"

If you are absolutely sure you don't want to pursue the relationship, perhaps you should write something like, "Hi, John and Mary. We were surprised to learn that we know y'all from the industry. As attractive as y'all are and as much as we'd like to pursue an intimate relationship with y'all, we've decided it would be better for us to avoid mixing business with pleasure. We'd love to take both of you to bed, so don't be insulted by our denial. If we thought we could be comfortable under the circumstances, we would not have made this decision. Y'all don't know how sorry we are to have to write this letter."

Which would be better, to open up an honest friendship now or be embarassed in the future when y'all meet them unexpectedly at a swing club while merrily banging some of their friends? Y'all do attend clubs, don't you?

Alura

[ October 01, 2002, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Alura ]

[JMR]

I (Mr.) think that u have found a good situation...I agree with cisco though we prefer couples a little farther away than in our back yard...but since u see her only occasionally at work related outings I would definatly drop them a line and tell them your concerns and ask for there opinion.

The couple that we play with lives kind of far away, so we never really get to play with them we really wish that we all lived closer to each other so we could have more time to play...

[JustAskJulie]

I think Alura pretty much hit it on the head as far as how to respond. There is no reason you can't tell them that you know them from outside the swinging world and just aren't comfortable extending your acquaintence further at this time without telling them your real names.

[Alura]

Hmmm. Now that I've had a chance to think about this, I have remembered that the husband of our first play-couple was the cousin of a woman who worked in my office. I didn't learn that until the night my husband and I fucked him and his wife. The cousin was quite a prude. She stuck her nose up in the air when an off-color joke was told and, in general, went around telling everyone how moral she was. She was not one of my favorite persons, nor was she the favorite relative of the husband.

It turned out to be quite a turn-on, thinking, "Wow, If Bessie May could see me now with her cousin's nine-inch cock sliding in and out of my pussy...!" I was also tempted, on Monday morning to say, "Hey, Bessie May, I fucked your cousin's brains out on Saturday night. Man, is he ever hung!"

Of course, I was too smart to do that, but the feeling, "I know something you don't!" brought me a lot of private smiles!

Mrs. Alura

[ October 01, 2002, 05:22 PM: Message edited by: Alura ]

[dave_susie2001]

We kind of ran into this situation. There is a woman that works with Susie that has peaked Susie's interest. After several long conversations during lunches and smoke breaks, Susie finally just came out and asked this woman point blank if she was bi. Of course the woman (I'll call her Joy) was surprised to say the least. But she responded with a question of her own...."Do you and Dave swing?"

Susie responded that we did. Joy then asked if Susie swung with both men and women...to which she also responded in the affirmative. Joy then confirmed what Susie thought....she was in fact, bisexual.

When Susie told me this...I was jumping for joy (no pun intended!) in that we had found a single bi female so close to home! Woo HOOOOO! But the girls had different ideas. They decided that it wasn't a good idea to get your "pussy from the same place you get your paycheck." I can respect that. Maybe someday, they'll change their minds.

But the point I'm trying to make is the same point that has been expressed in the above messages. Open communication is your best option. After all, if they weren't looking for the same things you were, they wouldn't have been looking for people like you. But that's just my opinion...I could be wrong.

Dave

[JustAskJulie]

Maybe someday, they'll change their minds.

Or one of them will change jobs

[OhioCouple]

This is going to be a relatively long post, so you just might either want to grab another cup of Java or abandon ship altogether before you get sucked into the cyber hole.

This matter is creating a lot of havoc between myself and my better half. We have yet to come to an agreement on how to respond. As we both distantly know them, he finds it to be a really cool thing, the forge ahead attitude. I on the other hand am very reluctant to do so. Hopefully in responding to those who have posted will better clarify my stance.

Originally posted by Alura:
Which would be better, to open up an honest friendship now or be embarassed in the future when y'all meet them unexpectedly at a swing club while merrily banging some of their friends? Y'all do attend clubs, don't you?

We do attend swing clubs and now this has come into the picture also. As they are seasoned swingers (according to their profile), I am sure that they attend some clubs in our area. I do feel though that I would have felt more comfortable running into them at a club rather than being contacted online by them. A club gives credence that you are on the same wave length. The internet is free for the taking and anyone can profess to be what ever they desire to.

Originally posted by ciscosv:
My wife and I prefer to travel out of our area for this very reason. This is not because we are ashamed of what we like to do. It would be nice to make friends a little closer to home for convenience, but running into someone we know would very uncomfortable. You two are in a jam. What would be wrong with politely explaining your concerns with this couple

Originally we sought only couples that were distant from us to avoid this sort of problem as it was a concern. This was before we really had any indication what the lifestyle was about and how others conducted themselves. Over time we felt the need to find friends closer to our home since the 2-4 hour drives really are a hinderance. We were not ashamed either, we just didn't want to risk running into longtime associates or friends.

Originally posted by JMR:
The couple that we play with lives kind of far away, so we never really get to play with them we really wish that we all lived closer to each other so we could have more time to play.

This is exactly what we ran into. Although we enjoy the times that we do get together the distance is tough on everyone. One evening translates into an entire weekend. Not saying that it isn't worth it, but there are plenty of other things that we could be doing the morning after or the day before in keeping up with our regular off day activities.

Originally posted by dave_susie2001:
They decided that it wasn't a good idea to get your "pussy from the same place you get your paycheck." I can respect that. Maybe someday, they'll change their minds.

This is where I am so undecided and where we are disagreeing. My job requires a lot of contact with the general public and is one that is highly volatile right now and will be for the unforseen future. Am I willing to risk that? Is it to even to be of concern? My husband doesn't think so, I do. He feels that they wouldn't be showing an interest if they weren't like the other couples that we have met. This coming from the man that insisted in the beginning that we choose partners as far away from our home as possible in the beginning. I think he is the one being idealistic instead of a realist...the opposite of what we both normally are.

Originally posted by Alura:
It turned out to be quite a turn-on, thinking, "Wow, If Bessie May could see me now with her cousin's nine-inch cock sliding in and out of my pussy...!" I was also tempted, on Monday morning to say, "Hey, Bessie May, I fucked your cousin's brains out on Saturday night. Man, is he ever hung!"

This really hits home for me. Even though we don't work out of the same offices, what it they become disgruntled (whether we had sexual relations or not) and just chose to let out something to the effect of "I heard from so and so and you will not believe what so and so are doing!....." How do you know that people will be as smart and considerate as you are? After all if you think about it...how many times have we seen some comments made on this board, for example, that results in people feeling hurt? And these are people that are part of a swinging community which should be more tolerant, since the acceptance of swingers in the eye of the general population is less than that of gays or lesbians.

I hope most of this made sense and I certainly did not mean to offend anyone if I did. I am just trying to sort it all out. Thanks for all of the replies.

Lori

[ciscosv]

This sounds like a classic case of..........You can run but you can't hide.

If you love your job and are not willing to risk losing it, the simple answer is politley decline this opportunity. There are other couples out there. Just think of it as the one that got away.

[mehim]

How do you know that people will be as smart and considerate as you are? After all if you think about it...how many times have we seen some comments made on this board, for example, that results in people feeling hurt? And these are people that are part of a swinging community which should be more tolerant,
================================================== i can understand your dilemma ,if it was me ,i realy would talk to them , and maby bring up that it is a little to close to home ,you never know how the other couple will react down the road ,and if you planning to keep your job .i would look a little further.better save than sorry

[dave_susie2001]

Lori,

I just got home from work and read all the posts since I last responded to this thread. Also, I have been thinking about it some today at work. I just changed jobs the end of July. I am doing the same thing I was doing, just in a larger town.

Like you, in my job, I deal with the public. I am expected to be a "respectable citizen." In a small town, that means that you're a memeber of several civic clubs, go to church on a regular basis (even with a hangover from Saturday night's party!) and EVERYONE knows who you are.

When we first started in the lifestyle, I was absolutly terrified that someone who lives here would find out about us. That would mean that I would lose my job. (I had a "moral terpitude" clause in my contract) That would meant that there would me NO MORE MONEY comming into the household. No way to support the family, pay bills, or eat. Made us think twice about playing too close to home.

But now...I work in Lansing, and I'm just another number. If the public finds out about our lifestyle choice...who cares. If the boss finds out...I'm sure I'd catch hell...but they can't fire me. It makes a HUGE difference now. We are so much more relaxed when it comes to playing. We even have occasional playmates that life 7 short miles away

I totally understand how you feel about this issue, and I'm not trying to talk you out of, or into anything. Just offering my opinion.

What you have to decide is: A) What are the potential consequences if the "wrong people" find out about your activities? and B) Is building a new lifestyle relationship worth the possibility of the potential consequences in your job?

Remember...there are lots of couples out there that are potential playmates. And don't forget Dave & Susie's #1 rule: If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

[Alura]

This really hits home for me. Even though we don't work out of the same offices, what it they become disgruntled (whether we had sexual relations or not) and just chose to let out something to the effect of "I heard from so and so and you will not believe what so and so are doing!....." How do you know that people will be as smart and considerate as you are?

My Goodness, Lori! I never really would have said anything to her. That was a joke! As a matter of fact, we never did play with them again because of jealousy on the woman's part. And he never said anything to "Bessie May." That would have been as incriminating for him as for us. You will never know if people are as smart and considerate as you are. There aren't any guarantees in life. Swinging or anything else.

Mrs. Alura

[Alura]

Well, I guess I didn't get the quotes right. I have to ask my husband how to do these posts right.

Mrs. Alura

[OhioCouple]

Alura,

I did not take that in any other way than you meant it. I too though it to be humorous. I would never consider letting the "cat out of the bag", so to speak, but might be confronted by being asked what on earth I was smiling about.

What I did consider though is that you just can never be sure that other people share the same ethics as you do. I am still undecided here and leaning heavily on the honest but not a good idea approach. My husband fully supports whatever decision I make. He just want me to hurry up and make it. (go figure)

Lori