Misrepresentation..

findtime · 03-07-2005, 01:48 PM

Another post prompted me to write this but I didn't think it appropriate to post my thoughts there.

People, please be honest about your size if you place an ad. Please don't use 10 year old pictures and/or lie about your weight. It can, potentially, create a very awkward situation.

We encountered this recently.
The woman had posted a (faceless) pic from years ago where she was already a bit heavier than we would have preferred, but we were enjoying the conversations so.....
The problem arose when we decided to meet and, minutes before we were to walk out the door, she informed us (after a few days of chatting and coordinating) that she had put on 15-20 lbs since that picture had been taken. She was only maybe 5'1" so it was a significant difference.
This sets everyone up for disappointment.
Had she posted an accurate picture we would have politely declined the meeting. Isn't that why people want to see pictures in the first place?
The person who is misleading the other couple will end up feeling rejected, and the couple who was misled will end up feeling deceived.

We aren't looking for Ken and Barbie, we definitely aren't that ourselves, and while a few extra pounds isn't a problem, people should be entitled to decide for themselves what their limits are.

There are many beautiful, sexy, voluptuous women out there and I'm sure a little extra weight won't stop you from finding people to play with. If you're honest, you'll know for sure that the people who contact you are people that want you for you.

Stressing the hygiene thing, too, as well as maybe the occasional teeth cleaning (or brushing, at least).

Miss_Piggy · 03-07-2005, 02:12 PM

This is one I've been thinking about lately - for a slightly different reason.

My hair.

It seems to change so frequently that I have trouble keeping up wth it. One minute it's short then next thing I know it's grown 4 inches.

Recently we sent some pictures off to a couple and later we webcamed with them. I remember them saying, "Wow, your hair was much shorter in your picture." The picture itself is only about 6 months old. Something about the way they said it made me wonder if they thought I had been misrepresenting my looks in the picture. Really, my hair grows quickly.

Should I be changing my pictures every month or so? I suppose weight is a bigger issue (for many) than hair length is. I guess I was thinking that the difference in my hair may have had people thinking that my pictures were really old. 6 months isn't too old is it? How often do people change their pictures?

CliffandKeira · 03-07-2005, 02:31 PM

Miss Piggy....I have no idea what is too old as far as pics go; but everytime we get new pics we update our photo album on our ad. While hubby doesn't change much, he's been shaved bald (hair on his head) since I've known him, I'm always getting some wild streek out of nowhere to do something different with my hair.I know I'm really of no help right now on the hair subject. But to address the original poster, I think the pictures should be relatively recent. But that's just me.

Vespertine · 03-07-2005, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss_Piggy

How often do people change their pictures?

Good question, Piggy.

I think if one alters their looks significantly (cut/dyed hair, gained/lost weight) one should reflect those changes on their profile.

findtime · 03-07-2005, 02:58 PM

I agree, Vespertine

For example, please don't post your prom pictures if you're 42.

I, personally, have several sexy pictures from a few years ago when I was a little size 5. If I posted them now, there would be a lot of shocked people when we met. I've posted less flattering (in my opinion) but more accurate pictures taken within the last year. Does it decrease the number of responses to our ad??? Probably, but I'm confident the ones that contact us know what they're getting.
I don't feel any pressure that way, either.
I wonder how many phone taggers or e-mail taggers do this because they're afraid people will be upset when they see that they don't look like the pictures in their profile.
What a shame.

LikeMinds321 · 03-07-2005, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by findtime

The person who is misleading the other couple will end up feeling rejected, and the couple who was misled will end up feeling deceived.

I think profile pictures should be changed about every six months. I say this because it's time to update ours and I'm feeling guilty that I haven't got it done.

We haven't changed physically, other than my hair is 3" longer. By the way, I told a new couple this in our second e-mail because I was so concerned I would be misleading them having three more inches of hair!

Not only does it increase our chances of keeping potential playmates happier (because there will be no big surpises based on our looks) but it makes me more relaxed when approaching people for the first time.

Also, I've found that the profiles that keep coming up on the screen from a year ago that have the same default picture give me the impression that the profiles are not up-to-date.

LM

Lotolaffs · 03-10-2005, 12:03 PM

To me and Ms Lotolaffs, the topic of misrepresentation is such a no-brainer (be truthful and honest upfront), that it amazes us as to how many people violate it. In only less than a year in the "hobby", we've seen weight estimates off by 30 pounds, 15 yr old pictures, and even missing body parts!! I mean, if a leg or arm is missing, we are very respectful of the misfortune, but to try to hide amputations until meeting, c'mon. How would the naked twister game go.... "Right foot blue! Oops, not you Harry!"

But that's what meet-and-greets are for. You get to check them out in person. If they somehow slipped by the radar during the emails and phone calls, there's always climbing through the window in the restaurant restrooms. That's why they keep them unlocked!

Lotolaffs

sensuality · 03-10-2005, 12:50 PM

I think LM and I finally agree on something!

We update our pics every 6 month or so, sometimes sooner...we do keep some pics up though that are no more than a year old only because we haven't changed too much and a lot of the reasons why we like to update is because I get bored after awhile and want to put up something new!
We have met couples who misrepresented themselves, whether it be because they lied about their sexual orientation or their appearance has changed and they just neglected to tell us their pics were from 5 years back,it can be very disheartening.I think any kind of misrepresentation is wrong,anyway.

intuition897 · 03-10-2005, 02:01 PM

Ok so here's a question: where do you draw the line between putting your best foot forward and misrepresentation. How many of you honestly can say you've been totally accurate about your weight? I know on some websites, you're given the option of choosing between 120-150 lbs and 150-200 lbs. Uh... I weigh more than 150 lbs (actually 160 and losing) but putting myself in that weight category seemed a tad discriminatory for those who are closer to 150 than 200. So yeah, I fudged and put myself in the 120-150 range because I feel I am HWP and it gave a better representation. 150-200 range for a woman, unless you're 7 feet tall, says to me "obese" if you're browsing profiles. Particularly if there isn't a photo for reference. So let me have it...is this a case of misrepresentation? Come to think of it, we haven't given our various ads a full overhaul in quite a while (longer than 6 months) and I might still have my descriptions saying that I'm 150. I'd probably feel better if we did. I hate the idea that we're misleading anyone.

findtime · 03-10-2005, 02:27 PM

I think there's a difference between stating you're 120lbs when you're really 160 and stating that you're 125lbs when you're really 130. Same goes for when you post pictures from when you were 25, but you're 35 now.
If you're an average height, it isn't likely anyone will be able to detect a 10lb discrepency, for example. If you're 5' tall, though, 10-15lbs can make a difference of a couple of dress sizes.
I don't think anyone has a problem if there's a slight difference. I know I don't. The problem arises when you can't even recognize the person in the photo because they're so far off what they've claimed to be.

curiousagain · 03-10-2005, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by findtime

I don't think anyone has a problem if there's a slight difference. I know I don't. The problem arises when you can't even recognize the person in the photo because they're so far off what they've claimed to be.

Dito exactly The meet and greets are for a lot of things and one of them is to see if they really do look like their pics. I seem to be stuck with the same pic on here and Swing Lifestyle but before a meet and greet I send the most recent photos I have, even if they aren't the most flattering.

***JustAskJulie*** · 03-21-2005, 06:44 PM

And don't forget that everytime you update your ad it shows to those reading it - it's almost like you just posted an ad for the first time - so your responses increase, making it well worthwhile to update it.

I am greatly guilty of the out of date pictures, my avatar here is like 6 years old but every time I change it people yell at me, so I leave it.

I think I've only allowed pictures to be taken of me twice in the last year - once while on a trip last summer and again when I got my current hairstyle (self-photo), there has also been quite a weight loss in between. Of course, I don't have any currently active ads so I'm not misleading anyone.

This thread has brought up a great question of how often should you update your ad pics... and another question... How often do you actually update your ad pics? And (be honest) how old are the pics that are currently attached to your ad?

***JustAskJulie*** · 03-21-2005, 06:47 PM

I did want to add one thing....

No one would be dissapointed if someone had posted an old pic if say they had lost 40lbs since the pic was taken, or changed their hair, etc in such a way that they were now MORE attractive..... would they?

curiousagain · 03-21-2005, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I did want to add one thing....

No one would be dissapointed if someone had posted an old pic if say they had lost 40lbs since the pic was taken, or changed their hair, etc in such a way that they were now MORE attractive..... would they?

NO, no they wouldn't. And maybe that's why it's a good idea to send photos that are good but not necessarily the best you've ever had taken.

But then again, I met a girl from a vanilla site one time and her photos were so old that she was now grey haired and using a cane. I'm not knocking those things, but talk about a surprise!!

LikeMinds321 · 03-21-2005, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curiousagain

And maybe that's why it's a good idea to send photos that are good but not necessarily the best you've ever had taken.

This reminds of an idea I had for the board.

Start a thread of pictures that made you look bad, and would be funny too.

Like wearing clothes that aren't very sexy (we all do that sometimes) or a picture from a bad-hair day.

I decided this wouldn't go over well.

It would be looking at the bad side of truth.

LM

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03-07-2005, 01:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
findtime Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 73 Location: Canada Status: couple	Misrepresentation.. Another post prompted me to write this but I didn't think it appropriate to post my thoughts there. People, please be *honest* about your size if you place an ad. Please don't use 10 year old pictures and/or lie about your weight. It can, potentially, create a very awkward situation. We encountered this recently. The woman had posted a (faceless) pic from years ago where she was already a bit heavier than we would have preferred, but we were enjoying the conversations so..... The problem arose when we decided to meet and, minutes before we were to walk out the door, she informed us (after a few days of chatting and coordinating) that she had put on 15-20 lbs since that picture had been taken. She was only maybe 5'1" so it was a significant difference. This sets everyone up for disappointment. Had she posted an accurate picture we would have politely declined the meeting. Isn't that why people want to see pictures in the first place? The person who is misleading the other couple will end up feeling rejected, and the couple who was misled will end up feeling deceived. We aren't looking for Ken and Barbie, we definitely aren't that ourselves, and while a few extra pounds isn't a problem, people should be entitled to decide for themselves what their limits are. There are many beautiful, sexy, voluptuous women out there and I'm sure a little extra weight won't stop you from finding people to play with. If you're honest, you'll know for sure that the people who contact you are people that want you for you. Stressing the hygiene thing, too, as well as maybe the occasional teeth cleaning (or brushing, at least).
	Last edited by findtime; 03-07-2005 at 01:51 PM. Reason: punctuation

03-07-2005, 02:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
Miss_Piggy mildly abnormal Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 1,437 Location: Sometimes Canada Status: I'm with Kermit	Re: Misrepresentation.. This is one I've been thinking about lately - for a slightly different reason. My hair. It seems to change so frequently that I have trouble keeping up wth it. One minute it's short then next thing I know it's grown 4 inches. Recently we sent some pictures off to a couple and later we webcamed with them. I remember them saying, "Wow, your hair was much shorter in your picture." The picture itself is only about 6 months old. Something about the way they said it made me wonder if they thought I had been misrepresenting my looks in the picture. Really, my hair grows quickly. Should I be changing my pictures every month or so? I suppose weight is a bigger issue (for many) than hair length is. I guess I was thinking that the difference in my hair may have had people thinking that my pictures were really old. 6 months isn't too old is it? How often do people change their pictures?
	__________________ I feel that a woman doesn't have to be called 'Ms.' in order to be a woman of her own making. I believe 'Miss' allows moi to be a woman, and my karate can get me anything else Last edited by Miss_Piggy; 03-07-2005 at 02:41 PM. Reason: silly mistakes...

03-07-2005, 02:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
CliffandKeira Active Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 30 Location: Daytona Beach	Re: Misrepresentation.. Miss Piggy....I have no idea what is too old as far as pics go; but everytime we get new pics we update our photo album on our ad. While hubby doesn't change much, he's been shaved bald (hair on his head) since I've known him, I'm always getting some wild streek out of nowhere to do something different with my hair.I know I'm really of no help right now on the hair subject. But to address the original poster, I think the pictures should be relatively recent. But that's just me.

03-07-2005, 02:58 PM	#5 (permalink)
findtime Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 73 Location: Canada Status: couple	Re: Misrepresentation.. I agree, Vespertine For example, please don't post your prom pictures if you're 42. I, personally, have several sexy pictures from a few years ago when I was a little size 5. If I posted them now, there would be a lot of shocked people when we met. I've posted less flattering (in my opinion) but more accurate pictures taken within the last year. Does it decrease the number of responses to our ad??? Probably, but I'm confident the ones that contact us know what they're getting. I don't feel any pressure that way, either. I wonder how many phone taggers or e-mail taggers do this because they're afraid people will be upset when they see that they don't look like the pictures in their profile. What a shame.

03-10-2005, 12:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
Lotolaffs Active Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 13 Location: Angola NY	Re: Misrepresentation.. To me and Ms Lotolaffs, the topic of misrepresentation is such a no-brainer (be truthful and honest upfront), that it amazes us as to how many people violate it. In only less than a year in the "hobby", we've seen weight estimates off by 30 pounds, 15 yr old pictures, and even missing body parts!! I mean, if a leg or arm is missing, we are very respectful of the misfortune, but to try to hide amputations until meeting, c'mon. How would the naked twister game go.... "Right foot blue! Oops, not you Harry!" But that's what meet-and-greets are for. You get to check them out in person. If they somehow slipped by the radar during the emails and phone calls, there's always climbing through the window in the restaurant restrooms. That's why they keep them unlocked! Lotolaffs

03-10-2005, 12:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
sensuality Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 298 Location: california Status: happily,ecstatically married	Re: Misrepresentation.. I think LM and I finally agree on something! We update our pics every 6 month or so, sometimes sooner...we do keep some pics up though that are no more than a year old only because we haven't changed too much and a lot of the reasons why we like to update is because I get bored after awhile and want to put up something new! We have met couples who misrepresented themselves, whether it be because they lied about their sexual orientation or their appearance has changed and they just neglected to tell us their pics were from 5 years back,it can be very disheartening.I think any kind of misrepresentation is wrong,anyway.
	__________________ To truly see beauty, close your eyes...and see with your heart....mois

03-10-2005, 02:01 PM	#9 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,633 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:intuition897	Re: Misrepresentation.. Ok so here's a question: where do you draw the line between putting your best foot forward and misrepresentation. How many of you honestly can say you've been totally accurate about your weight? I know on some websites, you're given the option of choosing between 120-150 lbs and 150-200 lbs. Uh... I weigh more than 150 lbs (actually 160 and losing) but putting myself in that weight category seemed a tad discriminatory for those who are closer to 150 than 200. So yeah, I fudged and put myself in the 120-150 range because I feel I am HWP and it gave a better representation. 150-200 range for a woman, unless you're 7 feet tall, says to me "obese" if you're browsing profiles. Particularly if there isn't a photo for reference. So let me have it...is this a case of misrepresentation? Come to think of it, we haven't given our various ads a full overhaul in quite a while (longer than 6 months) and I might still have my descriptions saying that I'm 150. I'd probably feel better if we did. I hate the idea that we're misleading anyone.
	__________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

03-10-2005, 02:27 PM	#10 (permalink)
findtime Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 73 Location: Canada Status: couple	Re: Misrepresentation.. I think there's a difference between stating you're 120lbs when you're really 160 and stating that you're 125lbs when you're really 130. Same goes for when you post pictures from when you were 25, but you're 35 now. If you're an average height, it isn't likely anyone will be able to detect a 10lb discrepency, for example. If you're 5' tall, though, 10-15lbs can make a difference of a couple of dress sizes. I don't think anyone has a problem if there's a slight difference. I know I don't. The problem arises when you can't even recognize the person in the photo because they're so far off what they've claimed to be.
	Last edited by findtime; 03-10-2005 at 02:29 PM.

03-21-2005, 06:44 PM	#12 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Misrepresentation.. And don't forget that everytime you update your ad it shows to those reading it - it's almost like you just posted an ad for the first time - so your responses increase, making it well worthwhile to update it. I am greatly guilty of the out of date pictures, my avatar here is like 6 years old but every time I change it people yell at me, so I leave it. I think I've only allowed pictures to be taken of me twice in the last year - once while on a trip last summer and again when I got my current hairstyle (self-photo), there has also been quite a weight loss in between. Of course, I don't have any currently active ads so I'm not misleading anyone. This thread has brought up a great question of how often should you update your ad pics... and another question... How often do you actually update your ad pics? And (be honest) how old are the pics that are currently attached to your ad?

03-21-2005, 06:47 PM	#13 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Misrepresentation.. I did want to add one thing.... No one would be dissapointed if someone had posted an old pic if say they had lost 40lbs since the pic was taken, or changed their hair, etc in such a way that they were now MORE attractive..... would they?

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