Issues With Ad Sites

[JennyMac]

Okay,

Is it just me or are these ad sites completely frustrating?

Has anyone else run into frustrations with them? Here is our dillema:

We post an ad, no picture mind you, but we still get numerous responses and I always am sure to tell them that if they contact us, I will send a picture, no problem. That's not the issue though. The issue is that you have people that show seemingly genuine interest. You email them, tell them you are interested in getting to know them better, they email you back saying sure you sound cool, send me a picture, you send them a picture, they send you back whatever "flirt" button that ad site has (wink, tickle, flirt, show interest, whatever) and invite you into their network of buddies. You email them again and they fall of the face of the earth and you get no response. ??????? Am I missing something here.. this has happened more than just a couple of times.

They've seen you pictures, you've seen theirs, you both show interest by inviting each other into networks/buddy list and then they never talk to you again? What is that about?

Sorry, I guess I'm just annoyed and needed to vent.

Jenn

[JustAskJulie]

What ad sites are you using? The first thought that comes to my mind when you mention the "flirts" and "winks" is that maybe it's an issue where they've reached the end of their free trial or the limit on how much they can communicate without having to pay?

I haven't really dealt with any of the swinger sites that have these options but the dating sites I've used that had those just ended up being a pain in the ass. Typically people who were unpaid members could use those and (maybe) could respond to a message (maybe!), and so often people would just do the free ad and that's all they could do, so you ended up with these one -sided conversations, or people constantly winking back and forth playing chicken to see who would actually fork out the money for a paid membership first to actually start a real communication.

[JennyMac]

Julie,

The main one that we are on is AFF.
I guess that's possible, but a couple of the women contacted us many times. We traded photos, then yahoo ids & email addresses. They seemed genuinely interested and then just disappear!

I thought I had read somewhere on here that a lot of people had encountered people not really being serious on these ad sites. They email you to proposition you and then when you respond, they just ignore you.

What's the point of being on an ad site if you don't want to be contacted?

I was just annoyed, that's all... I'm sure I'll live )


Jenn

[graygo98]

We used AFF for a while. Still do, but not too actively. Met some nice people through it, but quickly learned to ignore "winks" and be suspicious of people with large (or any) "networks"

If you can't be bothered to actually write a few words that respond to our profile then you are either not very serious or inarticulate. We are not too interested in either case. As to the "network "types, we concluded that many of them are either pic collectors or were into AFF as their hobby. Once again, not interested.

In the late fall we started going to clubs. Off premise, so far, as not only is that our comfort level for now, but that is also by far the most common option where we live. We are having a blast. Not only are we meeting great people, but its just so much fun. Also, its a real treat to get away from trying to sort out who is real from who is not. If they are there, at least they exist! Try it, its fun!

[BloomoCoupleFun]

We're not the best to say for sure but what you describe about AFF is pretty much our own experience too. At first we used to be put off by people who seemed to press quickly for a meeting. Now we prefer them.

We have had much better success meeting 'real' people through swinglifestyle.com and a little through swappernet.com although both of their interfaces are poor to awful compared to the feature set on the AFF site network. But all the extra bells and whistles often don't help you find the real people behind the ads.

And we found it helped to always post some sort of pics with any ad. Drops the wasted emails in half almost immediately. We know its important to us to get even a glance at a potential new partner so we have grown suspicious of no-pic accounts -- if they are supported only by 1-2 line generic descriptions.

But that said we have met some wonderful people thorugh AFF. Just that only about 10%-20% of them seem to be "for real". Seems that the more you chat, email and lead up to a meeting the more likely somebody will back out. Maybe its just folks overthinking things...

[JustAskJulie]

AFF is pretty much bottom of the barrel for swingers. I know quite a few people who have managed to find another couple through it (myself included) but the overall success rate is much better on sites that are more geared towards swingers.

Also, what are you looking for? AFF is the WORST place to find single females - even tho it seems like there are more there than anywhere else - 99% of them are fakes of one sort or another (guys pretending in order to get pictures, women/guys with websites just trying to get email addresses of people to get them to their website, etc, etc.).

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Of course it depends on where you live- but- we have had great success with SwingLifeStyle.

[CB_n_Red]

My turn to be controversial.....

We've actually found AFF to be pretty useful and we've made a quite a number of genuine contacts through it (and played with several of them). I suspect that the smaller user base here is what makes the difference. In contrast to that, we have found Swing Lifestyle to be pretty well useless for us here.

No surprise that we do better on UK based sites than either of those though.

CB

[JustAskJulie]

I have a feeling you are right CB_n_Red.... you guys are probably on a different part of AFF than US users.... whereas there are probably very few users on Swing Lifestyle in your area... the best ad sites tend to vary depending on where you are located.

[dutch51]

We've run into that kind of stuff, too, Jennymac, and it drives us nuts too. Whey waste time writing to someone if you know you have no intention of ever talking to them again? We've had that happen too- someone sends us an email cause they loved our profile, want to chat, etc. so we reply and then nothing from them again. We joke about how maybe they just want to see how many people they can get to actually acknowledge them, but I think that may be the case sometimes.

We've had accounts with Swing Lifestyle and Swappernet and have had to deal with a fair amount of "fluff" on both sites. We never bothered with AFF based on a lot of reviews we'd read.

People talk a lot about wanting couples that are "for real," and I guess that's one of the things they mean. If we write to a couple, it's because we honestly are interested in getting to know them and actually meet them. We never write to someone we wouldn't meet if given the opportunity. Doesn't mean there will be any playing in the future, but we don't want to waste anyone's time either. If they write to us first, we do respond and try to get to know them, but then they sometimes just disappear for whatever reason. I think Julie had a good point about some of them right being free members too.

We understand your vent, we've felt the same way. But things will improve and hopefully the next great couple for you is just around the corner!

[lcjtsd]

We have ads on both Swing Lifestyle and AFF. When we started, we were looking for other couples. We find that Swing Lifestyle, here on Vegas anyway, is full of "HOT" couples looking for other "HOT" couples. We're just your average people next door so Swing Lifestyle hasn't worked for us.

As for AFF, we have found plenty of guys to play with and use AFF for that.

As far as the couples thing, we have decided to go to a swinger club for that. We plan on visiting Couples Oasis. We have talked to others who have been there and unlike the other places here in town, it seems to be full of other couples (no single guys) so we feel that the chances of meeting another couple are greatly increased.

Also, with the ad sites, all you have to go on are the pics. Honestly, how many people really look like their pictures? The guys we have met look a lot better in person. Other threads have mentioned that personality goes a lot further than looks and you won't find out their personality by just looking at a picture.

So, for us anyway, we feel that if you are looking for another couple, the best bet would be a club setting where you can actually talk to the people. Everyone knows it's hard enough to find four people to play where everyone is interested. If all you went by were the pics, no one would get together.

Bottom line, AFF has been good for us to meet single guys, Swing Lifestyle has been useless. We'll let you know how C.O. works out.

[hfire269]

We have ads on Swinginit and Swing Lifestyle. We've meet a couple of poeple but more often then not we message some one and never get a response back. Not even "Sorry not interested." I think thats the most frustrating part. Espiecally since you know that they have read the message.

[NotsoNew]

We have had very good luck with Swing Lifestyle. It is our main site to meet new people.

Sure, there are people out there that may not know what they are looking for or are just out to collect pictures. But our pictures (identifying ones) are hidden. We do open pictures for those that ask that we feel comfortable with. We have also gotten some people who after viewing our pictures don't write back, but we just take it in stride. We do try to answer everyone who contacts us, but are not always the best at it.

We have met a lot of great couples on Swing Lifestyle. Don't give up just because there are a couple of *#@holes out there...

Good luck!

[todesireu]

The pic collectors bug us the most. Swing Lifestyle hasn't been very useful either. People we've contacted there either disappear for no apparent reason after a number of email contacts where it looks like we'll set up a meeting. That or they just plain ignore you.
We've had better luck here by far.

[Fornafair]

I have belonged to a number of sites off and on- AFF, Alt.com (owned by AFF), Alt.matchmaker.com, swingers date club, and the longest, Bisexualplayground.com (BP). I'm a single guy and I found most couples had no interest in single guys (even at BP, which kind of surprised me, most couples wanted single women or other couples only). I'm quite surprised couples have a hard time finding what they want, I would have thought that would be easy.

I have also encountered a couple of instances when I had very detailed email exchanges with a couple about what we could do together-email cyber sex really, but when it came down to actually getting together, they either backed out in a panic or just disappeared from the site. It seems there are a lot of people who enjoy the thrill of enticing someone, but aren't really interested in any more than that.

I prefer to be discrete and don't post a pic which I realize is a disadvantage, but I also offer to send one if I get a reply. I saw a picture of a client on a site once, so it doesn't seem like such a hot idea. Some sites let you post nude pics, but it seems a 50/50 split between folks who like them and those who find them offensive so I don't bother.