Responding to ads?

[havefun2gether]

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on how to respond to other people's ads? What is it generally that couples and or singles are looking for?

It seems that the story of my life are the ones interested in meeting are miles away. So needless to say it gets to be a bit frustrating at times. I have chatted in the room a few times and everyone in there seems to be very friendly. Now only if i could meet some people that were close. lol.

thanks,

havefun2gether

[JustAskJulie]

Respond openly and honestly. Point out something in their ad that caught your interest and tell them a bit about yourself. Give them a link to your profile, let them konw you are interested then leave the ball in their court.

What would you want in a response to your own ad? Or do you care? If you don't care how people respond to you so long as they want to hook up that alone might be your problem.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Respond openly and honestly. Point out something in their ad that caught your interest and tell them a bit about yourself. Give them a link to your profile, let them konw you are interested then leave the ball in their court.

Dito

Only contact them once.

If you don't hear anything then assume they're not interested. If they send you a 'No thanks', don't contact them again.

[NotsoNew]

We are very upfront when posting to ads. If something like extreme distance or not just a good fit are evident, we send a polite yet direct response.

How far is too far? Don't limit yourselves. An hour or two (drive or fly time) is not too far to meet great friends if you really feel that your are compatable. Not sure if you have other factors that may challage this meeting.

Quality not quantity...

Good luck!!

[northindycpl]

Mr. Indy is usually the one that takes the time to search through the ads. he highlights them and in the morning I look at the ones he liked and I like them, I send them a very quick response.

Usually I say something like " We looked at your profile and think it sounds interesting. Please view ours and let us know what you think. "

That's it. If they respond, then we will talk to them. If not, thne we assume they aren't interested and move on.

We not only look at ads in our state, but also in the surrounding states. There is always a half way point, or we could just make it a long weekend. Works for us!

[EternallySingle]

First, you have to know what kind of people you would like to meet, and only look for people who have filled out enough information to show they meet your standards. Unfortunately most single women and couples, especially in the area you and I live, really think they just have to say "Fun couple/single woman looking for other couples, single women, and select single men for fun" and they will find people with the qualities they want. Well, they might. Everyone that considers themselves fun will write, and they can spend weeks sorting through the messages from the first hour their ad was online.

I limit myself to contacting people that specifically say they are looking for single men, and even then only if something in their profile matches something I've written in mine. I've only contacted two couples and four single women since making that change in my approach, however, because most of the single women and couples that I would be compatible with (according to their ads alone) don't live anywhere near the Southwest Michigan/NorthWest Indiana/Northeast Illinois area. There may be somethat are local, but they don't have anything in their profile other than they want a guy thats for real (DUH!).

All the people I contacted since using this more restrictive standar have responded back to me, but mainly to say they weren't meeting single men right now. One woman that said that, however, still writes twice a month or so just to chat on a friendly level. As for the others I wrote without making sure they met the new standard I have set for those I would contact? No response from them. Most have even deleted the email without opening it...probably because they were not seriously interested in meeting single men for any reason. Some couples genuinely look for single men online. Most don't. The ones that do will usually have one or two paragraphs describing what they are looking for in a single man WITHOUT being negative. I found that the ones that are negative when saying they are looking for single men aren't serious about meeting single men. They may be very nice and genuinely affectionate to the single men they meet and play with without using swing sites, but often have a very ... uh ... bad attitude towards single men on swingsites. They are not bad people, but are blinded by either a bad experience or misconception based on someone else's bad experience or their own moral values (The "If you're so great why do you need to use the internet to meet people to have sex with" syndrome). Better to not try and convince them otherwise and look for people genuinely looking for you.

Of course, a second option, if you have a job that allows you to travel, is to write people in areas you travel to, and form a genuine friendship with them. That way you can get first hand honest information about places to go (and not go), as well as have built in contacts, for when you need to be bailed out of jail and don't want to call your boss (did I just say that?). Well, you should do that anyway, people talk, and women talk to other women about men in a disturbingly frequent way. The more people there are that like you on a swingsite, the more likely someone will say something to someone else in an email or chatroom that points them in your direction.

But thats just my long winded, I-hate-to-always-be-right opinion.

Originally Posted by havefun2gether

.....It seems that the story of my life are the ones interested in meeting are miles away.....
havefun2gether

That may be on purpose.

We only met single males through the internet that lived at least 100 miles away. We didn't want anyone to close in case he turned out to be a phsyco or something. Distance is good.

So it might not be that the couples in your area aren't interested in you, it may be you are just to close for comfort.

When we would get mail from single men in the local area we would tell them No thanks.

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

That may be on purpose.

We only met single males through the internet that lived at least 100 miles away. We didn't want anyone to close in case he turned out to be a phsyco or something. Distance is good.

So it might not be that the couples in your area aren't interested in you, it may be you are just to close for comfort.

When we would get mail from single men in the local area we would tell them No thanks.

Because of an email I got earlier, I was going to post this as a new topic, but the Naughtys bring up a good point. Sometimes its not good for a single man to swing with people he could run into everyday.

I recently received an unsolicited email from a couple in my town, and they were berating me about cheating on my girlfriend by being on Swing Lifestyle. Why? They said they knew she wasn't into swinging, because they had approached her on two different occasions. They also said they had warned others that had an interest in me that I wasn't a single man, but have been in a relationship with a friend of theirs for three years and was trying to use swinging as a way to cheat on her.

Well, the truth is that the woman who is supposedly my girlfriend is my best friend. We both work for the same charity (actually, we are 1/3 of the staff ) and go to the same church, so we are together a lot. Mostly organizing or supervising events like camping or bowling or taking them to plays. Handsome man, beautiful woman, both single, laughing over pictures in coffee shops, almost always together...what would you think?

As for the Naughtys only seeing men 100+ miles away, it makes sense to me now, after reading that email, but not for the reason they gave. Its much easier to make a good impression on people that don't already have a preconceived notion of who you are, and even in a big city, eventually, someone you contact in your city will know someone you work with or lives in your neighborhood. And when someone wants to believe you are one thing, its nearly impossible to convince them they are wrong about you.

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

That may be on purpose.

We only met single males through the internet that lived at least 100 miles away. We didn't want anyone to close in case he turned out to be a phsyco or something. Distance is good.

So it might not be that the couples in your area aren't interested in you, it may be you are just to close for comfort.

When we would get mail from single men in the local area we would tell them No thanks.

The thumping sound you hear is me pounding my head on my desk. That is why most of the email I receive is from couples/single women 150-250 miles away. I am so stupid!!!!! I wondered WTH was up with that. I have driven it and met a couple, but hey I can't drive that far that often. Overnight or three day trips take planning and money. I am staying pretty busy in my own area, but at least that explains why people that far away are emailing me. Thank you, Naughtys

edit: PS, Spring will be here soon. Motorcycles travel pretty cheap.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

edit: PS, Spring will be here soon. Motorcycles travel pretty cheap.

WOOO HOOO! And the Bean Blossom Motorcycle weekend thing in Indiana is worth the trip..... Look for us.... we will be the ones in the SUV

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by havefun2gether

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on how to respond to other people's ads? What is it generally that couples and or singles are looking for?

This has come up before, so I'll just paraphrase what I said then...

First, if you've never had a girlfriend or serious love interest, get one. I don't mean just "any" girl either. I mean one you'd keep, marry, have babies, share your 401K with. The kind of girl you send flowers to, for no reason at all. Now, imagine for a moment you're still in that relationship. You want to "spice up" your marriage, and you feel one way of doing that would be to ask another man to join you in bed. By the mere act of contacting this gentleman, you will be sharing a level of intimacy and trust with him that you've never shared with another living soul.

What kind of man would YOU be looking for? Are YOU that kind of man?

When you can honestly answer both of those questions, the answer to your original question will be obvious to you. Until then, no amount of explanation will do...

[havefun2gether]

To everyone that responded,

I'd like to thank you for all your responses, all of them made perfect sense. And to add, the ones that I do talk to we all have formed a friendship. I do find it more rewarding to get to know the ones that I talk to rather than cyber, just doesn't do it for me. I'd much rather get to know someone and develop the friendship and if it leads to more than great but if not, that's great as well as I know I've made a friend(s).

I guess one way to look at trying to meet other couples and single women as a job interview. You really have to sell yourself to that person(s).

thanks again,

havefun2gether