Online swingers- they will IM & Webcam but won't meet

[curiousagain]

Oh, if I had a dollar for everytime some one wanted to IM with me. And, I have IM'd with a lot of people and quite a few attractive ladies have done a lot of interesting things on webcams for me. BUT, not a single one of these people have ever actually met with me. It seems they will hound me to death to IM with them, but once they show the goods or have some "stimulating" conversations they are done and can't be found.

Now, I don't have a webcam and if I did, I am not going to do any interesting things on it for someone's enjoyment. I am a voyeur and exhibitionist to a degree. In other words, if we are all in the same room. NOT on the internet.

Is it just me or do others find this to be the same with them. And, if you are one of those people/couples that likes to flaunt it over the webcam, is that all you want to do?? I am to the point I am going to start refusing to IM with people unless someone can figure out what I am doing wrong and I can fix it.
I am open to any ideas at this point.

Time is a precious commodity and I am not going to waste any more time on IM with people who are probably not going to really meet up with me anyway.

[EvilMJ]

Gee,.....if I didn't live a gazillion miles away I would jump at the chance to meet you (with hubby in tow ofcourse ).

I agree with you on the webcam thing. I guess i am just not an exhibitionist either, other than in the bedroom or on the dance floor.

I also have to agree on the time aspect of things. We are all busy people and it's hard enough to find time to fit in normal activites let alone swinger play dates. I am a face to face kinda gal and really don't think you can get the full gist of a personality until you get to see their body language that goes with it , and the all important eye contact. I don't like to waste a lot of time IM'ing on a computer, I save that for my friends that live far away and just want to keep in touch.

So I realize that this does not answer your question...I guess I am pretty much in the dark as well. Maybe make it clear early on that you perfer not to spend a lot of time IM'ing and usually have a conversation via phone before setting a first meeting.....perhaps that might weed out the faint of heart.

[northindycpl]

No... it isn't you! We have experienced some of the same frustrations as a couple.

Same old Scenerio.... Couple reviews our profile on Swing Lifestyle...Couple emails reply to profile...we check out couple and reply to their profile... they say 'lets chat'...we chat...we ask our questions and figure out if they are compatable...If yes, we say 'lets meet for coffee'...they say 'lets chat s'more'

We are sick of it too! Now we have been asked repeatedly to 'cam' but to tell you the truth...it ain't gonna happen with us! Who has the time for that?

In our opinion, they have already seen our pictures, chatted with us, and probably have been sent more pictures. The next logical step to me is meet to see if there is chemistry, if not we go our separate ways. No big deal.

I guess I think there are others, who for the sake of this argument, just want to chat, or came or email. They are on the cusp of wanting to swing and actually swinging. I thought they were all just contacting me! Nice to know we aren't alone!

To be honest, one of the first things we ask a prospect, is would they like to meet for coffee. I have gotten pretty blunt about it, too. I will say something like...'It seems we have a lot of the same interests, and our rules of play gel well... would you like to meet for coffee at the starbucks, and see if there is any chemistry between us?'

If they saw no, then I reply... 'Well then.. I wish you guys good luck in your search for the perfect couple. We are at the meet and greet stage of our lives, and that is what we are looking for. take care, bye-bye'

End of dicussion. I think the same rule applies with singles. We are approached by singles, mostly single men (or so they say) and we use the same message to them.

It is a shame that women treat you this way... you are a damned fine man!

[curiousagain]

Most of these people wanted to IM after I had sent photos so I assume I am not frightening them off. I like that idea, couple of emails, exchange pics, then meet or move on. By Golly, that is a good plan. If I am interested in a couple I certainly wouldn't have a problem meeting them for a beer or coffee and paying for it. So, what would they have to lose??? If they aren't interested enough to do that, they probably aren't interested in getting nekkid and naughty with me.
Thanks

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

If I am interested in a couple I certainly wouldn't have a problem meeting them for a beer or coffee and paying for it.

Golly, who wouldn't want to meet you for a free beer... especially if you go without the shirt! I mean I would do it, even if I had to pay!

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

Golly, who wouldn't want to meet you for a free beer... especially if you go without the shirt! I mean I would do it, even if I had to pay!

Sounds like the perfect date to me....ofcourse I am Canadian ....beer is a staple!!

[JustAskJulie]

I am with you CuriousAgain. I've never been into the Im/webcam thing. I'd much rather exchange no more than a few emails and then meet, see if we click and go from there.

[robnbarb]

Every IM we have had has been a desaster. I have no idea why.

I take that back there is one exeption. A couple who ititally just wanted Stimulating convo, but is now interested in meeting us (but just meet, no activities) but the point is that they were very up front with thier intentions.

Also, if you add my wife to the mix of ladies wanting a tennesse road trip, that means you have a whole caravan of ladies wanting to head your way man, so don't worry about it too much LOL

[talltxlady]

There are a lot of people that we've come across that just want the cyber chat, and / or explicit picture exchange. We've gotten better at finding those people and ending the conversation very quickly. We've found that if you start out trying to find out when and where you might hook up in person, and refuse to talk too dirty or sent explicit pics, they disappear rather quickly.

That being said, if I've met someone in person, and/or played with them even a little, i'm more willing to chat them up when we have tidbits of time.

Hope this helps.

talltxlady (wife of the wonderful hytril)

[good times]

Boy I hear what your saying, I did IM for about a week once and then removed all IM software from my computer and haven't looked back. And anyone who has been on our weekly chat session here, and seen me on there, knows I am obviously no good at chat. I don't type fast enough, and have had no practice. If someone contacts us and wants to chat we tell them we would be more than happy to meet them or call them on the phone but we don't do chat. And I have a hard time taking a decent picture of myself with a regular camera so I'm not about to do the webcam thing (if I had a webcam on right now you couldn't see me over my cluttered desk anyway).

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

Oh, if I had a dollar for everytime some one wanted to IM with me. And, I have IM'd with a lot of people and quite a few attractive ladies have done a lot of interesting things on webcams for me. BUT, not a single one of these people have ever actually met with me. It seems they will hound me to death to IM with them, but once they show the goods or have some "stimulating" conversations they are done and can't be found.

Time is a precious commodity and I am not going to waste any more time on IM with people who are probably not going to really meet up with me anyway.

I never became fond of Instant Messaging as a way to meet swingers. I tried it maybe four times at the beginning of our search, and decided then, never again.

I rarely use it now for any reason. It feels hollow and empty to me, unless I know the person well enough to feel connected to them. Then it is only used for a quick hello or fun. Never for serious discussions.

On occassion, when I'm in my *dirty girl mood* I like to flirt with my swing couple. But even they learned on the first day we e-mailed each other that I prefer e-mail to IM.

If we are contacted by couples who only write to say they want to chat or exchange pictures, it's a red flag. When people contact us who have a profile I'm interested in, I'll write back and let them know we don't do chats. I believe in getting a phone call in soon after e-mail begins, if the call goes well, we set a date to meet.

I think a lot of people on ad sites are being sexually satisfied through chats and webcams and have no intention of ever meeting people.

LM

[curiousagain]

I am glad it's not just me. I had suspected those quick to chat and swap pics but slow to meet were just getting their kicks doing that, and don't have much if any intentions of doing anything else.

I guess I can had this to the list of rules.

[Pepper & Drew]

Well, I must confess....my name is Pepper, and I'm a chatter. That's our preferred mode of getting to know a couple a little bit before meeting them. We've found the phone to be a little awkward, so IM is a way to find out preliminary things and see if they are capable of having a conversation. However, we don't like to do endless chatting before meeting and we don't do webcamming. As a matter of fact, with one of our play couples, we were initially contacted through Swing Lifestyle, exchanged handles, chatted a morning or two later, and met them that afternoon. Perhaps if you're REALLY anti-chat, take Northindycpl's suggestion.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

WE hate IM, and the phone too for that matter. We'll do the phone for verification only, as it seems to relax some couples- but it does nothing for us. We view the phone as- "give us just the facts please."

IM is horrible. It takes 10 times as long to have a conversation as it does on the phone- and we already told you we don't like the phone. Face to face is MUCH better- actually enjoyable. You get the body language, the smells, and the feel- if only but a handshake or a hug. Much better to meet in person.

[EternallySingle]

I IM with old high school, college, and Army buddies all the time. Its way cheaper than the telephone and if I start a private Yahoo chatroom, we can all hook up our microphones and actually talk to each other as if we were sitting around the living room. All for the price of the internet connection cost ($19.95 for me). But thats with people I've known all my life or shared life and death experiences with. I even managed to hook up a guy I knew in elementary school and junior high with a woman I met in Texas. They were both talking to me in Yahoo, saw they lived in the same town, and now I'm going to Corpus Christi (I hope) in June for their wedding.

But thats with people I know I have things in common with. Sunday, a woman, out of the blue, pm'd me in Yahoo and wrote two lines, then DINGED me every thirty seconds. I logged off, blocked her, then went back online and went back to chatting with my friends around the world. IM, chat, and webcam is just like the telephone. Its great if you are talking to someone you just cannot get into your car and go see on a whim, but its tedious with people you don't know and you find out you don't want to know.