Looking & answering to swinger ads separate or together

[Highway Sexy]

I was interested in finding out how do you as a couple look and answer to swinger ads in the Internet together or apart. The reason is because recently I had an unpleasant experience with my wife who not only chatted with this guy but send e-mails the SwingLifestyle site without me knowing. The purpose was to met him and his wife at a club we had already plan to go Saturday night. He was there allright but not his wife and was kind of stalking her preety much all night. My wife only told me after the fact that he chatted with him by accident since she never did tried the new feature of chatting before. I thought that couples before they met should talk at least through the phone to ensure all parties agreed to meet. I look at the site but I do not answer any mails without first consulting with my wife. This expirience has left me a bad taste in my mouth So I was very interested in finding out how do you tackle this issue? and I don't want to make an issue anymore with her.

[scky_cpl_4_bif]

<---Speaking from personal experience only---I, the female half, typically does the searches and whatnot. I also am the one to instigate a form of mail on that site. However, even though the Mr. here doesn't regularly participate in writing, he has viewed, at my request, each and every mail that gets sent. Some he doesn't care to read, just because he doesn't. Others he reads and intensely awaits the reply with me. Alot of it would depend on the profile.

I would say that you need to set some additional ground rules regarding mailing, conversing, etc.... before a "date" is set. We have yet to make that date, but I would never consider it without his knowledge and absolutely not without his consent. To do less for he and I would constitute a lack of respect.

~M

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by scky_cpl_4_bif

I would say that you need to set some additional ground rules regarding mailing, conversing, etc.... before a "date" is set. We have yet to make that date, but I would never consider it without his knowledge and absolutely not without his consent. To do less for he and I would constitute a lack of respect.

~M

I agree that was not right. Not only was it a disservice to you, but also to the potential couple (although it turned out not to be a couple) you would be meeting. I wouldn't want to walk into a situation where I was meeting a person who had no idea I was there to meet them. Talk to your wife, explain why it left a bad taste in your mouth, and work toward this situation not happening again.

[ChrisandMia]

If its one thing im learning in this game or lifestyle is there will always need to be rules set first. Thats what me ane mia have talked about alot

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Highway Sexy

I was interested in finding out how do you as a couple look and answer to swinger ads in the Internet together or apart.

We will look at ads together and separately, as well as answer and write e-mails together and separately. When one of us does send an e-mail, we always tell the other about it and a copy is always saved for the other to read if they want.

We however do not set up meetings with anyone without first talking to each other about it.

The key is communication and not going behind your SO back to do anything.

Teresa

[Highway Sexy]

Thank you for all your responses. I needed that. scky_cpl_4_bif - I agreed with you it was lack of respect on her part. I just don't know what got into her. She likes to use the chat room from previous times and I don't like chat rooms. So we have set a new rule not to do this again and to always always let the other party know about what's going on. Like you we have yet to make a proper date. Pepper and Drew - Yes I did talk to my wife about it the next day and she knows it was not right what she did, specially giving him the address to the club we were going. Yes rules are very important in this lifestyle ChrissanMia and I realize they will change as one gets more experience. I guess this event was a learning experience for both of us. TNT, you said the key is communication, and I thought that's what we have, but I guess no matter how good you can communicate, things will fall through the cracks at times. Thanks again for your feedback, these were good points you all have raised.

[KarlnRenee]

We will search profiles but neither of us make contact with couples until we've both looked at the profile and agree that we're interested. I don't know if that will change as time goes on but that's the way it's been since we started.

Glad to hear it worked out with you and your wife.

[Highway Sexy]

Originally Posted by KarlnRenee

We will search profiles but neither of us make contact with couples until we've both looked at the profile and agree that we're interested. I don't know if that will change as time goes on but that's the way it's been since we started.

Glad to hear it worked out with you and your wife.

That really sounds like a winner! after all both parties should agreed that they are both interested. I'm just wondering how long you being doing this way and do you both pick up special times when to look at profiles together since we all have to work and do all the other things that need to run a household and family. It seems that at our end, is rarely initiated by either one of us. I usually check if we got any e-mails. I guess we are passive in that respect.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Well we sort of tag team to keep track of the emails and profiles but we always read emails together and then one of us will respond and wait to send it until the other has read it. For instance we got an email from a single male this morning that we've been conversing with so tonight when I was coming home from my nail appointment Mr Spoo told me on the phone that he was writing a reply and would have it finished for me to read by the time I got home.

We also have a call rule once we start exchanging numbers with a couple or single. The single males and male half of a couple get his cell number, the wife gets mine. And we never ever make meeting plans without agreeing together.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Highway Sexy]

Mrs Spoomonkey, your response was an excellent one too. We will surely implement this rule about the e-mails and exchanging numbers as well. This person my wife contacted on her own was as rude as well and I certainly didn't like him one bit at the club last saturday. For example what kind of jerk would send the latest e-mail to my wife like this? "Sorry but I doubt that my wife would be interested in playing with your husband. Nevertheless, if you want a big cock and some pussy your welcome to play with us." Any feedback on this? What impression do you get from this e-mail.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Highway Sexy

Mrs Spoomonkey, your response was an excellent one too. We will surely implement this rule about the e-mails and exchanging numbers as well. This person my wife contacted on her own was as rude as well and I certainly didn't like him one bit at the club last saturday. For example what kind of jerk would send the latest e-mail to my wife like this? "Sorry but I doubt that my wife would be interested in playing with your husband. Nevertheless, if you want a big cock and some pussy your welcome to play with us." Any feedback on this? What impression do you get from this e-mail.

Wow! That would totally enrage me! Mr Spoomonkey suggested having your wife email him back and say, "Thanks but I have a big cock and it's not attached to a prick!!" And then that would end all conversation and contact with them.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[growgirl]

It's been interesting to me to read the different replies to this question. I am the "front woman" in our searches... so as we put it, I'm the chooser, he's the approver. If we get an email, growguy gets to read it and see their profile before I respond. If I see/read a profile I like, however, I will often send the initial query email without his prior knowledge. But out of respect, will not make any kind of meet plans without him knowing and approving! It's something you just have to talk about and find your comfort zone. Being on the same page as to who/what you are looking for is paramount, you really have to do a LOT of talking in order to really HEAR what the other person is saying sometimes. It's easy to think you know what the other person thinks or wants, but it has to be put out there and discussed until both of you know exactly what was agreed on.

Sometimes I think growguy is a luddite, he avoids the computer like the plague. I have to tell him "hey, why don't you go get online and browse some and see if we have any mail?"

HTH, just my .02,
GG

[Highway Sexy]

I always check for e-mails but what I do avoid is the chatrooms I just don't like them but my wife likes it that's how she got herself in trouble and led to this thread. Sound like you got a good plan too in answering ads.

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

Wow! That would totally enrage me! Mr Spoomonkey suggested having your wife email him back and say, "Thanks but I have a big cock and it's not attached to a prick!!" And then that would end all conversation and contact with them.

Mrs Spoomonkey

I see this being copied and pasted around the world to use in replys when needed. roflmao