Want to try DP, but not with hubby in my ass

[F16AV8R]

I'll try to keep this short, but we are in quite a dichotomy. Hubby and I have been married for nearly 11 years. I am deeply in love with him and we waited nearly four years while dating before having sex. Good thing too because if I had seen his penis before we were so much in love, I am not so sure we would have kept dating. His penis is circus big and it scared the hell out of me to think he eventually would want to put it in me. After a lot of conversation and explaining my fears, we finally did it. OH MY GOD, I thought I would die but he was very patient, slow and loving. We've been married 11 years now and have great kids and a super marriage. We atarted swinging with some close friends a few years ago but usually the husband of the other couple would politely back out once my husband's penis size became an issue The women usually joke about it and with patience, everything works out. Oddly, this issue bothers my husband and he is not one to get his self-esteem from his penis size. It has actually cost us some great friends and playmates. OK, I'll try to get to the point...So, we have finally met a single male who has become a close friend and I want us to share with. The three of us have discussed it and it looked as though all was a go. Here is the problem...I have never tried a DP and I think it would be fun. Hubby has never been in my ass because frankly I don't want to get hurt or suffer any damage. Afterall, if this lifestyle isn't fun and brings pain, then why do it. I want my husband to take me normally and allow our young stud friend to take me anally. Hubby is hurt by this and says he doesn't want another man to have me in a way he hasn't and I really don't want to allow. I do love my hubby and would love to experience that type of closeness with him, but the laws of physics still apply and there is no way I could accomodate him there. I'm sorry! It is still a challenge to have normal intercourse with him and a few shots of vodka always helps a little. So, do I forgo getting my DP? Do I try to talk hubby into allowing our friend to have something I do not give him? What do we do? It's kinda'' funny. Guys always either brag about or complain about their dick size. Truly, I would have preferred my husband had the average 7 or 8 inches.I know he would have been happier with that too. He lost out on several opportunities when we were in college and was considered an oddity. He was very shy and hated some of the nick names. However, I can't help who I fell in love with and if this is an issue we have to deal with, there are worse things. Still, I'd like to experience the DP with my husband but do not want to hurt him and in fact, he is right, another man will have been with me in a way he never will. How should I deal with this?

[Mike and Jan]

Sometimes people get obsessed with things they're deprived of. I can understand why your husband would feel the way he does but it might be because he's never been allowed anal sex himself.
Have you considered finding a woman who could take him anally? There have to be some couples with wives who could and would love to do it. He could find out what it's like and not feel 'left out.
And just maybe then he'd feel comfortable with you letting the husband join you two in a DP.
Good luck and I really hope you work this out to your mutual satisfaction.
Rich

[F16AV8R]

Thanks, Rich. That might be a good idea. I wouldn't mind at all if we found a woman who'd like to allow him this pleasure. I can tell you though that none of my girlfriends would even consider allowing him to have vaginal sex with them much less anal sex. I agree with you though...maybe if we can find a willing female and let him take part in what he now feels he is denied, maybe that will help facilitate our DP. Thanks for taking the time to post

[LikeMinds321]

My first thought is that you haven't yet experienced anal sex and you are jumping way ahead if you are thinking about arranging a DP play session with another guy. (Or bringing another woman in.)

Anal is different for many reasons: hygiene wise you need to get yourself ready for this type of play. Also, just because you find a man with an average size penis doesn't mean it's going to feel good to you.

I would suggest starting out with you and your husband exploring this by him using his well lubricated fingers (he should wear a latex glove) to massage, relax and stimulate you. You need to get used to feeling the sensations that go along with anal penetration. It is very different than vaginal.

Once you are able to relax your sphincter you might try having your husband use a condom covered dildo in you. Very slowly.

This might give you both the chance to explore this more - together - before jumping into a threesome DP experience that could do more damage than good if you aren't aware of what to expect.

Good luck.

LM

[jcbicouple]

We can understand why your husband would not want another man to have a part of you that you won't allow him to have, as well as why he would not want another man to please you in a way that he can not.
You need to be sympathetic to your partners feelings if you want him to ever consider doing this. (Neither of us would want to share the other one in a way that we wouldn't have each other.) We suggest you take Likeminds suggestions, and try starting with that. You may be surprised to find that with the same patience and tenderness that allowed you to take your husband vaginally, you can take him anally. If you're physically not able to take him, but enjoy the manual stimulation he gives you, he may be more open to the idea of letting someone else enter you from behind, but he needs to know that he can please you in the way you want first.

[bear_and_babe]

F16AV8R-

I could have written your post. I have the same "problem", but hubby and I have tried anal with him. He just does not fit. However I have always wanted to try anal. I finally had my chance with a long time swing partner. Bear and I talked about it, would it hurt him if I let another guy do something that he could not do? He was very supportive. I think the fact that he was able to do anal with the wife of the couple might have something to do with it. Well, it did take a few tries, but I was finally able to take the other guy. It was very hot as my hubby was there watching the whole thing. My hubby was not the least bit upset. Because he got to watch and see me having fun was good enough for him.

[Vespertine]

Dito!

I agree with the wonderful advice jcbicouple & LikeMinds have already given you.

If your husband is uncomfortable with another man taking you anally, you should respect his feelings and not try to persuade him to change his mind. You sound like you have a healthy swinging relationship and you don't want to strain it.

I think LikeMind's advice about exploring anal play a bit more with your husband is your best bet.

Perhaps when you have your MFM, your guy friend can vaginally enter you while your husband anally stimulates you with his fingers, lips, tongue, dildo, etc.....

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

My first thought is that you haven't yet experienced anal sex and you are jumping way ahead if you are thinking about arranging a DP play session with another guy. (Or bringing another woman in.)

I was thinking the same thing. If you already have a hard time having regular sex with your husband, I honestly can't see you managing to do that while having another man's penis in your ass.

What I would suggest you try first (assuming you haven't already) is buying a dildo or a larger butt plug and use that while having sex with your husband. See how that works out for you before you consider having an actual DP with another guy involved.

If you still want a real DP after that then it's back to your original questions of whether or not to try to convince your hubby to allow you to do something with someone else that you won't do with him.... and I'd have to say no. Just think about how you'd feel in the same situation. Say, for instance, that he would never have oral sex with you but then you started swinging and saw that he was giving other women oral sex. That would hurt you as much as the idea you are trying to push on him hurts him.

[F16AV8R]

Good advice from all and thanks for taking the time to help us out. OK, well, I have had anal stimulation before but not from my husbands penis. He has put his finger in my butt as we were having regular sex. It felt great. I understand his feelings and I would so much love for it to be his penis in my ass rather than anyone elses but that simply is not possible. Like I said, it is circus big. We have tried getting me really tipsy on Long Island Iced Teas and then he has tried to put it in. I really tried my best and relaxed as best I could but even he gave up and said he was afraid of hurting me. It just doesn't fit. Took me a long time to adjust to him vaginally but we are able to work that out. I do not want to hurt him and I will not. I respect his boundaries/feelings but would really love to try a DP. I think he and I just need to talk a little more. If he cannot deal with it, it will be a dead issue. I don't expect to feel resentful, but without his consent, this is something I will never get to try and it is not something I want to exclude him from I just need him to take the front door while we let Shawn take the back. Well, thanks again to all who responded. He'll be back in town in a short while and maybe onced we're back together this will work it's way out. Bye

[Chemistry_0518]

Conditioning should also be considered. Go to one of the variety of toy sites online and purchase a set of buttplugs in graduating sizes. It should be easy to find large ones that will roughly equate to your husband's size. When you find that you can easily insert and remove a particular size, move on to the next large. Always make sure to use a lubricant (I suggest ASTROGLIDE.)

Once you find that you can easily accept the largest, use that plug and whatever other favorite toys you have, stimulate yourself fully, then lube up hubby and go for it. Telaxation is key. Know that he will not intentionally harm you and you will find that accepting him (after being stretched) will come much easier to you.

[anothercouple69]

There's a couple different routes you can go with this....
First off, have you thought of trying a vaginal DP.
Second, you should at least try having your hubby finger
or dildo your ass first to see if it's something that bothers
you or if you like it.

[Hottimes]

Originally Posted by Chemistry_0518

"Always make sure to use a lubricant (I suggest ASTROGLIDE.)" & "(after being stretched) [it] will come much easier to you."

Damn straight... I am always the last person to interject his opinion if it may come across as too harsh or whatnot, but let's be serious! I have seen multiple 12' dildos worked into a sopping wet pusenta, double fistings analy, not to mention both beer and wine bottle TOTAL pentatrations before!!! Circus big??? There is not a penis alive larger than two me's wrists! Practice makes perfect sister. Start out with some small vibrators and butt plugs amd move up to larger toys (and quite possibly kitchen utensils... get creative if you must). Next thing you know you will be accomodating both your husband AND your swing buddy in your ass simeltaneously!!! I have seen it!

Kisses EVERYWHERE

[Dr Jekyll]

I agree with the general consensus from the postings above.

If I was your hubby I'd have never been ok with it... Is very difficult to accept that your partner will do something with someone else but not you. We had situations like that and everytime one of us felt uneasy. Uneasy is a very bad place in swinging... It means you're uncomfortable and not ready to progress to that level.

In your defense I can see how it's something you really want, and it's difficult to accept that we cannot have something, even though all that stands between you and the experience is your SO's consent. But obviously if you really love and cherish them, you'd do anything not to hurt them, and pressuring someone into something they don't want is the best way to hurt...

I'd suggest you practice stretching etc so that your SO can see you're really making an effort to accommodate him. It may even lead to him becoming more accepting of a DP with another man taking you anally earlier even if he hasn't had you... As long as he knows he'll be able to later on...

IMPORTANT, don't make promises you don't intend to keep. There is no better way to make him feel abused.

[DBStPete]

I think Hottimes brings the right perspective. Given sufficient practice, I suspect many women can take more anally than vaginally. Certainly the world of porn, and the size of widely-sold butt plugs, would suggest so.

I think you can both have what you want. Your husband doesn't have a "circus-sized" dick, he's got a large dick. With some practice on your part you can almost certainly take him.

Just imo, and best of luck to you both.

[F16AV8R]

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all of the thoughtful posts and advice you great people have provided here. I think I used the term "circus-sized" as opposed to stating actual measurements because no one would believe it until they have seen it. Frankly, I have never seen a penis this large before and it is more of a problem than a blessing. In fact, it has been a big problem. I indeed want to give all of myself to my husband. I love him. I am willing to try the recommendations you have suggested but I am not talking about a 9 or 10 inch penis that is a little extra thick here. It is massive and although I am not really in pain per se when we have regular sex, the internal pressure from so much being inside of me is distracting at times. I think we'll try a few more times and I'll give it the old college try. If it doesn't work, oh well, there is so much more to our relationship that is so wonderful I can go without the DP. It is indeed fun and very pleasurable having vaginal sex with him when we go slowly at first and have had a few drinks. If he is not insistent about going all the way in, it can feel incredible. When he gets excited though and trys to pound in deep, the pleasure quickly turns to pain. I want to try a penis anally and wish it could be him. If he were shorter and not as thick, we could do it. Again, we'll give it the old college try. Still, the mere length and girth of his penis gives me serious doubt we'll get much past the head of the penis. I think if he were to allow a smaller penis to take me anally (lets say 8 or 9 inches) he to would enjoy our MFM sandwich. I have read all your posts and again, appreciate you great folks putting advice on here but I think until hubby and I can work out our boundaries and limitations, my DP will have to be put on hold.