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MJ616

Wife has been to swingers clubs before but won't tell me about it

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just wondering about getting started - my wife has been to swingers clubs before but hasn't revealed much to me. She hasn't seemed interested because she said it was her ex's idea before. I'm very curious, did she participate when she went before? I can't get a straight answer from her. She's been about 15 times to private clubs. What's your opinion and how do I nudge her to consider again?

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We are brand new ourselves and we have been to a club once and we played around by ourselves but did not engage others. I think only she will know the answer to your one question.

 

The other question about how to nudge is answered simply, it's not a good idea to nudge, it has to come on it's own or not at all. You have made your desire known, it's her choice now.

 

:) Just a newbie's opinion...

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What did you think about your first time? I think we could go and just be w/ each other to start. Did you feel comfortable? Pressured at all? Approached? THanks

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Everyone was friendly. The club we went to used a color coded cup system. Red meant looking for couples, Orange meant looking for singles, & a clear cup meant just mingling. We settled on a clear cup having never done anything like this before. We played pooled with a nice guy. We explored the building. We never once felt pressure. A few people talked to us. We talked to them. I heard the host advising single men getting a tour that they should behave because it would be a shame to have to kick them out. We are looking at going back soon and I think we will be less nervous this go round.

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:welcome3: to the Board, MJ616!

 

Coming from a woman? Don't nudge.

 

You can't drag the truth out of her and nudging is going to make her clam up more.

 

What do we think? You know her better than anyone. What do you think? It might be highly unlikely that you'll be able to nudge her again towards swinging. If it was her ex's idea in the beginning and she feels she was forced or coerced to perform in some way, shape or form, you may never get her in a club ever again.

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MJ I would also not nudge, when and if she's ready to tell you she will. I would assume that if she went to private clubs 15 times, she's done more than just watch, but that's not what's important here. What's important is that you be sensitive to her wishes, if she's not interested, she's not interested. It could be a period in her life that she is not very proud of, could be the reason she is no longer with that bf and is looking for just a monogamous relationship at this point in her life. If you can convince her to go to a club with you to strictly watch and only be with each other that would be a major step. Are you interested in her being with other males or are you interested in fmf? big difference.

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Actually I guess it would be more of a voyeur situation for me. F/F or maybe she and I. I'm not sure I want to go any deeper yet. I'd need to go and see how things go. There's a clothing optional, life style club not too far from us in North GA. How would something like that be for a newbie?

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It's quite easy to go to a club and just observe. And if you feel aroused to the point of play, the two of you can go into a private room alone and act upon it. Like S's Hubby, Mrs. and I had our first experience last week, and apparently at the same place just on a different night. We chatted with some couples, and there was no pressure. Heck we spent 10 minutes talking to one particular couple and it was PG rated at best.

 

You wouldn't be the only voyeur.

 

As for your wife, it seems you're in that sticky limbo where you can't bring it up anymore and you're just hanging around waiting for her to initiate the next round. The only thing I could suggest is the next time you're in the moment, tell her how much you like to see her kiss/touch/be with another woman. It may help get the ball rolling.

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There's a clothing optional, life style club not too far from us in North GA. How would something like that be for a newbie?

 

You would have a good time there I think, as long as she is freely willing to go. You could hang out at the pool and go the evening socials, and probably never even see anybody playing, although there will be lots of nudity around the pool obviously. Most of the playing takes place either in private or at the building that is specifically set up as a play area, and not everybody goes up there after the dance/social, so if you do want to go, then don't.

 

It's kind of a progressive thing and you can stop whenever you are ready. Hanging out by the pool, you will meets lots of nice people, but probably not directly approached to play since most people have fun and sun on their minds then or else are relaxing away the previous night's activities. Evening socials, still pretty much just socializing but everyone dressed to impress and things a little friskier. Go up to the play house, it's likely to be assumed you are interested in playing, although you certainly won't be pressured to.

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If she has not revealed her previous activities upon your questioning I assume that:

1. She may feel embarrassed about her past.

2. She may feel that "you can't handle the truth"

3. She may feel that it happened before so it is irrelevant to your relationship.

 

Or there could be many more options. Of the three I came up with, Im thinking that #2 may most fit the bill based on your questions and your desire to "nudge" the information from her. Why don't you two go to that club with a plan (to watch, to play with each other, etc) and stick to it. Depending upon how you react to the experience, perhaps you're wife will be a bit more forthcoming with her past especially if she sees that you're OK with club fun.

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You would have a good time there I think, as long as she is freely willing to go. You could hang out at the pool and go the evening socials, and probably never even see anybody playing, although there will be lots of nudity around the pool obviously. Most of the playing takes place either in private or at the building that is specifically set up as a play area, and not everybody goes up there after the dance/social, so if you do want to go, then don't.

 

It's kind of a progressive thing and you can stop whenever you are ready. Hanging out by the pool, you will meets lots of nice people, but probably not directly approached to play since most people have fun and sun on their minds then or else are relaxing away the previous night's activities. Evening socials, still pretty much just socializing but everyone dressed to impress and things a little friskier. Go up to the play house, it's likely to be assumed you are interested in playing, although you certainly won't be pressured to.

Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it and will plan on going to the Grove soon. We went there once but it was just during the day (weekday) and sat by the pool. Left after a few hours but it seemed cool. We have been to Paradise Valley resort so nudity doesn't bother us. I'm ok w/ seeing her w/ another woman but I don't know about another man. I'm not sure if she'd be comfortable w/ a f/m/f but I've always been interested. Anyway I really appreciate the input. Although she's been to the grove w/ her ex she said she never went to the (i forget the name of the house). I was just assumed if you go to a life style club you'd participate. Maybe we'll see you there. I'm 53 and she's 43 and live in the GA Mountains.

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If she's unwilling to talk about it then chances are she's not comfortable with it and she's probably telling you the truth that it was her ex's idea to go. At this point she may be worried that if she tells you more you'll want to go too. If she won't even talk to you about it then I wouldn't even consider trying to plan another trip to go. Your posts here are probably exactly why she's hesitant to tell you any more. She may have told you what she did out of a need to be honest with you, but then sensing that you would want to repeat it held back from giving you any more info.

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