Helping wife get past her past trauma

[IndyGirl2004]

I applaud Tarnished Halo for sharing her insights. To the person(s) who feel she should not necessarily add her two cents worth, please try and understand that swinging for many is not an easy decision to make. My husband and I are still in the talking stage and we may never get beyond it and that's okay. Tarnished Halo is a lady who has been in a similar situation to Frenchie's lady and has something to add..........something for us all to think about. Obviously, Tarnished Halo has had some differing feelings about the lifestyle, as many of us may and/or do. What's wrong with voicing them so long as it's not considered "bashing" which is not needed on any message boards anywhere. I do not see her saying anything against anyone at all pr against the swinging. She's being honest and forthright with her feelings and I, for one, appreciate reading her comments. Again, there's alot to think about in a relationship. Major changes, and for many of us swinging is a major change, deserve to be thought about, discussed and otherwise researched before humping, I mean jumping, right in

Personally, I think all of the information on this thread has been very thought provoking. Remember that just because you feel something one way doesn't mean that's the way everyone else feels it. You can't really put yourself into someone else's shoes, but you can sure try to "hear" what they're saying and try to respect it............as long as they aren't trying to cause harm.

Hugs to you all

[SoCal-JnL]

I never said anything about her not adding to the conversation, I agreed with much of her post.
My question was as to why a person so against this lifestyle would hang out here, monitoring threads and watching this lifestyle unfold before their eyes. If this had nearly ruined my marriage and had caused me great personal pain, the last thing I would be doing would be hanging out here, having it dangled in front of me.

Its like rubbing salt into a wound.

Of course people are welcome to post their feelings and thoughts, I never disagreed.

[Rett]

SoCal-Jnl

Perhaps a wife or SO uses the board, the information and responses, to better understand themselves or their spouse's
interest in the subject. It may help resolve family problems.

Remember, swinging is far from being an accepted mainstream activity. Society, religion, family, STD's , moral beliefs , etc. , etc.

Also, there is much more on the board than swinging. People may learn much here about personal relationships and how to deal with them. Others may just be voyiers who are on the board just as you may have in a club.

Someone who is not a swinger may also have thoughts and insights to help others that are on the fringes and cannot resolve the conflicts within themselves. Just as this particular thread has revealed.

There are probably a number of non-swingers on the board that have contributed valuable insights . You cannot just be tunnelvisioned in any aspect of life . Listen to anyone that has something valuable to say.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by SoCal-JnL
...
My question was as to why a person so against this lifestyle would hang out here, monitoring threads and watching this lifestyle unfold before their eyes. ...

To learn about someone she loves, if I may be so presumptious as to assume I know her mind. If I was in her shoes, I'd do the same.

-B

[Cr8tivecpl]

here is my take on this for what it is worth...

It would seem that your wife has indulged you (to a point) and as a result it has triggered some things in her that quite possibly would have been better left buried where they were until sometime that it was "ready' to come out on their own. As it would seem this box has been opened and like the proverbial genie...it ain't gonna go back in. Now, you may be receiving mixed messages and you may truly desire this adventure and your wife is willing, reservedly I might add, to go along with you - under restrained duress. No relationship is worth the sacrifice of someone else's comfort - period. She is seemingly confused about how she should feel because of her life experiences and upbringing. She is perfectly content to give you what you want at home without someone else's participation - hell, by many standards, you are already way ahead of the game. She has told you that if the two of you go to a club it is play between the two of you and no one else...she is not interested in playing with anyone else...not really...despite what momentary feelings she may have experienced. You have said that she experienced what can only be seen as remorse - it made her depressive and sick. Leave it alone, try to create more magic at home and be happy with that. If and when, if ever the time comes that she "TRULY," chooses to do this, it must be wholely her decision - virtually free of any influence on your part. This may just have to remain what it is - a fantasy.

Good luck...

[JustAskJulie]

To Frenchie: You still don't get it do you? This lifestyle isn't for everyone and there is no one here who will say it is. You can't always have your cake and eat it too.

Re: Tarnished Halo's posts and being here: I think you'll search out her past posts you will find your answer.