Do you think my wife wants to discuss the idea of swinging?

So. Gentleman · 08-07-2003, 03:23 PM

I have a question or two for those that are active in the lifestyle. My wife and I are not active. (This may become rambling and if so please forgive me.)
Our sex life is very good just not often enough for either of us because we have a child. During sex she sometimes talks about being with another woman. To my knowledge she never has but who knows.
My question is we have a female friend that acts interested in more than friends. She has said and done some things that have peaked my interest. And some that have been said when I was not around. My wife later told me about things that were said. Things that the about the other female that my wife knows would interest me.
She is also married and the thought of us swinging with them sounds good to me. Would love to see it head that way.
Does this sound like it could lead to more or am I just hoping.

I am afraid to bring it up to my wife for fear she may take it the wrong way. (Dont think she would but you never know) And is there anything that I could do to help send this the direction that I am hoping for?
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Elusive BiFem · 08-07-2003, 03:31 PM

Good heavens, Man!!

Sounds like your wife has brought up some topics that some men around here would love to have their wives bring up! Go for it!!

Seriously, if the communication between ya'll is such that she has felt comfortable mentioning being with a woman, and she has related to you comments made by this friend that might be suggestive, I would simply talk to her about it. Seems that she has given you the opening you need. This may just be her way of trying to see if you might be interested. No harm in talking to her about it.

Let us know the outcome.

EBF

So. Gentleman · 08-07-2003, 03:36 PM

She has brought up plenty. Like telling me that the other female wants to show me her tits to her keeping her pubic hair shaved. Both of which my wife nows I like.
But how do I approach it?

Elusive BiFem · 08-07-2003, 03:48 PM

Your "approach" has to be individualized to your wife and ya'lls relationship. No two couples are the same.

If it was me, maybe after one of those evenings of "very good" sex and after she had mentioned something, I would start by just "exploring" the thoughts and ideas with her - each of you sharing your fantasies, etc. "Hey, you've mentioned several times you might enjoy being with another woman? Ever given that serious thought? Sounds kind of exciting to me...."

Or even, "Hey..you mentioned being with another woman not long ago and I got to looking around on the net and look at this site I found. Was reading it and it's really fun..." (and show her this Board!)

Maybe she even has a recipe she wants to contribute to our cookbook.

-EBF

**Alura** · 08-07-2003, 03:51 PM

My guess is that Elusive is absolutely right. I think your wife is interested, So. Gentleman. If she weren't, she certainly wouldn't have shared this information with you.

The first problem you need to solve is that fear to communicate with your wife. On our second date, also the second day we'd known each other, my wife and I made an agreement to never be angry at the other for asking a question, no matter what that question may be. You need to tell your wife of your fears to talk with her and get that problem solved first. Once you share both your interests in swinging with each other, your communication will be more rewarding than you ever dreamed and getting into swinging will be no problem at all.

The next problem I think y'all may have will be bringing in the other lady's husband and that will probably be easy because my guess is that he and she have been talking about playing for a long time. In fact, they may already swing. Y'all could find yourselves with a lot of new friends!

Mr. Alura

windsor4fun2 · 08-08-2003, 12:47 AM

I agree with the others. Your wife has definitely opened the door. Next time your wife mentions something about the other woman follow it up. You will definitely have to find out how the other husband feels but as Mr. Alura said they may be having the same types of thoughts.

Good luck and don't be afraid to talk to your wife. She has already opened up to you.

Jesse

SyberG&C · 08-08-2003, 12:58 AM

Wow

I wish it would have
went that way for us. I had to do
the suggesting and looking myself
untill after we found our first. Now
She's finding them!

Brit_Pair · 08-08-2003, 05:27 AM

Got to agree with the others. The green light is on, but you're still waiting at the 'stop' line. Alura's point about how your neighbour's husband is slotted into the equation is worth considering, on the off-chance that he isn't aware of what his wife is up to. But overall, it seems like much of the foundations for some sexual exploring have been laid down.

Just relax about talking to your wife. She wants you to talk to her.

nikkilynn74 · 08-08-2003, 10:26 AM

I agree with everyone. Your wife has opened the door...Step through and have a good time! Let us know how it goes

Nikki

Handyman69 · 08-08-2003, 06:51 PM

I would agree with the others....she has opened the door. Now to go through it. Communicate and relax. Go at your own pace...and always be open for communication. New experiences bring on new thoughts and feelings...some good/some bad. My husband opened the door quite awhile ago but I finally came around and we have been in the lifestyle for about 13 or so months. If all are ok with everything then see where it leads (but make sure friend's husband is aware too..you don't want any fighting).

Hope things go well and good luck.

Rhonda

***JustAskJulie*** · 08-09-2003, 05:10 PM

The next time your wife starts fantasizing in bed about another woman, ask if she'd like it to be the neighbor and see what she says.

So. Gentleman · 08-10-2003, 08:24 AM

Actually it is not our neighbor but that does not matter. I brought the subject up last night. Wife said that she had not thought about before. We did not get to finish our conversation but she knows how I feel. She did not come out and say no but has not said yes yet. So it sounds like things may be heading in the right direction.
We did look up drinking games that would help break the ice. So who knows. We are one step closer tho as I have at least got my feelings out in the open.
Now only time will tell.

Brit_Pair · 08-10-2003, 08:46 AM

Good on you for taking the step through that door we've all been talking about. Sounds like you're both taking a thoughtful, patient approach, which bodes well.

Let us know how things develop. And good luck!

So. Gentleman · 08-25-2003, 01:45 PM

The wife is all for it with the other couple. She has even went as far as talked to the other female about the possible encounter. She is all up for it as is her husband.
Now it will be just a matter of timing and everything.

saranmark · 08-25-2003, 02:40 PM

Great news! Good for you!

Enjoy!
SARA

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08-07-2003, 03:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
So. Gentleman Active Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 11 Location: US Status: M Male	Do you think my wife wants to discuss the idea of swinging? I have a question or two for those that are active in the lifestyle. My wife and I are not active. (This may become rambling and if so please forgive me.) Our sex life is very good just not often enough for either of us because we have a child. During sex she sometimes talks about being with another woman. To my knowledge she never has but who knows. My question is we have a female friend that acts interested in more than friends. She has said and done some things that have peaked my interest. And some that have been said when I was not around. My wife later told me about things that were said. Things that the about the other female that my wife knows would interest me. She is also married and the thought of us swinging with them sounds good to me. Would love to see it head that way. Does this sound like it could lead to more or am I just hoping. I am afraid to bring it up to my wife for fear she may take it the wrong way. (Dont think she would but you never know) And is there anything that I could do to help send this the direction that I am hoping for? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
	Last edited by So. Gentleman; 08-07-2003 at 03:27 PM.

08-07-2003, 03:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
Elusive BiFem Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3,398 Location: Texas Status: Single Female	Grab the Opportunity Good heavens, Man!! Sounds like your wife has brought up some topics that some men around here would love to have their wives bring up! Go for it!! Seriously, if the communication between ya'll is such that she has felt comfortable mentioning being with a woman, and she has related to you comments made by this friend that might be suggestive, I would simply talk to her about it. Seems that she has given you the opening you need. This may just be her way of trying to see if you might be interested. No harm in talking to her about it. Let us know the outcome. EBF

08-08-2003, 12:58 AM	#7 (permalink)
SyberG&C Active Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 16 Location: East Tennessee Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:SyberG&C	Wow I wish it would have went that way for us. I had to do the suggesting and looking myself untill after we found our first. Now She's finding them!
	__________________ How can you expect to really get to know someone without jumping in to bed with them?

08-08-2003, 05:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
Brit_Pair Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 3,635 Location: UK Status: Couple	Got to agree with the others. The green light is on, but you're still waiting at the 'stop' line. Alura's point about how your neighbour's husband is slotted into the equation is worth considering, on the off-chance that he isn't aware of what his wife is up to. But overall, it seems like much of the foundations for some sexual exploring have been laid down. Just relax about talking to your wife. She wants you to talk to her.
	__________________ *It's not going to be an orgy. It's a toga party . . .*

08-07-2003, 03:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
So. Gentleman Active Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 11 Location: US Status: M Male	She has brought up plenty. Like telling me that the other female wants to show me her tits to her keeping her pubic hair shaved. Both of which my wife nows I like. But how do I approach it?

08-07-2003, 03:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
Elusive BiFem Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3,398 Location: Texas Status: Single Female	Your "approach" has to be individualized to your wife and ya'lls relationship. No two couples are the same. If it was me, maybe after one of those evenings of "very good" sex and after she had mentioned something, I would start by just "exploring" the thoughts and ideas with her - each of you sharing your fantasies, etc. "Hey, you've mentioned several times you might enjoy being with another woman? Ever given that serious thought? Sounds kind of exciting to me...." Or even, "Hey..you mentioned being with another woman not long ago and I got to looking around on the net and look at this site I found. Was reading it and it's really fun..." (and show her this Board!) Maybe she even has a recipe she wants to contribute to our cookbook. -EBF

08-07-2003, 03:51 PM	#5 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,135 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	My guess is that Elusive is absolutely right. I think your wife is interested, So. Gentleman. If she weren't, she certainly wouldn't have shared this information with you. The first problem you need to solve is that fear to communicate with your wife. On our second date, also the second day we'd known each other, my wife and I made an agreement to never be angry at the other for asking a question, no matter what that question may be. You need to tell your wife of your fears to talk with her and get that problem solved first. Once you share both your interests in swinging with each other, your communication will be more rewarding than you ever dreamed and getting into swinging will be no problem at all. The next problem I think y'all may have will be bringing in the other lady's husband and that will probably be easy because my guess is that he and she have been talking about playing for a long time. In fact, they may already swing. Y'all could find yourselves with a lot of new friends! Mr. Alura

08-08-2003, 12:47 AM	#6 (permalink)
windsor4fun2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 384 Location: Windsor, Ontario Status: M half of Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:sjjesse2	I agree with the others. Your wife has definitely opened the door. Next time your wife mentions something about the other woman follow it up. You will definitely have to find out how the other husband feels but as Mr. Alura said they may be having the same types of thoughts. Good luck and don't be afraid to talk to your wife. She has already opened up to you. Jesse

08-08-2003, 10:26 AM	#9 (permalink)
nikkilynn74 Active Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 31 Location: Abilene, TX Status: Married Female	I agree with everyone. Your wife has opened the door...Step through and have a good time! Let us know how it goes Nikki

08-08-2003, 06:51 PM	#10 (permalink)
Handyman69 Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 553 Location: MI..God's country.so we thought. Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:handyman69	I would agree with the others....she has opened the door. Now to go through it. Communicate and relax. Go at your own pace...and always be open for communication. New experiences bring on new thoughts and feelings...some good/some bad. My husband opened the door quite awhile ago but I finally came around and we have been in the lifestyle for about 13 or so months. If all are ok with everything then see where it leads (but make sure friend's husband is aware too..you don't want any fighting). Hope things go well and good luck. Rhonda

08-09-2003, 05:10 PM	#11 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	The next time your wife starts fantasizing in bed about another woman, ask if she'd like it to be the neighbor and see what she says.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

08-10-2003, 08:24 AM	#12 (permalink)
So. Gentleman Active Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 11 Location: US Status: M Male	Actually it is not our neighbor but that does not matter. I brought the subject up last night. Wife said that she had not thought about before. We did not get to finish our conversation but she knows how I feel. She did not come out and say no but has not said yes yet. So it sounds like things may be heading in the right direction. We did look up drinking games that would help break the ice. So who knows. We are one step closer tho as I have at least got my feelings out in the open. Now only time will tell.

08-10-2003, 08:46 AM	#13 (permalink)
Brit_Pair Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 3,635 Location: UK Status: Couple	Good on you for taking the step through that door we've all been talking about. Sounds like you're both taking a thoughtful, patient approach, which bodes well. Let us know how things develop. And good luck!
	__________________ *It's not going to be an orgy. It's a toga party . . .*

08-25-2003, 01:45 PM	#14 (permalink)
So. Gentleman Active Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 11 Location: US Status: M Male	The wife is all for it with the other couple. She has even went as far as talked to the other female about the possible encounter. She is all up for it as is her husband. Now it will be just a matter of timing and everything.

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08-25-2003, 02:40 PM	#15 (permalink)
saranmark Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 154 Location: Elkhart, IN Status: Married Couple-female half	Great news! Good for you! Enjoy! SARA
	__________________ You know what they say: When in Rome, do... a Roman!!

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