Friends surprised us, I'm interested but not sure hubby is... Advice?

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Drusilla

Is it just me or is it getting hot in here????


Sorry, didn't mean to keep you hanging....I've been sick in bed the last couple of days.

The 4th was uneventful. The friend was his normal flirty self, except maybe a little more reserved than usual. He didn't hug me when we got there or when we left....which is weird. He almost seemed afraid to touch me. The most exciting thing that happened was we sat and talked and played footsy while DH and mrs. friend worked in the kitchen.

I tried to flirt a bit harder and made sure I sat next to him and so on but to no avail. There were two other very very very conservative couples there, though. In addition to 4 babies and my son...not really a "sexy" environment.

Yeah that doesn't work. It's just one more thing to have to organize around, but it's always best to ensure the kids aren't just asleep in their beds, but they should actually be staying over at Grandma's house. Explaining the situation to a little person who accidentally saw you on her way to get a glass of water would difficult to say the least. It's bad enough when one of the kids walks in on you while you're doing the wild thing alone together.

Originally Posted by Drusilla

Our son is off to scout camp in the morning for the week. We are hoping to go out Friday night and perhaps get them over for a movie during the week.

I'm thinking our friend isn't sure what I'm thinking. I keep thinking about when him and our other friend pulled me aside and started to explain things. I simply panicked and walked away. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! That's REALLY not what I wanted to do!! That probably gave the impression that I wasn't interested, huh?

Of course, 5 minutes later...I WAS. I had a chance to feel out DH and had the green light for at least a kiss but by then the moment had passed. *sigh* Just can't stop wondering what might have happened had I just stayed there.

They just surprised me is all. I needed time to process and I didn't know how DH would feel about it. I had an idea he'd be okay with it by how he was acting that night but I wasn't sure.

Hopefully, if we get to see them this week, I'll work up the courage to let them know we are wanting to play.

Wish me luck!!

Your reaction was normal. You just want to run the first time you're confronted with it, even if it's something you've always wanted. Probably because of the abruptness of having your fantasy snap over into the real world for you. A bit like someone reading your diary or describing the precise details of the dream you had last night.

After you've fully discussed all this with your hubby, and you're all together again, bring it up. Apologize for running like a rabbit the other night when they explained things. They just caught you off-guard.

I'll say this, though, and not to bring you down, but just as a prudent warning: Be very careful that a green light is actually green...not just greenish-yellow. I only say this because, as you've said, swinging has been a big part of your fantasy life for a very long time. When you have a carrot like this dangled in front of your nose by your partner - who says, "Why didn't you say something? We could've stayed!" - it's hard to not get one's hopes up. Like holding back wild horses, no? Your husband will be aware of that, and whether you like it or not, he'll feel pressured by it. Part of making him more comfortable with it (I get the impression that he's the more reluctant or cautious of the two of you?) is showing him that you not only have complete control over yourself and your actions, but you also choose your relationship with him as your priority over the satisfaction of your fantasies. You've told us that it is, but it's just a matter of making him fully believe it.

[fordman460]

Originally Posted by Drusilla

or not..... LOL

Hahaha you got me there.

[Drusilla]

And just like the other installments, this one is quite lengthy. I really appreciate those of you who take the time to read it. If you take the time to comment...that's a bonus.

I'm tried to make it as easy to read as possible. S. I'll just say in advance....in case you don't get all the way to the bottom.


Our son is still at scout camp (I miss him SO much! ) but since he won't be home until Saturday afternoon, we made plans with our friends to "hang out" at their house tomorrow night.


Their babies will be there but one is a toddler and still in a crib and the other is an infant. The toddler hasn't gotten out of his crib yet. Of course, that will happen for the first time if we all start playing, huh? No no no...he won't. Just joshin'...there are no worries on this issue.

The point is, the babies are there but they are really "babies" and can't just walk in so it's not a problem.

Actually, I love their babies and am can't wait to hug and snuggle them when we get over there. We are going for dinner so the kids will be up for awhile. I just love the way babies smell when they are all fresh and clean.

oops....

When I heard the original plan, and thought about DH's strange attitude lately, I really was about about 90% certain nothing would happen or even be suggested.

The original plan was that we'd go over for dinner and then they'd put the kids down and we could watch a movie or "something". I had really wanted to go out to the strip club again but they had babysitter issues. So no problem, we can go watch a movie.

But then the friend calls today and says well we can change the plan and just plan on hanging in their backyard to visit. Sounds innocent enough, right?

Yeah, innocent until you stop to think that the HOTTUB is ain the backyard. The FIREPIT is in the back yard. The dard & secluded bushes where he had pulled me aside to talk is in the backyard.

For some strange reason, :rollseyes: I sort of consider their backyard to be their seduction center. Out in the backyard is where all the seduction/foreplay "action" happened until it was time to "go to bed" and the other two couples got serious. While DH and I had to take our son home...dammitt!

That sounds as though they could be planning on...um...oh I don't know...making a move. (You thought I was gonna say making a MOVIE there didn't ya...huh? yeah...knew it...lol) II don't know of a better way to put it and at this point, I just don't know what to think.

If we do watch a movie, can anyone suggest any good ones to get the 4 of us a bit revved up? I'm looking for something newish, recentish, that we would possibly want to watch for reasons other than the sex as well. I don't want them to think I brought porn or something. I'm working up to that....maybe next week. :grin:

What about suggestions for a game if we go that way? Not the in your face swinger games (although, I'm SO hoping to get everyone playing one of these in the future...near future. I'm working on this one too...LOL :grin:

For now, we need something clean but that can turn dirty when the right puddle dwelling minds crash the party. :grin:

Strip poker could be an option but that means there is a strong possibility of getting totally nekky since I suck at Poker. I'm not at all comfy with totally nekky yet...I'll have to work it out. :sigh:

I still don't have a real strong feeling that any playing will take place but anything is possible right?

~Dru

[Drusilla]

As far as the troubles with DH that I'm wondering about...let's just say that I came to bed tonight completely nekky, freshly showered and shaved in all the right places.

The man rolled over and said good night.

This is the second night in a row he's done this and when we did have sex the night before, he acted like it was a huge chore. I just don't understand.

The only time he seems into me is when he's getting a BJ. Since our son has been at camp, he's gotten quite a few spontaneous and surprising ones.

He'll return the favor sometimes but in the last few weeks, his body language and the tension I can feel in him, just make it seem as thought he really doesn't want to return the favor. I've told him what i like, but he just keeps on doing it the old way which doesn't do much for me since I've discovered new tricks. It's like he doesn't want to make the effort to make it really good for me.

Unless time constraints means it has to be a quickie, everytime I give him a BJ (often by the way since I love it so much), I try to make it the best one ever. I pay attention to tricks I read about or see somewhere and try them out. It's easy enough to tell if the person likes what you are doing. If he likes it, I'll keep doing it and add it to my standard routine.

Whereas, I'll finally get up the courage to tell DH what I like and he'll do it that one time but then he doesn't do it again. He seems stuck on doing what HE thinks I should like rather than what he knows I do like.

In addition, he hasn't been initiating it very often. It used to be a constant struggle to keep his hands off me for fear our son would walk in at the wrong moment.

Now he just wants to grab my boobs (not necessarily in the way I like) and have me go down on him.

This is a total recent problem. Although he insists I'm imagining things and he's just tired from work but it's driving me crazy..not to mention hurting my feelings.

Is he upset/jealous that I've expressed an intrest in his best friend? Is he just nervous about the whole thing and reconsidering giving me the green light with this couple. We don't even know what will happen but he knows what I'm hoping will happen.

It's so hard when he acts like there's nothing wrong but I KNOW there is. That's one thing I do well...read peoples feelings. I can feel a good aura or a bad aura & tension fairly easily and usually pretty accurately.

Something is going on with him. I just can't figure out what. I don't think there has ever been a time when I've come to bed completely nekky (don't do it often with a kid in the house) and he didn't jump me.

Today, nothing. Not even a smile or acknowledgement of my lack of clothes. he wanted a very chaiste kiss, and rolled over.

I couldn't help it and a few tears flowed which started the sniffles. At least he did turn over and ask me what was wrong. I told him, "nothing, allergies". Although he knows fully well that my allergies aren't bothering me. I don't have any that would have just sprung up suddenly to have me sniffling either.

I'm so confused! I have stopped talking about any possibility of playing tomorrow night and have stopped talking about his friend. in that way.

I'm already insecure about my body and this is certainly NOT helping.

He could be just stressed from work....hopefully, that's what it is.

[Drusilla]

Oh jeez...can't I ever write something short?!?!?!

[looking4ward]

More communication with your DH will help your situation more than anything else. When your DH asks what is wrong, don't say "Your allergies", tell him about your feelings and ask him what he is thinking. He needs to find out more about you, your needs, your insecurity over your body image, and your desire to expand your involvment with others. You both need to have a clear understanding of the others feelings and how far you each are willing to proceed comfortably. Talking with the other couples will also help. You are getting good advice from those on this board to help you proceed. Communication is the KEY to unlock the closet. Go for it!

[Drusilla]

thanks for the advice looking4ward. The thing is is that there has already been all that communication. He's a smart guy...I shouldn't have to tell him 3 million times. Geez...it's hard enough to say it once, let alone over and over and over.

He needs to find out more about you, your needs, your insecurity over your body image, and your desire to expand your involvment with others.

He is well...I mean really well...aware of all of that. He is either not paying attention or is choosing to ignore it. Like most men, he has selective hearing....

I feel like I'm putting effort in but he's not. That feels like a rejection.

When he asked what was wrong, it wasn't said in a nice way. It was more like "wtf is wrong with you now". It was the way he said it, not what he said. I know....guys tend to roll their eyes at that but I think the women will understand. He was gearing for a fight and I was not in the mood to fight at midnight. I just couldn't do it right then. So, it was easier at the moment to just claim I wasn't crying.

He claims he was just really tired last night. I don't know...maybe he was and maybe I'm just being too sensitive.

Somehow, when your own husband of 18 years doesn't seem to want you and you are practically raping the guy...it doesn't do a whole lot of good for your security to exploring other ppl.

[charms123]

Did someone mention communications yet?

TALK TALK and do it over a cup of coffee in the daylight and NOT in bed and not naked. If you to cannot come up with a gameplan you both can accept, leave it all as a fantasy.

Good luck and let us know.

N (of M&N)

[Drusilla]

we've talked....in bed, out of bed...everywhere.

At this point, playing with friends isn't the problem...he seems more than willing/happy to do that.

He just doesn't seem to want to play with me.

This man who claims to love me more than life itself, who says I'm beautiful and he loves everything about me because he loves my soul....

He says he even loves my surgical scars because they are proof that I was willing to sacrifice something that I love & wanted more than almost anything (having babies...having a second baby), in order to stay alive and be with him and our son. I was given the option to try a pregnancy and treat the cancer after. But I was told the odds significantly increased that I would not survive past 5 years if I did that. I wanted to go for it...hubby begged me not to. I did what he wanted...

I don't know...just confused...hurt....

he says I'm imagining things that he's just stressed over work, and yes it is stressful for him now but it's never impacted the bedroom before. Why now?

[Fringeswinger]

I don't think anyone here is going to be able to tell you what is going through your husband's mind. We can all guess based on your version/vision, and some may be close, some way off.

I know you said you have talked. OK. But as a guy, I know a lot of things go left unsaid. Some things you want to say but can't. Some things you don't think about till the conversastion is over.

I communicate better if I write things down. I have more time to think and do a better job of expressing myself. If I were you, I'd take the best of what you have written here and use it to write a letter to him. Then talk about it. We may know more about how you feel than he does, and we aren't even married to you! Not because you haven't "told" him, but maybe he didn't "hear" it. Maybe he needs to "see" it and think about it.

Dumb guys like us sometimes have to be hit over the head to understand. It may be worth a try.

Good luck,

Bill

[Youngcalcpl]

I'm excited to hear how this all turns out. It definitely sounds like they were setting you up. We have a couple we've been friends with for eons that we'd love to play with but haven't. Funny thing is every time they make a joke about all of us living together in one big marriage we all just chuckle nervously. You'd think eventually we'd get over our nervousness and show that we'd like to be more than friends.

Your reaction of running away probably made them worry but who can blame you, that was a bit of a bombshell. Its possible they won't be as forward again until they get some sense that you are interested.

Talking with him is key and its good that you've taken everyone's advice on it so far but depending on the guy he might not open up. Ideally he'd share whats on his mind freely but sometimes thats not easy to do. You're the best judge about how far to press the issue. Heck, he could be worrying about performing too...The not functioning in front of others is a pretty common thing with guys so he shouldn't stress about it seeing as how that'll just make it worse.

I'd put my money on it being a stress/tired thing with DH lately. Sometimes, and I know its hard to believe, us guys aren't always complete sex maniacs.

Oh and don't let your body or scars or anything keep you from accepting how beautiful you are....your friends obviously want to include you guys so you can assume you are a wanted woman We have those same kinds of insecurities and have learned that we'd have a lot more fun if we just relax and not worry about them. I know, thats easier said than done...somehow we still find ourselves worrying about it.

Good luck and be sure to share what happens!