Female half of couple displays interest then does a 180

[ts4]

Hello all. Haven't posted much here in quite sometime.

I have an interesting situation that i thought would never happen. Recently we gathered with some friends at a bar on a Friday evening. We've been out numerous times with these friends in perticular a couple that my wife and i have been very attracted to for years. We haven't been really into the lifestyle like some. In fact we've only had one encounter along the way with a female friend. This was years ago. My wife has really been attacted to the male part of this equation but also could see herself playing with his wife as well. There has been instances where my wife and the other man have talked about getting together but have done nothing since we figured his wife to be a non factor. With us it's all or nothing.

Anyways back to basics here. During this evening we end up at another bar where i'm sitting next to the other man's wife. Of course there was alcohol involved but far from being falling down drunk. Everything was going fine, was having a good time. I went to the bar to get some peanuts and another drink. I sit down next to this woman, put the peanuts on the table and asked jokingly around the table if anyone would like some of my nuts. Everyone laughs innocently and about 2 minutes later this woman, who i think is pretty straight and narrow reaches over and says i'll takes some and grabs my crotch! I was stunned to say the least. Here is this woman whom i've thought would never be nothing more than straight and narrow giving me the worlds biggest freakin hint. During the evening she is constantly rubbing my leg and talking dirty to me.

As the night progresses were at the bar alone for a bit. She asks me for my cell number. I give it to her. She then leans over and first tells me how f'n beautiful my wife is. At this time folks i'm about ready to explode. Then she leans in and asks me if i've ever thought about her husband and my wife getting together. I say hell yeah!

Well to say the least it came down to having to leave since we have children and the sitter needed to go. I tell her to call so we can discuss this more. I tell my wife on the way home and she's just floored because, like me, would never figure this to ever happen.

Here's my dilema. All week we waited for the call and nothing. Then Friday evening they come over for a few drinks and the woman avoids me like the freakin plague. I'm tellin ya i'm at a loss right now. This woman is very attractive and there is a tremendous window that we both would like to see happen. But why back pedal? Again i won't pressure anyone into anything but good lord, come at me like this and now turn that completely around? I don't have any idea how to approach this. I want her to make that move in order to get all 4 of us together but i want to find out also what the heck is going on. Should i have my wife tread those waters and see how she respondes? There good friends and i do not want to scare them away. I know the husband would be on board and my wife but has anyone else ran into this sort of situation? Any advice on the best way to attack this would be much appreciated.

Thanks for looking.

[playmatesinpgh]

It sounds like she loosened up because of the alcohol. After she had time to think about it, during the next few days, the guilt set in.

The way you describe what happened, it does sound like she may have some serious desires about swinging, or at least playing with you. I would suggest you have your wife broach the subject with her and let her know that it is OK with the two of you and that there is nothing to feel guilty about. (Of course I am assuming that the other husband wants to swing also. I got the impression that he does from you story.)

I hope it works out for you and your wife.

[getnit2gethr]

We've never had this situation but I can imagine a few possibilities to consider. playmatesinpgh suggested one. Maybe she just thought it was the alcohol and thought she should forget about it.

Another possibility is that she was just testing a theory. Perhaps her husband said something or she just has suspicions and wanted to see if it was true.

It could be simply have been the wrong time of the month.

I think playmatesinpgh's suggestion to get the wives talking is good. It's better to just ask than to try and guess.

[flkeyscouple]

A little bit of alcohol and a person gets a lot of brave! The next day, in the light of the day, she's probably embarrassed. She probably doesn't know if your response was also alcohol induced. Give it some time and let her get over her embarrassment - keep things friendly meanwhile. The I agree with the above posts - let the wives chat. Woman to woman might be easier for her.

Good luck.
Sarah

[ts4]

Thanks for your responses guys. I appreciate alot.

As with all great things let the woman take over, hehe.

Again thanks!

[LikeMinds321]

From the way you wrote your opening post, I get the feeling that this woman's moves were made 'under the table' and not at a time when her husband heard or saw the interactions she had with you.

Do you know for sure if he even knows that his wife was "talking dirty" to you and feeling you up?

It doesn't sound like she even included her husband, other than to say if you've ever thought about her husband and your wife getting together. Telling you how beautiful she thought your wife is could have been donbe to get you feeling comfortable with her.

I am concerned that they may play around individually more than as a couple, they may even do so without the knowledge of the other. Her asking for your cell phone number doesn't sit right. Usually, couples who are on the same track make their interest in a couple known together, in front of each other, and make the phone number exchange in the open, in front of all four people.

I would proceed cautiously, especially since she was very different when you next all met.

Let us know how things develop and what you discover.

LM

[ts4]

Do you know for sure if he even knows that his wife was "talking dirty" to you and feeling you up

That's the issue here. Like i said before, it's my wife *and* i or nothing at all. We work as a couple not individuals. Hence the post here asking how i should approach this. My biggest concern in everything is making sure all party's are on the same page. You hate to go up to the husband and say "hey your wife just grabbed my crotch"! Want to get it on?

I would proceed cautiously, especially since she was very different when you next all met

This is where i'm very confused and cannot figure her out. Like i said better to have my wife talk to her on a one on one basis.

[good times]

You never know, not knowing the woman I have no idea what her motives are. That being said, I can only relate our experiences with this. Without going into the whole story which I have done several times on the board, my recommendation would be to tread carefully. In our case, which started very similar to yours, when my wife brought it up to the woman when she was sober, the woman freaked. It ended a long and previously very good friendship, we have spoken to them since, but they no longer want to associate with us as friends.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by ts4

...Any advice on the best way to attack this would be much appreciated.

I realized that I didn't offer any suggestions for your biggest concern; what to do next?

If your situation was ours, we wouldn't bring up sex with this couple. We would keep the relationship going like we did before, as friends. If, when you all are together again, one of them starts heavy flirting, or brings up the idea of sex play, tell that person, "Let's all of us talk about this now." See what their response is and go from there.

If she approaches you - as she did at the bar - and you say this to her, if she is hiding anything from her husband she'll back off quickly and make excuses. If she does, tell her you and your wife would prefer to talk openly with them, so that all four of you could discuss your attraction to one another.

I think this will let you know her/their true motivations for the heavy flirting. Maybe she's into teasing and nothing more. Maybe he only fantasizes about playing.

LM

[ViSexual]

I don't know folks..., I think it might be better if Mr. Ts4 continues the conversation with this woman. After all, she started it with him, right?

It's more likely that the woman hinted to her husband and decided he wouldn't go for it and let it drop. And, without the liquid courage she had that night, she was back to being a little shy.

So, what would be wrong with Mr. ts4 bringing that night and the conversation up again with the woman? Maybe just saying that he's been thinking about it for weeks and how hot it would be.

And, it sure might help if Mrs. Ts4 started flirting a little with both of them too.

It's hard to go from Vanilla friends to swinging friends. Real fine line to walk. But, it does happen.

[ts4]

Hello everyone. I thought i'd post a follow up on this little situation.

Well it happened. We went out with this couple last weekend and i must say it was an interesting evening. I ended up playing with her a little bit as my wife did with the other half of the equation. In fact i think i missed a window. We have a whirlpool tub in the house that the woman in question wanted to try out. I don't know what the heck happened but for some reason i did not join her in this tub. Thought it was a bit to early and she had a wee bit to much to drink. My wife said it was ok but i didn't want to damage future encounters by going to fast. Anyways it was really exciting.

I have questions for those of you that have went through this in the early stages of getting involved with a couple. First off we exchanged email addresses with them perticularly with the female half of all of this. I've had conversations back and forth with her all this week but how do you not go overboard? I mean i can't stop thinking about this woman yet i don't want to look like a complete sycho. I want to talk to her constantly but find myself the one initiating the emails. There's always a response and it has been good but do i keep being the one to send the first email or should i back off and find out if she really is deeply interested?

Talk about being a kid in a candy store.

[DBL D]

I think you should back off a bit. You've gotten all worked up, then you missed the "window". Find another couple to play with and let this one slide till they bring up something concrete.

I know if I was thinking about another lady all the time, it would not make things better between me and my lady.

Sounds like you still haven't asked whether she has, or they have, played around before. I'd continue to see them but just let her do the moving...and you be ready when it happens.

Male D

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by ts4

I have questions for those of you that have went through this in the early stages of getting involved with a couple. First off we exchanged email addresses with them perticularly with the female half of all of this. I've had conversations back and forth with her all this week but how do you not go overboard? I mean i can't stop thinking about this woman yet i don't want to look like a complete sycho. I want to talk to her constantly but find myself the one initiating the emails. There's always a response and it has been good but do i keep being the one to send the first email or should i back off and find out if she really is deeply interested?

Talk about being a kid in a candy store.

It sounds like they have separate emails and you're communicating only with the female half. Sounds like you're writing her every day, or nearly. You said, "I want to talk to her constantly". Danger, danger, Will Robinson. You're too much into this.

Personally, we don't communicate separately with other people that way. We have one joint email account and IM account for all of our swinging stuff, and we both read it, even if we aren't both there at the same time that it's written. Neither of us would be writing every day or wanting to talk "constantly" to one of our playmates, or potential playmates. If we did, it would be seen as a danger sign.

Swinging is just casual sex with playmates. Swinging is just to enhance your sex life as a couple and add a little spark to your own real relationship. Maybe if you keep telling yourself these things, you can keep yourself in line and not go so overboard on this woman. My advice is to limit the emails to just occasional "making plans" kinds of things. If you and your wife don't already use one joint account for all your swinging stuff, I highly recommend it. You'll keep yourself more in check that way, I think.

[ts4]

Thanks for the advice.

I'll keep my distance for a while.

Much appreciated.

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Personally, we don't communicate separately with other people that way. We have one joint email account and IM account for all of our swinging stuff, and we both read it, even if we aren't both there at the same time that it's written.

Dog and I have different user names here and different personal emails. I wish I knew more about this lifestyle before I started so as to have avoided this. We have just recently opened up a joint email for swinging, leave things the way they are with our current friends as we love and trust them very much. We also have the passwords to each others accounts here so there is no chance of secrecy. I don't open his or he mine until the other has read it, but we always let the other know it is there one or that we have written.
slight hijack but back to the story at hand.

I think, in my newbie kind of way, that she was ready to go that first night at the bar, cold the following visit and on board again the next visit. Ya, it could have been that time of the month. If you are not that familiar with this couple I doubt highly that she would be comfortable saying that. Or perhaps she just wanted a vanilla visit and was uncomfortable saying so. There is a couple in mine and Dogs life that we have come to care about very much. I would love to have both play visits and vanilla visits with them. Not feel that everytime that we are together we have to play. Although if I am going to make the trip, a little play will aways be welcome
If there is one thing I learnt about women, being that I am one I think I have a certain amount of expertise(sp). Is that we are somewhat unpredictable. I am one of the more simpler models but even I have my times where Dog is ready to throw up his hands and say "I give up" :surrender

They sound like a couple you both like very much as friends. Keep close, but not too close. Email, but not daily. Flirt, but be coy. Ya I know breath, but don't breath, right. I tell you women are tricky. Let girlfriends talk like girlfriends talk. Email the husband and be his buddy as well as the wives being girlfriends.

Tell you the honest truth about me. I was scared as hell about this lifestyle. I was not the one night stand kind of girl or the weekend away type either. But I have made friends with some of the swingers I have met. Some really close friends I might add. You know the fear is gone. I know the couple that we are going to play with for my first time is going to be great and patient and understanding and one HELL of a good time. Try being her friend, if she is a little scard or shy, being there for her as a friend maybe the ticket. I know the husband of this couple we know has been a great friend to me. And the wife, well she is second to no one!!

If you want that one night party and get it on type of night, Find another couple. This couple could be the kind you turn to for a relationship. An on going, cry on my shoulder when you need it, sit down and have a beer while watching hockey, and lets play mattress wrestling type of couple.

Good luck my friend,
Your friend,
Prettylady

WOW! Did I just make sence all the way through a whole post?
That's not right, I'm the one who rambles and makes no sence.
I need to find a thread and get back to being myself before I become a grown up