Is she really ready to swing? I've already found a third for a MFM

[mfbmfantasycple]

My wife and I have a very good sex life that has generally be centered around her attraction to certain black men. We are 38 married, 12 yrs, with 3 kids. She has toys that are involved every time we make love and loves to watch IR videos. We have talked many times over the last 2-3 yrs about a MFM 3some, 4 handed massage with a top class model/escort. She had full single masectomy 12 mths ago, followed by intense chemo/radiation. A renewed "lifes too short" attitude, knows I am good to go with it and says she is serious when I ask her if she wants to move forward. We only talk in any detail about it though during the heat of sex. She had reconstructive surgery 1 week ago and should be back in the saddle in about 2 months. We have never swung, She may not have ever been with anyone else but me - met when 17 - not that it matters to me in the least bit - I want her to explore all her fantasies; life IS too short. Anyway, I researched possible 3rds and have found the one - met him, seen him in action. Clean, professional, attractive, gentle, discreet, etc. For 20 yrs she has fantasied about "going black", she tells me she's serious - I feel like if I keep asking her it she will think I'm not sure. I am now ready to plan it, no more asking - assume its a go and tell her about the guy I found for her. Am I missing something, can it be just "pillow talk"??

[BradAndJanet]

I think that if you keep her in the loop about what you're planning it should be OK, but I am a little concerned that you only discuss it during the heat of the moment. I would definitely discuss this with her outside the bedroom to make sure this is a fantasy she wants to make real.

You also will need to clearly and explicitly define to this escort what you both are expecting from this encounter. That will help you to avoid any unpleasant surprises. Best of luck!

-B

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by mfbmfantasycple

Anyway, I researched possible 3rds and have found the one - met him, seen him in action.

How exactly did you "see him in action?"

This seemed an odd statement to me. I've never heard of a husband--going out on his own--who met a potential playmate for his wife and witnessed the guy "in action."

I would think your wife would want to have some say in this special fantasy man. After having this fantasy so long, I would think she'd want to meet him first.

It might just be your writing style, but it seems like you're making plans for the next space shuttle take off rather than a first swing fantasy-come-true event for your wife.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

You mentioned massage and you also mentioned threesome, so I kinda assumed that the guy you found is a masseause and that is what you saw him in action on. Am I correct? Have you told your wife that you have found this guy? As others said, as long as you are keeping her in the loop and don't try to spring this on her as a surprise I think you are good to go.

IF, you want to spring anything on her as as surprise it should be NO MORE than just a massage with the guy. If she wants to take things further from there then you can all discuss it at that point. But DO NOT invite a third in with him under the assumption he is getting laid unless she has already said that will happen.

[mfbmfantasycple]

I agree with you on keeping her in the loop and to be clear I watched him give another woman a massage that was pretty hot. He has a great attitude and personality - knows her full story and is fine with it just a massage or a full swing with her or he knows she may back out - it would be fine, no problem - we have talked on several occasions in detail - totall professional. It has to be the right guy, mood, etc. and he's perfect. She wants it - said she's serious on more than 1 recent occasion and asked that it be a "planned" suprise entrance early in the evening. She won't want to meet him in advance, see will have seen pictures and will have full knowledge. She's fully aware of my research and when given the opportunity has declined telling me to stop. I believe in my heart that after the initial rush of "there's another virtually naked man here" she'll have the time of her life. I am not gay or bi in the least bit, I just love seeing her in ecstasy. I have not presumed or "read between the lines" on anything posted - straight facts. I guess what I really need is to have more than passing references or sly comments from her outside the bedroom - I'll talk about it in a minute, but not sure about her - great, just great communicator and lover in the bedroom, but not alot of discussion outside the door. Thanks and please let me know thoughts. If she really wants it, it would be shame if she didn't go for it.

[mfbmfantasycple]

Thanks Brad/Janet, Like Minds and Julie. I haven't a clue as to what I'm doing but if she wants it, I want her to get it. Please, please send any thoughts or advise as they come to you. My wife is recovering now from her extensive reconstructive surgery and in about 2 months will have the breasts of an 18 yr old - at least according to her and her surgeon - and then will see if she/we are meant for the lifestyle. As a wise man once said, "you're only here for a spell, so get all the laughs ya can".

Much appreciated.

[mfbmfantasycple]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I have a very good sex life that has generally be centered around her attraction to certain black men. We are 38 married, 12 yrs, with 3 kids. She has toys that are involved every time we make love and loves to watch IR videos. We have talked many times over the last 2-3 yrs about a MFM 3some, 4 handed massage with a top class model/escort. She had full single masectomy 12 mths ago, followed by intense chemo/radiation. A renewed "lifes too short" attitude, knows I am good to go with it and says she is serious when I ask her if she wants to move forward. We only talk in any detail about it though during the heat of sex. She had reconstructive surgery 1 week ago and should be back in the saddle in about 2 months. We have never swung, She may not have ever been with anyone else but me - met when 17 - not that it matters to me in the least bit - I want her to explore all her fantasies; life IS too short. Anyway, I researched possible 3rds and have found the one - met him, seen him in action. Clean, professional, attractive, gentle, discreet, etc. For 20 yrs she has fantasied about "going black", she tells me she's serious - I feel like if I keep asking her it she will think I'm not sure. I am now ready to plan it, no more asking - assume its a go and tell her about the guy I found for her. Am I missing something, can it be just "pillow talk"??

It seems to me like you have both talked about this and you are both open to the idea.

You have done your research which is commendable, But has she done hers??
Has she seen this board or done any looking into this at all?
Some woman feel guilt afterwards and some men feel jealousy.
Luckily for us, we felt neither.
But it is very common on couples first expereince.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to Talk about it out of the Bedroom!!!!!

You have to sit down and have a serious talk about what this means to both of you and your relationship. You have to talk about the types of feelings that may come up afterwards. You have to agree that if one of you has bad feelings about what happened afterwards you can not hold it against the other, you both went into this together. You have to be prepared for the fact that once she gets comfortable enough to enjoy what is happening she is REALLY going to enjoy it (My favorite part by the way. facelick ). Don't be threatened by it. Take pleasure in her pleasure, her extacy (I am getting my self all worked up here thinking about a Mrs naughty sandwhich. I'll be right back ............. .................alright I am better now )


If she is not much of a talker out of the bedroom, she needs to be before making the leap.

Bedroom talk is HOT and it is also what got us into swinging. But making a HUGE decision such as this requires more than Hot Sex Bedroom talk.
It requires a serious sit down discussion until there is a total meeting of the minds.

I wish you the best of luck.

DISCLAIMER: "Your Local MFM specialists" is more of a humorus statement than fact. In no way do we deem ourselves "Qualified professionals".

[TNT]

Originally Posted by mfbmfantasycple

I feel like if I keep asking her it she will think I'm not sure. I am now ready to plan it, no more asking - assume its a go and tell her about the guy I found for her. Am I missing something, can it be just "pillow talk"??

Yes, it could be just pillow talk. However, pillow talk is how most swingers get started. You share your fantasies with each other and things go from there. But...there comes a time before fantasies are carried out that the pillow talk must come out in the light of day. You can not take what was said in the heat of the moment as a green light to go ahead and plan something. If this is something that your wife really wants to do, she and you both must be able to talk about it at anytime of the day or night.

I would suggest that you say something like "Honey, you know that fantasy you are always talking about while we are making love? Well, I've been doing some research and I think I might have found the right person to help us make it come true. But, I feel we really need to discuss this while not in the bedroom."

Whatever you do, DON'T surprise her. Talk, talk, talk.

Teresa

[invisibletouch]

Ok, I'm new to this lifestyle and also in a little different situation since we have an open marriage but I do have a question.
Do most of the male halves of a couple choose the single male that their wife will be playing with? I know I choose my own partners and so does my husband and even when we had couples play we chose the other couple together.
I guess I'd be very insulted and upset if my husband picked out the person I was going to be intimate with.
I talk, get to know and decide who I will be sexual with and before getting with that person then my husband meets them but I am the one who makes the initial contact and final decision.
To put it bluntly, I'd feel like a piece of meat if my husband made the arrangements and made the decision about who I'm going to be intimate with.
So in swinger circles is it that much different? The guy chooses his mates partners?

Mrs naughty has picked every guy we have ever played with.

I do not dare to try and figure her tastes.

Come to think of it........

There was one time that a friend I knew was in town and the three of us (Me, Mrs naughty, and him) went out drinking. We got home and mrs Naughty went to bed, innocently.

The guy and I stayed up a little drinking and I thought it would be fun to do a soft MFM. (This was when we were still "New" at this and hadn't even defined ourselves as swingers yet.)

But before I brought the idea up to my buddy I went in the bedroom first and asked Mrs naughty if she was up for some "Freaky Fun".


She said it sounded good to her. So I went back out and told my friend what was up and asked if he wanted to have some fun. He was game.

So I geuss technicaly I picked that guy. But mrs naughty already spent the night hanging out with him and I checked with her first before letting him in on our dirty little secret and inviting him into the bedroom for some fun.

As a matter of fact he was the last guy we played with before starting the whole research thing and taking what we now call swinging to the next level.

But other than that, Mrs naughty does the choosing. If he works for her he works for me.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by invisibletouch

To put it bluntly, I'd feel like a piece of meat if my husband made the arrangements and made the decision about who I'm going to be intimate with.
So in swinger circles is it that much different? The guy chooses his mates partners?

We choose together. I think most do too.

Perhaps OP, you might want to let your wife chat with this gentleman first or scan through some of the online adds, so she can find what turns her on. Together you can interview potentials. The search for Mr. Right or Mr. & Mrs. Right, or Ms. Right, for that matter is part of the fun!

I know you said she's interested in IR play, but not all black men are alike. There might be a certain type of black man that is her fantasy guy. Let her point him out to you!

I agree with the others, talk to her about this out of the bedroom. Tell her you've been giving it a lot of thought and would be turned-on to make her fantasy a reality.

[TNT]

We both pick the man. Although I can't remember a time when either of us have said no when it came to a MFM threesome, it's one of our favorite activities .

If I find someone I'm interested in I always talk to Ted before I approach the man, just because I might like him does not mean that Ted would like to see me with him. Ted will do the same if he meets someone, just because he would like to see me with the man does not mean that I would want to be with the man.

We both have total veto power and if one says no, there are no questions asked and we just move on to the next one.

Teresa

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

......other than that, Mrs naughty does the choosing. If he works for her he works for me.

I thought maybe I should expand on this a little.

I do not seek guys out for her. I don't bring guys I would like to see her fuck up to her at clubs and introduce them to her. If she wanted to fuck him she would have found him on her own.

The way I look at it she doesn't need any help deciding who she wants to get naughty with. That is her decision since she is going to get FAR more intimate with him than I am.

So that is where I get the "If her works for her, he works for me".

If mrs naughty likes him he gets an automatic approval from me, I trust her judgement. But the approval isn't set in stone. If he does or says something that is out of line I can pull the pre-approval status. But I haven't had to yet.

[mfbmfantasycple]

Thank you all very much for the advice and words of wisdom. I hear it loud and clear - talk, talk, talk outside the bedroom. And now I am commited to having a serious and frank discussion with her - no more sly comments, innuendos from either of us. She knows and approves of my research, knows I am chatting on this site - I am not off on a wild goose chase. She won't meet or talk with Mr 3 before hand, not the first time anyway. Way to shy for that unfortunately. She will have seen and approved pictures, profile, and will want to confirm that I have had extensive discussions with him on rules, boundaries, expectations. I truly hope if there is a second time - she will be much more involved in the planning stage. From what I read on this incredibly helpful site, once it happens and if she liked it - the shyness will disappear. All of the advice has been great and truly appreciated - I am so happy I found this place, you all seem like wonderful people. Wish her a speedy recovery and good times for the future. I wish nothing of the best for all of you. That said, please, please keep the posts coming!