Hot and Cold

[lwg8tr01]

I don't think this is one of those typical "I think my wife wants to" questions. A little background. We have been married for 12 years, 2 kids and for the most part a satisfying but a little on the conventional side sexual relationship. We have been like most suburban cpls, raising kids, mortgages, bills and your typical 45 minutes of Saturday night "Date night". After a promotion at work with a substantial pay increase and my Wife after 6 years picking back up her lucrative part-time job, money woes and worries have subsided substantially. Wife has begun getting her hair done again and has lost a little weight, and starting wearing a little more makeup and perfume then she had when the kids were real little. Not complaining I really like this transition from fulltime sweat pants Mom to Sexy Mom. We have excellent communication and are truly each others best friend.

As with some couples a naughty night of PPV Playboy channel lubed some conversation. We talked about fantasies and other taboo subjects we rarely talk about. Well the subject of swapping, swinging and 3-somes came up and the Wife quickly got off the subject with a giggle and her 30 dollar Victoria Secret panties twirling on her index finger. Well as the weeks progressed we drilled down more into our fantasies and kept coming back to the subject of us sharing our bed with others. During foreplay and intercourse my normally conservative wife began panting and groaning profusely and then began in a very throaty voice whispering dirty talk to make a sailor blush. To quote "You'd like to see me get fucked and have some other guys cum running down my leg wouldn’t you". I about lost my mind and exploded in a tremendous orgasm. We collapsed and slept naked(Something we never do). Well as the weeks progressed the dirty talk and fantasies continued as well as the frequency of our sex. Well taking advice from here I really needed to gauge real interest and see if it was something she really wanted to pursue. So when Saturday night came around we ordered some Playboy, drank a wine cooler and did some petting and kissing. My heart was pounding and I was scared to ask. I pulled back and said "Honey I know we talk dirty and stuff but I really need to know..." "Do you want a 3 some or some other arrangement". Her answered floored me "Well I would like to surprise you and just fuck a guy with you watching". Sounds pretty standard stuff right? Well we dropped the subject and over the next few weeks the subject was brought up without awkwardness. Now I am an engineer and like specifics and a plan. My question is every time I ask her how she would like to accomplish this and other logistical questions she changes the subject. I did bring up Birth Control since I am snipped and just don't trust condoms for BC, since our Daughter is result of a busted one. I suggested the pill and once again she sloughed off my conversation. Does this sound like my wife wants to keep this in the realm of fantasy or is she being restrained by some conditioning that Mommies don’t do those naughty things.

[Just_us49]

If your wife is anything like me then I would say the idea really excites her but she is working through the "mommies don't do these things". My husband and I have been playing that same game of talking about it during sex (which makes for a GREAT time) and discussing it when were alone for over a year now. We started with a little porn here and there, then we joined a board for finding couples to talk to on the internet. We did that for awhile, living our fantasies of a threesom out over the web. Now were ready for the real deal. It has taken time. I was reluctant because we are really pretty conservative people (hard to believe I know). I want to be really careful and discreet. My advice would be to keep whispering it during intimate times, maybe find some people on the net to have cyber sex with and eventually the idea of real swinging will feel more natural.


Good luck!

[biblonde]

I say take your time and continue what you are doing. It sounds as though she is working through what alot of us have to work through. We arent suppose to be naughty and be mommies to. We are taught that we are suppose to be good girls once we have kids. Well..after a lot of talk I felt comfy to go the distance and love every minute of it. She may also be wondering what you will think of her if she goes for it. I was real concerned about letting my hubby know all my deepest fatasies although he always said he would love to see me with other females and such. She may just need a little reasurance that you will be okay with all this and wont freak if it ever happens. It may take some time but I think you are headed in the right direction!!

best of luck and maybe you should show her this forum. It has helped us alot in knowing that we arent the only ones who think this way..have these thoughts..etc.. It would give her a chance to ask questions and decide if this is really something she could do.

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by biblonde

I say take your time and continue what you are doing. It sounds as though she is working through what alot of us have to work through. We arent suppose to be naughty and be mommies to. We are taught that we are suppose to be good girls once we have kids. Well..after a lot of talk I felt comfy to go the distance and love every minute of it. She may also be wondering what you will think of her if she goes for it. I was real concerned about letting my hubby know all my deepest fatasies although he always said he would love to see me with other females and such. She may just need a little reasurance that you will be okay with all this and wont freak if it ever happens. It may take some time but I think you are headed in the right direction!!

best of luck and maybe you should show her this forum. It has helped us alot in knowing that we arent the only ones who think this way..have these thoughts..etc.. It would give her a chance to ask questions and decide if this is really something she could do.

I agree with biblonde, but don't think it's necessarily a Mommy thing. I think it's a female thing. We've made a lot of progress over the decades, but "Good Girls Don't" is still taught in many households ... all the way up until marriage. It's going to take time, a lot of talking, and patience to help her think through her feelings. But it sounds like you've got a good start. Be patient ... good things come to those who wait. facelick Be encouraging but not pushy. Ask her gently why she has reservations, and pay careful attention to her response: it will give you clues as to what her top concerns are, and how to help her with them.

[SexhoundDog]

lwg,
I almost think you could've written my story, but it sounds like you've had more serious talk than my wife and I have and should be much further along. If nothing else, she at least shares her fantasies better.

My situation involves a desire to see my wife enjoy a few extra guys. Sure I think it might be fun to do a full swap, but I don't think she could handle the jealousy or insecurity factor. A MFM or else an adventure where me and another guy of her choosing are pleasing her is something I'd love to try at least once, but obviously that's her call. Sometime back I'd brought it up that I probably had as many fantasies about her sucking some guy's cock while I was screwing her as I did about me being with any other woman in any situation. I figured this "let the cat out of the bag" so to say, and that I'd listen real close during sex or other conversations for dirty talk that might let me know she was either enjoying the fantasy or plugging along for a way to bring it up further with me. However, nothing.

I don't know if it's a mommies don'd do those things or if it's just a good girls don't syndrome. All I know is that it can be frustrating. I think what you could do is bring it up in an indirect sense while you're having sex with your wife. Maybe when things are hot, you can talk dirty and whisper to her how much the thought of her fucking another guy turns you on but that you'd like to do more than just watch. She may or may not do anything, and then maybe a few times later, you say something similar again.

Since I think your progress so far isn't as slow as you might think, don't be in a hurry to be "that engineer who likes specifics and a plan." It may not happen that quick and it will probably have a degree of spontaneity to it that will surprise you. But, good things cum, or is that come, to those who wait.

[biblonde]

I think it is a little of both truthfully. It was hard for me at first to let the Naughty girl cum out so to speak..lol..And after having kids you really dont feel like the sexy naughty thing that our hubbies want us to feel like. You feel like a mom! And the old saying good girls dont do that really comes into play also. We are taught to be ladies and act like ladies all the time...If you have sex with anyone but your spouse you are a slut..whore..etc. It is hard to overcome that kind of teaching. It just takes time to rethink what you have been taught as a girl and know that it is okay to be wild and crazy. And that sex isnt a way of showing love tward someone else..it is just sex..or as hubby puts it, it is a sport. Beleive me there is alot that goes through your mind when you really start thinking about this kind of lifestyle. And like I said earlier..you also think about what your hubby is going to think of you if you are willing to do it. Although I knew my hubbies desires I still worried that he would think less of me or find me less attractive if I were with other men or women. We had many many talks about this before I was comfy enough to just let myself go and play out my own fantasies. It takes lots of talk and reasurance that this isnt going to ruine what you have with your spouce or SO. In the 2 years we have been doing this I see our marrage getting even stronger than it was and we are so much closer to each other. We now talk about every little desire or fantasy we each has and instead of feeling embarassed by them we enjoy the talks and well that leads to lots of fun!!

just my 2 cents for the day!

[Denver2some]

In another thread that's active today, a man who learned his wife had lied about having several sexual partners (in her past) compared his wife to a used car.

This is the kind of thing a woman who wants to explore her naughty side fights against. Not that I'm saying she thinks you'll call her a used car, but she may not be 100% convinced you'll think well of her after the heat of the moment passes. (Like biblonde pointed out, she needs reassurance from you.)

Talking about it during sex is an excellent way to start, but I think you've been very wise to bring it up during a non-intimate moment. Her response is a great sign! Sexhounddog makes a good point to not be in a hurry to "have a plan." Sometimes figuring out the plan together, baby step by baby step, is very exciting. And the more she feels invested in the plan, the more excited she'll be about acting on it when she's ready. It can be like foreplay ...

[Hellboy]

Wow, that is exactly the situation I am in and we had that discussion today. She loves the fantasy (especially FF) but there is a morality issue that holde her back. She made an off handed comment today after sex "I'd never do that" and blew holes in my fantasies.

After discussing it a while on a car ride across town to pick up the kids, she said it came down to our wedding vows. Honestly, she is more attractive than I am and she really has no worries about losing me. Its just she has a hard time wrapping her head around it being "ok" if its both of us together. We ended with "were not there yet, but we are expanding our horizons, so you never know" Which I can accept. Hell, I can accept flat out "no" if that's what she wants, but I don't want some artificial barriers to be what stops us.

So I will continue to work slowly in that direction. I don't ever want it to get to the point where I am trying to "convince" her to do it.

[biblonde]

Wedding vowes were a big issue with me. I had a real hard time getting around the "keep myself only to him" part. But after many talks we both decided this isnt cheating in any way and that is what the vowes mean to us. We are doing this as a couple together...with permission from both and not sneaking around behind each others backs. At first I felt like I was going against our vowes since I took them very serious but I though long and hard..no he didnt even try to convince me of anything since I started all this in the first place..lol..I dont feel as though I have broken any of them so all is good!

[lwg8tr01]

I would like to thank everyone for their responses, including all the sage advice from the women. It's so funny that our society suppresses and represses women's sexuality. After talking to the wifey about these fantasies of other people, it's really enhanced our marriage. I find my wife more desireable than ever and not becuase it's because she has agreed in priniciple to indulge a fantasy that I first brang up. I do see this lifestyle as for the right stable and healthy marriage as a helpful adjuct to a complete sexual experience. As a postscript last night asked about my sudden interest in this and we spent 1.5 hours really discussing this particular issue. She reiterated that right now it's pillow talk and the seed of some powerful fantasies but she has'nt met or is all that interested in persuing a "Stunt cock" for her to bang like a wanton slut right now. This is all ok with me, I would never want to push or encourage my wife to do anything she is'nt fully emotionally and physically invested in doing.

[vtxlady]

I remember the exact moment the subject of swinging came up for us- we were riding my husband's motorcycle, we have voice activated intercoms & he asked me if I had ever thought of being with another woman-good thing he was the 1 driving! I told him I thought it would be kewl & then we talked about it in depth for a long time..we added talking about it during sex & what was great sex became amazing sex! we watched programs, read articles & when Oprah covered it, I read most of the message boards, found the link to this board & finally feel like we are getting real life info. I was single for many years before I met my husband, we dont have any kids so the 'mommy issue' isnt an obstacle for us. I think it does come down to complete honesty & open discussion & ultimate trust in yourself & your partner

[easygoin]

i can remember that also...when my wife said she was curious...it made from some very hot sex...as we would talk and fantasize about it...