Results 1 to 13 of 13
The Swingers Board - The Swingers Board - The Original Swingers Lifestyle Community, forums,
  1. #1
    Here to Stay
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Mansfield, Ohio
    Posts
    17
    Status
    couple
    SLS Handle
    Naughtycool

    Default Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Long story short -was active in lifestyle for 7 yrs. - semi active last 4. Said would be ok - for me as long as no relationships and I tell her. She says its ok based on last time she partied outside (with a lifestyle member) over 6 yrs. ago because then we would be even! But she would not tell me if she did!?! Wondering if her NEW (non-sexual she says) relationship is actually the impetus for this and is her way of telling me that she wants an open marriage- WITHOUT setting ground rules and then she can do what she wants without impunity! She broke all the ground rules we ever set anyway! All comments welcome! Thanks!

  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    1,683
    Status
    Couple
    SLS Handle
    sk_forfun

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Maybe you could make the short story long? With the very brief sentences I am not 100% sure what your situation is.

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    minnesota
    Posts
    776
    Status
    couple

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    I agree with slevin. This story is missing far too many parts.

    And if she wanted to go with an open marriage, why would hooking up outside of the lifestyle be a better option?

  4. #4
    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
    Posts
    9,265
    Status
    Widower

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by Naughtycool View Post
    Long story short -was active in lifestyle for 7 yrs. - semi active last 4. Said would be ok - for me as long as no relationships and I tell her. She says its ok based on last time she partied outside (with a lifestyle member) over 6 yrs. ago because then we would be even! But she would not tell me if she did!?! Wondering if her NEW (non-sexual she says) relationship is actually the impetus for this and is her way of telling me that she wants an open marriage- WITHOUT setting ground rules and then she can do what she wants without impunity! She broke all the ground rules we ever set anyway! All comments welcome! Thanks!
    It's hard to know another's thoughts without talking with them. There could be many reasons for your wife's attitude. I hope y'all will sit down and discuss it, leaving out nothing.

    My late wife and I had an agreement that we would never become angry because a question was asked and that we'd always talk it out no matter how long it took. "I don't want to talk about it!" was never an acceptable option.

    Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  5. #5
    Here to Stay
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Mansfield, Ohio
    Posts
    17
    Status
    couple
    SLS Handle
    Naughtycool

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Ok folks -- from the beginning- we have been in for about 7a yrs. and now pretty much out- of the lifestyle for about a year and a half now. She has recently become VERY friendly with a social acquaintance from our marina- VERY fast-lots of texts! Like 600 in 25 days -she took a day off early to go up early for the weekend - which is something she hasn't done in 9 yrs. of boating- naturally she informed me later after her decision to go that Mr. SeaRay was too!
    "Well go to dinner with him" I told her. "Well I might do McDonalds"- she said. I knew that was crap. It was fine with me cause I know his wife too! No she wasn't there I knew, but had no real concern. She called me from our boat after dinner and I said ifwith you want to still visit with him go ahead. I still had no concern. The next day I asked what time she got back--- 1 AM -she said. Hmmmm - you after I confronted her about that and 600+ texts - she denied any wrongdoing. Ok fine -- let's move forward I say! And so---
    We come to a week after I confronted her and she tells me "you should have sex when you're out on the road selling" - that's the scoop!

  6. #6
    Not a potential *** Chicup's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Under the bed
    Posts
    5,605
    Status
    Tired

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Well you already know what you are thinking. I mean Christ this was a MASH episode.

  7. #7
    Swingers Board Addict
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Southern Mi
    Posts
    360
    Status
    couple
    SLS Handle
    edandbunny

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    I see red flags all over this. I am gonna go with Alura and say that you and your wife need to have a long and serious talk.

  8. #8
    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
    Posts
    9,265
    Status
    Widower

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by Naughtycool View Post
    We come to a week after I confronted her and she tells me "you should have sex when you're out on the road selling" - that's the scoop!
    Having spent many years as a manufacturers' representative, I can tell you for sure that, hookers aside, it isn't easy to find someone for sex when you're on the road! First, I was just too tired after having called on numerous customers during business hours. All I wanted to do was have my evening conversation with Mrs. Alura and sleep.

    Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    minnesota
    Posts
    776
    Status
    couple

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Yes, red flags abound.

    The informing of you after the fact, the lying about dinner..

    I dont like it at all.

  10. #10
    Here to Stay
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Mansfield, Ohio
    Posts
    17
    Status
    couple
    SLS Handle
    Naughtycool

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Alura- I agree- priority on the road is sales! MN Tom - and those aren't the only lies I've caught her in since this began! Like "no - I only text him!". Phone record proof! Or - he hasn't said anything sexual to me- I did see a text from him before she deleted it saying he would like to see her undress blown up around her shoulders! Sound pretty sexual to me!

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    new york
    Posts
    547

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Is your concern that she's going to dump you for the other guy or having sex with the other guy? Since you were both in the LS the idea of her having sex with another guy shouldn't be a foreign concept to you. If you think her statement that it's OK for you to play when you're working out of town is her way of "balancing the books" for her infidelity then you have to get your own priorities straight.
    I think you need to ask her, in a calm manner, if she wants to set new guidelines for playing in the LS but seperately. If you think she will be a happier person getting laid by this other guy while you are away on the road and that her happiness means a lot to you then let her have at it. However if the other couple isn't into the LS and this guy is cheating on his wife then I forsee a possibility for "big waves" being made at your marina.

  12. #12
    Here to Stay Valha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    41
    Status
    Couple
    SLS Handle
    MNT_Couple

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by celtic239 View Post
    Is your concern that she's going to dump you for the other guy or having sex with the other guy? Since you were both in the LS the idea of her having sex with another guy shouldn't be a foreign concept to you. If you think her statement that it's OK for you to play when you're working out of town is her way of "balancing the books" for her infidelity then you have to get your own priorities straight.
    I think you need to ask her, in a calm manner, if she wants to set new guidelines for playing in the LS but seperately. If you think she will be a happier person getting laid by this other guy while you are away on the road and that her happiness means a lot to you then let her have at it. However if the other couple isn't into the LS and this guy is cheating on his wife then I forsee a possibility for "big waves" being made at your marina.
    I see the big problem here as her lack of honesty. Hooking up with this guy seems to have been more important than being honest with her husband. Trust is breached and therefore a big problem with the relationship is at hand.
    Just because they've both fucked other people has no bearing on the situation. Why be married if both partners can just fuck whoever they want and lie about it?
    On a journey through life with a best friend...

  13. #13
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    In my House
    Posts
    34,783
    Status
    Female
    SLS Handle
    swingersboard

    Default Re: Why would my wife tell me hook up outside lifestyle?

    It's definitely time for the two of you to sit down and really communicate with each other about this issue. The fact that you are going through phone records implies a lack of trust to start with, which may be earned from what you've shared (and possibly what you haven't). Show her the proof, tell her what you really think is going on and then be open to whatever she has to say.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

Tags for this Thread


Similar Threads

  1. Just got into lifestyle and wife is pregnant
    By bimarriedguy82 in forum Pregnancy & Swinging
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 09-28-2010, 09:55 PM
  2. Replies: 12
    Last Post: 05-26-2005, 01:57 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •