When wife gives up sex.

[grabbyzz 26]

About a year ago, the Mrs, decided that she was taking a break from swinging. I understand how that can happen and never pushed her to get back into it. Then about 3 months later, decided she didn't want sex anymore. I, or her bf, haven't had sex with her in 9 months. Only had it once last year, on our anniversary. I have had a couple off and on gf's in that time, but always ended up being filled with drama and I called it quits. Hard to find a gf when you're married, lol...Anyway has anyone else ran into this type of situation? If so how did you handle it?

[Baconheads 397]

I lose the will to live after about seven days, couldn't imagine it after nine months...

[gr8tungbiggush 17]

Wife gave up sex right after having Merena put in 4 years ago. We would have sex once every 4 months or so. Once she had that removed she went back to normal. And actually a little wilder then before, and I love it.

 

Sent from my DROID3 using Tapatalk

[Alura 2,766]

What's a "Merena?"

 

Alura

[O.C. 15]

If you want to know what it is Google mirena.

[km34 672]

Mirena is an iud (intauterine device) that releases a certain amount of a progestin everyday to prevent pregnancy.

[Swing*8701 885]

In my opinion: Your wife needs a clinical review with her doctor and have her referred to an endocrinologist that specializes in women, as well. Perhaps a trip or two to a marriage counselor might be good for a tuneup. You'll have to do some looking; there are answers.--Susan

[Alura 2,766]

Mirena is an iud (intauterine device) that releases a certain amount of a progestin everyday to prevent pregnancy.

 

Thank you.

 

Alura

[TheRedHalf 81]

In my opinion: Your wife needs a clinical review with her doctor and have her referred to an endocrinologist that specializes in women, as well. Perhaps a trip or two to a marriage counselor might be good for a tuneup. You'll have to do some looking; there are answers.--Susan

 

I agree with Edison. I would have her make a visit to her physician and get checked out. There can be many physical and or psychological conditions that cause dips in libido.

[Galanga 249]

Getting back to the original topic, swinging is fun, but relationships involve complicated emotions, especially for women. The problem is that you're mixing the fun of alternative sex with the emotions of a relationship. From reading your post, it appears your wife is having a hard time distinguishing between her relationship with you and sex with others.

 

You talk about her "boyfriends" and your "girlfriends", and mention that you had a few "girlfriends" at a time when your wife is clearly having trouble with the whole extramarital sex thing. There's the problem. Women fall in love with boyfriends, especially when they feel their relationship is being threatened by a girlfriend ... and that's causing a conflict in her own head. And no matter how much you want to insist that your "Mrs" is different from the rest of the human race, this emotion is hard-wired into women's brains ... including hers.

 

So what do you do? Swinging is for sex - period. You need to establish a feeling in your relationship that the others are sex toys, not "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". These objects are dildos and pussies, nothing more. As soon as you introduce the possibility that they are people with personalities, feelings, and emotions that you care about, you WILL cause a problem. Hopefully you haven't used terms of affection about your "girlfriends" or comparisons about how her pussy is "tight", or she give the "best blow jobs", etc. And don't tell me you treat your "girlfriends" as impersonal sex toys because you already said it always ends in "drama". That tells me they think they are in a "relationship".

 

Also - swinging is best done WITH your wife, not off in private with someone else while she's at home feeling so unsexy that she hasn't had sex in 9 months. And don't encourage her to go off in private with a boyfriend. Women have an instinctive need to form a pair-bond. And when you encourage a relationship with a "boyfriend", so that you feel good about having a "girlfriend", they instinctively feel that you're trying to weaken that all important pair-bond.

 

And one last thing - stop calling your wife "The Mrs". That's an antiquated term popular when women were considered property. Call her by her name or, if you wish to remain anonymous, use a fake name. But stop depersonalizing her while you form friendships with "girlfriends".

[TheRedHalf 81]

So what do you do? Swinging is for sex - period. You need to establish a feeling in your relationship that the others are sex toys, not "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". These objects are dildos and pussies, nothing more.

 

I tend to think of them as friends, acquaintances or at the very least people looking to fuck, but many others use the term boyfriend/girlfriend and don't seem to have a problem with that term. I think it all comes down to communication between the two of you and what works for you.

Boyfriend:

1: a male friend

2: a frequent or regular male companion in a romantic or (not and) sexual relationship

 

 

Also - swinging is best done WITH your wife, not off in private with someone else while she's at home feeling so unsexy that she hasn't had sex in 9 months. And don't encourage her to go off in private with a boyfriend. Women have an instinctive need to form a pair-bond. And when you encourage a relationship with a "boyfriend", so that you feel good about having a "girlfriend", they instinctively feel that you're trying to weaken that all important pair-bond.

 

This could be a problem in some cases. However, many people prefer to be apart for different reasons. I don't think we can lump everyone into one bucket and say it's only best when done together. My wife and I prefer to be together because we enjoy seeing each other pleasured but some people get distracted by this or don't enjoy being watched.

 

And one last thing - stop calling your wife "The Mrs". That's an antiquated term popular when women were considered property. Call her by her name or, if you wish to remain anonymous, use a fake name. But stop depersonalizing her while you form friendships with "girlfriends".

 

This is funny. I don't know ages here but swinging brings many people of different ages together and one persons antiquated couple be another's fresh. I call my wife anything she wants me too .

 

I still stand by talking with her physician. Depression can be a big factor as well as many physical ailments.

[Galanga 249]

RedHalf - I absolutely agree that she should see a doctor, or at least mention her loss of libido during an annual checkup, but if you read his post carefully you'll see that this is not just a matter of semantics. His wife is sexually depressed (for whatever reason) and his response is to find girlfriends. And the word "girlfriend" I take in its true meaning because by his own admission his marriage causes "drama" with them. That means they're thinking relationship, not just fucktoy.

 

The doctor is a good idea if for no other reason than to rule out anything medical. After that, I suggest he think carefully about his view of swinging, and whether he's using it as a way of having permitted affairs.

[celtic239 297]

Grabb - Maybe you should ask her why she doesn't want to have sex. It could be medical (as in some sort of painful medical condition), a loss of libido or a perceived relationship issue. Depending on the answer will help you determine where to turn for help, assuming she wants the help.

[slevin 1,374]

Getting back to the original topic, swinging is fun, but relationships involve complicated emotions, especially for women. The problem is that you're mixing the fun of alternative sex with the emotions of a relationship. From reading your post, it appears your wife is having a hard time distinguishing between her relationship with you and sex with others.

 

You're quite opinionated eh? )

 

I think you're reading a bit too much into his original post. You may be right, but we just have no idea based on the little information received. He said she lost interest in swinging, then shortly after lost interest in sex altogether. That likely indicates something with her sex drive rather than a change of mind around swinging. Of course, this is speculation too. We'd need more information (which others asked for).

 

Also, people swing in very different ways. No one way is any more right than another. What works for you won't necessarily work for everyone. If someone wants to explore more of a dating type arrangement, then that works for them. I might not understand it, and I might caution against the risks, but I won't tell them they're wrong for trying it.

[km34 672]

Hard to find a gf when you're married, lol...

 

Depends on your definition of girlfriend and how you're going about trying to find them. Oh, and how you treat them once you DO find them!

 

Anyway has anyone else ran into this type of situation? If so how did you handle it?

 

There have been random points in the last couple of years where I've gone a couple of months with next to no sex drive (which is unusual since I would normally be classified in the "nymph" category according to those who know me lol). It pretty much stemmed from feeling unattractive and not wanting to put myself out there. It has always been highly illogical, and the way we get through it is by my husband (and/or some other playmates) focusing entirely on me and making me feel desirable and desired.

 

That would be a psychological reason and a way to get through it.

 

I'm also agreeing with others that she NEEDS to see her doctor. Diminished libido can be a side effect or symptom of many other issues.

[shrevecouple 252]

 

There have been random points in the last couple of years where I've gone a couple of months with next to no sex drive (which is unusual since I would normally be classified in the "nymph" category according to those who know me lol). It pretty much stemmed from feeling unattractive and not wanting to put myself out there. It has always been highly illogical, and the way we get through it is by my husband (and/or some other playmates) focusing entirely on me and making me feel desirable and desired.

 

 

That is usually the reason my libido goes down. Because I am normally high sex drive.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Has she seen a Dr about this loss of sex drive?

[Coupleerotic22 1,417]

Getting back to the original topic, swinging is fun, but relationships involve complicated emotions, especially for women. The problem is that you're mixing the fun of alternative sex with the emotions of a relationship. From reading your post, it appears your wife is having a hard time distinguishing between her relationship with you and sex with others.

 

You talk about her "boyfriends" and your "girlfriends", and mention that you had a few "girlfriends" at a time when your wife is clearly having trouble with the whole extramarital sex thing. There's the problem. Women fall in love with boyfriends, especially when they feel their relationship is being threatened by a girlfriend ... and that's causing a conflict in her own head. And no matter how much you want to insist that your "Mrs" is different from the rest of the human race, this emotion is hard-wired into women's brains ... including hers.

 

So what do you do? Swinging is for sex - period. You need to establish a feeling in your relationship that the others are sex toys, not "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". These objects are dildos and pussies, nothing more. As soon as you introduce the possibility that they are people with personalities, feelings, and emotions that you care about, you WILL cause a problem. Hopefully you haven't used terms of affection about your "girlfriends" or comparisons about how her pussy is "tight", or she give the "best blow jobs", etc. And don't tell me you treat your "girlfriends" as impersonal sex toys because you already said it always ends in "drama". That tells me they think they are in a "relationship".

 

Also - swinging is best done WITH your wife, not off in private with someone else while she's at home feeling so unsexy that she hasn't had sex in 9 months. And don't encourage her to go off in private with a boyfriend. Women have an instinctive need to form a pair-bond. And when you encourage a relationship with a "boyfriend", so that you feel good about having a "girlfriend", they instinctively feel that you're trying to weaken that all important pair-bond.

 

And one last thing - stop calling your wife "The Mrs". That's an antiquated term popular when women were considered property. Call her by her name or, if you wish to remain anonymous, use a fake name. But stop depersonalizing her while you form friendships with "girlfriends".

 

There are some leaps in your post that would be in medal contention.

 

Based on the OP it COULD be an emotional issue, but just as easily a physiological or even a psychological issue.

 

People use all kinds of terms to describe those they have sex with; BF/GF, partners, playmates etc. Everyone has their preferences and possibly terms that annoy them, even terms swinging & lifestyle raise some peoples ire, but to each his own. As long as it is not disrespectful then what is the harm. Particularly with the term Mrs., which I occasionally use as well. Heck her screen name is even MrsCoupleErotic and she is the one that decided to use it.

 

I think the bigger issue in the OP is what caused such drastic change in her sexual life. What, if anything, can or should be done about it. It is unusual for someone to go from swinging to celibacy in such a quick turn without some underlying cause. But Grabby has been around the block a few times as has his wife, so I wouldn't think jealousy or betrayal or self esteem would be my first guess as to what is going on in this case.

 

Grabbyzz, have you tried talking to her about it? What does she say?