I am so happy I found this thread! My husband and I just started swinging, and the female from the other couple would say how much she wanted me to be honest with her - but, then when I did mention things that bothered me, she'd get defensive and cry and say I misunderstood - and, that I must not really know her. What I concluded is that she was telling my husband how much she cared for me to get closer to him - so, every time she did something that bothered me - he came back with "But, she really cares about you. She tells me all the time. It must be a mistake". Finally, she introduced me to another couple she'd been with (without asking me if I wanted to meet another swinging couple) after talking to them - I found out that she did the same thing with them. But, they had better control over it because they'd been swinging for a while and recognized her "type" immediately. After filling in the blanks and verifying her lies and confronting my husband (She'd been telling him "Don't tell her I said "fill in the blank", it'd hurt her feelings and I really don't want that) and getting the truth from him - I broke all contact with her. And, after reading this - I understand perfectly what she was about, and that IT HAS A NAME! Thankfully, we realized it in time and saved our marriage. I had just been calling it "a mind fuck" - now I know it was Gaslighting... Wow - thanks so much!