Tell our friends about our swinging?

[MassageCouple69]

My wife and I have been thinking of swinging for a few months now, and I'm sure that we will progress to it soon enough, we are just taking our time with it. I wonder though, how many swingers out their tell their non-swinging friends that they swing )or our thinking of swinging)? I have mixed feelings about it, but it seems like it might not be such a bad idea sometimes... Not necessarily to get them to swing or anything... but I suppose they might be intrigued by the idea.
I'm 24 and like grabbing a few beers with my buddies, and we talk about anything, including our sex lives. What have your experiences been with telling your friends? Or don't you?

Just wondering

[Roxysbayou]

Although I haven't told any of my friends, hubby has shared with his close friends. I guess for guys it's a little easier, probably a pat on the back. Most that do know about our lifestyle just think it's cool although it may not be for them. One couple that we know is begining to think about getting into swinging, but have not done it yet. I personally prefer to be more discreet. I do find myself getting upset every once in a while that he does tell people about it, I guess the best thing is to discuss what you are willing to share and with who.

[Brit_Pair]

We keep this aspect of our lives to ourselves. We choose to compartmentalize it, because it offers greater discretion and fewer complications.

Any advice you receive here – especially on an issue such as this one – has to be tempered by the unique variables of your own circumstances. Your own instincts on the subject will probably be as good a guide to you as anything. Trust them. That said, my instincts tell me you’re possibly putting the cart before the horse, in that you and your wife are still debating whether or not to enter into the swing of things. Unless you’re seeking your friends’ counsel on the matter, what’s to be gained from saying anything at all at this stage?

[naughty A]

I would think very carefully about this before telling anyone.

One of our friends knew - we'd swung with him before he hooked up with his gf. ... she refused to have anything to do with us in any setting once she found out where we went once a month. (personally I think he was trying to talk her into tagging along)

so if you tell your buddies - who is to say they will keep it to themselves. and their girlfriends could be particularly vicious about it.

I have also heard of a couple who had to sell their house when the neighbourhood found out - apparently it was made clear to them that they were not welcome.

DON'T DO IT. DON'T DO IT. my opinion.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by naughty A
I would think very carefully about this before telling anyone.

I have to agree with Naughty A. There are too many risks involved and I for one am not foolish enough to risk lifetime friendships or good relations with my family members to tell them what we do when the lights go down on a Saturday night, no matter how much fun I think it is and just bursting to tell some one.

We get enough unsolicited problems without adding fuel to the fire.

Lori

[fun_pairTX]

We keep our swinglife and our friends/biz life totally separate, it is just the more prudent choice.

[wiscpl]

We have shared with one of our friends that has been friends with us for a number of years. He was a bit surprised but very intrigued(sp) by our lifestyle. I can remeber sitting in his office on a number of occasions where we would talk about seeing two woman together. It was all I could do to keep a straight face. Mrs. wicpl said go ahead and tell him, he'll be surprised. And he was.
Whether to tell your friends or not is up to you. The coversation with our friend usually was about sex so we felt comfortable with it. And we knew he would keep it to himself.

[Brian and Jo]

We have a group of swinger friends. We also have a group of golfing friends and a group of nudist friends. We keep all three groups separate in the sense that we never meet with more than one group at a time, although the swingers and the golfers all know that we are nudists.

[MassageCouple69]

Hey - thanks for all the advice. They are some friends of mine that I could tell, and it would stop there and be cool with them.
I suppose that there would be others that would just tell one person, who would just tell one person, etc... I see your point of how that could be so destructive! I'll definently think about for a long time before I mention it to anyone.
Thanks

[BradAndJanet]

We haven't told any of our friends because we haven't had a compelling reason to do so and without that reason it seems a little like showing off.

If our friends were to bring up the subject, we might disclose our swinging to them, but I doubt that they ever will. Sex just isn't part of the conversation with most of them and I wouldn't want to spoil a friendship over something that really doesn't need to be discussed.

In general, I would say that as you get more comfortable with swinging, there is a danger that you forget what a foreign concept it is for most people and how much it might shock them.

MassageCouple69, I would recommend not telling your friends unless you are sure they have open minds and, like wiscpl says, you can be sure they won't talk. Even then, you should be sure of your motivation for doing so.

One thing you can do without fear, however, is get to know all of us here on the board. We've been known to have a conversation or two about swinging from time to time

-B

[perlwizard]

Originally posted by Brian and Jo
We have a group of swinger friends. We also have a group of golfing friends and a group of nudist friends. We keep all three groups separate in the sense that we never meet with more than one group at a time, although the swingers and the golfers all know that we are nudists.

I can see swinging and nudist lifestyles together. How do nudists fit in with golfers? Are there nude golf courses?

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Originally posted by BradAndJanet
In general, I would say that as you get more comfortable with swinging, there is a danger that you forget what a foreign concept it is for most people and how much it might shock them.
-B

I think BradAndJanet are dead on here. We tend to think of our extra curricular activities as somewhat surreal, but very definitly acceptable. This is not a viewpoint of the majority of our citizenry.

Also, there is an almost self-policing aspect to keeping your lifestyle within the swinging community. i.e. "I'm not going to tell about John & Mary, because they can tell about me." When your secret is outside the swing community, there is no such imposed restraint to maintain discretion.

Brit_Pair was right in that you need to assess this from YOUR vantage point.

We have our swing friends and our non swing friends- and never the twain shall meet.

[Chris&Amelia]

We have three "classes" of friend:

1) Work friends.
2) "Social" friends.
3) Swinger friends.

While there is some overlap in categories two and three (because all of our swinger friends are also social friends, but not vise-versa). Categories one and three never mix.

The only "social" friends we told about our lifestyle was a couple we've known for years. And, after talking to them about it, we found out that they were swingers too! But I'm pretty sure that's the exception, not the rule.

Generally speaking, our lifestyle is known only to ourselves and our "category three" friends.

[wiscpl]

Originally posted by perlwizard
I can see swinging and nudist lifestyles together. How do nudists fit in with golfers? Are there nude golf courses?

I golf but am not aware of nude golf courses. I am aware of a group of woman who are trained professional golfers that will golf with you and give you lessons while wearing nothing but a short skirt.
I can't imagine that helping my golf game at all!

[sexualhealingmn]

We have classic car friends -- and there is a nudist car show in Wisconsin in August - we haven't attended, would be fun to check out the "cars" tho.....check out their website: http://www.vvrc.org/carshow.html