Protecting Your Identity

[OhioCouple]

How many choose to keep their true identities protected at all costs? I was reading a very interesting thread on another board this morning and was really suprised at the various input.

There were some that will give everything from names, addresses, phone numbers to those that have used phony everthing for over 20 years. Others stated that they would only reveal more personal info after an initial meeting.

There are several questions here.

Do you prefer to keep your entire personal life a secret, or are you an open book?

If using different names, will you reveal them to someone you feel you can trust? How do you determine who is trustworthy?

How would you feel if you had been "playmates" with someone for a long period of time and then discovered that they weren't really who they said they were? Would you feel betrayed?

What is the reasoning behind whatever decision that you have made?

Lori

[ciscosv]

We dont have a problem with people knowing our first names upon meeting. I would say that we are pretty open about ourselves. Are our names real? They're on our birth certificates but should we produce that for proof? I don't see the relevance of knowing anyone by anything other than their first or fake name. We don't need to protect our identity since we are average joe's. The web is another story where our info is unprotected which we limit. I would not feel betrayed if we found out our regular swing partners were Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston posing as John Doe and Jane Hoe. Each of us does things their own way.

For us, we are:

[ciscosv]

Something went wrong.

M&M

Melts in your mouth, Not in your hands

[JustAskJulie]

Something went wrong.

M&M

Melts in your mouth, Not in your hands

What happened?

[ciscosv]

Our signature did not appear in the reply. I had then manually entered it and still nothing? Not a big deal, just weird!

[JustAskJulie]

We use our real names. I even used my real name with my amateur site. When people ask why, my typical answer is it's hard enough to remember everyone else's names without trying to remember my own.

We've only had one experience (that we know of) with a couple using fake names. We had met with them several times and even swung together before they told us the truth. They were quite worried that we'd be upset with them but it was no big deal. We laughed about it and made jokes calling them by both names and asking "who are you tonight?" and "What was your name again?"

[L&K]

We feel that keeping who we are on the pc not a big deal , we just do not post any nude pictures of ourselves on the web. If we wish to have someone see us we can e-mail that to them. After we find out about them. We are business people in a Small town and if the local uppercrust could use it againt us they would. and sharing my body with someone I may run into down town just is not a good Idea to me. But as far as sharing who we are with others in the life style it is not a big deal. And have talked with others who keep it to themselves where they are and who they are and all people have there reasons I am sure. I would not question anyone why they would keep some information from me because If I did not wish people to know something I would not tell them either. besides if any one ask us about it would just say yes we are playing on the net, don't mean we are doing anything! he he he yea right

S.

[dave_susie2001]

"Now I don't want to get off on a rant here," but some people have a lot to lose if it were revealed to the "wrong" people that they were in the lifestyle. That was the biggest reason that it took Susie and I so long to actually take the plunge. Small town life can be harsh. I know for a fact that a business owner in my town had to file for chapter 11 because of "indescretions" in his personal life. It had nothing to do with swinging, but when you're in the Bible Belt, ANYTHING fun is a sin, and people (ie CUSTOMERS) will go somewhere else. Your business will suffer.

Up until a few months ago, I could have lost my job just for getting caught in the local nudie entertainment establishment. The "Moral Terpitude" clause in my employment contract would have seen to that. Some of you who know me and I have met know what I do for a living. I choose not to mention my career on the board because even though I now have a new job with out that moral clause, it could still affect me if the "wrong person" found out about my private life.

We don't use fake names...Dave and Susie are our real first names. When I give out my phone number to someone, it's my cell number. The kids don't answer that, and you can't tell where someone lives from a cell number. I wouldn't give out my home number to just anyone. I'd have to really trust you for that. Then again, if we're going to have sex with you...we would really have to trust you anyway.

I'm very big on honesty...but to protect my career and my family, I'd deny my lifestyle in a heart beat. I don't fault Clinton for telling everyone that he didn't have "sexual relations with that woman." Hell, to protect my job, I'd have done the same thing! "Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong."

[ November 05, 2002, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: dave_susie2001 ]

[L&K]

Small town politics is why we droped our names in here and went with M&S We are open and honest with those that we contact or that contact us . I assume they are swingers if there on a site .

In our operation here we are the big gun , king of the hill and all that . Give the competition amo like that " there swingers " and they can take you off the hill if they know what there doing .

Every thing is a risk , i deal with that every day i make decisions . Guess this is just one more .

If i found we were dealing with total fakes it tells me that they dont trust us , that is where i stand .

M the risk taker

[sportync]

Dave and Suzie, I had no idea the Bible belt reached all the way to Michigan! I sort of thought it stopped at the Mason-Dixon Line. As for keeping my identity private, I do on the web...you never know who is here, how honest they are, or for that matter, what their motives might be. Face it, there are a lot of crazies out there and the web is the perfect place for them to hang out, because they can appear to be anything they wish. I do feel that once you have gotten to know someone by e-mails, phone calls, private chats and face-to-face meetings, then honesty is the best way to go. Nothing can send up a red flag quicker than being caught in a lie, and once you begin telling lies, it's kinda' hard to keep your story straight. I respect honesty in others, especially if you are considering sharing your bed and your body with them. We live right in the middle of the buckle of the Bible belt, and being surrounded by judgemental little minds, we are kinda' forced into keeping our adult activity private, but when you really think about it, it's nobody's business what you do in bed unless they are invited to join in, so it is a good idea to keep it to yourselves anyway. If I were to find out after the fact that a couple we played with had originally given us false names, I wouldn't be angry, just confused. I would probably wonder why they thought it necessary to use such a ploy.
If you are getting naked with someone, it's kinda' nice to know how to address them. Sportync

[Lorrelei]

I'm totally an open book. (Would never give out my home address until I knew the people better). Not close to my family because of it, but I hated having to keep secrets....The first year or so, I kept it a secret, but it's too stressful, and it really squelches the enjoyment of the lifestyle. I wouldn't want to lead a double life.

[JustAskJulie]

Considering Vegas Lee's recent post on "Why we do this", I thought this was an interesting topic to bring back up for discussion as well.

[DBL D]

I respect people like VegasLee, but it ain't for me. Sorry. Someday maybe? Probably not then either.

Male D

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

We use fake names on the internet. After we email and then maybe even a phone call (cell phone) if we feel comfortable and like the friendship might go further then we'll tell them our real names. We do this because we had internet trouble even prior to getting into the lifestyle that put our reputations at risk.

Everyone knows our real names at the club, of course you have to give them your drivers license to join so it'd be kind of hard to use a fake name. We feel comfortable there and have made quite a few friends that even know personal stuff about us as well.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Mike and Jan]

I've always been one who likes to be honest and open with people I meet. My wife is the cautious one in our family. But, I have to agree with her about not revealing exactly who we are until we're absolutely comfortable with folks.
She's in Education (morals clauses in the bible belt) and I write teen fiction. Man, could we have our professions screwed up! LOL!
Because of our concerns I've always been understanding of others being less than honest at first too.