BIG Problem! We've been Found Out! HELP!!

[yumyum29a]

Ok, here it is...a guy just sent us an email on another site (Swing Lifestyle) saying that he knows us mainly me (Mike) here is the email:

"What do you do when you run into a profile and you know someone? I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure we know each other from Project Gold. If not, the resemblance is very strong. Either way, I play poker if you’re getting a game together."

The poker game refers to a little party I'm setting up, but other than that I am the guy he's referring to. How should I approach this? I have not seen this guy in about a year or two and I would love to tell him he has the wrong guy but...If I do and then take down a picture (partially blurred face)on the site of me it looks suspicious. What's if he shows my picture to someone else I know for verification? Worse what's if he blackmails us!?! He is a disgusting little troll, talk about bad luck!

Let us know thanks!

[ncmd_couple]

Well... that depends on the situation. Is he registered on Swing Lifestyle as a couple or single male? You can only be blackmailed if you allow yourself to be blackmailed. If your in the lifestyle, you are subject to bumping into people you know at a club, party, or on a site. If you respond to him "Hi, long time no see." Very casual, no big deal, hows the weather, your dog has fleas, then there is no big deal and he may be tittilated, but won't feel your concern. As for your poker party, tell him "thanks, but the table is full, maybe next time."

[BiloxiCouple]

You can block him and play dumb. Although, he can create a ghost account and still find it. Make your public pictures private and/or your public pictures vague.

You can be honest with him and still do the above.

People who try to get invited to my events normally don't, unless they are friends and I would invite them anyway.

[SAMnTINA]

Over the years (only 8 years) we have run in to a number of people we knew on sites, at clubs and at parties. Once we even had sex with a couple at a party only to realize afterward that they were also band parents with us and our kids were friends. (Somehow we did not recognize each other when everyone was naked).

We also ran in to a guy that had visited out firm to sell us IT services, at a club one night. (He was even worse at selling him self than he was at getting our business). But once he found out we were not interested in anything he had to see he moved on.

If you are in the lifestyle sooner or later you will run in to someone you know. Like the time we posted our pictures on a web site and one of Terri’s clients called to say “I always knew there was a reason I liked having you do my taxes.” (To bad that his wife did not have the same interest in Steve as Terri thought he was a real hottie but it never went further than flirting, although she is still hopeful and tax season rolls around each year).

So we would not worry to much about it if we were you, as he may have just as much to looses as you do maybe more. After all it’s hard to say I saw then on a swingers site with out someone asking “What were you doing on a swingers site.”

The only real problem we ever had was from an employee we let go who kept telling his lawyer that we should give him money or “Stuff would come out that we did not want public” but since we figured that we know and there was no one else it should matter to we told him to buzz off, and that was the end of it. (Does make it much simpler now that we have goon public

http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/...20041119.jhtml

as we tell all our employees before they are hired that we are swingers, but we do not play with employees (keep hoping the hot ones will turn down the job so they can get a shot at us, but alas this has not happened yet.

We have had a few none lifestyle clients ask about it but most are just curious and at least for us it has not been a problem.

Good luck and remember you are not doing anything wrong so you have nothing to be ashamed of they is something between you and your spouse and if you are both ok with it then it’s no one else’s business.

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by yumyum29a

Worse what's if he blackmails us!?! He is a disgusting little troll, talk about bad luck!

Keep copies of his profile and all your corespondence with him. Find out "what he's into" If he's a single guy, it should be pretty easy to get him to send a picture of his genitals (I seem to get them all the time). Then tell him that your not interested at this time, but that you'll keep him in mind for future "poker games."

He'll keep bugging you about "future games"

Eventully, he'll realize that he's too far into this to tell anyone else about it without outting himself as well.

[Edison Carter]

Well, you haven't seen him in a year or two, you probably won't. I don't recommend lying. I just would not respond to any message and things should die off.

If not, and confronted, take control and explain: "I'm sure what you saw was very intriguing. It's part of a special and private part of our lives and I will not be discussing it". Stay firm about not discussing it, repeat it if you have to and you should be fine.

As I like to say, if there's ten things coming up the road, nine of them will hit the ditch before they get to me. Good luck-- Ed

[Darkblue]

Well i am always expecting to be found by a workmate(we were found by an Ex workmate but they were doing the same as us so no problem there)

I would just wait out and see if he says anything else and if so,you can either have a quiet word in his ear telling him to mind his own business,if he trys to blackmail you then i would tell him that you will involve the Police as you are not prepared to be blackmailed by him or anyone else..I would also point out that you will tell all that he was trying to get you into bed and because you refused he´s telling everyone about your lifestyle so he had better keep quiet..
but whatever you do i wish you the best of luck..

@steve and Terri
Thanks for the link very interesting, pity i cant get to see it all only just over 4 mins :-((
very brave of you to go out and tell the world your swingers!!I wish i could but work and the wife wont allow me too..

Steve and Susanne

[sweet_tna]

It's bound to happen to all of us at some point or another. I was "found out" by another mom from my daughter's preschool (who I used to talk to almost every day). Lucky for us, she has a profile too, and we've become better friends for it.

In this case, the guy is not someone you consider a friend nor would you trust him. Does he have an actual profile, or was he just trolling when he found you? If it's the former, he has just as much to lose as you do. If the latter, he'd still have to explain what he was doing on a swinger website to explain how he knows about you.

I'd go for plausible deniability here, and simply don't respond to his message. If you see him out somewhere, I'd do what nc_md suggested (say hi, maybe some small talk but leave it at that).

Good luck!

=)

[edmustang]

Like so many things in our lives, it only becomes an issue if you let it. I'm not sure how to word it, but your attitude ought to be "yeah, that's me and I'm a swinger. So?" No embarrassement, no problem.

[Edison Carter]

After reading EdMustang answer--I think he's got it right

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

Well... that depends on the situation. Is he registered on Swing Lifestyle as a couple or single male? You can only be blackmailed if you allow yourself to be blackmailed. If your in the lifestyle, you are subject to bumping into people you know at a club, party, or on a site. If you respond to him "Hi, long time no see." Very casual, no big deal, hows the weather, your dog has fleas, then there is no big deal and he may be tittilated, but won't feel your concern. As for your poker party, tell him "thanks, but the table is full, maybe next time."

I agree with you on this. Don't freak out OP or he will do stuff just to be mischievious. I'd be like hey, how are you. If you spazz out he will know he has you by the short and curlies....obviously he is into the lifestyle as well if he saw you on Swing Lifestyle.

[intuition897]

Trouble is, if he's a disgusting little asshole of a troll, he likely doesn't have much of a reputation to worry about smearing. Besides...if he's single, he's just doing what "comes naturally" to single folks, right? People are told to get this sort of thing "out of their systems" before they settle down and get married/paired up. Which leaves you in an awkward position as a couple who was supposed to have gotten all that "narsty" stuff out of your systems before now, right?

I'd just play dumb. Wait for a bit and then change your photos. Don't write back or acknowledge him. Or if you do, keep it short and simple: No, I don't think we've met. We had a look at your profile though, and I don't think we're compatible. Thanks for your interest and good luck!

If you're feeling vulnerable right now, keep an eye out for a thread I'm about to start...you'll feel better. I guaran-fucking-tee it.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by yumyum29a

I would love to tell him he has the wrong guy but...If I do and then take down a picture (partially blurred face)on the site of me it looks suspicious. What's if he shows my picture to someone else I know for verification? Worse what's if he blackmails us!?! He is a disgusting little troll, talk about bad luck!

Because of the possibility of him showing your profile pic to someone else for "verification", I would change that pic immediately. People are always changing around their profile pics, it should cause no alarm. Since you have reason to be discreet, use pictures from now on that have no facial features at all, at least in your public pictures. As you get to know people, you can exchange face pics after you email with them (that's what we do). Works great for us.

Since this guy is a "disgusting troll", I'd go ahead and write him, "Sorry dude, don't know you", and be done with him.

[yumyum29a]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

Well... that depends on the situation. Is he registered on Swing Lifestyle as a couple or single male? You can only be blackmailed if you allow yourself to be blackmailed. If your in the lifestyle, you are subject to bumping into people you know at a club, party, or on a site. If you respond to him "Hi, long time no see." Very casual, no big deal, hows the weather, your dog has fleas, then there is no big deal and he may be tittilated, but won't feel your concern. As for your poker party, tell him "thanks, but the table is full, maybe next time."

This is exactly the kind of tactic we were thinking, kind of yes this is us and by the way go to hell if you don't like it. This guy is a real skuz bag and frankly of all the people we know he is one of the last we would have cared to have recognized us. (He is swinging as a single male by the way)... Thanks for your suggestion by the way

[yumyum29a]

Originally Posted by SAMnTINA

Over the years (only 8 years) we have run in to a number of people we knew on sites, at clubs and at parties. Once we even had sex with a couple at a party only to realize afterward that they were also band parents with us and our kids were friends. (Somehow we did not recognize each other when everyone was naked).

We also ran in to a guy that had visited out firm to sell us IT services, at a club one night. (He was even worse at selling him self than he was at getting our business). But once he found out we were not interested in anything he had to see he moved on.

If you are in the lifestyle sooner or later you will run in to someone you know. Like the time we posted our pictures on a web site and one of Terri’s clients called to say “I always knew there was a reason I liked having you do my taxes.” (To bad that his wife did not have the same interest in Steve as Terri thought he was a real hottie but it never went further than flirting, although she is still hopeful and tax season rolls around each year).

So we would not worry to much about it if we were you, as he may have just as much to looses as you do maybe more. After all it’s hard to say I saw then on a swingers site with out someone asking “What were you doing on a swingers site.”

The only real problem we ever had was from an employee we let go who kept telling his lawyer that we should give him money or “Stuff would come out that we did not want public” but since we figured that we know and there was no one else it should matter to we told him to buzz off, and that was the end of it. (Does make it much simpler now that we have goon public

http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/...20041119.jhtml

as we tell all our employees before they are hired that we are swingers, but we do not play with employees (keep hoping the hot ones will turn down the job so they can get a shot at us, but alas this has not happened yet.

We have had a few none lifestyle clients ask about it but most are just curious and at least for us it has not been a problem.

Good luck and remember you are not doing anything wrong so you have nothing to be ashamed of they is something between you and your spouse and if you are both ok with it then it’s no one else’s business.

Sage words! I think I will re-touch our pictures and then possibly repot them. what a pain. And actually we have run into several people that we know on a certain web site. One turned out to be our daughters best friend and another couple lives two doors down from us! we have not initiated contact and frankly i think everyone knows but everyone is respectful. This guy is a real dirt bag and frankly could have used him not knowing. Perhapse its because were still realatively new to the game?

Thanks for your reply!

Fae & Mike