Discretion issues...

[JustAskJulie]

We have this couple that we really like and they have brought up the idea of the 4 of us playing and we on most levels are ok with it. We just have one problem with them. Almost every time we talk with them we end up hearing stories about their past experiences or about other couples they have met, and they aren't shy about using names. At one point one of them was talking and even said "what was their last name?", to which my pet replied "I don't need to know their last name". I don't think they even think anything about it.

So how do you talk to a couple like that and point out that you are worried that they may be naming you off to someone else at a later date. We wouldn't mind playing with them if we weren't worried about being named to someone else later.

[TNT]

That's a tough one...especially when you like the other couple and are interested in playing with them.

Everyone talks about their experiences...it's just going to happen. But...naming names . You can tell your stories without names.

Maybe if you two told a story to them about a couple who were doing what they are doing and your concerns about playing with that couple, they would get the hint.

Of course you could just come right out and tell them that you find it a big turn off when they name names of their previous play partners and wouldn't like it if someone was to give your names after playing with you two.


Teresa

[des1re06]

I'd run from this couple simply because of them naming names! I don't care if I was desperately attracted to them or not. It's just bad form.

Are they using "real" names? Very big no no in the swing world.

Mrs. D

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

...At one point one of them was talking and even said "what was their last name?", to which my pet replied "I don't need to know their last name". I don't think they even think anything about it.

I think Pet gave them a nice "hint" that they were going too far by mentioning people by name. If they had gotten the hint, they would have stopped in their tracks and looked embarrassed, realizing what they had done wasn't cool. It doesn't sound like that happened.

I think these people love talking about people and they will continue to do so. Telling them that you are concerned is pointless. They will either tell you they'll keep quiet - which they won't - or they'll be offended. Either way, you'll likely be their topic of conversation with future couples if you discuss your concern...and most certainly if you play with them.

We drop people like that pronto. We can still be friendly when we see them at clubs, but we never set up private meets again and we don't play with people who have no understanding of the meaning of discretion.

LM

[Darkblue]

We wouldnt play. the risk is far too great that they will name you to someone else even if its a positive name call,i wouldnt want to be named by anyone for any reason either positive of negative..

Steve

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I think Pet gave them a nice "hint" that they were going too far by mentioning people by name. If they had gotten the hint, they would have stopped in their tracks and looked embarrassed, realizing what they had done wasn't cool. It doesn't sound like that happened.

They definately didn't get the hint. In fact after he said that, she just kinda said "oh... well she used to work with me". Which to me was even worse, since she works at an office that I frequent

you'll likely be their topic of conversation with future couples if you discuss your concern...and most certainly if you play with them.

This is definately our biggest concern.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

We have this couple that we really like and they have brought up the idea of the 4 of us playing and we on most levels are ok with it. We just have one problem with them. Almost every time we talk with them we end up hearing stories about their past experiences or about other couples they have met, and they aren't shy about using names. At one point one of them was talking and even said "what was their last name?", to which my pet replied "I don't need to know their last name". I don't think they even think anything about it.

So how do you talk to a couple like that and point out that you are worried that they may be naming you off to someone else at a later date. We wouldn't mind playing with them if we weren't worried about being named to someone else later.

We had friends like that. We were at a get together and they were making fun of mutual friends. The thought that popped into my mind was this: "If they are talking about so and so when they aren't around what are they saying about my ass when I'm the one thats not here". We no longer talk to that couple because not too long after we found that they indeed WERE talking trash about us...and I called them out on it to their faces. I love the look of utter shock that comes across someone's face when they are called out. Anyways, personally I would NOT play with them.

[good times]

This is a hard one for me. Generally, when we talk about previous experiences with others we don't name names. Then again, under certain circumstances we sometimes do, and we have had people tell us things about others that named names. We have also had others apparently name names regarding us, but I can't think of an example that it pissed us off or caused a problem.

So, I guess, for us at least, it kind of depends on the circumstances. In our area, the swinger community is fairly small and most everyone knows everyone else. So, just like you would include your friends real names in vanilla circles, most do in swinging circles too. We have mixed feelings on whether this is good or bad, but I have to admit, if we wouldn't play with anyone who named names when relating their experiences with others, we probably wouldn't get to play much at all.

In your case, all I can say is, I would have to have been there to know whether it bothered me or not. Sometimes, like you, it does bother me, and in those instances I go with my gut and decline to get involved with them any further. Other times, it seems pretty harmless and comes off as just mutual friends relating their experiences with each other, and in that case, I don't give it a second thought.

[sweet_tna]

It bothers you, and you let them know that. If that doesn't change anything, then pass them by. You don't need to spend your time away from them worrying about when your names will pop up in conversation.

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[Edison Carter]

As soon as you wrote,"on most levels are ok with it". That was your indication not to Play. Sometimes you need to read your own advice sections and I mean that in a nice way.

Also, I bet there's more than 'one problem with them'.

--susan

[sexcupid]

Well, I'm kind of on the fence about this.

For example, one couple we know has house parties all the time. And pretty much the same group of folks frequent them. So if someone piped up with, 'Last night/weekend/whatever, I had sex with Charlie...and god was he fun...oh here he comes now, give him a try'...or something of the like...if it's kind of a small group, where everyone pretty much knows what goes on with everyone else...I don't see a problem with mentioning names in stories.

However, if it's a larger social circle...say acquaintances at the club...and they are basically dishing the dirt on people you don't know, don't associate with on a friendly basis, or any other context that kind of makes you step back and think 'wtf?'...then that is not cool.

I don't know that I would be comfortable playing with this couple, just on their apparent gossip habit (I mean if I say...'you know the other day Julie was saying...' There are plenty of Julies in this world, but wanting to give total details...work, last name, etc...TMI).

Good luck,

Maria

[cocpl2007]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

We have this couple that we really like and they have brought up the idea of the 4 of us playing and we on most levels are ok with it. We just have one problem with them. Almost every time we talk with them we end up hearing stories about their past experiences or about other couples they have met, and they aren't shy about using names. At one point one of them was talking and even said "what was their last name?", to which my pet replied "I don't need to know their last name". I don't think they even think anything about it.

So how do you talk to a couple like that and point out that you are worried that they may be naming you off to someone else at a later date. We wouldn't mind playing with them if we weren't worried about being named to someone else later.

If they are name dropping TO you, they will be name dropping ABOUT you. It seems that is just their method of discussing things. It might be very hard for them, even if they acknowledge your concerns to be discreet. Toughie!

[ownerspet]

Being the other half, I like the couple, they seem cool. But it seems that is the only problem. To be more specific it seems that they were talking about other people the first time we met for dinner, and then it seems that stories pop up everytime we talk to them, and then the names bothered me. So as mentioned when names came up, I told him that I didn't need to know names. I really appreciate the input. I'm still naive in some ways, and discretion is really important to me as most of you can imagine. I am concerned that even if they don't bash us, they may just drop the name around the wrong people just because they can.

[fun4Ds]

.

I am concerned that even if they don't bash us, they may just drop the name around the wrong people just because they can

.[/QUOTE]


we can imagine and know how ya feel, we have been there. and what they say is true. if they talk about them they will talk about you.

it sucks when its someone ya really hit it off with.

we know a certain couple that are more into who knows who.it seems to be a hierarchy issue with them.

as for us we don't really want to know last names unless it becomes long term play partners. when people throw out their last names we just kinda cringe and think.. Ugh O.

we use our first names and every one knows us as B---- & C---- SMITH.

[ncmd_couple]

Discussing experiences is one thing, dropping names not good. Even if I want a couple to meet another friend of ours, I just let them know that someone we know will be at the club and introduce them then let them sort things out. We are both professionals and my career would be severly damaged if someone dropped my name to the wrong person. That is why we never give anyone our last name!