On the topic of discretion...

[CuteCouple]

Well, onto chapter two of Disasters According to CuteCouple... this goes along with the safe sex freak out couple. Funny thing happened last night, the wife accidentally added me to an msn conversation with 3 other wives. I know, I know, we shouldn't have had our big noses in the conversation... but what concerned us was when everyone noticed there was an outsider the women wanted to know who "so and so" was. Well, she indicated that she would tell them "allllll about it..." and the proceded to open a new window.

Here's the deal, this isn't a big thing for me, cause I really don't care how I look in society. I have nothing to lose. My bf works in the legal field and he's freakin out right now!! He's pissed as they agreed whatever happened, good or bad, would stay between us. Swinging is just something his boss wouldn't agree with so he really does not want this goin around our small little town.

He is thinking of calling her and reminding her that we all agreed to keep things quiet but I'm wondering it that's a good idea. Maybe some things are just better left unsaid? I think he'll just make things worse. I believe in letting sleeping dogs lie and in what comes around goes around. I figure if she has a big mouth, tells everyone who we are, shows our pix, then she will dig her own grave so to speak. In the long run, I'm sure no one will respect behaviour like that, I know I wouldn't.

On the other hand, maybe he's just being paranoid and I guess with this lifestyle comes risks. Not everyone is going to be discrete, and some people are going to kiss and tell, right?

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CuteCouple:
He is thinking of calling her and reminding her that we all agreed to keep things quiet but I'm wondering it that's a good idea.

In my opinion, yes. But make certain he doesn't phrase the reminder so it could be perceived as a threat by the other woman.

If she feels she doesn't have as much to lose as your husband if it's made public, there isn't too much you can do about it if she does open her mouth. You can only hope she's a decent enough person not to. Because if she tells a second person it'll likely begin making the rounds.

Dan

[JustAskJulie]

I have two questions... 1)I'm gathering that you have been conversing with this couple since the disastrous night? Or was this the first contact you've even had with them?
2)Were the other women in this conversation also swingers or just friends of hers?

If they are swingers as well then I doubt you have anything to worry about.. if anything it will just spread the news that you guys choose safe sex over all and save you some trouble of having to tell people later..lol (cuz they will already know what you want). On the other hand if these women aren't swingers or if you don't know and she made it very clear by the looks of it that she was going to tell these other women all about you (at least that's the way the comment sounded to me), then yes I'd agree with Cyber..something needs to be said.

I would tend to lean towards that you should call her and talk to her openly and let her know that what happened in chat bothered you and gave you the impression that she was telling tails that shouldn't be told as you had all agreed that what went on between you stayed between you. Give her a chance to defend herself (maybe she didn't tell them ALL about you and just told them something else - all though you have to wonder if she was going to do that why she couldn't just do that in front of you?). Let her know that discretion is very important to you and remind her of your agreement.. that's about all you can really do.

Keep in mind of course they've already shown you once how much they respect you and your preferences, so I wouldn't expect much more out of them. If I were in your shoes at this point I would cut all ties with them. This MSN chat thing just shows that they lack any respect or discretion.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CuteCouple]

From the tone of the conversation I would have to say they were swingers so I guess you are right about not having to tell people upfront about or prefrences may be a benefit. The wife and my bf ended up gettin into a chat on ICQ last night but it just ended up being a debate about how if you are gonna kiss you should have unprotected oral. Where she demaded an apology and she launched into this speil how we must think they have diseases...

Tried to explain to her we expect the same from everyone, even the peoople with whom we have know for years, that it's nothing personal but she didn't wanna buy it. We just want to protect EVERYBODY. The conversation was going nowhere fast, so my bf just ended it with, something along the lines of ... we feel badly things didn't work out, we both agreed to keep things between both of us, and I hope you can live up to that agreement... and signed off.

There are the good with the bad in all lifestyles and we just have to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them... and this mistake we have definately learned the hard way...

Originally posted by CuteCouple:
.....Tried to explain to her we expect the same from everyone, even the peoople with whom we have know for years, that it's nothing personal but she didn't wanna buy it. We just want to protect EVERYBODY. The conversation was going nowhere fast, so my bf just ended it with, something along the lines of ... we feel badly things didn't work out, we both agreed to keep things between both of us, and I hope you can live up to that agreement... and signed off.

I think he did the right thing here.

I hate it when others don't understand and RESPECT ones choices in no matter what they're interests are!

If they don't understand or agree with the choices, then that's fine too, but don't bash them for it! Like their way is the ONLY way... And that's fine too, but they should respect that and move on...Sheessshhh. *lol*

They just need to realize, that not everyone is the right ones for them! But then again, not everybody can take "rejection" easily either...

Sounds like this couple we've met awhile back when we first started with our ads....The wife must've had her G-string tied up in a knot up her butt, or SOMEthing! I guess she was TOO anal...*LOL*


CyberWife

And btw Julie, I think you meant "CanadianCouple"....Not "Cyber".

Must be our double personalities again, huh Dan? *lol*


CyberWife

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by CuteCouple:
The wife and my bf ended up gettin into a chat on ICQ last night but it just ended up being a debate about how if you are gonna kiss you should have unprotected oral. Where she demaded an apology and she launched into this speil how we must think they have diseases...

Definately sounds like this couple has an attitude problem. I can kinda see their point on if you are taking safe sex as far as you are, that you probably shouldn't kiss either, but again that is up to you. Everyone draws there lines somewhere and no one should judge you based on where yours are drawn.

I would say at this point your best bet would be to cut all ties with this couple and not even try to communicate with them anymore. It will only cause you undue stress and as you said, go nowhere. Best bet is to move on and find a couple who can live with your rules. Or stick to the single guys since they have (as yet) not had any problems. I'm sure tho that if you are patient and keep looking you'll find another couple who appreciates your desire to protect all involved.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

ps. Cyber & Canadian - sorry for getting you two mixed up..lol

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
.....ps. Cyber & Canadian - sorry for getting you two mixed up..lol

No problem! We should be use to this by now...*lol*


CyberWife

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:


Must be our double personalities again, huh Dan? *lol*

Yes, almost like two pieces of a puzzle. We, umm, fit together so well.

Dan

[CuteCouple]

As for the kissing thing, that's one thing I really have no worries about. I've read the research and there's little chance of getting AIDS from it... unless of course one person was bleeding and the other had a cut. But, as I've noticed lately everything and anything is debatable and the whole situation just gave me a real big headache!!! Glad it's over, and now we can get on to other things.

[JustAskJulie]

You guys definately opened up a new topic of conversation here.. that hadn't been hit at all.. and it's a really good thing.

My thoughts on kissing in regards to safe sex would not be a concern for AIDS but more a concern for other STD's that can be transmitted that way, Herpes being a major one and since something like 40% of the population has it (and may or may not know it.. as many males can carry this virus without knowing or showing any signs). Plus new research is showing that the oral strain and the genital strain may actually be the same and/or one can cause the other (IE. someone with genital herpes could pass it to you in the form of oral herpes).

In my personal opinion I agree the chances are too low to worry about, but others may not feel the same way.

Actually I think I am going to add a question to the Swingers Survey in regads to safe sex just to get an idea of what people think.. as far as what "safe sex" means to them, as well as how many actually practice safe sex.


Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[LaylaSusanne]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
<snip>
My thoughts on kissing in regards to safe sex would not be a concern for AIDS but more a concern for other STD's that can be transmitted that way, Herpes being a major one and since something like 40% of the population has it (and may or may not know it.. as many males can carry this virus without knowing or showing any signs). Plus new research is showing that the oral strain and the genital strain may actually be the same and/or one can cause the other (IE. someone with genital herpes could pass it to you in the form of oral herpes).
<snip>
Actually I think I am going to add a question to the Swingers Survey in regads to safe sex just to get an idea of what people think.. as far as what "safe sex" means to them, as well as how many actually practice safe sex.
Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

I think that would be a great idea, to open a topic on safe sex, and how people put that into practice. As well as what each couple determines to be "safe".

As for the kissing, I will french-kiss only someone I have gotten to know well. And, of course, not if there are obvious open sores or anything. We use condoms for both intercourse and oral sex.
I hadn't considered the dental dams for oral with myself, or Tom with another woman.
Something to think about.

One thing i Do insist on, which may seem a little odd, is that anyone performing oral sex on me rinse their mouth with Listerine first. Not so much worried about STD's, as I am about the recurrent UTI's i had until a very open and frank Urologist asked if I had oral sex often. I said "Yes." and he told me that the human mouth is full of bacteria (I knew that, just didn't consider it in context of sex) He explained that the reason for the UTI's was probably oral sex, and could be remedied by having hubby rinse his mouth with Listerine first. It worked! I have NEVER (knock wood) had another UTI in almost 3 1/2 years. Tom does this with all other women as well. Now that word has spread at the club we go to, it has become a common practice, and they even put mouth wash dispensers in the bathrooms.

As for the herpes, I know it can spread from oral to genital and vice-versa. I don't think Listerine kills the herpes virus. I could be wrong. But that's another reason to consider the dental dams.

Also, you could just look really good first, and make sure there are no sores or anything. My Dad told me that when he was overseas, they used to squeeze a lemon in the woman's vagina. If she didn't hit the ceiling, they assumed she was "safe". I don't know how well that works, or how someone would respond to having a "lemon twist" placed in their pussy. I think I'd probably be a little pissed. (but lemony fresh )

Well, anyway, something to think about.

I really should go to bed...I'm posting really wierd shit.

Layla

Originally posted by LaylaSusanne:
.....I really should go to bed...I'm posting really wierd shit.

Layla

"Weird", but interesting "shit"! *LOL*

Never heard of that "lemon twist" thingie, but I would be pissed too, if someone did that to me! Talk about a "lemon PUNCH"... *lol*


CyberWife