Swingers at straight parties

[JustAskJulie]

I know there are a lot of women who enjoy younger men or just single men while their hubbies watch. So, I'm wondering how many enjoy a scenario like this.....

NYE, I was at a (vanilla) party a friend of mine was throwing. Because the girl throwing it is much like myself (having more guy friends than girl), the guy girl ratio was a bit skewed (I'm gonna guess at least 7:1). Now, that said, I had a great time, as I'm sure every other girl at the party did. Sometime after midnight a couple comes walking in, they were obviously older than the general population of the party and I don't know if it's just my experience with the swinging world or what but as soon as I saw them the first thought to go through my mind was "swingers" (maybe there really is such a thing as swingdar. As the night progressed the guy often had his camera out and the female half dissapeared on more than one occasion. I talked to the guy a bit and he gave off even more of a "vibe" that just continued to enforce my original thoughts.

I left fairly early (around 2, from what I understand the party was still going strong at 7 the next morning and then some), but later followed up with someone else who was there who informed me that there was some couple there where the woman had sex with 4 or 5 of the guys at the party while the husband took pictures. The comments from the guy I was talking to made it clear that I didn't think too highly of it. I think it was pretty safe to assume that it was the same couple from earlier in the night.

So, while we know that several of the guys obviously didn't mind and did have some fun with this woman, I wonder how many more were having the same thoughts that this guy had (or would have had they been sober enough to think). As a swinger, would you crash a straight party full of guys in this manner? Would you care what others at the party might think of you?

Because of the skewed ratio I had several chances to get laid through the night that I didn't take, but would have had it been a swinger party. However, for me, since it was a vanilla party and most of the people where people I had just met I didn't want to leave behind a bad label of myself.

Thoughts?

[TNT]

My initial thought when I saw the title "Swingers at straight parties"...was, NOT a good mix.

But, considering that most of us do have a lot of vanilla friends we do mix quite a bit. The key is remembering where you're at. (A problem I have had at times, usually due to Cuervo , lucky for me either Ted will give me a calm down signal or I will realize what I'm doing and remove myself from any further embarassment).

Now I/we have no problem picking up a guy in a vanilla setting, but...I/we would NOT be guilty of the situation you described. If we met someone at a vanilla party that we felt was of the right mentality to accept us as swingers, we would either give him/her/them our e-mail address or invite them out for drinks to discuss it further. We would not abuse the hospitality of a vanilla friend by picking up one of their guest and having sex with them in their house.

Teresa

[JustAskJulie]

The impression I got (almost immideately, and again nothing was confirmed for me till the next day) was that they came for that very reason. Which, I guess, is the part that really kinda rubbed me wrong.

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by TNT

A problem I have had at times, usually due to Cuervo , lucky for me either Ted will give me a calm down signal or I will realize what I'm doing and remove myself from any further embarassment

Teresa....you sound exactly like Tammy She calls it Ta-Kill-Ya. If she gets into the tequila.....you can bet she'll be getting nekkid or at least flashing her nipple ring sometime that night And, like Ted, I usually give her a calm down sign too ......but it doesn't always work

Julie, as far as mixing swinging at a vanilla party.....no, it's not something we do. We wouldn't want to get that bad label either. But we do have a reputation as a wild couple amongst our vanilla friends

Brett

[JustAskJulie]

I don't know (ok, I dont' hang out with) vanilla people who aren't at least ok with some flashing. So, what do you think is too far at a vanilla party? How do you gauge it?

[driveajeepnaked]

I find that it is very common for the girls at a vanilla party to tease the menfolk with dirty dancing, touchy-feely and kisses. As far as crossing the line to a woman teasing or coming on to another's man, that is bound to be nothing but trouble brewing if the other female is a jealous type. Just add alcohol and there tends to be more free-flowing sexuality and jealousy...

[bear_and_babe]

I would not think too highly of a couple (swinger or not) who "crash" a vanilla party. If you want to have sex at a party, then go to a swinger party, not a vanilla one. I wonder if the host knew what was going on.

When Bear and I go to a vanilla party, no one there would ever guess that we are swingers. We don't make any coments that could be misunderstood. I guess our thought is that if you are at a swing party, then you have the feeling that anything that happens there stays there. Most swingers understand how to be discrete. But if things happen at a vanilla party, well, that is just fodder for the gossip mill, and people love to gossip. A little flirting at a vanilla party is ok, but turning a vanilla party into a swing party is going a little too far.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Does your friend that threw the party know what happened? I wonder if she knew this couple well enough to know what they would be doing?

I think swingers should keep things separate. I would be very upset if we had a predominately vanilla party but invited some of our swinger friends and they did something like that. However I would have told them already to keep it vanilla.

We are like Teresa of TNT said....a little too much to drink and Spoo can spill the beans and I start flashing. That is what happened last year when we went to a vanilla New Year's Eve party. Although in my defense I didn't flash until the vanilla girls did it first Anyway we felt horrible that we were not more careful. We felt like it was not respectful of our host. Luckily our host was the only one that Spoo spilled the beans too and he accepted the "I have no idea what I said to you last night but if I was off color I apologize".

I really think it gives swingers a bad reputation when you have a few who have no regard for our vanilla friends. While those not in the lifestyle can get pretty wild sometimes and use the excuse that they were drunk that doesn't give us the right or freedom to think that their parties, homes or events are things that we can cut loose on.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

I really don't know if the hostess knew the couple or what. The group that was there (the ones that I know) are known to get somewhat wild, flashing and grabbing are typical fare.

Obviously some weren't bothered by the events (or they were too drunk to care), it bothers me because people like that are why so many vanilla people do look badly on swingers.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I really don't know if the hostess knew the couple or what. The group that was there (the ones that I know) are known to get somewhat wild, flashing and grabbing are typical fare.

Obviously some weren't bothered by the events (or they were too drunk to care), it bothers me because people like that are why so many vanilla people do look badly on swingers.

That's exactly it Julie....it makes us look bad.

If the vanilla's want to get that wild and freaky and have sex at their parties fine but I still think we should only engage when we are specifically at a swinger event. That's just my 2 cents worth.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[TNT]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

The impression I got (almost immideately, and again nothing was confirmed for me till the next day) was that they came for that very reason.

That's just wrong. If you're specifically looking for sex, go to a swingers party not a vanilla party.

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

I really think it gives swingers a bad reputation when you have a few who have no regard for our vanilla friends. While those not in the lifestyle can get pretty wild sometimes and use the excuse that they were drunk that doesn't give us the right or freedom to think that their parties, homes or events are things that we can cut loose on.

I agree.


Teresa

[intuition897]

Like it or not, when you decide to swing, you become an amassador of sorts for the lifestyle. When we behave ourselves and act with decency, we are left to our own devices. They turn a blind eye to us. But all it takes is one pair of idiots making a spectacle of themselves and suddenly we are like battery acid to the moral fabric of society.

No, we wouldn't "crash" a party in this manner, either. Like Mr. and Mrs. Spoo, given enough to drink and half a chance, we'd likely spill the beans too (probably because we'd RATHER be out of the closet than in). But it would only go as far as talk because I think even if we were totally smashed, we would still have enough wits about us to know better than to totally offend our hosts in this way. I just tend to get all mushy and friendly when I drink too much. I just love everybody! I guess that's the trouble, eh? That's why Mr. intuition keeps me on track. If one of us is drinking, the other always stays sober enough to keep the other in check.

[sereneiders]

Definatelly we won't "missbehave" between vanilla people, not even Cuervo could make Mrs. reach that point (well, the more she drinks, the sober she seems to be... if she's staring at me too seriously, it's time to call off the drinks and go home ).

Anyway, what I don't follow here is why we feel afected by this couple behavior. I mean, we assumed they're swingers because these guys partially fits the definition for swingers, and because Julie said these guys seemed to be swingers for her at first glance, but certainly this couple also could fit to many other lifestyles too, for example cuckolders or BDSM, and for sure they doesn't fit with MY particular definition of swingers, at least just because of that behavior.

So... why we're giving them credits as "swingers"?

[JustAskJulie]

I don't really see any correlation between their actions and BDSM (not to say that they may not be involved in that as well). As far as cuckholding, some would say that that is just a sub-set of swinging (just as many other things may be). In the end it all comes down to your personal definition of swinging.

[BradAndJanet]

I think we had this conversation before. Were all those guys single?

It's not something we would do, to answer your first question.

I'm assuming they crashed the party, which is rude, but theoretically, at least, everyone involved was a consenting adult, so I'd probably just look the other way.

-B