Learning too much about your swinging playmates

[JustAskJulie]

this thread in the Sit Help forum got me to thinking.

Pepper & Drew pointed out that they just assume every couple they are with is basically screwing everyone else.

Would you rather assume that info (or in most cases assume the opposite) or know up front what a couple's sexual history is?

What if you had been playing with the couple mentioned in the above thread, and found out later that she had been a stripper and had a 15 man GB, would that make a difference at that point? Or is only at the early point of you've just met them?

What is the line for too much info for you? At what point have you heard so much about the other couple that you want to run away? And again, does it make a difference WHEN you hear it?

[Vespertine]

I get nervous when someone doesn't want to practice safe sex.

People that go sans condom make me run for the hills.

[TNT]

Should I feel like a slut because some of the women I like are or were strippers? Is having 10 men at once somehow different than having 10 over a 2 month period? Sometimes I think some swingers haven't truly shed their sexual hangups and often they only accept people who go as far as they do. Rank hypocrisy rules with many. What a hot button with me we have hit.

One of our friends worked as a stripper, but thats not all she is. She is a wife and a mother who just happens to make good money wearing cool lingerie.

Ted

[Spoomonkey]

I really don't think that we are going to gather that much information right up front. If someone sat down with us at the club and said, "I want you to know up front that I've had unprotected sex with as many as 15 men at once" I might be inclined to wonder why they are telling me this...

It would definitely red flag me...

But if we have known a couple for a long time and they told us, "we once had a gang bang with 15 guys" we'd know that they were probably telling us because we were all comfortable enough to be more open about our sexual pasts. And that comfort would definitely give them a bit of a sliding scale with us.

I am not going to tell most of our playmates every nook and cranny of my sexual past, and I am not going to ask about their's.

That said, I would hope that at some point in getting to know them we would get some signals as to whether or not they share our level of seriousness about safe sex and discretion.

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Again (at least in the original thread) it goes back to assumptions. Unless I missed it, the OP didn't post that the woman they met had had UNPROTECTED sex with 15 men at once, just that she'd had sex with 15 men at once. It's a lot like the Naughty's story, we can't assume facts just because someone didn't come out and say something.

And I agree with Ted, what's the difference between 15 men at once and 15 over the course of a period of time. Nothing.

If you are a condom only swinger, and you are told by potential playmates that they had UNPROTECTED sex with up to 15 guys at a time, then I think it could be safe to say that condoms are NOT regularly used by that couple, and you may be able to make generalizations from that. But you can't generalize that just because someone has had sex with many people at once that they did so without condoms, or say that it is any different than doing so over the course of a period of time.

Would it make a difference if it was a GB they personally set up or something that happened at a swinger party? And from there, what about the 15 GIRL pile-ups I've seen at some swinger parties, safe sex is rarely if ever used between women, so where does that take us?

[De and Ci]

We run comprehensive background checks on all of our potential playmates. There are several good sites on the internet where you can do that, the cost is very reasonable nowadays (Gosh, how did we get by when the 'Net wasn't around) On top of that, we ask around at the club about couples we meet there, We go the extra mile to make sure our playmates are squeaky clean!!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by De and Ci

We run comprehensive background checks on all of our potential playmates. There are several good sites on the internet where you can do that, the cost is very reasonable nowadays (Gosh, how did we get by when the 'Net wasn't around) On top of that, we ask around at the club about couples we meet there, We go the extra mile to make sure our playmates are squeaky clean!!

Are you serious? I hope so, because I can't imagine anyone NOT finding that more than invasive. I would dare say that most of us don't even know the last names of those were are interested in swinging with (unless we have gotten to know them quite well as friends), so running a background check would be difficult at best. And even so, what EXACTLY what a comprehensive background check tell you about them, that would help you determine whether or not they are someone you want to have sex with?

Now asking around the club, you might actually get some valuable info, not only about them but about many others at your club - ie. who has a big mouth and likes to talk about others behind their backs.

[De and Ci]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

what EXACTLY what a comprehensive background check tell you about them, that would help you determine whether or not they are someone you want to have sex with?

Well, for starters, a credit report and marriage history will tell you alot about their character and stability. Someone who pays their bills on time and hasn't been divorced is more likely to be responsible and unlikely to engage in dangerous and freaky sex. You also wondered how we would get their full names. That is easy to do-we have ways, for example-casually and jokingly mention seeing their DL photos-I have a good memory and take note their full names and DL number.




OK, OK, I'm full of shit! I had you going! We don't give a rat's ass about their sexual past, As Pepper and Drew said, We assume that everybody is swinging from the chandeliers.
Come to think of it, playing with a woman knowing she was in a 15 guy Gangbang would likely make me hotter

[good times]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Now asking around the club, you might actually get some valuable info, not only about them but about many others at your club - ie. who has a big mouth and likes to talk about others behind their backs.

Exactly, that is probably the number one thing that will turn us off to someone. We figure if they are willing to give us the goods about someone else they will be blabbing about us next. The interesting thing we have noticed is that almost every time we have had someone tell us something about someone we were considering playing with, what they told us turned out to be wrong.

To answer the original question, We assume that everybody we hook up with probably has about as much trouble finding compatible playmates as we do. So they probably aren't getting any more action on average than us. On the other hand, if they are, thats not a problem either.

I don't think their is such a thing as TMI, but then again, I don't require much information in order to play. I mainly need to know if they are willing, after I establish the fact that a woman is willing to have sex with me, I probably won't remember much else they tell me anyway.

[Greg & Sheryl]

It's difficult for us to pinpoint exactly how much information is too much, but there was something in that original post that really got our attention.

Originally Posted by mwsw4ever

Then she brought up about her mom being in the lifestyle too and that her mom has STD's.

The fact that this woman is a second-generation swinger might be interesting to know, but throwing in the fact that her mom has STDs seems incredibly superfluous. While we might be interested in knowing the status of our new friends, we don't really care about the status of their parents. If someone told us that after already confessing to being an "industrious" ex-stripper and to hosting a 15-man gangbang, we would think that this couple was deliberately trying to shock us. Fortunately, we're unshockable, but this would make us hesitant to play with this couple.

[EvilMJ]

I have no desire to know how many people my potential playmates have been with. I would like to be sure they are engaing in safe sex.

I form my own opinions of people, as Good Times says...everything people tell me is usually wrong.

and as Greg and Sheryl pointed out, I would be concerned if someone was telling me that kind of information..it would be 'Yeah, see ya'.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Unless I missed it, the OP didn't post that the woman they met had had UNPROTECTED sex with 15 men at once, just that she'd had sex with 15 men at once.

I think I tossed in that detail because it matters to us. Certainly, if a couple - or single female - is selcetive, careful, etc. then it really wouldn't matter. If a woman knows 15 men intimately enough to go condom free (i.e. they weren't solicited from the local plasma clinic) then we wouldn't have a problem with it.

But, I thought the question was what is too much info? In that case, if someone spills that much info on the first meet, it might turn us off. But, if they divulge more (even more shocking) info as we become friends, we would certainly take it differently.

There is a difference between having sex with 15 at once or 15 over the course of a month - it is called "logistics"

Spoomonkey

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

What if you had been playing with the couple mentioned in the above thread, and found out later that she had been a stripper and had a 15 man GB, would that make a difference at that point?

You forgot to mention that she'd been fired, presumably for selling her services. And the answer is...maybe. If everything else about her seemed normal, I'd probably let it slide. But given that womans history, I doubt there'd be very much else that was "normal" about her either.

I'm not being sexist here. Call me "judgemental if you will, but if he told me that he had been the center of attention of a 15 man GB, or that he frequented prostitutes, I'd drop them just as fast.

Would you rather assume that info (or in most cases assume the opposite) or know up front what a couple's sexual history is?

I don't share my entire sexual history with new people in my life, and I wouldn't expect them to share theirs with me, either. If there's something in particular they want to know or feel the need to discuss, I'm happy to discuss it. Otherwise, people are entitled to have secrets.

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

What is the line for too much info for you?

There isn't one. Sometimes there IS a point at which there's "too much info" to continue a relationship, but I'm always glad to know what's going on, and I don't hold any grudges against them for being discrete, so long as they're honest.

At what point have you heard so much about the other couple that you want to run away?

When they get to more than one "red flag." For example, she's into gang-bangs, he's into potty-sex. (Who "hasn't truly shed their sexual hangups and only accepts people who go as far as they do" NOW???)

...does it make a difference WHEN you hear it?

Sometimes. For example, if a couple waited until our 3rd or 4th meeting to tell me they were married...but not to each other...I'd feel like I'd been delibrately misled.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

And I agree with Ted, what's the difference between 15 men at once and 15 over the course of a period of time.

None, really. About the same as going down the stairs one at a time, or jumping out the window. Both will get you to the same place...

'Bout the same as finishing a bottle of Jack Daniels on your lunch hour, vs. having a little taste every afternoon. When it's gone, it's gone...

'Bout the same as buying your house for cash, vs. stringing out the payments 'till hell freezes over. The house costs the same either way...

[northindycpl]

Ok.... going out on a limb.

So the situation is one where you have heard the prospective couple has gone condom free pretty indescriminately, but they have not admitted it to you.... what do you do?