Potential of Blackmail and Swinging

[nvrgesus2]

My wife and I have been involved in the Lifestyle for a year now and have had some great times; however, since the start of our new lifestyle, I have been concerned that someone with knowledge of our secrete life may use it against us for something in return to keep quiet. If we were discovered, my wife and I have plenty to lose professionally and socially.

Has anyone had any experience with the treat of someone telling others of your swinging lifestyle? I would be interested how teachers, dentists, lawyers, police officers and others in the public realm view this issue.

Thanks,
S & J

[JandL]

Originally Posted by nvrgesus2

My wife and I have been involved in the Lifestyle for a year now and have had some great times; however, since the start of our new lifestyle, I have been concerned that someone with knowledge of our secrete life may use it against us for something in return to keep quiet. If we were discovered, my wife and I have plenty to lose professionally and socially.

Has anyone had any experience with the treat of someone telling others of your swinging lifestyle? I would be interested how teachers, dentists, lawyers, police officers and others in the public realm view this issue.

Thanks,
S & J

I haven't swung yet, but could potentially have blackmail used against me in relation to my work. I think I will have to make a decision if I can afford to be outted. Because you really do have to plan for the worst case scenario. If I absolutely could not be outted then this lifestyle wouldn't work for me.

Would I succumb to blackmail? Certainly not. So that is why I have to make that choice before I start swinging.

[lovedoctor]

We have thought about this question b/c we are both professionals in a small town. We have decided that if "outed" we would be all about saying "yup, that's us, thanks for asking!" - Thank goodness I have my own business so I wouln't get fired (unless I let myself go ) and I would probably just go ahead and write a column for the local paper if threatened. I'd be beating on my chest. Now the hubby, he's a little bit quieter, so he might feel embarassed - knowing him. I figure, if we think about the worst case scenario, plan how we would handle it, think our way through it, and then let it go, we will be healthier mentally - so we have done just that and chosen not to worry about it.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

We have decided that if "outed" we would be all about saying "yup, that's us, thanks for asking!" - Thank goodness I have my own business so I wouln't get fired (unless I let myself go ) and I would probably just go ahead and write a column for the local paper if threatened.

This is our attitude and situation (self-employed).

Who knows, we may even have a new career one day because of swinging.

Mr LM can counsel swingers.

I'll write a book about swinging.

LM

[Zoe&Wash]

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

We have thought about this question b/c we are both professionals in a small town. We have decided that if "outed" we would be all about saying "yup, that's us, thanks for asking!" - Thank goodness I have my own business so I wouln't get fired (unless I let myself go ) and I would probably just go ahead and write a column for the local paper if threatened.

I wish I could say Dito, but it would be tantamount to professional suicide for us. The chattering classes would simply have a field day with us and we'd have to move someplace even more friggin' remote - or go back down to the pavement and disappear into the millions of souls down there.

For right now, we're going with a "No one in our Area Code" rule. Thankfully our area code is almost as large as New England.

What I haven't heard is anyone saying if they've been outed in a small community (a small geographic community or a small professional community) and the effect it had on them.

W

[DBL D]

I guess we'd say, "Yeah we're swingers...where'd you get that idea?"

We won't be blackmailed that's for sure, and we live in a small conservative community. I can't even begin to imagine all those who would be secretly jealous, because we feel it's ok to do what we're doing. We just don't want to rub the wrong faces in it.

Some people need a life.

Male D

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by nvrgesus2

My wife and I have been involved in the Lifestyle for a year now and have had some great times; however, since the start of our new lifestyle, I have been concerned that someone with knowledge of our secrete life may use it against us for something in return to keep quiet. If we were discovered, my wife and I have plenty to lose professionally and socially.

Has anyone had any experience with the treat of someone telling others of your swinging lifestyle? I would be interested how teachers, dentists, lawyers, police officers and others in the public realm view this issue.

Thanks,
S & J

I wouldn't be to worried about it myself. Yea it would be a pain in the ass, but we don't post naked pictures of ourselves, and 'proof' is kinda hard to get. So while we would need to make up a story about the crazy man we met a bar or some such, I'm sure we would be covered.

The question of course is HOW could they blackmail you? They are going to email your boss saying you are a swinger? Tell your parents? Unless they had something tangible as evidence all it is, is hearsay.

Being in the Chicago area helps, as there are a lot of people here, and its easy to get lost in the crowd. I know, being that my job is somewhat high profile I WILL run into someone who will know me at some point. About the only place I can see it hurting is if you run for public office (remember the Ryan (and I forget his first name) who was running for senate? He dropped out because his wife testified he got her to go to ‘sex clubs’ or some such in their divorce) but otherwise I’d not fuss to much about it.

Of course you being a chicago couple we are now intrigued and want to get to know you

[HotMoCpl]

Ah yes! I've lived as a paranoic for most of my life and have learned in recent years that I can live no other way!!! Let the individual(s) make a fool of themselves! Print our pictures in the paper! And after the court trial we'll walk away with the cash! Hey, my ex even tried to ruin my military career with crap like that. Its like Martin Luther King Jr. said; "We shall over come!" I thank the Goddess and Gods in heaven for the two heart attacks that sent me home! An I'm still LMFAO!!!

This may not be much consulation to you, but its the way I've learned to deal with the world....HEAD ON!

Don't have a NICE day....have a BETTER ONE!

[oncewere]

Many years ago while the President of Indonesia (Sukarno I think) was visiting the USSR the KGB supplied him with lots of women to play with. When he returned a Soviet embassy person brought pictures of his playing and threatened to release them if he didn't do their bidding.

He asked for copies saying that his people would love to find out that he still had it in him to be so active. He told this story on himself several times.

[NaughtyKitten]

A friend of mine views it this way......mutually assured destruction. They won't tell on you because then their secret would be out too. Most swingers are pretty discrete. I wouldn't worry about it and just make sure you play with couples that understand your need for discretion. If you chat with someone that seems to want to shout it to the rooftops then don't meet or play with them. That is one of the reasons we like to talk with people online a few times before we decide to meet them. Gives us a feel for the kind of people they are. Good luck and don't stress too much about this issue.

BTW.....we are in SW Michigan, not too far from Chicago and not in your area code!

[lovefest04]

I understand your concern.

Blackmail always requires two participants, one who threatens and one who runs scared and is willing to pay to not have the truth come out.

You have an easy choice, decide not to play because you MAY be outed and you can't accept the truth getting out for whatever reason

or

play and decide that your private life, which hurts no one, is nobodys business but your wife and yours and be prepared to

Deny Deny Deny

Of course, you'll both be denying with a wicked flushed grin on your faces.

Life is too short to not be honest with ourselves and be willing to stand up and say yes I swing, so what?

[twoplayful2]

Up to how much you want to do it vs how much you want to let things like this effect your life and how much enjoyment you're going to get out of it. There will always be *some* risk to everyone, even those with less to lose than you. We take certain small precautions like staying out of our town, keeping our pic out of the public profiles, stuff like that. But we feel the lifestyle is something that makes our lives more enjoyable and there's a lot more to enjoying life than making sure you're living 100% risk-free. Odds are you're never going to face someone like that. And if you do, there's some chance they've got something to lose as well so they're really not going to follow up with any sort of threat like that. If they make threats of blackmail make counter-threats of calling the police. If it goes further just deny their crap and wait it out, it will go away eventually. But really, this sort of thing has to be extremely rare. You're thinking that you've got so much more to lose than someone else, but to most couples they feel like they've got just as much to lose as you do by being outted.

[2FRIENDS]

wasnt black mailed but got a playmate cpl when discovered at work. Of course I denied it some BUT they IMed me and gave me thier profile to look at. So when I knew they were serious we went for it facelick

[LIZA]

Well, I dont post ads with pictures or anything. Only way we would really be "outed" is to run into another couple and a club or party and if they are a co-worker, or client, what would they really have to say?
They were there too!

[meandher2go]

god help the person who tries to blackmail me or my wife. it wont be pretty. i wont run scared, i will attack back and attack harder to make a point and make sure they never do it again.

its my motto and i live by it.