Discretion

[JustAskJulie]

I'd like to have another discussion on discretion and get some opinions from everyone.

Do you talk to those you swing with about others that you swing with? If so, how much do you tell them? Do you name names? Just generally talk about experiences? Do you tell them every little detail? Or do you say nothing at all?

How do you feel when others you swing with talk to you about their other experiences? How much info is too much info? If you were swinging with someone that knew another couple had problems and probably shouldn't be swinging would you want them to tell you?

Do you want to hear about the other experiences/couples that couples you play with, play with? Or would you rather them keep that to themselves and the only relationship they talk about with you is the one they share with you?

[TNT]

Do you talk to those you swing with about others that you swing with?
If so, how much do you tell them? Do you name names? Just generally talk about experiences? Do you tell them every little detail? Or do you say nothing at all?

Nope...I honestly feel that whoever we have sex with is between them and us and we definitely don't name names...now we will talk about experiences in general without names and it's rare that we go into much detail. When we do go into detail it's about a position we are trying to explain that we would like to try again.

Now when someone ask if we know so and so we will say whether we do or not, but when they ask if we have played with them we say we don't kiss and tell.

The only time that we make any mention of playing with anyone in particular to anyone is when the other couple or single that we have played with is with us and it's brought up in conversation while others around. We still don't go into detail and will say things like yep, that was a fun night.

How do you feel when others you swing with talk to you about their other experiences? How much info is too much info?

Don't really mind when others talk about their experiences, it kind of helps you get to know them better and what they like and don't like...but still, there is no need to mention names.

If you were swinging with someone that knew another couple had problems and probably shouldn't be swinging would you want them to tell you?

Hmmm, probably not...it's fairly easy see when couples are having problems once you get to know them yourself and just because one couple feels that it's a problem, does not mean that another couple will see the same problems. As long as any couple keeps their personal problems to themselves and doesn't bring them into a swinging situation that's their business and not ours.


Do you want to hear about the other experiences/couples that couples you play with, play with? Or would you rather them keep that to themselves and the only relationship they talk about with you is the one they share with you?

Same as above, don't mind hearing about the experiences, but can do without the names.

It makes me very uncomfortable when people start talking about their experiences and give out names...it kind of tells me that we might be the next set of names they give out, which to me is so rude. Why would anyone feel the need to name names?

Teresa

[Alura]

If we talk about previous experiences to illustrate a point, we may refer to our previous partners by their given names but we would never reveal enough information that they could be singled out.

Discretion is owed to everyone involved.

Mr. Alura

[two4youinswva]

Do you talk to those you swing with about others that you swing with? If so, how much do you tell them? Do you name names? Just generally talk about experiences? Do you tell them every little detail? Or do you say nothing at all?

Generally, no we don't tell who we've played with. Now, on occasion at the club, when talking with someone we've met, and we are discussing experiences, we may mention a couple we have played with, only if that couple is also at the table and I know they wouldn't mind our saying so. Usually it's pretty obvious as to which couples we have played with by the way we interact with them. So there's no "hiding it" As far as details? No, we don't do that. What happens at playtime stays at playtime. We stick to generalities about our experiences and what we're looking for.

How do you feel when others you swing with talk to you about their other experiences? How much info is too much info? If you were swinging with someone that knew another couple had problems and probably shouldn't be swinging would you want them to tell you?

We don't care for the play-by-play. We really don't want someone telling us about another couple's problems. We are pretty good at judging personalities, and can figure our way through this journey ourselves. Now, if there's a major issue with a couple, and they know the info to be absolute fact, we wouldn't mind them telling us. (ie: abusive spouse, drug users, etc) As a matter of fact, we would appreciate it, as long as it isn't just gossip.

Do you want to hear about the other experiences/couples that couples you play with, play with? Or would you rather them keep that to themselves and the only relationship they talk about with you is the one they share with you?

Don't really care to hear about their experiences. If they knew we were going to play with a couple they were familiar with, we wouldn't mind hearing a comment such as "You'll really enjoy them, they're a bunch of fun".

There are only 2-3 couples we are close enough to that we would get very detailed with any way. There is a lot of trust between us and them. None of them are the type to "talk" as it is. So this just isn't likely to be an issue for us.

Good Topic!

[curiousagain]

I never give out names, handles, etc. Any thing I tell off the board is no more revealing than anything I have told on the board.

Would I want someone to "warn" me? It depends. Let's say there is a couple I swing with occasionally that sees me with a couple they think shouldn't be swinging. I think they ought to keep quiet. But, if a couple I am friends with and swing with seems me with a couple they think I need to be careful with, I would want the guy as a friend to give me a couple of carefully worded hints without telling me the whole story.

[DBL D]

Hey Curiousagain,

Why don't we take this in another direction? What is it that you would consider to be something worth worrying about? Someones two-faced nature or risky sexual behavior. Something that smells fishy?

We agree that discreton is to be practiced as much as possible. We've been warned about couples who may be "pushy", for example, and we've mentioned something to others about a couples' outlet for their tempers- a temper that wasn't evident when we were with them but found out about later. As far as describing specific acts with others to someone else and tieing it to a name; Well, we never go there.

Just curious.

Male D

[curiousagain]

Tuff to say but maybe one example would be the friend saying "Try to leave before he/she gets too drunk and changes personalities" I don't know.
This is all hypothetical so far, thank goodness.

[graygo98]

We are pretty much in sync with Curiousagain... that seems to happen a lot, actually.

When we talk with others, its pretty much the way we would post on this Board... we will generalize from our experiences but we aren't going to get into any personal detail, about us or anyone else. And certainly no names.

People that talk about their exploits with others make us both a bit gunshy... not only about the lack of discretion but also because it seems a bit tacky, like bragging or something.

Warnings are a bit more tricky. In general we would say keep your opinions about others to yourselves. We have had situations where we have been warned about another couple being pushy or stuck up and then found that the issue was more with the person giving the warning... sort of sour grapes for one reason or another. We prefer to make up our own minds about folks.

But, if it was a real safety issue, like the guy gets drunk and doesn't understand "no" or something like that we would like to know. I guess that when it comes to warnings we would consider the source. Is it someone we know and respect? Then we would have a lot of time for what they say.

[BiDrywallChick]

im not going to quote anyone because i think we are all just about on the same page anyway.

me personally, I am completely turned off by people who want to give blow by blow details about what they do to who. Not my groove. I dont want to know where you put what on "darla" ect ect. That goes double for people I do not know ( ex those instant messages that always end up with " i sure would like for you to blow me). In general, I think people that need to give detailed accounts are blowing things way out of proportion to inprove thier report cards so to speak. Not to mention it makes people sound like they cannot carry on an erotic conversation and stimulate the mind without "dumbing it down" using overly detailed and personal information.

now about the would I like to know.. That is a real hard one to call. In general, I think I am a good judge of character. However, there have been those times taht I really would have appreciated the heads up on a person or two. It would have saved alot of heart ache. I think that if you can trust the person who is telling you things that are very important to know, then yes, by all means tell me. It is hard somethimes to judge whether or not the messenger is really be honest and concerned or is just jealouse and trying to start a pissing contest. I rarely have weighed in on different people that I/ we have played with unless there was going to be harmed caused. It would have been nice if someone would have told me that one couple I first played with years ago was abusive to thier "playmates". Someone mentioning that to me would have saved me learning things the hard way... on the other hand, i dont need to know if someone has bounced a check or some other minor things. In my humble opinion, this would be a really good reason why to get to know your prospective partners really well before swaping. I tend to drag my feet alot when it comes to the sexual side. I err on the side of extreme caution. Also not the best way to handle meeting people, i know... but thats my comfort zone for now.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by BiDrywallChick

...trying to start a pissing contest...

WOW! Girls have those too? HE HE!

Male D

[BiDrywallChick]

lol yeah.. i suppose we do

Originally Posted by DBL D

WOW! Girls have those too? HE HE!

Male D

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Do you talk to those you swing with about others that you swing with? If so, how much do you tell them? Do you name names? Just generally talk about experiences? Do you tell them every little detail? Or do you say nothing at all?

We enjoy discussing our experiences with others, but we will avoid naming names.

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

How do you feel when others you swing with talk to you about their other experiences? How much info is too much info?

We don't mind it, but it does make us a little uncomfortable when they name names.

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

If you were swinging with someone that knew another couple had problems and probably shouldn't be swinging would you want them to tell you?

Nope. We are pretty good about discovering such problems on our own. Besides, sharing negative information about others is probably worse than sharing positive information. Just because Couple A had a bad experience with Couple B doesn't necessarily mean we will also have a bad experience with Couple B. Furthermore, if Couple A has a certain axe to grind against Couple B, the information about Couple B might not be accurate.

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Do you want to hear about the other experiences/couples that couples you play with, play with? Or would you rather them keep that to themselves and the only relationship they talk about with you is the one they share with you?

We don't mind our playmates, especially our closest friends, discussing other relationships. Within our circle, it's quite common to mention the party you went to last month, or the nice couple you went to visit in the next state.

[EmpyreanPleasur]

As others expressed we feel it's a good way to get to know someone and how they feel about and deal with people by sharing past experiences, but without sharing names.

It seems to be a fairly common topic on "first dates" especially when you are taking out single women. While we won't share intimate details we generally are open to any questions or discussions with them that helps them to feel more comfortable with us.