The jig may be up - co-worker's comments

[curiousagain]

Well, I guess if you do this any amount of time and value your discretion you have those heart in your throat moments. I have explained on here before that being "outed" as a swinger would probably cost me my job.

Well, in front of a group of people at work a couple of days ago, this woman I don't know really well walked up to me and said "Hey I saw ***** and she told me she knew you." Now she has my full attention because this woman used to be and maybe still is a swinger I use know and have played with. She continued "She told me what a good time she had with you" and giggled. Not laughed, giggled. I felt my stomach drop. I waited a few pregnant moments and slowly and deliberately began talking about the weather. I could see by the woman's face she knew she had just made a mistake. I finished my comments on the weather and walked off. Yesterday, in front of a group of people this woman walks up and starts a conversation and is very touchy feely, leaning in, giving all the "come on" signs, the tilted head, the hair flipping, the breast jutting, etc. etc. I maintained neutral body language and speech and wasn't sure what else to do.

My question is what would be better? Get this woman off to the side, start a conversation and see where it goes or just avoid her? At this point, I think she is a swinger and I don't think she is too discrete, something that is of paramount importance to me on the job. She's a hottie, and I think she's wanting a little play time, but there is no way I would ever play with her because she works there and she obviously can't keep her mouth shut, but I am dying to know what she knows and I don't know how to get in touch with the woman who obviously first opened her mouth because she has evidently gotten remarried and moved. Maybe I could just ask the woman I work with where she saw this woman, etc. But if she is no longer swinging, I can't just call her. She may not have told her present husband what she and her ex did. But then evidently she's telling some people. Good grief!!! Confusing signals and options here.

[jim-n-nicole]

I think the safest thing to do would be to take the woman to the side, explain that you try to keep your home life and work life separate and that you value discreteness.

If she really is a talker, this is probably the best way to head things off at the pass.

Jim.

[JustAskJulie]

At this point I don't think you have much to worry about. You are a guy, a single guy, so people finding out you have sex with women isn't going to hurt you much. If this woman at work is married and coming onto you, as long as you don't return the attention then no one can say a thing, it is just making her look bad, not you.

At this point you are still smelling like roses. I would agree that taking her aside and letting her know that her behaviour in a work environment is not acceptable. But keep in mind if she continues that it's your word against her and at this point she has already made herself look bad by coming onto you publicly.

[EternallySingle]

Take her to the side, tell her you don't date people from work anymore, then tell her she should quit so you two can go out and talk about things.

Just kidding. Seriously, tell her that you go to great lengths to keep from starting or being involved in gossip and you don't appreciate her getting people to thinking something more is going on than it is. Nobody likes to be told they are a gossip monger, and she'll probably spill the beans about what her friend told her about you. She'll also try to justify what she did by saying everyone knew about the other woman and they know about her, so its no big deal.

Plus, she sounds single, so having people know she's had sex during lunch is probably good for her ego, and if she can make them think you are next, it might keep other women away from you. Its all a game to her right now. As far as you go, you just have to decide how long you want to play and what rules you want to use.

[curiousagain]

Let me clarify. The woman I had swung with was married at the time but not to the guy she is married to now. I know,hasn't been that long, not sure what happened. I found out her then hubby was cheating on her with a co worker and I quite being around them. I hear through the grapevine they got divorced and she quickly remarried this other guy. Anyway, I don't know where she is at or how to get in touch with her without asking questions of people who may ask why I want to know.

The woman who flirted with me in front of others and hinted at things is single and works in the area next to the area I work in.

Hell, I'm confused now. LOL

edit: more clarification, when I said I thought the hottie was a swinger I meant I thought she had casual sex. I have got to be more careful with the terminology.

[littlebit54]

Ok, simple me. What makes you think this other married woman you were with told the girl that you work with anything other than the fact that you were also a "hottie"/good in bed/a hot blooded lover? You weren't clear enough on what was said by your paramour for me to say that this co-worker has the wrong idea about you at all...Hope this isn't too confusing in the way i wrote it...Just what did she say about you? Did she come right out and say you liked to swing? Or is that just what you think might have been discussed? I guess an old song might work here...

You say it best, when you say nothing at all...

littlebit

[Denver2some]

Hmm ... I would say that unless "single gal" is *really* close friends with the lady you swung with in the past, she probably doesn't know very much. She's just is acting like she does, so she can get closer to you ... and with this new "intimacy" maybe get some action. facelick

Your married lady friend probably told single gal that she had a brief fling with you in-between husbands, that's all. (Why do I think this? ... I'll PM you ...)

I think you should ignore her, but if she keeps it up, do as the others suggest and privately tell her you prefer to keep your work and personal life separate.

Good luck, and update us!
Mrs D2S

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by littlebit54

Ok, simple me. What makes you think this other married woman you were with told the girl that you work with anything other than the fact that you were also a "hottie"/good in bed/a hot blooded lover? You weren't clear enough on what was said by your paramour for me to say that this co-worker has the wrong idea about you at all...Hope this isn't too confusing in the way i wrote it...Just what did she say about you? Did she come right out and say you liked to swing? Or is that just what you think might have been discussed? I guess an old song might work here...

You say it best, when you say nothing at all...

littlebit

That's what I THINK might have been discussed. But I can't hardly say "Did she tell you I swung with her and her ex?" I may be freaking out over nothing, then again, maybe you just had to be there.

[curiousagain]

[QUOTE=Denver2some
Your married lady friend probably told single gal that she had a brief fling with you in-between husbands, that's all. Mrs D2S[/QUOTE]

Wow!! I hadn't thought of that, maybe she just did say something like that. LIke I said, I may be freaking out over nothing. I have to remember, it's not like I am having to worry over test results or trying to figure out whether to have chemo or radio therapy. I am just gonna chill my heels and see what happens.

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by jim-n-nicole

I think the safest thing to do would be to take the woman to the side, explain that you try to keep your home life and work life separate and that you value discreteness.

If she really is a talker, this is probably the best way to head things off at the pass.

Jim.

Dito
If you take her aside and keep your conversation this simple, no matter what she was told, it tells her you won't participate in the behavior she's displaying. Stating it short and to the point will also notify her that she is out of bounds, and your personal life is none of her business. If she volunteers information, then you'll know what was said, but otherwise you'll probably just have to accept that you're not going to know. Keep in mind, that if she volunteers information, you will need to repeat that you keep your home life private and seperate from work, or she may think she opened up a little space to continue to discuss and hint at your personal life at work. Good luck!

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

I am guessing that since this girl is single and she has an "in" with you both knowing the same person she is using it to flirt. I agree with Denver2some your old swing friend probably said she had a fling with you in between husbands. You had nothing bad to say about the woman who told her she knew you so I am guessing that when you were swinging with her and her first husband they were discrete.

My thought is if you take her aside and discuss it you could be giving her information that she doesn't really have and then totally blow your cover. I think you handled the first two encounters with her very well by remaining neutral and not showing any signs of acknowledgement.

My 2 cents worth. I say better to remain silent then risk exposing yourself needlessly at this point.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

. . .My thought is if you take her aside and discuss it you could be giving her information that she doesn't really have and then totally blow your cover. I think you handled the first two encounters with her very well by remaining neutral and not showing any signs of acknowledgement. . .I say better to remain silent then risk exposing yourself needlessly at this point.

Mrs Spoomonkey

I agree with Mrs Spoo. I think you risk saying something you'll regret if you start up a converstion with her. Even your body language can reveal your discomfort if you pull her aside to talk.

And I'd forget about trying to find out what she knows. If she senses your concern it may only encourage her to talk to others about what she thinks is true about you.

Keep her guessing.

LM

[GFandME]

DENY,DENY,DENY.

but still try to bed the hottie...since you're single and so is she.

[curiousagain]

Thanks everybody. I am just going to continue to keep my mouth shut and if this girl starts talking to me in private, I will listen, but continue to keep my knowledge to myself. But, I will tell her my life away from work is separate from my work and I do not appreciate any gossip being carried to work.

On another note this is all brought into better perspective for me. I was suppose to go hunting today, but received word last night about a friend of mine. He has terminal cancer and was rehospitalized last night, in not very good shape. His wife said he would like to see me. I will be going to see him this morning instead of going hunting. It makes all of this pretty trivial.

[jim-n-nicole]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

Thanks everybody. I am just going to continue to keep my mouth shut and if this girl starts talking to me in private, I will listen, but continue to keep my knowledge to myself. But, I will tell her my life away from work is separate from my work and I do not appreciate any gossip being carried to work.

Great way to handle it.

I guess I am a little more pro-active than most, but then again they are right: you could end up giving her more info than she already knew! I tend to be short and to the point when talking, so it wouldn't be that big a risk for me.

My concern is that, without letting her know that home and work are separate, she may be saying who knows what to who knows whom. She may be a little more discrete if she knows your preference.

Sorry to hear about your friend. Going through that right now with someone close to me. It is not fun and really does put things in perspective.