Would you ever warn another couple if you knew they were headed towards Drama?

[ALilOEverything]

If you knew a couple was talking about meeting another couple or single person would you warn them if you knew the couple or single they were meeting is someone who could cause them a lot of grief? Now I understand discretion in the lifestyle, but at the same time I would want to know if we were about to meet people who aren't who they say they are, are drama queens, or a single who is only trying to get the wife to cheat. For instance, a single guy contacted me a long time ago who seemed to be really nice but then asked if I would see him without my husband. I said no and he said well if the threesome is all he could get then he'll just have to settle. He contacted me asking about these friends of ours wondering if they would be a good match for him. I feel that since we are really developing a good friendship I would like to warn that he's propositioning the wives to cheat. My husband was so angry and rightfully so.

Also we know another couple who is thinking about meeting a couple who we had a really bad experience with. The guy was very pushy and realized later his marriage is in shambles and his wife does this to keep him happy. It was one of those bad experiences that could make a woman never want to do it again and his wife is a very passive person. I could see this ending the lifestyle for them if they met up with them. Again I would want to know if a guy was a very controlling pushy person who drags his wife into it, I don't need bad experiences that make me feel less of myself.

So this is a question about discretion. Would there ever be a time you would tell someone about others? I'm not talking about idle gossip and pointing out who you like or don't like, but about being a friend and saving them from a potential damaging situation. I haven't said a word and it makes me feel like less of a friend. But I don't want to violate the discretion rule in the lifestyle if it's the wrong thing to do. It is through these boards where I learned the importance of discretion so I'm coming to them to help find where the lines are so I don't cross them...or do cross them if it's the right thing to do.

[akamgaxoxo]

You know, I believe that discretion is very important! That goes with out saying! However, one night I was talking to my male friend and we were all discussing meeting with another couple for a 5 some in the future. We were looking at ads together and I pointed out a couple. He happened to know them and had played with them in the past. A long story short, he told me about his experience with them and how the husband of the couple seemed to push his wife to the limit in swinging and how their friendship ended with this huge drama. He never said really mean things about them, just that it was not a couple he would want us all to be involved with and that we should keep looking. So as his friend, I took his advice and we won't be meeting the drama queens!! But at the same time he has pointed us in the direction of nice couples as well for when we are ready to do that 5 some...so in my opinion, being a good friend is important, and I would warn my other friends if an issue came up where they may be caused some grief that they just don't need. Then they can choose for themselves if they want to get involved.

[biblonde]

I have to say I have warned a couple about another couple. We had had a problem with this couple...the wife really not into sex and the man became a little possesive over me..when our playfriends told us they were talking all I said is this is the couple I told you about so be careful! I never said anything mean or cruel about them I had just told her in the past some of the stuff that had happened and how uncomfy I had become with the couple. They never meet and thanked us for the advice and she has done the same with us in the past also. I think if you know a couple is "trouble" for sure...not that you didnt click or anything like that but if they are really into dram...a nice warning is a good thing!

my 2 cents for the day

[dave110256]

I would hope that a friend would share friendly advice with me if I were to open up my marriage with the intimacy of another. Memeories never die and for that reason I would expect a friend to warn me of possible problems with another. Call it old fashioned but I feel it is my duty to protect my wife and marriage from harm of any kind. We are in this for the enjoyment and enhancement of our relationship and anything to do to protect this is welcomed. I would also say something to others if we were to have a bad experience.

We would not get into detail or "Bad mouth" them. But we would tell them we had met and we did'nt get along. And we would wish them luck.

Our rule that we have is not to meet anyone in our town. And that rule has worked real well for us. But we have met people from surrounding towns and a lot of them will bad mouth or gossip in a negative way about other couples. To me that is a Major turn off. It makes me think "What are these people going to be saying about us?"

I pride myself on not bad mouthing others we have met but did not hit it off. I will not bring other couples up. If someone we are meeting asks us have you met "Jack & Jill" I'll tell them Yes we did. But I won't go into any more detail than "They seemed like a nice couple but we really didn't hit it off". No matter how bad of a time we had with them.

Now, on the other hand, if there is a fake out there that someone has been chatting with and we know that person is a fake from personal expereince we will tell them in a heart beat. We Will tell of our expereince, we Will get into detail as to exactly how we know they are fakes.

[ALilOEverything]

Well this makes me feel better. I usually go with my instinct and my instinct tells me to say something. That's what I like about these boards, sometimes an outside perspective will help me think of things I wouldn't have otherwise considered. It's very important to me that I do the right thing and grateful time was on my side to get a little outside advice before I said anything. I'll be to the point and not bad mouth. I hope they don't see me as "kissing and telling" and know I'm just looking out for them. Thanks for everything

[good times]

I guess I'll have to go against the grain here. Early on we had a couple that we became pretty good friends with that had been in the lifestyle for a long time. Whenever we would be talking to a couple that they had had problems with they took it upon themselves to warn us about them. At first we took their advice as we were new and figured we would be avoiding known problems. But after we got to know several of these couples we decided to play with them and form our own opinions. In virtually every case our experiance with the couple has been totally different than what we were led to believe it would be. So we never talk about other couples or try to warn people we know about people we have had problems with, as in all likelyhood their experiance may be totally different than ours. Or the couple we had trouble with may have learned the error of their ways and have since changed their approach. I also think that if someone talked about us behind our back to someone we were getting to know it would piss me off and that couple and I would definitely have words about the value of discretion.

So I say no, don't say a thing, they are adults, let them form their own opinion of these people, their opinion may turn out to be totally different than yours.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by good times

In virtually every case our experiance with the couple has been totally different than what we were led to believe it would be. So we never talk about other couples or try to warn people we know about people we have had problems with, as in all likelyhood their experiance may be totally different than ours.

So I say no, don't say a thing, they are adults, let them form their own opinion of these people, their opinion may turn out to be totally different than yours.

I agree. If I had talked to some of the girlfriends my husband had before I dated him, we wouldn't be together now. People can be different in different situations and with different people, so unless it was something REALLY bad (i.e. they are cheaters or something), I'd keep my trap shut too, unless my friend specifically asked. That keeps me out of the middle--which is a place that is not usually comfortable to be.

Pepper

[SexhoundDog]

Alilo,
I totally think your gut instinct is right on this. Like the Naughtys said, I wouldn't go into great detail badmouthing them, but if your friends ask, I guess you can give them a short sweet version of why it's YOUR opinion to stay away from them. Then they can make their own decision.

But good friendship in my opinion is a stronger bond than any swinging experience and as such, I guess I wouldn't worry about setting the discretion rule aside in a case like this.

[robnbarb]

I think the naughtys got it right on, that way the couple is warned without some preconseved notion and can see for themselves what the reality may and may not be.

[good times]

I have to clarify one thing, if someone knew we had been with a couple and asked me for my opinion, I would respond similar to the Naughty's.

[PrtyinDuo]

We would not get into detail or "Bad mouth" them. But we would tell them we had met and we did'nt get along. And we would wish them luck.

Dito This seems to sum it up nice for us too..Not everyone is gonna get along or be compatible with everyone else.But..to add a twist to this thread.....What if you meet someone(s) and 1: They look dirty..2:the house is dirty and smelly3:there is NO way in hell that either of you could get naked with that
person(s)...What do you do then..? And YES!! it did happen to us..LOL


Enjoy!!

[lnk4u]

We met with a couple once for the first meeeting/ get to know each other. They turned out to be real flakes. Another couple we know asled us if we wanted to go to a house party and told us the town it was in. We asked them if they could tell us a little about the host couple and it turned out to be the flake couple. We told out 'friend' couple that we would prefer not to go because we were not really sure about that 'flake' couple. (we didn't word it that way, just told them we met this couple and really didn't want to play/hang out with them). Well our friend couple decided not to go to the party either, and later found out some really disturbing things about that couple. Guess our instincts were really good that time. It really depends why you would warn them off. Without going into complete detail I would give a little warning possibly again depending on the reasons.