Telling people about the lifestyle.

[couplefromma]

We were curious about how or if you tell your non-lifestyle friends that you are in the lifestyle.

Do you share this with close friends ? If you do what has their reacton been ?

And not from a stand point of getting them into the lifestyle but talking about it in normal conversation.

Thanks

[good times]

We have only told a few friends in the past, and as it didn't work out very well, we decided we won't be doing that any more.

[Alura]

Dito to Mrs. Good Times! We lost some long-time friends just from using the lifestyle as an example of why jealousy does not have to be a part of love. It's hard for vanilla folks to understand what we do, and almost always mistake a reference to swinging as an invitation.

We would only bring up the subject if we felt they were good candidates for playmates.

Mr. Alura

[VegasLee]

We don't just blurt out to non lifestyle people and friends that we are swingers. Over the years everyone we know has found out since I do radio shows, T.V. and write articles about the Lifestyle.

We have NEVER lost a friend or business because of our lifestyle. We know lots of people but count very few as really being our friends. Our real friends have shown that they would not drop us because of who or what we are or do. That is what makes the difference to us.

We could never live this lifestyle in the closet. We could not handle the making up of stories to "cover our tracks."

[hotblonde47]

A couple of our male friends know about our activities, not in detail obviously, their wives suspect I think but as yet have not said much. Although they have been a little distant recently LOL. I would not tell my best friend, even though I'm not entirely sure she would snub me. But here's a kicker and probably another thread, over this summer our kids saw some stuff on hubbys computer (he's a little techno. challenged and hadn't hidden it well) and faced us up about it. All they know for sure is that we've been visiting the sites! Surrender But they are filling in the rest for themselves because I refuse to give them details of our personal life. They wanted reassurance that we were emotionally safe and physically safe and I could give that unconditionally. However, none of them has had an attitude or changed their ways around us .... apart from the odd little quip about who we're meeting for dinner! We are a lot more discreet with the computer now but it's a little like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted!

[CB_n_Red]

We suspect that our kids suspect, particularly the one who still lives at home. However, nothing is said, apart from her getting concerned at how late we get home some nights (mornings!). Doesn't seem to be much of an issue.

As regards vanilla friends, we keep things to ourselves. No sense in kicking that wasp nest!

CB

[WesternSwing]

So far... No. Nobody outside the lifestyle knows. But other than socializing with neighbors (our vanilla friends) it turned out that none of regular friends were vanillas anyway. We found out by partying with them and stuff would get a bit sexy and it would be "wow, I didn't know you..."

Mr. WS

[Spoomonkey]

The temptation is to tell... I know. This has been an incredible addition to our lives that you just want to share it with folks. Plus, it is really hard to answer the question "what did you do this weekend?" when the only story you can come up with makes you sound like a real lame human being...

I've done such a great job of making our lives sound boring that we don't get a lot of social invites at work...

Mrs Spoomonkey recently told a friend and we are still sort of waiting to see how it went. Initially it seemed fine, but you just never know how these things will process. One family member knows and they think it is great and actually jealous of us. We are a constant source of juicy stories for that person.

I am glad the question was asked though, because the desire is to tell - but the reality, as evidenced by others, may not be what we want to deal with.

Spoomonkey

PS - we have a rule that we wouldn't play with friends. We'll become friends with playmates, but we don't want it the other way around.

[JustAskJulie]

Dito what VegasLee said. There's no need to just randomly tell friends and family about your private life. Do you go around telling them about your sex life with your partner on a normal basis? So why tell them about your sex life with others?

[couplefromma]

OK...followup question then.

Do you socialize with both your lifestyle and non-lifestyle friends and if so how do you explain (a) how u met and (b) how you became friends.

We find this fascinating.

Thanks

[ALilOEverything]

I told my very best friend, I can't imagine keeping something like that from her. I don't give all the details though. It's funny because it actually brought us closer together, she knows I trust her and that has helped her talk about things with me she wouldn't want just anyone to know. My sister has an idea... I told her I want to go to an on-premise club for my 30th birthday and asked her to babysit. She was cool with it, even though that's not her thing. I have a hard time being dishonest to those people who are close to me.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by couplefromma

OK...followup question then.

Do you socialize with both your lifestyle and non-lifestyle friends and if so how do you explain (a) how u met and (b) how you became friends.

We find this fascinating.

Thanks

No, I don't discuss the lifestyle with anyone and like Julie said, why would I? I've never felt the need to discuss my sex life with anyone other than my partner at the time. As for socializing with lifestyle and non-lifestyle people. Yes, I've done that. Many times. And with no ill effects. As to how we met? Friends of friends, work, church, school, Starbucks. Whatever. It is important to have the stories straight to begin with, tho'.

So why do you find this fascinating? - EBF

[JustAskJulie]

Why not just be honest. We met online in a chat room will work for most. If you are hanging out together then you obviously have interests in common beyond swinging... so if they ask what kind of chat room or website... just pick one of those common interests.

[couplefromma]

We enjoy this lifestyle and find some of it ironic. We arent asking this because we have no answer for it we just wonder how others approach it.

Not only is the lifestyle enjoyable but the whole way people approach it fascinates us. We guess you could say we are students of human sexuality and like to study it. Its one of the reasons we love this web site. People openly discuss topics like this and you can see how people think and feel about the lifestyle and help out those interested in it.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by couplefromma

We enjoy this lifestyle and find some of it ironic. We arent asking this because we have no answer for it we just wonder how others approach it.

Not only is the lifestyle enjoyable but the whole way people approach it fascinates us. We guess you could say we are students of human sexuality and like to study it. Its one of the reasons we love this web site. People openly discuss topics like this and you can see how people think and feel about the lifestyle and help out those interested in it.

Ironic? Interesting choice of words, but I can see what you mean. Since I'm a "student" too, how about telling me what your answer and approach to this is.

And Jullie...

Why not just be honest. We met online in a chat room will work for most.

That would work if I wanted to be honest and had actually met someone in a chat room, but since I never have...now of couse I'm talking about swing partners - not just friends. But who's to say Starbucks isn't being honest? In my case, it was. And friends of friends, too.

- EBF