Men and Fake Sexuality vs Swinging

[cplnuswing 4,711]

Since getting involved in swinging, now when buddies think and act like "a typical man" and assume you surely must too, I find it very frustrating. They insist you go with them to one of the Hooters type places or a strip club, and they just can't understand why you don't have your tongue hanging out like they do at all the fake sexuality on display. They make jokes about hoping their wives don't find out and you just shrug a "so what" and don't join in the grins and back-slapping. The only girls they think are hot are the young blond superficial Barbie type, and they talk bad about anyone who looks like a real person and how dare she be working there showing any skin that doesn't live up to their fantasy of what she should be. But, if one of the women they talk about actually sat down close to them, made eye contact, and struck up a real conversation, they would start sweating profusely before running wide-eyed and screaming in the opposite direction.

 

I noticed the another poster's signature line that says "I like her because she smiles at me and means it" and I think that sums it up for me. Used to, a night out with the guys looking at T&A put on display hoping for a better tip or getting you to buy more overpriced food and drinks was fun. Now, it's just a chore, and an aggravating one that I try to avoid whenever possible.

 

Give me a night out at a club or meet and greet with my wife and some other swingers that look like real people and when they smile at you, they mean it. That's real, that's fun, and that's sexy. Put me in the other situation, and I want so, so badly to blurt out "y'all don't have a freakin' clue about me" and then explain why and watch their mouths fall open in shock. But, I can't.

 

How about you? Do you find these same things tiresome and frustrating now, or is it just me?

[xxxboxy 139]

It was old long before I got into swinging.

[slevin 1,374]

I still like hanging out with my friends, but I was always that weird guy who wanted to bring his wife along. I like hanging out with her more than anyone, so when I am out I like having her there too. Not that she always has to be there; it's nice to be out with the boys and just have some guy time. But it isn't always how I want it to go. The guys don't like it much when you bring your wife along to the hooters or the strip club; they get really uncomfortable and can't enjoy themselves lol

[Mr. Truelove 81]

It was old long before I got into swinging.

 

I agree there. But now it's even more old. I have some swinger friends that are really into strip clubs, but personally I don't see it. I'll go along with it, since it's what they like, and likely if another couple wanted to go to one I would go. The atmosphere is erotic, but the women do very little for me.

 

They make jokes about hoping their wives don't find out and you just shrug a "so what" and don't join in the grins and back-slapping.

 

Oh I so agree! Nothing aggravates me more than seeing people that are dishonest in their relationships. Usually it's both parties and most the time they are each frustrated how the other lies about things. But yet they both do it!

 

But oh well, they can have their "idea" of fun, and I'll have mine... :cool:

[CXXC 435]

I have never cared for strip clubs. I always looked at it like this.

I am going to pay to get into a place that charges rediculous amounts for tiny drinks. Then I basically have to pay some cute blonde to wiggle in front of me while taking off her clothes.

 

I can get the little drinks at any one of my friends homes for free. I dont have to pay for admission. If I want to see a cute blone wiggle around in front of me and get undressed, I can just sit in my bedroom and watch Mrs. CXXC.

 

When my buy friends ask me to go to strip clubs, I just tell them that as a minister, I would feel odd. That generally keeps them at bay! Hooters???? Well, none of the guys I hag out with want to travel that far! For some reason, Savannah is Hooterless.

[ViSexual 1,006]

I remember an incident where we, and a couple we were friends with, were out and a bet made instigated the wives dancing for the husbands. When we got home and his wife danced for me and my wife danced for him. It was better than any strip club I'd ever heard of.

[bbarnsworth 2,532]

Savannah is Hooterless.

 

I'll have to remember that one as a quotable quote

 

More seriously...

 

Strip clubs, Hooters, topless bars, etc. all pander to the lowest common denominator. Men tend to be highly sexually motivated by visual stimulation. It's no coincidence that alcohol is always involved in such places. Like Foxworthy says, "I'll tell you what he's thinking! 'I wanna beer and I wanna see somethin' nekkid'"

 

I've been to strip clubs. Had the worst drunk of my life at a strip club (I didn't know Canadian domestic was stronger than Canadian export...oops). Same club, and a ridiculously beautiful stripper gave me and a friend of mine one hell of a show.

 

I'm with CXXC; my wife makes all that orders of magnitude lower in significance in my world. But, I'd like to draw another comparison.

 

The first time I ever went to a swing club, a woman there got up on a small stage that had a stripper pole. She danced for about 10 minutes, eventually taking everything but her panties and shoes off. Nobody paid her a dime in tips. Obviously she wasn't paid by the club. She was doing it because it was fun, entertaining for others and enjoyable for herself. She had a big smile on her face both during and after the dance. It was beautiful. It was beautiful because it was an act of human expression untainted by desire for money.

 

Strip clubs are giant vacuum hoses, aimed at sucking as much money out of your pocket as possible doing so while pandering to base genetics and the inclination of many men to be happy to pay for what they can get for free, and free in a far better form no less.

 

A then close friend of mine was very upset with me when, after he'd asked me to be his best man, I refused to organize a bachelor's party involving a strip club. Why did I refuse? The objections noted above were extent then too, but that's not the reason.

 

70+% of women who are strippers in clubs end up alcoholics and/or addicted to illegal drugs. A very large percentage get sucked into prostitution, with the resulting accouterments of disease, felony counts, etc. Clubs don't care. They use women up and spit them out when they're not good for their image anymore. I refuse to spend my money supporting this abuse against women.

 

Contrast; Nevada brothels. Safe. No drugs. No over consumption of alcohol. Routine (weekly) STD testing. The brothels are not an easy life, but it is a _safe_ one.

[Chicup 38]

 

A then close friend of mine was very upset with me when, after he'd asked me to be his best man, I refused to organize a bachelor's party involving a strip club. Why did I refuse? The objections noted above were extent then too, but that's not the reason.

 

70+% of women who are strippers in clubs end up alcoholics and/or addicted to illegal drugs. A very large percentage get sucked into prostitution, with the resulting accouterments of disease, felony counts, etc. Clubs don't care. They use women up and spit them out when they're not good for their image anymore. I refuse to spend my money supporting this abuse against women.

 

Contrast; Nevada brothels. Safe. No drugs. No over consumption of alcohol. Routine (weekly) STD testing. The brothels are not an easy life, but it is a _safe_ one.

 

 

People make choices in life, some of them very bad. While the public lack of acceptance of strippers and just the hours and atmosphere can exacerbate those choices, they are not forced on the women in most circumstances that I've heard of or seen.

 

In many clubs the girls PAY to dance. They are independent contractors, and I have to respect that type of arrangement. I spoke with a stripper who was also a swinger, and her take was not that women were being exploited, but that the men were. She was making some 1200 a night without prostitution and really had nothing but score for the men.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Instead of the phrase "fake sexuality", I might call the trait on display "fake bravado". The idea that those guys get inflated over having Hooters girls around would only make sense to me if the girls felt motivated by the guys themselves, rather than the tips they provide. Same thing in a strip club. It's even more fake because as the OP noted, those bravado-strutting guys would probably piss themselves and run away if they ever got a bona fide offer in those situations.

[CXXC 435]

Instead of the phrase "fake sexuality", I might call the trait on display "fake bravado". The idea that those guys get inflated over having Hooters girls around would only make sense to me if the girls felt motivated by the guys themselves, rather than the tips they provide. Same thing in a strip club. It's even more fake because as the OP noted, those bravado-strutting guys would probably piss themselves and run away if they ever got a bona fide offer in those situations.

 

I have witnessed, first hand, the false bravado on several occasions. Men sitting together in a bar or club for "Boys night out" talking about this girl or that and what they would do to them etc.... I just chuckle to myself as I have seen them clam up and get nervous when a woman showed any interest in them at all! Mrs. CXXC has a blast with them. She gets a free drink or two out of the deal but rarely does she get any takers!

 

All talk, no action! HA HA HA

[TNT 1,155]

They insist you go with them to one of the Hooters type places or a strip club, and they just can't understand why you don't have your tongue hanging out like they do at all the fake sexuality on display. They make jokes about hoping their wives don't find out and you just shrug a "so what" and don't join in the grins and back-slapping.

 

When I read this I chuckled and thought, you must know the men Ted works with. It's a running joke between the two of us that whenever he goes out on a job with some of the men he works with and/or they want to have a working lunch, it's always Hooters the men want to go to. They want even say Hooters if they're in the office, they just say lets eat at the sports bar down the road.

 

One night, when he was off somewhere, I called him and I could hear a lot of commotion in the back ground so I asked where he was. Hooters he said, then he went on to say out of the four men sitting at the table, three couldn't tell their wives where they had dinner at that night. All I could say was, you're kidding? How sad.

 

 

 

For some reason, Savannah is Hooterless.

 

The city council actually tried to stop the Hooters from opening up in the small town next to us, stating that it degraded family values. They lost and the place is packed from opening to close every day.

 

 

Teresa

[TheLorax 173]

Put me in the camp of honest sexuality. Strip clubs bored me even before I did any swinging. Of course, I grew up with a hippy crowd so casual nudity was no big deal for me early on.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

When I read this I chuckled and thought, you must know the men Ted works with.

Wow, I didn't know Ted and I worked for the same outfit. It's coworkers in my case too. Maybe Ted and I will run into each other sometime, maybe at, dare I say it, a Hooters?

 

They won't even say Hooters if they're in the office, they just say lets eat at the sports bar down the road.

 

Same here, and even saying that requires some furtive glances around before saying it in a low voice in case somebody might hear and put two and two together.

 

The city council actually tried to stop the Hooters from opening up in the small town next to us, stating that it degraded family values. They lost and the place is packed from opening to close every day.

 

Sounds familiar. Small town next county over wanted to go from dry to selling beer (still no liquor of course). Family values types got all up in arms, circulated a public petition opposing demon alcohol corrupting their town. They got about 75% of the registered voters to sign it, but it still got on the ballot......... Come election night, it passed overwhelmingly, over 75% in favor

[it'sso 198]

I dated a dancer for a few years. She must have been the only one who was actually doing it to pay for her college education because she ended up with a masters in business administration and we went our separate ways soon after she graduated.

I guess generalities don't always apply.

[Powerglide 235]

When I was younger, I didn't go in for the back-slapping, vulgar joking stuff, but I did have very stupid ideas about girls. I thought that I should only date slim girls who fit the social norms for beauty. But when I was about 26 or 27, a wonderful lady who was rather fat and not traditionally beautiful changed my mind. My first night with her, we had the most astonishing sex. I'll be forever grateful to her for wising me up and opening a whole new realm for me.

[qreskupl7476 137]

I read a funny list somewhere, probably on this site, of ways to know whether or not you're a swinger. On that list was something to the effect of "You know you're a swinger if you'd rather go to a strip club with your wife than with the guys". My wife and I occasionally go to a strip club. I would NEVER go to a strip club with my guy friends.

 

Artificially sexually charged vanilla settings weren't all that exciting to me before I was a swinger, and they're just downright boring, and even a little insulting, to me now. After you've been in a room with a large number of naked people having sex in various combinations, A waitress with big boobs and a tight shirt just isn't all that noteworthy anymore.

 

Add that to the hypocrisy on display (99% of the people paying to see whatever lame display it may happen to be would judge my wife and I quite unfavorably if they knew about our lifestyle, yet they see it as perfectly alright as long as it's fake and they can hide it from their spouses), and I really have little to no interest. However, if it keeps the hard core vanillas distracted from the fact that there are places with REAL sexually charged atmospheres in the world, then I guess these establishments are doing us a favor. If the city council is busy worrying about a proposed Hooters, then maybe they won't be hassling the house party that's no doubt going on somewhere else.

[The Fuse 1,012]

I read a funny list somewhere, probably on this site, of ways to know whether or not you're a swinger. On that list was something to the effect of "You know you're a swinger if you'd rather go to a strip club with your wife than with the guys". My wife and I occasionally go to a strip club. I would NEVER go to a strip club with my guy friends.

 

Artificially sexually charged vanilla settings weren't all that exciting to me before I was a swinger, and they're just downright boring, and even a little insulting, to me now. After you've been in a room with a large number of naked people having sex in various combinations, A waitress with big boobs and a tight shirt just isn't all that noteworthy anymore.

 

Add that to the hypocrisy on display (99% of the people paying to see whatever lame display it may happen to be would judge my wife and I quite unfavorably if they knew about our lifestyle, yet they see it as perfectly alright as long as it's fake and they can hide it from their spouses), and I really have little to no interest. However, if it keeps the hard core vanillas distracted from the fact that there are places with REAL sexually charged atmospheres in the world, then I guess these establishments are doing us a favor. If the city council is busy worrying about a proposed Hooters, then maybe they won't be hassling the house party that's no doubt going on somewhere else.

 

Nicely put!

[AskMeOk 148]

Nope.... totally on board with everything you have said. I like Hooters, though.... just wish the Barbettes they hire would hit on the old lady :-)

 

Taking a step up beyond the titty bars, another thing I just don't get are rub-and-tugs... not to mention call girls....

 

My wife and I do everything together... and we actually *enjoy* it. I have friends that just can't comprehend *that!* They can't wait to get away for some "guy" time, because their old lady drives them nuts. IMHO... their loss.

[it'sso 198]

Go figure. I'm just a lurker here since I'm no longer swinging.

However, I still enjoy going to strip clubs once in a while.

I guess there's always one.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

Add that to the hypocrisy on display (99% of the people paying to see whatever lame display it may happen to be would judge my wife and I quite unfavorably if they knew about our lifestyle, yet they see it as perfectly alright as long as it's fake and they can hide it from their spouses), and I really have little to no interest.

 

Perfect! You said it much more succinctly than I managed to, but that's exactly what gets under my skin.

 

 

However, if it keeps the hard core vanillas distracted from the fact that there are places with REAL sexually charged atmospheres in the world, then I guess these establishments are doing us a favor. If the city council is busy worrying about a proposed Hooters, then maybe they won't be hassling the house party that's no doubt going on somewhere else.

 

Good point

[DarkVoyuer 15]

I still like hanging out with my friends, but I was always that weird guy who wanted to bring his wife along. I like hanging out with her more than anyone, so when I am out I like having her there too. Not that she always has to be there; it's nice to be out with the boys and just have some guy time. But it isn't always how I want it to go. The guys don't like it much when you bring your wife along to the hooters or the strip club; they get really uncomfortable and can't enjoy themselves lol

Since this is an old topic, I do not expect a response. However, I find it weird that guys would be uncomfortable with your wife coming to a strip club. It does not make sense.

[xxxboxy 139]

In my experience it's pretty common in the vanilla world for men to keep behavior like attending strip clubs from their wives. It's also pretty common for the wives of friends to chat and share gossip, so I can totally understand why a couple of guys who don't want their wives to know that "boys night out" means going to strip clubs to be uncomfortable with a buddy dragging a wife along.

[DarkVoyuer 15]

In my experience it's pretty common in the vanilla world for men to keep behavior like attending strip clubs from their wives. It's also pretty common for the wives of friends to chat and share gossip, so I can totally understand why a couple of guys who don't want their wives to know that "boys night out" means going to strip clubs to be uncomfortable with a buddy dragging a wife along.

It makes sense to me now. Thanks for providing your comment.