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  1. #16
    Lifestyle Promoter Close Encounters's Avatar
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    TnT,
    Looking forward to seeing ya'll (translation for non-southerners "the both of you")

  2. #17
    Swingers Board Addict Lorrie's Avatar
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    Where I live now, no one knows. I will be starting a new life in NYC within a few months, and I will let everyone know--present and future friends--when I move there that I'm Poly.

  3. #18
    Only slightly cracked... BradAndJanet's Avatar
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    Well now we've gone and done it...

    I've known one of my vanilla friends since high-school. We had drifted apart and I hadn't seen her for years until she contacted me through that Classmates web site about three years ago.

    Now she was always a wild one back in the day, and I'll admit to having a bit of a lust thing for her back then (funny thing is, that's all gone now.) In fact, my first abortive attempt at a swap was with her and her boyfriend at the time.

    She's been married about 20 years now, no kids, and J and I get together with the two of them every couple of months. So, anyway, she'd seemed a bit down the last time we all went out, so I thought, maybe she'd like to get involved with our little LJ community and make some friends. But, showing her my journal would mean 'outing' us to them.

    I considered this for a while and checked with J to make sure she wouldn't mind and then sent 'L' a note about my journal with a bit of a warning about what she might see and hear. I made sure to say that it wasn't a proposition, just a chance to meet some nice people. I figured that she'd always seemed pretty open about sex, so she'd probably understand.

    However, despite my best efforts, she somehow thought that we were inviting them to swing with us and our 'swinger friends'. She mentioned that she'd 'been there done that' and almost seemed like she was ashamed of the way she'd been back then. She them said that her husband would likely not want to get together with us for a while, because she was going to let him know and that he would be uncomfortable around us now. She wanted to know if we'd still be friends even though they had no interest in swinging.

    I reassurred her that we would still be friends and that we didn't mean it to sound like a proposition, but I think the damage is already done.

    So, I guess I didn't know her quite as well as I thought I did. I'm glad it's out in the open though, although it remains to be seen what the relationship will be now and whether it was worth it.

    -B
    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
    All about us...

  4. #19
    Swingers Board Addict bear_n_bunny's Avatar
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    Nope, Bear and I are not really out. We both agree that it would be a pain in the ass. However, we do not lie. We operate under the don't ask, don't tell rule. I tell people we meet with friends, go to clubs, etc. Do I tell them I have sex? Nope. If my mother goes out with her friends, do I want to know if they have sex? Hell no.

    Some close friends know. Friends in the lifestyle know. If asked, I would be totally honest as I feel nothing but good has come from Bear and I being in the lifestyle. Sadly, coming out would just be a hassle.

    Bear wants me to finish up know so he can post his two cents or rather his buck ninety-nine.

    Cheers Bunny

  5. #20
    Swingers Board Addict tazzie_n_truck's Avatar
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    Would have to say we are Not Out mainly because of our children at home, and because of our familues. He was raised in a very strong church home that condems swinging. So we try to make sure that his family don't find out, and we don't feel that her mom needs to know.
    T & T

  6. #21
    Swingers Board Addict bear_n_bunny's Avatar
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    Bunny pretty well summed it up. But then, one thing I've not seen really addressed in this thread is, how do you define "out"?

    Sure, we could put a sign in the front yard that reads "We are swingers!" or what-have-you. Or a bumper sticker that read the same. Or I would wear my swingersboard.com tee shirt when I go for walks around the neighborhood. You get the idea. Is this "out"?

    Either way, in the final analysis, what does it buy us? How does it profit Bunny and I to promulgate to the world that we are swingers?

    We have an adolescent daughter who is really not ready for that sort of information about us. In a few years, sure. But now? At thirteen? I don't think so (but then I also know the particulars of our situation, whereas the rest of you do not, so you will just have to take my word for it). So there is one reason for not wearing the fact on our shirtsleeves.

    Some of my close friends know. Some act a bit scandalized, but knowing that bunch as I do, I'll wager they are secretly envious. One has even been to a party, and enjoyed herself immensely. But then, my close friends and I don't usually keep very many secrets from each other, so...

    Family? No. Neither hers nor mine. After you cut through all the b.s., there is no reason for them to know. Our families are like most people in general; not prudes per se, but they don't have the swinger mindset. Most people don't, truth be known. So advertising that we swing to our families doesn't get us anything but a lot of grief.

    On the other hand, we don't go out of our way to hide it, either. Our pictures can be seen on a number of swinger web sites, we have our own Yahoo group, etc.

    Bottom line is that there are some people, generally family members, that we just flat don't tell (and anyone who does not "get" the reasons why, I'm not going to waste time explaining it, as you are beyond hope). Nor do we tell anyone else who is not actually involved with us in the lifestyle, with very few exceptions (such as some trusted friends, and even then it's not something we discuss all the time).

    But neither do we cower at the thought of someone finding out, either. And our "security" is sufficiently lax that if someone wanted to do a serious background check on us, they would find out we are swingers in short order. And if they did, aside from some embarassment as relates to our families, so what? Houston is not San Francisco or New York (thank God), but it's not Greenbow, Alabama either.

    When you get down to it, *going out of one's way* (note emphasis here) to advertise that you are a swinger, especially to non-swingers, and even moreso to those who are not close to you (such as co-workers or casual acquaintances, let alone strangers) is yet another example of profligate narcissism, of the sort one usually associates with many gays.

    Sorry, but that sort of undignified behavior does not appeal to us.

    -- Bear

  7. #22
    Mr&Mrs-naughty
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    Default Mrs here-

    Mr and I were just speaking of this very thing yesterday........

    we do not discuss our activities with our friends or family, however, I believe the ones that REALLY know us would not raise an eyebrow if we were to tell them.

    We are known as
    'crazy'
    fun
    'nuts'facelick
    ......none of which I view as a bad thing.

  8. #23
    Flying solo SluttyWife's Avatar
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    Back at the Ranch (the BIG state of Texas) we were pretty much closeted to friends and family but not to members of our swing club. Now we're "Slutty In Seattle" ha ha ha


    Slutty Wife
    "Too much of a good thing is wonderful!." -- Mae West

  9. #24
    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
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    Originally posted by BradAndJanet


    So, I guess I didn't know her quite as well as I thought I did.

    -B
    We met a lady soon after we returned to America and remained friends through two husbands and countless boyfriends for about fifteen years. She and Mrs. Alura had discussed a threesome early in the friendship, when Mary was still single, and "Mary" agreed it would be fun but it never happened.

    One Sunday, Mary's husband "Bill" and I were working on his motorcycle in my garage when I noticed he seemed upset. He said Mary was angry because she had come into the garage and "caught him" looking at a calendar on my wall. (It was a bikinied lady who looked much like Mrs. Alura when I first met her.) "She's so damned jealous, it's driving me nuts!" he said.

    He had to rush home from work every day because if he was a few minutes late, she'd accuse him of stopping off at some woman's house for a quickie. She had also "caught him" masturbating and was furious about that at the time.

    For a few hours, while turning wrenches and chasing parts, Bill and I talked about jealousy. During the course of the conversation, as a way of showing him how jealousy and love don't relate, I told him about our hobby. There was never any suggestion of playing. Both of us agreed Mary would not understand. He said he'd never tell her (about our swinging) because she'd not understand. I agreed.

    The next day my office phone rang and Mary ranted at me for about fifteen minutes, accusing me of trying to trick her husband into wanting to "swap wives" with us. She slammed down the phone. We haven't heard from them since. That's been almost six years.

    The saddest part was when the boys asked, "How come we don't get to play with the "Jones" kids anymore? They never come over." I didn't really have an answer.

    Mr. Alura

  10. #25
    Swingers Board Addict Brit_Pair's Avatar
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    A great pity for all that "Bill" couldn't honour your joint decision not to let "Mary" in on the truth about Mrs A and yourself.
    It's not going to be an orgy. It's a toga party . . .

  11. #26
    Swingers Board Addict bear_n_bunny's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Alura
    We met a lady soon after we returned to America and remained friends through two husbands and countless boyfriends for about fifteen years. She and Mrs. Alura had discussed a threesome early in the friendship, when Mary was still single, and "Mary" agreed it would be fun but it never happened.

    One Sunday, Mary's husband "Bill" and I were working on his motorcycle in my garage when I noticed he seemed upset. He said Mary was angry because she had come into the garage and "caught him" looking at a calendar on my wall. (It was a bikinied lady who looked much like Mrs. Alura when I first met her.) "She's so damned jealous, it's driving me nuts!" he said.

    He had to rush home from work every day because if he was a few minutes late, she'd accuse him of stopping off at some woman's house for a quickie. She had also "caught him" masturbating and was furious about that at the time.

    For a few hours, while turning wrenches and chasing parts, Bill and I talked about jealousy. During the course of the conversation, as a way of showing him how jealousy and love don't relate, I told him about our hobby. There was never any suggestion of playing. Both of us agreed Mary would not understand. He said he'd never tell her (about our swinging) because she'd not understand. I agreed.

    The next day my office phone rang and Mary ranted at me for about fifteen minutes, accusing me of trying to trick her husband into wanting to "swap wives" with us. She slammed down the phone. We haven't heard from them since. That's been almost six years.

    The saddest part was when the boys asked, "How come we don't get to play with the "Jones" kids anymore? They never come over." I didn't really have an answer.

    Mr. Alura
    I have to agree with Brit_Pair 100%. "Bill" should have kept his fucking mouth shut. Unfortunately I've known guys like Bill before, and basically they are what we used to call in my sordid youth "pussy whipped". This Mary was leading him around by the nose, and he let her do it. Concomitant to this, such men usually can't keep their mouths shut to their wives, either.

    She was obviously not only very insecure, but a control freak as well. Yet some men will let their wives get away with treating them in such a manner.

    The saddest part is that sooner or later relationships like this usually come to a bad end. Note Bill's anger at her jealousy. I mean, getting upset over his looking at a picture on a calendar? Give me a break! As for having caught him masturbating, someone should have clued her in on something; if you line up ten men and nine admit they masturbate from time to time, you have found yourself one liar.

    But this sort of thing creates festering resentments that eventually build up to the point where things blow up and a divorce is usually the result. It was unfortunate that you guy were, albeit temporarily, caught in the middle...

    -- Bear

  12. #27
    Mr&Mrs-naughty
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    I'd be curious to know if they are still married.

    Swingers or not that kind of jealousy cant make for a healthy marriage.

    I worked with a guy who had the same problem but maybe even a little worse.

    I have a job that requires us to work outside quite a bit. She would call work all the time and if no one answered the phone he would get accused of not being at work and being out cheating on her. Our boss even got involved and explained to her that the only time we are in the office is if we are on break or just happen to stop in for a minute to grab something. She accused our boss of covering for him.

    Needless to say this dude lived a pretty miserable life.

  13. #28
    Swingers Board Addict Brit_Pair's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mr here

    Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty
    Needless to say this dude lived a pretty miserable life.
    Not so much a life, as an existance. And if all a person is doing is existing...
    It's not going to be an orgy. It's a toga party . . .

  14. #29
    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty
    I'd be curious to know if they are still married.

    Me, too, Mr&MrsNaughty. I just ran their names through the InfoBel website. I found his parents in Wichita and her's, also in Kansas, but no listings in the entire USA for their first names. Their telephone number has been reassigned. I suppose I could do more research, but what good would it do if I found them? If they, or more likely, she had thought about renewing the friendship, she's had almost six years.

    Y'know, come to think of it, we continued to send them invitations to our parties for a couple of years. They had always come before. Mary called once and rsvped that they would come, but they didn't. She talked to Mrs. Alura. I guess that was the last time we heard from her.

    Needless to say this dude lived a pretty miserable life.
    He was definitely not very happy that day. He seemed quite envious of our marriage, not so much the swinging, although that, too, intrigued him, but the freedom we feel in not being afraid to tell each other anything. He lived in constant fear, not only of what he said, or the way he said it, but the way she might interpret it. Damn! I'm a lucky man!

    Mr. Alura

  15. #30
    Laura's Male VegasLee's Avatar
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    Laura and I are very out.

    I had a radio show here in Vegas for two years, a Lifestyles radio show that was about all different Lifestyles. We also own a news site that deals with all Lifestyles. No less then twice a month there is an article either written by me or about things we deal with in the major Las Vegas Newspaper so it is a bit hard for us to hide.

    We have six kids, five of them grown and five grandkids. All of our older kids are very aware of our life and lifestyle. The 10 year old knows "we are different" then many but does not understand and we do not feel it is the time to fill her in yet. In time she will need to know since we are so public about things.

    The 10 year old goes to a private school ran by a church since the public schools here in Vegas rate close to the bottom of the charts. The school knows not because they ever asked me but because they read the paper and watch the news. They have accepted it and left it alone because they see how close I am to my daughter and that I am a good father despite would most would think about someone that is an Lifestyles Advocate.

    We have NEVER lost a friend or had problems with anyone because of being who we are because we are very honest about who we are and what we do.
    You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

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