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JustAskJulie

I heard they are swingers....

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Today I was at the office and when talking to a co-worker referred to someone as "interesting". He says "be careful when you refer to someone as interesting.... I just learned that some friends of mine have .. shall we say... a loose marriage.. that's just ewww". My response: "Well to each their own I suppose."

 

So, what are your stories of dealing with people talking about others being swingers? And how did you respond?

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It is interesting how judgemental people can be. A similar thing happened to my husband. Co-workers were talking about sex outside of marriage and he just smiled and excused himself.

 

I wonder what would happen if people really knew that swingers were regular people. I think the earth may explode. :lol:

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We were going out for New Years Eve. We dropped off the kids at my in-laws. While there, my mother-in-law asked me, "so whose party aer you going to?" I told her they were some "friends I knew from work." She said, "well be careful. You never know. It may be one of those swinger parties."

 

In fact, we were going to a house party. Now to really let the taste of this roll around in your mouth, keep in mind that my father-in-law is a minister. We have never said or did anything to even remotely indicate that we may have a disposition to that sort of thing.

 

I said, "ha-ha. Yeah, that would go over really well taking your daughter to a swinger party" and dismissed it.

 

To this day, my wife and I wonder where she came up with that. Maybe something about her past we were unaware of?

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We've had our neighbors make an off-hand comment once about swingers. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it wasn't durgatory, more of a joke, but we kinda' wondered if maybe he wasn't doing what I call "flogginbushin" - beating the bush to see what flies out - to see what, if any, our reaction would be.

 

At a previous place of employment where Mrs. WS and I worked together we had a coworker who used to work with Mrs. WS at another company also, tell some others about a couple at the other company that are swingers. We just kept our mouth shut since the reason Mrs. WS worked there to begin with is because we met them in the lifestyle and had many a great time with them and when Mrs. WS found herself suddenly unemployed they got her a position where they worked.

 

Another situation with the same coworker... one time Mrs. WS was coming back from lunch (at their previous place of employment) and he was talking with another guy in the parking lot (both recently married by the way) and he said to Mrs. WS "How do you and your husband keep things exciting after so many years?" to which Mrs. WS replied "We just throw another woman into the mix now and then." I became a god to him that day. :lol:

 

Then when we were working all together an account representative from a vendor was in the office and we were all chatting and the acct. rep pipes-up after a comment we made "Are you guys swingers?!" to which our coworker replied "No, their not swingers, they just do threesomes with women!". :lol: I kinda' always thought it was one in the same, myself.

 

Then another time at band camp...

 

Mr. WS

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I actually had a similar situation with a good friend of mine, who is also a co-worker of mine. We were talking about another ex-coworker that used to work with us. I don't even know how it was brought up but we were talking about this other girl and my friend flat out told me that this girl and her husband have had other partners. From what she said, this wasn't the first and only time for this girl. My friend has the similar "eewwww" reaction. I haven't said much other than, "Whatever floats their boat." But the thing that gets me the most is that my friend has brought the subject up more than once. Makes me wonder if she's actually interested in the idea but doesn't want me to think bad of her or am I just reading too much into this? She has no clue about me and hubby but I'm afraid of ruining the friendship or having rumors fly around work if I mistakenly let something slip. Either way I'm not willing to risk the friendship over it.

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My favorite story comes from about two weeks ago.

 

There was a time when a rumor circulated about us at work (still does with the family, though we are successfully quashing it). But apparently, the work rumor died off.

 

The other day I was talking to a co-worker. We talk about sex and relationships all the time (hers is a mess) and she knows that we go out to party a LOT. I was talking to her about our upcoming weekend and she said something about "don't do something I wouldn't do."

 

"Like pile-ups?" I asked.

 

"Yeah right." She said. "I'd believe that if I didn't know you."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"You and [Mrs. Spoomonkey*] are too in love to do things like that."

 

It was kind of cool to hear her say that - but at the same time I wanted to tell her that that is the very reason why we can do things like that...

 

Instead, I just let the misconception serve as protection. After all - we did end up in a pile-up :lol:

 

Spoomonkey

 

*Of course, no one calls her "Mrs Spoomonkey" at work...

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I find it kind of ironic when i hear stuff like this because i know for a fact that most of the people that come up with these comments are jealous of the whole thing.

 

Like Daisy Girl said the world just might slip off it's axis if the REAL truth about *everyone's* hidden desires were exposed. There are very few people out there that can say they haven't had a secret fantasy once in there lifetime. All you need is a little push and even that's saying a lot.

 

:)

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I at first thought I didn’t have a story as my wife and I have never swung nor will we as she isn’t interested. But then I remembered that I was out to lunch with a couple of guys that like to talk about sexual things. One guy, 30ish, is telling about how he has always had a guys night out even when he had a gf. He would try to pick up a girl and thought nothing of it. He even lied about his activities if the gf asked. But with the current gf its bothered him if he picks up a woman.

 

So I said, well if you were a swinger, then you could be honest and still get some extra. Boy did that quite them. Its amazing how our society prefers the dishonesty to working out what will work for each relationship.

 

dayhiker

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I find it kind of ironic when i hear stuff like this because i know for a fact that most of the people that come up with these comments are jealous of the whole thing.

 

Like Daisy Girl said the world just might slip off it's axis if the REAL truth about *everyone's* hidden desires were exposed. There are very few people out there that can say they haven't had a secret fantasy once in there lifetime. All you need is a little push and even that's saying a lot.

 

:)

 

 

I agree. I think people ask questions and say "ewww" to get a reaction and see what you think. Like politics. "Do you like candidate bubblehead for Senate?" "hell no" says the next person. "Me either" says the person who initiated the conversation. If the second person had said "Yeah, I think bubblehead is where it's at" the first person would probably say, "yeah, me too."

 

I think it's natural for people to bring up contraversal topics as a question because people don't want to be seen as outsiders. Most people want to be "like the Joneses" and not rock the boats. It takes a lot of gonades just to say what's on your mind and not give a crap what the reaction is.

 

The more I learn about folks who enjoy "sharing" as I do, the more I think most people would be open to the idea if they could just be completely honest and open with their SO.

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To this day, my wife and I wonder where she came up with that. Maybe something about her past we were unaware of?

 

It may have had nothing to do with you guys... maybe they once went to a party that turned out to be more than they expected....

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Then another time at band camp...

 

Mr. WS

 

That would be Swinger Camp! Which reminds me of another story entirely but that's off the subject.

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The people at my work have some amazing playdar or something. Two co-workers have mentioned swinging to me. One does it almost every week in one form or another and it's always derogatory. The other has mentioned it twice saying we were going to go out with our "swapping friends." He was correct both times and thats the only two times we have. So he is batting a perfect record.

 

I keep playing each one off pretty well. But the guy that has mentioned it twice has got me thinking about how he is so suspicious. It was so out of the blue.

 

Mr. Truelove

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Well...I have a couple.

 

The first was a couple years ago my hubby and some of his workers were standing around talking and it was about the time all the swinging stuff was being talked about on tv. They were all pretty bad about it saying stuff like "How a man that would allow his wife to be with other men is nothing but a CHUMP" and it went downhill from there. My hubby just kept his mouth shut and didnt say anything but it effected him for a while. We almost got out of swinging all the way since at the time we had just started getting into it.

 

The second is more than once (again while this was on TV all the time) at work (yes I am a bratt at work) I have had co-workers say "you seem pretty wild bet you and hubby swing!!" I just laughed at them and said what ever...or made some other smart ass remark. They still bring it up once in a while. Or they tell me there is a rumor about that..mostly it is them trying to get a reaction to see if it is true or not.

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I was out drinking with a good friend and I must have said something I shouldn't have because he said, "you want to be a swinger, don't you"? I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem with me swinging but I'm not allowed to tell him. I simply replied by saying, "that would be fun"! That was the last I heard about it from him (months ago). He has definitely witnessed some slightly odd behavior on our part over time. He's a very intuitive person and I suspect he might know we're swingers. I also suspect he might know that I can't say anything (maybe). That would explain why he doesn't ask anymore.

 

I can only think of one person I talk to regularly who would say something negative about swinging if the subject were to come up. We'll try to make sure that that doesn't happen.

 

My wife and another drinking buddy of mine were approached not too long ago in a vanilla setting by a guy who said he seen them at some lifestyle events before, lol. My friend was dumbfounded and my wife later had a private conversation with the "idiot" informing him that that wasn't cool. I guess it's all forgotten now.

 

I keep predicting to my wife that someday we won't care who knows anymore. We'll see.

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We may not visit this board often but catch up on reading when possible. This thread is comforting because just last week a new coworker stuck her foot in her mouth without even knowing.

 

Now in her defense she seems very nice but we've only been working together for about a month and I'm not one to share my "hobbies" with new people unless they directly ask. Most people are in the know and it doesn't bother me but I don't exactly advertise at work. That said, she was talking about her evening cruising cyber space and talking to someone online which lead to playing around on cam. Later in their interactions she found out he was a swinger and was very put off.

 

That morning at work her rants consisted of how gross swingers are and she couldn't believe that any decent person would do such a thing. For those of you who have met me you may be able to appreciate the self restraint that it took to just shut up. My big come back was basically to each their own and you never know what people are up to in their personal lives, with a little smirk on my face of course. As rumor mills go, I'm sure she'll taste that foot one day. I just had to laugh.

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They were all pretty bad about it saying stuff like "How a man that would allow his wife to be with other men is nothing but a CHUMP" and it went downhill from there. My hubby just kept his mouth shut and didnt say anything but it effected him for a while. We almost got out of swinging all the way since at the time we had just started getting into it.

I think I'd just be pissed off. :mad: As havefun said, it's easy to be a bleating sheep, and a lot harder to speak up when the rest of the crowd has made it clear that their views oppose yours. But I have to wonder...while I don't have any experiences like the above to share, I wonder if I wouldn't say something I'd regret under such circumstances. Having been-there-done-that, we've discovered the truth of it for ourselves. Saying that the perpetuation of malicious ignorance is a pet peeve of mine is something of an understatement. NOTHING bugs me more than someone preaching a lie about something they haven't taken the time to understand.

 

If I were Mr. biblonde, I'd be mad as hell because these other men were unknowing insulting not only him, but biblonde herself! What do you suppose they think of a woman that was "allowed" to have sex with other men...and then actually went ahead and did it? She'd a downright dirty slut. And not in a good way. They'd see her as a whore. And that just pissed me off to no end, because the real truth - the truth they couldn't take the time to seek out and understand for themselves before they started spouting off about it - is a complete 180! As Spoo said, you want to say it's because your relationship is so great that you're able to do these things! Not the other way around.

 

I'm with you, Dayhiker. I am *this* close to just coming out with it all and saying, "Well this is the way it is, and this is reality. Ya wanna make something of it??" If invited into a conversation about swinging, I'd probably be tempted to say I saw the Oprah episode and was intrigued so I did a little more research (*hint: maybe they should do some too). I read a lot of stuff about it that didn't agree with the myths. I'd probably also mention that I know some friends who I found out were into that sort of thing. They certainly didn't fit the dysfunctional profile of the stereotypical swinging couple. And I'd want to maybe recommend a book or two. Maybe stupid if I don't want us to get outed, but I'd be tempted. ;)

 

 

The second is more than once (again while this was on TV all the time) at work (yes I am a bratt at work) I have had co-workers say "you seem pretty wild bet you and hubby swing!!" I just laughed at them and said what ever...or made some other smart ass remark. They still bring it up once in a while. Or they tell me there is a rumor about that..mostly it is them trying to get a reaction to see if it is true or not.

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Intuition....he was mad and upset and then it started him thinking...He really couldnt say anything since with his position at work it wouldnt have been good. these were guys that worked under him and with his job it could have cost him if they knew we were into this. Or they could have used it against him in a blackmail kinda way. Cant really explain how on here but you get the idea. This was years ago and know we both just smile and laugh without any kind of answer if we here people talking about it...hey we know we are having the time of our lives and enjoy it to the fullest ...I kinda feel sorry for them for not having the trust and the kind of relationship that allows this much fun!! lol

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Our society continually conditions us to think swinging is wrong....

 

I remember a friend of mine telling me that his friend's ex-wife had "gone crazy" and was now swinging - I thought "that's kind of weird", until I remembered that I'm a swinger too!

 

I should have gotten her number....

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I was talking to a friend today and she said that she does not see herself as a swinger but she also said that she didn't care whoever wanted to have that kind of a lifestyle. Because of her background, I was surprised to hear her say that but I didn't mention me being a swinger simply because I know her mom and her mom knows my mother-in-law and so on. And to avoid a whole lot of blah blah blah from anybody, I didn't say a word.

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About a month ago my 18 year old son and I were having a nice quiet conversation about "stuff" when suddenly out of the blue he says, "You know mom, I really admire Swingers". I looked at him for a second and said, "Dancing? (Jr) and I have always wanted learn how to swing dance." Him....."No mom, Swingers." Me....."Yes (son), dancing, there is a place up the road that teaches swing dance, (Jr) and I were thinking about taking lessons." Him....."Mom, I mean SWINGERS! As in swapping partners." Me..."Ohhhhh...that kind of swinging. Yeah, I've heard of that. I've heard it takes a strong relationship between a couple to be able to do that." Him...."Yeah, I really admire couples who can do that but I couldn't do it because I would be to jealous of my girlfriend/wife."

 

He then proceeded to tell me all about Swinging and he was quite accurate. Turns out the DJ on the radio station he listened to that morning had interviewed a couple that swings. Prior to the interview the DJ and his sidekicks were bad mouthing Swingers and were expecting the couple they were going to interview would be homely, fat, and old. Turns out they were a "hot" looking couple and they interviewed very well, from what my son told me. My son even knew name of the club the couple attends and it was one Jr and I had planned to visit. NOT NOW! I'm afraid I might run into him there in the future.

 

I don't lie very well and my face gives me away instantly. I can only imagine what my expression tried not to look like when he threw that comment out.

 

sb

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Now this is as profound a question as I have even seen at this bulletin board. I suppose if somebody can up with hard evidence and faced me with it I would admit everything. But following a casual remark having the character of, "I just learned that some friends of mine have .. shall we say... a loose marriage.. that's just ewww," I would play along and casually laugh it off. Not as serious as denying your religious affiliation -- I've know people to do that and it takes them down more than a couple of notches in my estimation.

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as I do, the more I think most people would be open to the idea if they could just be completely honest and open with their SO.

I do too. I think allot more people today are finding out that what they've been told and sold their whole life, because their parents, grandparents, great grandparents, etc. did it this way is not working.

 

I know for a fact that my grandparents marriage was arranged and they came to "love each other" over the years. I also know that my parents had an open relationship and that it was not the reason for their divorce.

 

I feel allot more people our age (30+) and even younger are beginning to reject the conventions and traditions of yore and figure out that "you know what? Our grandparents weren't as happy as we thought they were..."

 

The "conventional" way of doing things is slowly but surely being unveiled as not working for many people... and that's okay. :rolleyes:

 

Mr. WS

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It may have had nothing to do with you guys... maybe they once went to a party that turned out to be more than they expected....

 

 

To tell you the truth Julie, I wouldn't put it past them. Before my mother-in-law was a preacher's wife, she rode with the Hell's Angels. I wouldn't put anything past her. :lol:

 

Even though my in-laws are heavily in the church, they both have had a very liberal view of sexuality. Way more than my parents, which kinda freaked me out at first. When she made the comment, she did so with a shit-eatin grin on her face.

 

Hmmm... :rollseyes

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We, I and my wife, have friends. We friend with their a long time. When we had visit to their or they had visit to us, the man had ask me: Who are swingers? I just kept my mouth shut... I did think that he know about our SLS and had asking me because to see my reaction. But oneday I did say to him: I and my wife are swingers. He had wondering!! :) Now does not ask me about it never. :)

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To tell you the truth Julie, I wouldn't put it past them. Before my mother-in-law was a preacher's wife, she rode with the Hell's Angels. I wouldn't put anything past her. :lol:

 

Even though my in-laws are heavily in the church, they both have had a very liberal view of sexuality. Way more than my parents, which kinda freaked me out at first. When she made the comment, she did so with a shit-eatin grin on her face.

 

Hmmm... :rollseyes

 

It wouldn't be the first time I've heard about a preacher and his wife being active swingers.

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I at first thought I didn’t have a story as my wife and I have never swung nor will we as she isn’t interested. But then I remembered that I was out to lunch with a couple of guys that like to talk about sexual things. One guy, 30ish, is telling about how he has always had a guys night out even when he had a gf. He would try to pick up a girl and thought nothing of it. He even lied about his activities if the gf asked. But with the current gf its bothered him if he picks up a woman.

 

So I said, well if you were a swinger, then you could be honest and still get some extra. Boy did that quite them. Its amazing how our society prefers the dishonesty to working out what will work for each relationship.

 

dayhiker

I agree with this. If you are cheating : what is the difference between the two. Other than confessing up to your SO. Or is it that he does not want to have his GF do what he does. Double standards in my belief.

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Something I've found to be interesting is people are more willing to believe a lie more so than they will the truth :rolleyes:

 

When I worked in an office we had this really, really, really facelick cute young man that also worked in our department. He and I just really hit it off as friends. One day he came into the office that I shared with three other women just to goof off for a while and during the conversation I mentioned something about Ted being gone for the week. He said if I needed anything while Ted was gone he knew the way to our house. I told him that would be fine but he'd have to wait for the weekend because Ted liked to watch .... I've never seen someone's face turn so red or exit a door with such speed :lol:

 

I told the truth and NO ONE believed me.

 

In a situation like Julie posted I would have probably said something along the lines of ....Why do you think ewwww?

 

 

Teresa

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I told the truth and NO ONE believed me.

 

Teresa

 

Funny you should mention that – that’s exactly how Lin handles things at work. Let me explain.

 

Lin spent 11 years in the army, and being the only female in a unit of 100 guys makes for some strange situations. She knew that she had to become ‘one of the guys’ fast, or be an outsider for the duration of her career. She chose the former over the latter, and in the process became more outrageous than most of the guys. As a result, she’s gotten the reputation as the ‘Queen of the Trash Talkers.’

 

The funny part is, she’s usually telling the truth. I’ll give you an example…

 

She worked for a while in an office with her direct supervisor. They had a fabulous relationship, and would tease each other, put each other down, and basically just cut up all of the time. Sometimes it got kind of raw, but nobody ever took offense at anything said, because both of them knew it was all in fun.

 

One day the mailman dropped by, and he liked to occasionally join in the fun. Out of the blue, Lin’s supervisor pipes up and says, “You should go over to (the mailman’s) house tonight and give him a blowjob – he looks like he needs it…” Everyone laughed, of course.

 

The funny part is, Lin and the mailman had a regular Wednesday night hook-up going at the time (with my complete knowledge and consent.) So, that’s exactly what she did – she called me and told me about it, then went over to the mailman’s house and gave him a blowjob.

 

The next day at work, supervisor asked Lin, “So, what did you guys do last night?”

 

Lin says, “I went over to mailman’s house and gave him a blowjob, like you said.”

 

“Yeah, right…” Supervisor says, “What did you really do…?”

 

Lin then said something about watching TV or something, to which he replied, “That’s what I thought…”

 

To this day, he doesn’t believe her. He asked her what she did over the weekend and she told him truthfully that we went to a party, and she nailed 4 guys. He doesn’t believe that either.

 

She’s got such a ‘trash talker’ reputation that nobody believes the truth.

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Mrklin, that is a great story, I just read it to Mrs. knb and she got a real kick out of it. Her reputation at work is for being kind of wild, and a few people know the full truth so it's likely any such story she could tell would in fact be believed by all listeners. OTOH, at my work, I suspect I would be the one on the receiving end of disbelief.

 

What, you went out to the Hampton's, watched your wife nail 4 men and 8 women, while you had 3 yourself? Ha ha, stop fuckin kidding me. Though there is one guy at work who more or less knows the truth. He came to me one day, and said, "Dude, I had a threesome this weekend!" I chuckled, and merely replied, "Amateur!"

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Howdy, KnB. There are only one or two people outside of the lifestyle who know about our activities, and they're all single men who occasionally come over to help me take care of Lin. Nobody at her office knows anything about our private life - some may suspect they know something, but nobody's ever asked any questions. As I said, it's to the point that she could confess everything, and the consensus would be, "Yeah, right..."

 

I’ll give you another example. About 2 years later, Lin became the supervisor of that office (her supervisor retired.) When she took over, the replacement for her old position was a young guy of about 28. They worked together for about a year, then he quit to go back to school full time. During that year they worked together, they acted much like Lin and her old supervisor acted – the same innuendo filled jokes, the same outrageous claims of wild parties and sex-filled weekends, the same one-liners tossed back and forth.

 

About a month after this guy quit, I started chatting with this girl online. I had found their profile on SLS, and contacted her. We got to the point of opening up private photos, and low and behold, it was this guy who had worked for Lin and his wife. We of course recognized each other immediately. Neither Lin nor I was embarrassed, and this girl assured us that they weren’t either – surprised, yes, but not embarrassed.

 

Lin grabbed her cell phone and found that she still had his phone number, so she called him. They ended up coming over that evening, and we had an absolute blast just sitting in the living room and talking to them.

 

The funny part of this whole story is not that we ended up meeting her former employee on a swinger’s site. The funny part happened about an hour into our discussion at our house, when it finally dawned on him that all of what he thought had been BS was absolutely, 100% true. He even came right out and said, “You mean all of those stories about sex parties and nailing the mailman were true?”

 

Lin just put that wicked grin on her face and said, “Every damned one of them…”

 

I think we all laughed at that for a solid 10 minutes. The guy was completely blown away…

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      But, anyways, yes, the wife and I have looked at, and wanted, a sex swing for some time now. Problem being, we have a smaller house, no basement, and ceiling fans in every room. If we could figure out some way to put a bracket up to support a sex swing, we'd likely go ahead and get one, but where to put it, and how to "disguise" the bracket? Sometimes, when we take a vacation, and go away somewhere, her Mom house-sits for us, so either having a bracket that can be "disguised" as something else, or completely hidden, would be great.
       
      One thought I've had, would be to mount a board (2x4 or 4x4) across two joists, for the eye-bolt to attach to, and cut a square of ceiling drywall out, with some way to put the square back in place to cover the hole when not using the swing.
       
      While the idea of getting the stand is not a bad one, again, with the size of our house, the only room we could set this up in, would be the living room. If you've got one, with stand, how much work is it to set up and tear down, and how compact does the stand get? Could we stash the stand under the bed (collapsed, of course)?
       
      Thanks,
      Jason
    • By NYFlirts
      A simple poll: Do you facebook connect / friend your swinging / lifestyle couples?
       
      I was thinking just "yes or no" but I'm thinking there are cases where "it depends".
       
      Regardless of how you respond to the poll, I'd love to hear details on why you choose to or not to!
       
      For those that have, has it caused any problems? Have you had to unfriend any of your lifestyle connections?
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