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I know there are a lot of women who enjoy younger men or just single men while their hubbies watch. So, I'm wondering how many enjoy a scenario like this.....

 

NYE, I was at a (vanilla) party a friend of mine was throwing. Because the girl throwing it is much like myself (having more guy friends than girl), the guy girl ratio was a bit skewed (I'm gonna guess at least 7:1). Now, that said, I had a great time, as I'm sure every other girl at the party did. Sometime after midnight a couple comes walking in, they were obviously older than the general population of the party and I don't know if it's just my experience with the swinging world or what but as soon as I saw them the first thought to go through my mind was "swingers" (maybe there really is such a thing as swingdar). As the night progressed the guy often had his camera out and the female half disappeared on more than one occasion. I talked to the guy a bit and he gave off even more of a "vibe" that just continued to enforce my original thoughts.

 

I left fairly early (around 2, from what I understand the party was still going strong at 7 the next morning and then some), but later followed up with someone else who was there who informed me that there was some couple there where the woman had sex with 4 or 5 of the guys at the party while the husband took pictures. The comments from the guy I was talking to made it clear that I didn't think too highly of it. I think it was pretty safe to assume that it was the same couple from earlier in the night.

 

So, while we know that several of the guys obviously didn't mind and did have some fun with this woman, I wonder how many more were having the same thoughts that this guy had (or would have had they been sober enough to think). As a swinger, would you crash a straight party full of guys in this manner? Would you care what others at the party might think of you?

 

Because of the skewed ratio I had several chances to get laid through the night that I didn't take, but would have had it been a swinger party. However, for me, since it was a vanilla party and most of the people where people I had just met I didn't want to leave behind a bad label of myself.

 

Thoughts?

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My initial thought when I saw the title "Swingers at straight parties"...was, NOT a good mix.

 

But, considering that most of us do have a lot of vanilla friends we do mix quite a bit. The key is remembering where you're at. (A problem I have had at times, usually due to Cuervo :o , lucky for me either Ted will give me a calm down signal or I will realize what I'm doing and remove myself from any further embarassment).

 

Now I/we have no problem picking up a guy in a vanilla setting, but...I/we would NOT be guilty of the situation you described. If we met someone at a vanilla party that we felt was of the right mentality to accept us as swingers, we would either give him/her/them our e-mail address or invite them out for drinks to discuss it further. We would not abuse the hospitality of a vanilla friend by picking up one of their guest and having sex with them in their house.

 

Teresa

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The impression I got (almost immediately, and again nothing was confirmed for me till the next day) was that they came for that very reason. Which, I guess, is the part that really kinda rubbed me wrong.

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TNT said:
A problem I have had at times, usually due to Cuervo :o , lucky for me either Ted will give me a calm down signal or I will realize what I'm doing and remove myself from any further embarrassment

Teresa....you sound exactly like Tammy ;) She calls it Ta-Kill-Ya. If she gets into the tequila.....you can bet she'll be getting nekkid or at least flashing her nipple ring sometime that night :lol: And, like Ted, I usually give her a calm down sign too :kissface: ......but it doesn't always work :rolleyes:

 

Julie, as far as mixing swinging at a vanilla party.....no, it's not something we do. We wouldn't want to get that bad label either. But we do have a reputation as a wild couple amongst our vanilla friends ;)

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I don't know (ok, I dont' hang out with) vanilla people who aren't at least ok with some flashing. So, what do you think is too far at a vanilla party? How do you gauge it?

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I find that it is very common for the girls at a vanilla party to tease the menfolk with dirty dancing, touchy-feely and kisses. As far as crossing the line to a woman teasing or coming on to another's man, that is bound to be nothing but trouble brewing if the other female is a jealous type. Just add alcohol and there tends to be more free-flowing sexuality and jealousy...

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I would not think too highly of a couple (swinger or not) who "crash" a vanilla party. If you want to have sex at a party, then go to a swinger party, not a vanilla one. I wonder if the host knew what was going on.

 

When Bear and I go to a vanilla party, no one there would ever guess that we are swingers. We don't make any coments that could be misunderstood. I guess our thought is that if you are at a swing party, then you have the feeling that anything that happens there stays there. Most swingers understand how to be discrete. But if things happen at a vanilla party, well, that is just fodder for the gossip mill, and people love to gossip. A little flirting at a vanilla party is ok, but turning a vanilla party into a swing party is going a little too far.

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Does your friend that threw the party know what happened? I wonder if she knew this couple well enough to know what they would be doing?

 

I think swingers should keep things separate. I would be very upset if we had a predominately vanilla party but invited some of our swinger friends and they did something like that. However I would have told them already to keep it vanilla.

 

We are like Teresa of TNT said....a little too much to drink and Spoo can spill the beans and I start flashing. :eek: That is what happened last year when we went to a vanilla New Year's Eve party. Although in my defense I didn't flash until the vanilla girls did it first :lol: Anyway we felt horrible that we were not more careful. We felt like it was not respectful of our host. Luckily our host was the only one that Spoo spilled the beans too and he accepted the "I have no idea what I said to you last night but if I was off color I apologize". :o

 

I really think it gives swingers a bad reputation when you have a few who have no regard for our vanilla friends. While those not in the lifestyle can get pretty wild sometimes and use the excuse that they were drunk that doesn't give us the right or freedom to think that their parties, homes or events are things that we can cut loose on.

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I really don't know if the hostess knew the couple or what. The group that was there (the ones that I know) are known to get somewhat wild, flashing and grabbing are typical fare.

 

Obviously some weren't bothered by the events (or they were too drunk to care), it bothers me because people like that are why so many vanilla people do look badly on swingers.

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I really don't know if the hostess knew the couple or what. The group that was there (the ones that I know) are known to get somewhat wild, flashing and grabbing are typical fare.

 

Obviously some weren't bothered by the events (or they were too drunk to care), it bothers me because people like that are why so many vanilla people do look badly on swingers.

 

That's exactly it Julie....it makes us look bad.

 

If the vanilla's want to get that wild and freaky and have sex at their parties fine but I still think we should only engage when we are specifically at a swinger event. That's just my 2 cents worth.

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JustAskJulie said:
The impression I got (almost immediately, and again nothing was confirmed for me till the next day) was that they came for that very reason.

 

That's just wrong. If you're specifically looking for sex, go to a swingers party not a vanilla party.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey said:
I really think it gives swingers a bad reputation when you have a few who have no regard for our vanilla friends. While those not in the lifestyle can get pretty wild sometimes and use the excuse that they were drunk that doesn't give us the right or freedom to think that their parties, homes or events are things that we can cut loose on.

 

I agree.

 

Teresa

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Like it or not, when you decide to swing, you become an amassador of sorts for the lifestyle. When we behave ourselves and act with decency, we are left to our own devices. They turn a blind eye to us. But all it takes is one pair of idiots making a spectacle of themselves and suddenly we are like battery acid to the moral fabric of society. :rolleyes:

 

No, we wouldn't "crash" a party in this manner, either. Like Mr. and Mrs. Spoo, given enough to drink and half a chance, we'd likely spill the beans too (probably because we'd RATHER be out of the closet than in). But it would only go as far as talk because I think even if we were totally smashed, we would still have enough wits about us to know better than to totally offend our hosts in this way. I just tend to get all mushy and friendly when I drink too much. I just love everybody! :lol: I guess that's the trouble, eh? That's why Mr. intuition keeps me on track. If one of us is drinking, the other always stays sober enough to keep the other in check.

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Definatelly we won't "missbehave" between vanilla people, not even Cuervo could make Mrs. reach that point (well, the more she drinks, the sober she seems to be... if she's staring at me too seriously, it's time to call off the drinks and go home :) ).

 

Anyway, what I don't follow here is why we feel afected by this couple behavior. I mean, we assumed they're swingers because these guys partially fits the definition for swingers, and because Julie said these guys seemed to be swingers for her at first glance, but certainly this couple also could fit to many other lifestyles too, for example cuckolders or BDSM, and for sure they doesn't fit with MY particular definition of swingers, at least just because of that behavior.

 

So... why we're giving them credits as "swingers"?

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I don't really see any correlation between their actions and BDSM (not to say that they may not be involved in that as well). As far as cuckolding, some would say that that is just a sub-set of swinging (just as many other things may be). In the end it all comes down to your personal definition of swinging.

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I think we had this conversation before. Were all those guys single? ;)

 

It's not something we would do, to answer your first question.

 

I'm assuming they crashed the party, which is rude, but theoretically, at least, everyone involved was a consenting adult, so I'd probably just look the other way.

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All I can say is "How rude." What that couple did was very disrespectful to the guests and to the host, if the host did not know what they planned.

 

I was going to start a seperate thread but it seems to fit here, sort of. If it is too far off topic feel free to move it or delete it.

 

NYE we found ourselves childless and attended a party that a girl Angel knows from the shop where she gets her hair done works (Lets call her B). In other words they were casaual acquaintances. We had not made plans because we didn't know what the kids were going to be doing and decided to go. We called around noon to ask what we should bring and what the dress code was. A while later the male host (call him C) called and asked if we wanted to reserve a room so we wouldn't have to drive home (clue?). I thought it was a little strange since we had never met and since we are only two sub-divisions away (about 1/2 mile across the ball fields) we declined.

 

Long story a little shorter, we went and everything was going fine, dancing and flirting but nothing "bad, until they brought out a bottle of very expensive Tequila they had brought back from Cancun (clue?) for the New Years toast. Since we expected to leave soon after we joined in started sort of leaving about 12:45. Well we didn't quite make it out the door and somehow found ourselves there with the hosts and another couple that they seemed very comfortable with to the point that the lady of the couple said words to the effect "I've fucked you drunk and sober and I prefer you drunk." (clue?) We drank more, dance more, then the other couple left too. We were all in the living room, the girls were dirty dancing while he and I talked. At one point I looked over at them and they were making out like teenagers on prom night. Angel motioned me over and kissed me, then she kissed B, then me, all the while slowly moving B and I closer together. When B and I eventually kissed she suddenly pushed away and got very upset. Angel went to the kitchen to talk to her and I turned to C to get his reaction, ready to apologize and/or defend myself. Luckily he was asleep on the couch and missed the whole thing.

 

After about 20 minutes Angel put B to bed and we walked home. I figured if I was so drunk my swingdar was that fuzzy I probably shouldn't be driving. I got the car the next day without seeing either one of them. So while we didn't "crash" their party we did get a little out of line. I don't know if we should apologize or just pretend it didn't happen. The lesson learned from this is "Never, ever, assume someone is a swinger without talking to them about it when everyone is sober!!!!!!!!"

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Eeek. A sobering story, Xxotic. They sure sounded like they were giving off some strong vibes, but just the same, I guess it just goes to show that some people are all talk. Or at least just into the fantasy. In some ways it's pretty cool that we're such an underground "secret society", but it sure can be a pain in the ass when wires get crossed like that, eh? Hope B isn't the one doing Angel's hair next time she's at the salon!! :lol:

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To clarify, I did find out that yes they were invited and no the hostess wasn't upset by the events. Oddly I think the only ones who were were either the prudes or those who actually know what swinging is and see how these types of actions give it a bad name.

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If the hosts were not offended and a little tact was used, ie not having sex in front of the other guests, I think it comes down to consenting adults.

 

Sure is a good way to burn bridges though.

 

Hedonism has it's place, and while I think this was bad play, I still say whatever floats your boat.

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right on the first part, but not on the tact part. There was little of that, going back to how I found out about the incident (by someone who did view it but wasn't involved and was disgusted by it) - but that just brings us to "well, you were watching it" - so I guess it's ok for him to watch it but not ok to participate in it (in his mind).

 

Unless it's a swinger party, you don't know who's there. And just because guys are single and it's NYE and they may want to get laid, it doesn't mean that walking in the door, running around naked and screwing a line of them on the bathroom floor is a good idea.

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That is exactly the point, Julie. Even at swingers parties there is always some areas of the house that are off limits to people having sex, and those that are laid-out as "okay". By just coming in and having sex whenever, whereever, and with whomever, these guests showed a huge lack of respect for the hosts.

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JustAskJulie said:
I don't really see any correlation between their actions and BDSM (not to say that they may not be involved in that as well). As far as cuckolding, some would say that that is just a sub-set of swinging (just as many other things may be). In the end it all comes down to your personal definition of swinging.

 

Well, I was giving an example. It reminded me a supposed swingers couple here who run "swingers parties" where the gal is gangbanged, the fact is the husband charge the guy a fee to get into the party, while in the other hand apparently they admitted it's their personal D/s game where he put her in the place of a whore to be used by unknown guys for money.

 

Besides this, I agree with you, it depends on your personal definition, and in the case there guys where saying they're swingers, in their own personal definition.

 

What it's notorious to me is that, in this swinger board, the big majority of the opinions are against the way these people behave in that party, so no matter how different our particular definitions may be, it seems we share certain general guidelines that these people doesn't, and that's what I pointed out: I don't feel myself identified with these guys, as for me, they're not swingers (and don't know what they are, either :) ).

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comments from another culture.

I come from a country where there is no swinger community, no swinger clubs or swinger parties. it's a small country (with 600,000 people living in the largest city) and there are almost no sexual subcultures and communities of any kind, no BDSM, no leather, no general sex clubs even, no nothing. the first and only gay bar in the country opened couple of years ago and the gay people are the first and so far the only ones to have created some kind of a separate community. of course there are swinger couples, but they are doing their thing only in the privacy of their homes, finding partners through personal ads in the few erotic magazines published here and recently the net.

 

the only exsisting subcultures are based on choice of music or ethnicity: you have macedonian vs albanian places (a segregation I find disgusting) and you have commercial (pop, soul etc) vs rock vs jazz vs folk vs techno places. so that's how people divide themselves and the lifestyle determined by these criteria (ethnicity or music), rather that the sexual preferences, is the defining aspect of peoples' identities in terms of socializing with others. so, when we go out to clubs, bars and house parties, they're all basically vanilla, but there are people with all kinds of sexual preferences. and so, gays try to identify and hook up with other gays there, couples try to find other couples or single women or men there. You get the idea. and although it's more difficult to succeed this way than simply going to a place where you know everyone shares your sexual preferences, I find it more interesting, more sexy, more challenging and therefore more exciting to do things that way.

 

although I've never done any swinging as part of a couple, I've been seduced and picked up by couples as a single woman many times at these 'vanilla' parties. I've also responded to personal ads couple of times and done all that meet-have coffee-talk things through-than have sex thing and it wasn't half the fun and excitement that the spontaneous experiences were.

 

so I wouldn't approve of that couple having sex at that vanilla party in front of everyone, but I would certainly approve of swinging couples flirting with and eventually taking home some of the guests at any vanilla party. anyone you meet in any context can be a potential partner for a swinging couple, you just have to read the signs and go slowly and carefully.

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I think that sex happens at vanilla parties. Well, actually, I know this for a fact. :) Maybe it's usually a little more discrete, sometimes it's not. But, for a couple to do it on premise and make pics seems maybe not a good idea.

 

I went to a Christmas party at a local club/bar over the holidays and was picked up by a swinger couple while there(talk about serendipity or swingdar). But, they did it with class and there was no physical contact there, etc.

 

There are all kinds of ways to do things and it's never a good idea to embarass the host who is paying for the bash so I think low key and discreet as possible would be the best way to do things.

 

It doesn't sound like this couple was either of those.

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Vanilla parties we go to usually have plenty of sexual innuendo getting tossed around, but nothing more than the usual you get from combining adults and alcohol. We would never think of a vanilla party as hunting grounds for swinging though. Lots of reasons for that, discretion and respect for the host/hostess being two at the top of the list.

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