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Thread: Thought they were interested then they just stopped responding

  1. #1

    Default Thought they were interested then they just stopped responding

    It stings a bit...you and your spouse get up the courage to finally take some tentative steps into doing things you fantasized about for years. You post a tame but honest personals ad. You get a response from a nearby couple that seems very, very similar to you....you trade pics, do some chatting, you have a lot in common, you start being friends with them, everything seems to be going well, you start making plans to maybe meet face to face, a low pressure meeting with no expectations...and then they suddenly stop responding to your messages. No explanation, no nothing.

    Haven't had a feeling like this since dating in high school. Not sad, exactly...just whistfully disappointed, that something that seemed like it was going to result in at least a nice friendship between couples just disappears for no reason that you can determine.
    Before you slip into unconsciousness, I'd like to have another kiss

  2. #2

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    Quote Originally Posted by Cloud of Love
    Haven't had a feeling like this since dating in high school. Not sad, exactly...just whistfully disappointed, that something that seemed like it was going to result in at least a nice friendship between couples just disappears for no reason that you can determine.

    I hate to say it but to the wonderful world of swinging over the net.

    If you read some of our profiles on other sites you will see this topic in bold, it goes something like this:

    "We prefer to meet new people at some type of swingers function or for dinner before a function"

    The reason being we contact so many new peeps in conjunction with the club that we have been stood up many many times. To avoid this we only meet new people on our terms.

    We will meet people for dinner or drinks (not before an event) only if we are planning on going out to dinner anyways. This does lower the amount of people that we get ot meet but it also keeps those feelings of remorse away.


    Happy Swinging

    K

  3. #3

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    There are alot of people out there that think they want swinging or just talking about it, but when it just comes down to it they bail out. E-mail them and tell them that you are sorry if you had offended them in any way. If possible to get together at a local dining place NEARBY and "JUST HAVE DINNER" nothing else, talking and dinner. Keep it simple and to the point. Nothing wrong with asking and making another invite. If they ignore you, well just mark it up to one of your experiences and go forward. Stay within yourselves and relax.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict
    Status
    We are a straight couple She's also a Mistress/Domme
    SLS Handle
    Tia Vampire

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    yes, like everyone else has said. don't let it bother you. just think of it as, that couple's lost and anothers couple gain. That works for us.

  5. #5

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    Unlesss you guys have your hearts set on a couple you could try looking for a single person instead,what happened to you has happened to all of us & there are no explainations for it,some people like to play games while others get cold feet,there are also those who dream of finding the ken & barbie type dream couple who is their perfect match then after the first meeting pick the couple apart finding small flaws.

    Just be thankfull that things didnt go farther then you find out they are nuts in the middle of the evening.

  6. #6

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    Did you actually chat with them both? Could have been another guy whos wife has no clue as to what he's up.
    I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

  7. #7

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    After 2-3 emails it's time to use the phone and make a date. Lots of fantasizers out there who are unsure of going through with it. While patience may be key, after 2-3 emails its time to meet and see if everyone clicks. If not move on to the next couple.

    Like above, much prefer a club atmosphere over online dating personals.

  8. #8

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    Swinging is much like dating in the sense that not everyone is going to be attracted to you. Perhaps they did not feel any attraction for one or either of you. Rather than send you a polite email thanking you but turning you down, they opted to go the more common route of just dropping you without telling you why.

    If you choose to go the internet route be prepared to have a thick skin, don't allow things to be personal.

    If you read through the archives here on the board I bet you will see tons of comments from people who find it hard to find couples by the internet. It is a bit of a process and you are probably going to miss more than hit, but if you keep that in mind I am sure you will eventually find a couple that works out.

    Good luck
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  9. #9

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    hi there, don't worry about it, you'll get used to it, there are tons of reasons why someone would never show up or be in contact with you, don't waste any time trying to figure it out why, they didn't care? it's their loss, you keep at it and eventually will find someone to hang out and share, take care.

    Carlos

  10. #10

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    Quote Originally Posted by lovinher
    Did you actually chat with them both? Could have been another guy whos wife has no clue as to what he's up.
    Yeah, we chatted with both spouses. At least we thought we did.
    Before you slip into unconsciousness, I'd like to have another kiss

  11. #11

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    Quote Originally Posted by EvilMJ
    Swinging is much like dating in the sense that not everyone is going to be attracted to you. Perhaps they did not feel any attraction for one or either of you. Rather than send you a polite email thanking you but turning you down, they opted to go the more common route of just dropping you without telling you why.
    This could be part of the problem, I don't know, although the chatting continued for some time after the exchange of pictures. I know that three of us were attracted to the others, but I'm not sure if the opposite spouse was attracted to me. Maybe she wasn't and they didn't know how to tell us.
    Before you slip into unconsciousness, I'd like to have another kiss

  12. #12

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    Some people have a hard time telling people that they are no longer interested. Or it could be that something happened in their relationship that had nothing to do with you. Perhaps a bad swinging experience, or they met another couple, or have just been busy with their lives.

    Just keep trying, there are more fakes and problem couples out there that you have to weed through before you find someone good. It just takes time.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  13. #13

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    I feel better about it now. We went over all the previous messages and there wasn't anything that we could see that we said that could possibly be offensive. . .the last communications were quite friendly and had little to do with sex in any event. Part of the thing that bothers us is that we were liking these folks as people and friends, and looking forward to getting messages from them because of that growing friendship.

    Alas, it appears that either that friendship was illusionary to begin with, or something happened on their end to where they don't feel like they can pursue this further. It's unfortunate, but better to find out now than later. We were looking for "friends with benefits" but if neither one was possible it is better to know that now than get deeper into it.

    They were total newbies like us. Perhaps we should be looking for a couple with more experience to "break us in" so to speak? What do you experienced folks think is easier for newbies to deal with, other newbies or people who have been there before?
    Before you slip into unconsciousness, I'd like to have another kiss

  14. #14

    Default Re: It stings a bit

    Quote Originally Posted by Cloud of Love

    They were total newbies like us. Perhaps we should be looking for a couple with more experience to "break us in" so to speak? What do you experienced folks think is easier for newbies to deal with, other newbies or people who have been there before?

    Definetly its easier to start out with an experienced couple. They are more likely to have faced the some of the the same issues you are going to, that will make them more understanding of your fears and trepidations.

    They will be more likely to show up at to meet you and will most likely be able to break the ice for you.

    K

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