The Ideological Fallacy of the Open Marriage

[JustAskJulie]

Here come the swingers: The ideological fallacy of “open” relationships | Firstpost

"I’m all for sexual diversity and tolerance. Let a million sexual lifestyles bloom. But whether you choose to swing, cheat or stay faithful, there are no win-win solutions for the travails of modern love. Monogamy may soon be just one choice on the matrimonial menu. But you still have to choose."

Actually the most interesting thing I saw in this article was that she seemed to think there was some role-reversal judgementalism being placed against those who choose not to have some sort of open marriage... "the prudes".

I guess no matter which side of the fence you are on, the grass is always browner.?

[Coupleerotic22]

I think that swinging is a win-win for us.

One thing she fails to consider is that with any relationship communication is critical. No matter which relationship lifestyle you choose, if you fail to communicate your relationship will eventually fail.

[StewartP]

I regularly read the /r/polyamory subreddit and it has many tales of woe, difficulty and disaster.

To a certain extent this is the nature of forums, people come here more often in times of need and advice than to post how easy everything is going.

We tend to judge things with our own prejudices: I am certain that it is possible to love many people at once, our capacity for love is not limited, but I am also sure that for me, the comlexities of plural amorous relatiànships outweigh any benefits. For me the complexities would be insurmountable.

For those who can pull it off, I say bravo, good on you, and I hope you reap all the rewards that come with that.

One of the rules and prejudices I have been brouht up with is that relationships that last a long time, ie/ more than 5 years, are worth more than relationships that don't last. So I have an inbuilt prejudice agains poly relationships because they are more fluid.

I appreciate that this is a cultural prejudice of mine.

[shrevecouple]

These are the losers who “either felt more comfortable existing within the rules of melancholy marriages/relationships or with breaking them completely through affairs and divorce, than by revising their mindset towards relationships.”

The people on this board may not realize it but this is often times the tone that is set on this forum. It's an assumption because of divorce rates that monogomy is not a reasonable choice and inevitably someone in the relationship is longing for "something else". Monogomous (and I mean the most widely understood meaning of the word..Alura..lol) people get labeled "vanilla", insenuating they are plain, boring, uptight and uninteresting socially.

[Alura]

What are "Grope Walls?"

Alura

[Alura]

Originally Posted by shrevecouple

Monogomous (and I mean the most widely understood meaning of the word..Alura..lol)...

... and that would be the one in the dictionary?

The author used a sentence that was almost word-for-word a remark Mrs. Alura made on our first or second date... "I can't imagine having sex with only one person during your entire life! There's a special thrill in fucking someone new."

I think that's what opened the door to "swapping" for us.

I think I was her twenty-second or so... but not her last! Well... I was also her last, but not her only...

By the way, we did try "open marriage" (playing alone) early in our marriage but found it boring. We wanted to do it together... so we did.

Alura

[Alura]

I agree with StewartP. The benefits of polyamory do not outweigh the challenges.

Alura

[DigginIt]

Originally Posted by shrevecouple

Monogamous people get labeled "vanilla", insenuating they are plain, boring, uptight and uninteresting socially.

I never equated the term that way (plain, boring, uptight and uninteresting) but just that they are blissfully unaware of how much more sexually fulfilling their lives can be.

As far as anything written goes...it's inherently subject to the writers own prejudices and biases. Rarely can people sit back and write objectively.

[New2swinging225]

I haven't read the article, mainly because I haven't found it, but from what I'm reading in the responses, it seems to me that there maybe one thing in the article which the author may not have taken into account. The Mrs. and I have a few vanilla friends whom we trust well enough to confide our exploits to. While they all seem to enjoy living vicariously through our adventures in ,they all agree that they themselves couldn't do it. I think that most people have a certain predilection toward jealosy and have a tough time with the thought of their beloved being pleasured by another. Maybe this stems from the human's natural feelings of territoriality, and some of us have grown beyond that, if you will, but I truly think that it takes a certain type to do what we do. Maybe it will become more prevelent in the future as the world continues to change, but many people could never let go of their inhibitions to explore open marriage.