He waited 5 Days to explain his no show!?

[JustAskJulie]

Get Naked- Sex and dating advice- Jamie Bufalino - Time Out New York

Ok folks, how bout it? It 5 days too long to explain why you no-showed? What if your reason was that your father had a heart attack?

Personally, I'd have to give them the benefit of the doubt, I mean really. If someone I loved had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital, swinging would be the last thing I'd be thinking about. And if a couple even thought twice about questioning that, they wouldn't get a second chance to meet us.

[CXXC]

5 days is a bit long to me, even if there was a heart attack involved. But then again, I am not the norm.
Give him a pass and plan for the future.

[bbarnsworth]

I think it depends on what number the bullshit meter pegs. I tend to believe people, unless I have reason not to believe. So for me, the BS meter more or less has a 10 and a 1. I'll keep it at 1 until I suspect something, then it's pegged at 10.

The reason for this isn't that I'm a distrusting sort. It's that inviting someone to have sex with you it quite a leap of faith that they're being honest with you, and will respect your rules, etc. If there's reason to believe they're something other than what they say they are, it's a major no-no.

In this particular case, without knowing more, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. A parent having a heart attack is a major, major event and swinging just vanishes from the list of things to tend to. There could be all manner of reasons within that five days why they did not make contact.

We had a potential playmate blow us off and not contact us until three days later. The reason he gave was reasonable. We accepted it, and tried to set up another play date. When he blew us off for that one, we dropped contact with him. He appeared a month later with apologies and another explanation. We passed, and said no thanks.

Us personally, we've never broken a planned date. We stick to them, and at this point have never had an emergency coming up warranting our breaking a planned date. If that did happen, we'd make a concerted effort to get word to the playmate(s) that we can't make it, a brief 'why' we can't make it, and that we'll be in touch soon.

[JustMrJ]

My wife and I are those types of people, that if we scheduled a get together, whether it was a dinner date only or a dinner & dessert combo, we would call them to cancel instead of letting them wonder and worry. Short of being put out of action so we could not call, we would do this because it's the courteous thing to do.

However, not all people are the same in that respect and we WOULD give this couple the benefit of the doubt in this case and would be genuinely concerned for the father in question.

[LFM2]

Dave and I are pretty laid back and easy going, so we'd probably give them the benefit of doubt and reschedule when they could. I have no reason to not believe what they say unless they give me one.

Using the empathy card, if it was my mother/father who had a heart attack, I doubt I'd be in such a state of mind to call them that night to beg off. I'm sure I'd be getting back to them, hopefully within five days, but maybe not. I'd hope they'd give us a second chance.

[The Fuse]

Assuming for the sake of discussion that the guy's telling the truth, and apologized for putting us out, then we'd give him a pass. We'd express our sympathies and let him know we'd love to reschedule when he and his wife felt like getting out again. But this time I'd get a phone number and confirm an hour before -- and have a Plan B for something enjoyable to do that night in case they flaked again. People do sometimes really suck and will make things up so that they save face, even in front of those they've never met.

I can't imagine much else intruding on my mind for a while if my father had a heart attack. It wouldn't be that I was blowing off any plans or people intentionally... they would just not enter my mind at all. When I remembered I would be apologetic, but I'd also expect people to understand and be reasonable about it.

[Trace Ekies]

We would automatically give a pass in this scenario...who would lie about an ill loved one? Right?

A second no-show and no-call would automatically ruin it for us.

Trace

[lustylearning]

Heart attack works for me.

[two4youinswva]

Yeah, that would by an automatic pass from us.

[BiloxiCouple]

I've always said family comes first. No questions asked. With my heart I hope no one has to go through a traumatic event like that.

I've recently been on the end where family had to come to my bedside to show their concern. I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes it physically and mentally wears you down.

So have a heart and show understanding. Compassion for strangers will get you a long ways. I digress.

[exploringRM]

I would probably give him a pass as well, but 5 days seems like a long time. We had a similar experience though it was with a couple that had canceled at the last minute previously. We were set to meet on Saturday evening and I sent a text message confirming Saturday afternoon. I got back that he was in NY cause his dad had a heart attack. Had I not sent the text I suspect I would not have heard anything. Glad I did as we were planning on driving an hour to meet. Funny thing is we never heard from them again. Not a big issue as we weren't sure where things were going anyway.

[IvoryTowers]

Originally Posted by Trace Ekies

We would automatically give a pass in this scenario...who would lie about an ill loved one? Right?

Trace

Clearly, you are not a teacher and are therefore unaware of the Dead Grandmother Epidemic, with hordes of students marching into their professors' offices right before midterms and finals to announce the sudden or imminent death of grandmother/father/cousin, or the possibly fatal illness of mom/dad/ sibling. Lately, the death of puppies and kittens has become popular.

Despite my well earned cynicism, I'd give this guy a pass, although I'd already be suspicious of the whip smart Iranian hottie wife who runs marathons. And I'm completely skeeved out by the idea that the couple writing the question take time in the middle of sex to trade meaningful eye contact and loaded winks. They have to do that in the middle!? Every time?! Haven't they figured out how to decide beforehand that this situation is a go or not?

[Trace Ekies]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowers

Clearly, you are not a teacher and are therefore unaware of the Dead Grandmother Epidemic, with hordes of students marching into their professors' offices right before midterms and finals to announce the sudden or imminent death of grandmother/father/cousin, or the possibly fatal illness of mom/dad/ sibling. Lately, the death of puppies and kittens has become popular.

Despite my well earned cynicism, I'd give this guy a pass, although I'd already be suspicious of the whip smart Iranian hottie wife who runs marathons. And I'm completely skeeved out by the idea that the couple writing the question take time in the middle of sex to trade meaningful eye contact and loaded winks. They have to do that in the middle!? Every time?! Haven't they figured out how to decide beforehand that this situation is a go or not?

Your reasoning is correct...I am not a teacher and haven't been exposed to the "Dead Grandmother Epidemic". I suspected that there might be something afoot and wondered if someone would really tempt fate by even insuating that a loved one had fallen ill as a way to get out of something/anything. I'm not superstitious, BUT, I wouldn't risk such an excuse, unless it actually happened, for fear that something MAY happen...the words extreme and guilt come to mind.

Does "trading loaded winks" really happen? By the time we've decided to share our marital bed we're committed...unless of course something weird happens and then we deal with it by talking to them...NO loaded winks have ever been used to approve/disapprove of a situation or couple. How do they do it? I'm usually so busy with that "sex" thing that I don't have time or inclination to wink or otherwise.

Trace

[shes_in_parties]

One thing everyone's forgetting - this is craigslist. Flaking out occurs more often than not. We use craigs to great effect but we always manage our expectations.

I'd try to meet them again; worst case is you have a few drinks with your spouse.

[DE_BBC]

ahhh yes, perhaps it's true...but it's odd the # of car accidents, mysterious ailments, car trouble, ect... that seem to turn up before a scheduled meet.