Polyamory the New Swing?

[JustAskJulie]

Polyamory is the new 'swing' - NJ.com

[fun4Ds]

Where do we fit in then ? Why cant we just be people who enjoy sex within our own relationship with others, outside our relationship ?

I dunno, we just feel its best, when its kept simple.

[Chris&Amelia]

Interesting, but I have to disagree with "Tom".

As far as I'm concerned, "Polyamory" is a type of swinging, but swinging is not a type of polyamory.

It's quite possible to swing without developing any emotional relationships with your playmates.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by Chris&Amelia

Interesting, but I have to disagree with "Tom".

As far as I'm concerned, "Polyamory" is a type of swinging, but swinging is not a type of polyamory.

It's quite possible to swing without developing any emotional relationships with your playmates.

I agree, the article seems to use the terms polyamorous and swinging interchangeably, when they're really more like overlapping circles with a common subset.

[lustylearning]

I disagree too and am worried that "Swingtown" will send an influx of people into swing clubs who wind up saying, "gee, this isn't what i thought it was," along with negative public attention. Oh well. Maybe they'll do their research first.

[Chris&Amelia]

Originally Posted by lustylearning

I disagree too and am worried that "Swingtown" will send an influx of people into swing clubs who wind up saying, "gee, this isn't what i thought it was," along with negative public attention.

Yikes. I didn't even think of that. But it will be rather entertaining if we get an influx of very confused vanillas at our next M&G...

Originally Posted by lustylearning

Oh well. Maybe they'll do their research first.

And do you think the odds of that happening are high?

Yeah, neither do I.

[avid]

Oh, I just think that journalist didn't get it, or didn't do enough research. It's pretty much a fluff piece, with no real insight.

We're swingers, and live polyamorously, as a MFM triad.

My love relationships with my husband and my partner are totally separate from the recreational sex we have with others. We're not the "friends first" type either - we can keep the "feelings" within our own relationship.

I guess I like to be difficult - I hate to fit in one box or another!

[incommunicado]

I think Polyamory is a very complex, very difficult concept for most of us to take in and, if it doesn't just "make sense" to all those who choose it, it will be a very dangerous path. Far more dangerous that swinging could ever be. There's a difference between putting yourself on the line and having friends you have sex with, and taking people into your heart on a romantic level.

We have some close friends whom we suspected of swinging with another couple they hung out with weekly for a long time. What we didn't suspect was that they were attempting to have a poly amorous relationship with them.

It ended badly, and, without opening up every detail to forum scrutiny, I will say that one of the big issues was that feelings were not balanced all around. In order to help our friends and be supportive, I started doing a little research on polyamory and realized that it is, by it's own admission, very amorphous in definition. Most normal folks need rules (sorry, the majority needs rules) to feel more comfortable. Even as swingers, most of us do not have a completely open, "do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want, as long as you come home and tell me all about it", relationship with our spouses. We re-define our sense of monogamy to include sex with others when we are with our spouses, like we are sharing giant sex toys. We make rules about how emotionally close we will allow ourselves get to our extra partners or them to us. We save certain acts like kissing or anal sex, for our primary, or we "only play together" so we don't feel like we are just abandoning the ancient representation of marital commitment (however artificial you may feel it is). Remember, fidelity isn't a sacrifice we make for one another, it's a gift we give. Accepting each other's sexuality and opening the door to sharing it with other partners is a gift as well, just a more progressive one.

And, most of us (myself included), feel that we have a finite amount of romantic love to give. When you have true romantic feelings for two people, you haven't doubled your ability to love, your feelings are halved between them, generally as they migrate from one to another (and possibly back again, as with crushes). It's not like having kids where you are supposed to grow new, equal amounts of love, to accommodate each new child you bear.

If polyamory is to work, it requires two things... 1) Special people who are open to, and/or have need of such a thing and 2) a solid definition. It can't stay amorphous. you can't have varying amounts of love within a tryad or quad. If everyone doesn't love each other equally, emotionally AND physically, it simply won't work for all. For instance, tryads made up of a primary couple where the secondary partner really belongs emotionally to only one of the primaries, regardless of whether or not the other primary gets to have sex with them, isn't really polyamory (yes, I'm being opinionated here). It's two people getting their cake and eating it too, and the other "primary" partner making a sacrifice in order to retain their spouse in their life, because they know that if they pulled "primary" rank, they would learn how tenuous that is.

I have no problem with people who don't wish to be defined or confined by societal rules, or any rules for that matter. And, that's fine, as long as they are fully content that, in their quest for freedom they may end up alone.

O.K. open fire. I'm ready.

[MIbbwcpl]

I think swinging can lead to poly, but not necessarily. It isn't bad if it doesn't happen, nor if it does.

I do think it's good that people aren't getting all worked up over alternative lifestyles, at least it appears that way. So far the news articles I've been seeing about swinging have been amazingly positive.

[theflamekasters]

One of the first things we where told when we got intothe ls was dont be exclusive with a cpl, keep it at just sex and not got emotions involved. We hav one cpl i have talked about on this site that we are interested in the poly liestyle with, but that is why we keep a small group of cpls we like to play with often. I dont think poly will replace the regular swing, but i think it is somthing that will grow

[herpob]

Originally Posted by theflamekasters

One of the first things we where told when we got intothe ls was dont be exclusive with a cpl, keep it at just sex and not got emotions involved. We hav one cpl i have talked about on this site that we are interested in the poly liestyle with, but that is why we keep a small group of cpls we like to play with often. I dont think poly will replace the regular swing, but i think it is somthing that will grow

This is how we operated with the couples in our group (see above quote) but over time it just happens, attachments and bonds are still formed. To keep health risks low and sexual freedom within the group so far no one has ventured outside our 16 people (as far as we all know, not that it is not allowed, it’s been safer). After 6-8 years with the same people even sex becomes more than just sex. When the clothes come off we do pretty much just sex it up without much just hanging out but when you have a 3-5 day event you spend quite a lot of down time together and things get more personal, you build relationships. It happens.

Also since I tend to have more 3some than anything I really get more connected with the guys than one would probably desire in a sexual relationship. Find that balance of being friendly, being friends, keeping emotions out of it, and focusing on just the sexual acts is a tough road to drive all the time. For the most part I believe we do a decent job and keep the sex about sex but we have become more involved in each other’s lives simply do to practicality involving school, kids, work, business, outings, trips, etc.

So far with no major incidences, our entire group seems to genuinely have the best interest of preserving the integrity of the arrangement. We always seem to work it out somehow but to be able to do this strong friendships have been forged over the years. We are pretty much like an extended family, neighborhood, or community, that has eventually overlapped its original intention with new ones but with the original one always at the core.

We have lots of sex, the men and a few of us women more so than the rest because we want it more. Our structure has worked well thus far the sex times are preplanned for the most part (occasionally opportunity arises for quickies). Sex does not take place when go out together, outings, functions, and such, never when the families are together, we schedule ahead most all rendezvous so people can plan it out and properly prepare. Any issues arise when one couple wants a couple who is already made plans but we work it out.

I guess we have sort of a poly situation, I am not “in love” with any of the guys and for certain not any of the ladies though I do respect them all, some I spend more time with, some I do not have as much fun with, some I find more attractive, others make better sex partners, some of the ladies I do not know as well, but I care for everyone in some form or fashion and would help any in need especially their families. BUT I am in love with my husband and he is my main squeeze, we still play a ton, explore a ton, and have loads of sex with just us. I do not need all the other people but I sure would miss them and being a part of their lives and vise versa.

So as for poly replacing swinging – naa, as far as it growing dramatically – yes especially as people seek safety and security from health risks and unstable couples. When you find people like yourself, you get along with, that you mutually enjoy, and have good sex with you want to keep them. You know what I mean? If it isn’t broke why try to fix it and mess it up? Stability is nice. Fun you can count on is great. And sex with people you trust is Amazing, even when it’s not it’s still better than the other stuff, trust me. So why shop elsewhere when you have all you need?

[theflamekasters]

Originally Posted by herpob

This is how we operated with the couples in our group (see above quote) but over time it just happens, attachments and bonds are still formed. To keep health risks low and sexual freedom within the group so far no one has ventured outside our 16 people (as far as we all know, not that it is not allowed, it’s been safer). After 6-8 years with the same people even sex becomes more than just sex. When the clothes come off we do pretty much just sex it up without much just hanging out but when you have a 3-5 day event you spend quite a lot of down time together and things get more personal, you build relationships. It happens.

Also since I tend to have more 3some than anything I really get more connected with the guys than one would probably desire in a sexual relationship. Find that balance of being friendly, being friends, keeping emotions out of it, and focusing on just the sexual acts is a tough road to drive all the time. For the most part I believe we do a decent job and keep the sex about sex but we have become more involved in each other’s lives simply do to practicality involving school, kids, work, business, outings, trips, etc.

So far with no major incidences, our entire group seems to genuinely have the best interest of preserving the integrity of the arrangement. We always seem to work it out somehow but to be able to do this strong friendships have been forged over the years. We are pretty much like an extended family, neighborhood, or community, that has eventually overlapped its original intention with new ones but with the original one always at the core.

We have lots of sex, the men and a few of us women more so than the rest because we want it more. Our structure has worked well thus far the sex times are preplanned for the most part (occasionally opportunity arises for quickies). Sex does not take place when go out together, outings, functions, and such, never when the families are together, we schedule ahead most all rendezvous so people can plan it out and properly prepare. Any issues arise when one couple wants a couple who is already made plans but we work it out.

I guess we have sort of a poly situation, I am not “in love” with any of the guys and for certain not any of the ladies though I do respect them all, some I spend more time with, some I do not have as much fun with, some I find more attractive, others make better sex partners, some of the ladies I do not know as well, but I care for everyone in some form or fashion and would help any in need especially their families. BUT I am in love with my husband and he is my main squeeze, we still play a ton, explore a ton, and have loads of sex with just us. I do not need all the other people but I sure would miss them and being a part of their lives and vise versa.

So as for poly replacing swinging – naa, as far as it growing dramatically – yes especially as people seek safety and security from health risks and unstable couples. When you find people like yourself, you get along with, that you mutually enjoy, and have good sex with you want to keep them. You know what I mean? If it isn’t broke why try to fix it and mess it up? Stability is nice. Fun you can count on is great. And sex with people you trust is Amazing, even when it’s not it’s still better than the other stuff, trust me. So why shop elsewhere when you have all you need?

this is quite interesting, def. something the mrs and i would bve interested in