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  1. #1
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    Default First time threesome

    My wife and I are 30 and have only ever had sex with each other. We are embarking on our tenth anniversary this year and are both ready to explore our sexuality with others. For two years we have discussed in lengthy conversations what we are looking for. It's been trial and error with emailing, responding to ads etc to find what we want and are most comfortable with. It's taken us a long time and tons of talking to finally agree to what we want and are comfortable with. We decided we want to try a threesome with another man as our very first experience together.
    My wife's concern is of losing something special between one another being virgins when we both met and married. We are hoping to hear from other similar people out there. I'm not sure how unusual this circumstance is or if there is an easy way to address it. We both are very serious about wanting the experience but this is the biggest obstacle.

    Secondly, we have friends who swing. We don't swing with them because we are so close. They are grossed out with our selection for a sexual partner because of his age. He is in his late fifties. We have gotten to know this particular gentleman over a year now and feel very trusting and comfortable with him. He has been patient, caring and understanding. To be honest, my wife and I have sifted through dozens and dozens of men and there really isnt anyone else who is as caring, patient and understanding of boundaries who my wife and I are able to agree upon. Obviously we aren't overly concerned with looks but want a decent enough man to share this first with. Most of the men responding to ads we placed were obsessed with just sex and seemed the type to disrespect women. Is it odd to have a threesome with a man twice your age?

    Thanks for the help.

  2. #2
    Swingers Board Admin cplnuswing's Avatar
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    Default Re: First time threesome



    As strange as it may sound to some, I think most successful swinging couples would say that swinging adds something special to their relationship. There is no right or wrong way to swing, it's what works best for you two as a couple. If this gentleman is who you think would make a great playmate, then don't worry about what others think, the only thing that matters is what you two think.

  3. #3
    Lifestyle Mentor mauijanedoe's Avatar
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    Default Re: First time threesome

    Quote Originally Posted by Kibcal View Post
    Secondly, we have friends who swing. We don't swing with them because we are so close. They are grossed out with our selection for a sexual partner because of his age. He is in his late fifties. We have gotten to know this particular gentleman over a year now and feel very trusting and comfortable with him. He has been patient, caring and understanding. To be honest, my wife and I have sifted through dozens and dozens of men and there really isnt anyone else who is as caring, patient and understanding of boundaries who my wife and I are able to agree upon. Obviously we aren't overly concerned with looks but want a decent enough man to share this first with. Most of the men responding to ads we placed were obsessed with just sex and seemed the type to disrespect women. Is it odd to have a threesome with a man twice your age
    The short answer is no, it's not odd. In a way, swinging offers people a chance to try things and people they wouldn't want at home and you never know what will work until you do try. Your friends are being close-minded and projecting their needs onto you, so you may safely ignore them as it has nothing to do with you. You're comfortable with your partner of choice, you have determined that patient, caring and understanding are qualities that are valuable for you, as is decency.

    It's not unusual for there to be wider age gaps amongst swing partners than is found out in the vanilla world. My youngest partner to date was nearly 40 years younger than my oldest, mostly because age isn't such a big deal for me.

    You and your wife will always be each other's first and nothing ever erases that.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: First time threesome

    Regarding your choice: hey, it's your choice for your reasons. If that's who you're comfortable with then go with it.

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict bbarnsworth's Avatar
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    Default Re: First time threesome

    The first time we dipped our toes in the pool we soft swapped with a couple who had been married more than 30 years and had never had sex with anyone but each other. They were a delight! We both enjoyed them very much. For my part, I would have gladly had sex with her but the boundaries were clear and I would never cross them. We soft swapped again with them a few months later. Just a great couple.

    In going down this path, you don't have to go straight to having sex. You can take little steps. You might try inviting this older gentleman, and letting him know just how far you're both interested in going the first time. Take it slow, see how it goes, and afterwards have a nice long talk about it, just the two of you. If everything is comfortable, and you are both happy with everything, go again...and go a bit further. Assuming everything feels right, I'm sure after a few meetings with this gentleman you'll be enjoying the pleasures of watching your wife have sex with another man, and she'll be having a fantastic time.

    After regret? That was a question my wife and I considered too. Neither of us were virgins, but it was a concern we had nevertheless. Once this bridge is crossed, there's no uncrossing it. The answer for us was the strength of our relationship. There's nothing we feel we can not handle, nothing we can not talk about. We eventually realized that even if we did feel guilty about it, it wasn't going to permanently damage what we had. Only the two of you can evaluate that with each other.

  6. #6
    Come on down! RDfnd's Avatar
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    Default Re: First time threesome

    We've only had mfm's and she loved it. They have been with single guys almost 20 years younger. All good, Most of our swing partners have been younger by 10- 15 or more.
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  7. #7
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    Default Re: First time threesome

    This is a personal choice for the two of you.

    You have gotten to know this gentleman quite well and it sure sounds like he is more than patient and respectful of your needs.

    It is nobody's business but your own who you choose to have a threesome with.

    Age is no barrier. You are comfortable with the guy...go for it.

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict ViSexual's Avatar
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    Default Re: First time threesome

    Will you be losing something special?

    Only if you let yourselves!

    Honestly, only having sex with each other until your tenth anniversary is pretty rare and special. You will still, and always, have that! I'd say wait until after that anniversary for that very reason.

    And you are doing this together so you will have these memories forever as well!

    It sounds like the two of you have thought this out very well and are both ready. You have found a 'third' that you are both comfortable with. I think it's time to put aside the apprehensions and enjoy your fantasy..., well, after your tenth anniversary! Good luck and have fun beginning your second decade together!

  9. #9
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: First time threesome

    First off,

    I wouldn't worry about the age thing, go with who you are attracted to. Also, don't worry about what others say. Everyone is different and has different preferences when it comes to swinging. Just because you don't swing "their way" doesn't make their way right or your way wrong, just different. You are probably right to avoid playing with your friends, it could make things awkward. Perhaps down the road once you get more experience and you all decide you want to move forward you might try it, but for now it's probably the best choice.

    You are definitely not the only couple to be virgins when you got together and then decide to branch out later. I think it's probably a pretty common thing.
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